Betty and Karl are driving home in their car.
Betty: Wasn’t that a nice inaugural ceremony?
Karl: It was. I’m still shocked we had such good seats.
Betty: Alicia is a people person, and she’s proud to be from Lakey. She knows I’ve always been there to support her, and she wasn’t about to let that support go without reward. I think that’s fantastic. It’s what we need in a governor.
Karl: Cronyism?
Betty: Loyalty! Cronyism would be if she made me Secretary of State, a job I’d be willing to accept. This was just a little “thank you” for the years of loyalty to her.
Karl: I have a lot of hope for the future of this state, for the first time in a long time. I think she’s the governor we need.
Betty: You know we’re gonna have to hear Jerry whining about this when we get home, right?
Karl: I’m looking forward to it. I find it really entertaining.
Betty: Do you think they showed me on TV?
Karl: I wouldn’t bet on it, to be honest.
Betty: That’s okay. It was Alicia’s moment, not mine.
Karl: I done’t think anyone thought otherwise.
Betty: I will say, it lasted longer than I expected it too. I wasn’t planning to be out in the cold for so long, I think I might have come down with hypothermia.
Karl: I think your’e fine.
Betty: My nose is really running.
Karl: Is that a symptom of hypothermia?
Betty: I don’t know, I’ve never had it.
Karl: Just turn the seat warmer on, that’ll solve it all.
Fifteen minutes later…
Betty: What’s that car in the driveway? It looks familiar, no?
Karl: I think maybe let’s go visit Anita. I think that would be a nice thing for us to do to cap off this exciting day.
Betty: Huh?
Karl: I don’t think we need to go home right now. Anything playing at the movies? You wanted to see Hamnet.
Betty: What the hell is Hamnet?
Karl: Oh wait, you said you wanted a ham sandwich. Uh… Panera has those! Want to go to Panera?
Betty: At 4:30? Panera is a lunch establishment.
Karl: Betty, I don’t want to go home.
Betty: Is there something scary at home?
Karl: Well, in a way.
Betty: Now you’re frightening me. Is there a home invasion going on?
Karl: Again, in a way.
Betty: What? You’re acting like I do when Anita stops by! Oh, is she there? Is that Anita’s car? I don’t know why you’re acting so strange, her daughter’s marr-
Karl: It’s Carlene.
Betty: Excuse me?
Karl: Carlene is at our house.
Betty: Carlene? Carlene Carlene?
Karl: Our niece Carlene, yes.
Betty: Oh hell no. What does she need, money?
Karl: Therapy, for one.
Betty: Rehab.
Karl: An entire new personality.
Betty: Manners.
Karl: She’s lacking in many areas, that we can agree on.
Betty: So what are we going to do?
Karl: I’d rather go somewhere else until she’s gone, because I don’t want to see her. Maybe we can go out to eat.
Betty: Well, if I’m getting a quality meal out of the deal, maybe Carlene’s not so bad after all.
Karl: Oh, don’t get it twisted. She betrayed our family.
Betty: Especially us. You know, we were so nice and accepting towards her. Not now, obviously, but when she showed up out of nowhere, we were the ones to embrace us. And she walked out on us because of damn politics. If a little political disagreement is all it takes to turn your back on family, you were never family at all.
Karl: But enough looking back in anger. Let’s go get some Applebee’s!
Betty: Applebee’s? I was hoping for something a bit more high class. Mandello’s?
Karl: We were just there last week.
Betty: Then The Salted Lobster!
Karl: Mandello’s it is!
Later that night…
Tammi: Wow, you guys were gone longer than I expected! It’s dinner time, the inauguration was at noon. Was the traffic that bad?
Betty: Didn’t you get my text? We stopped for dinner, we had a sudden hankering for a good meal. We didn’t have lunch, so that explained it.
Karl: Anything interesting happen here today?
Cindy: Not really. Jerry dropped a coffee mug.
Jerry: it was not my fault. The baby startled me.
Steven: You need to stop blaming my daughter for everything you do. It was funny the first time. Now it’s just sad.
Ralph: When you think about it, an elderly retiree isn’t much different from a baby. They sit around all day, they eat, they cry, they beg for attention…
Jerry: I’m not elderly.
Ralph: You’re not young.
Alysa: My baby does not cry for attention.
Ralph: Sure.
Betty: Look, we know you’re all withholding something from us.
Ralph: She knows, guys. Admit it, we broke her vase and replaced it with a fake from Amazon.
Betty: What vase?
Ralph: All right, so she did not know.
Teri: That’s such a Frank thing to do. You’ve been spending too much damn time with that rat bastard.
Frank: What did I do to warrant that?
Teri: You exist.
Frank: I don’t like the way you talk to me.
Teri: Are you… standing up to me?
Frank: Yes! It’s about time.
Teri: I respect that.
Betty: Enough of this! I have something to say!
Tammi: They were finally bonding.
Teri: Don’t word it like that, that’s disgusting.
Betty: I know what you all did today.
Alysa: Are you talking about that lady that visited us?
Cindy: Jesus Christ… oh, sorry God!
Betty: That’s exactly what I was referring to.
Alysa: I was wondering why no one was mentioning that.
Betty: You guys brought Carlene into my home?
Cindy: Our home. Not just yours.
Betty: It’s still disrespectful. You know how I feel about her. You should all have some pride, too. She insulted us all.
Cindy: Forgiveness is a powerful thing.
Teri: I just need to clarify that I had absolutely nothing to do with any of this. I am totally innocent. I wasn’t even here, I was working.
Ralph: She’s right. And I didn’t even see Carlene, I hid in the basement.
Jerry: Like a real man!
Ralph: I have no time for jackasses.
Betty: Why would you bring her back into our lives?
Tammi: She’s actually been back in our lives much longer than you think.
Cindy: Why would you tell her that? We were almost through with this.
Betty: Oh, we were not! I need an explanation here. Why are you hanging around with this awful woman?
Cindy: She’s not that bad.
Betty: She attacked this family.
Cindy: She said things she shouldn’t have. You’re acting like she went on a violent rampage.
Jerry: She likes violent thugs, she wouldn’t be holding this grudge if that’s what Carlene did.
Betty: I do not like violent thugs. You’re just a little troll.
Teri: Mom, I think you’re speaking out of anger. Keep going.
Betty: I just don’t get the urge to invite her here.
Cindy: We see her at church. We decided to move past the events of a few years ago, but I knew many people here would be unwilling to agree to that, so I kept quiet about it.
Betty: Because you know what you’re doing is wrong!
Cindy: It’s because I know you are stubborn and no one can use logic with you. No one can convince you to give up on a grudge. Look how you still act towards Anita!
Ralph: Cut her some slack, everyone needs a good nemesis.
Cindy: Carlene explained that she has stopped drinking, she’s found God, and she is very sorry for the hurt caused by her outburst. She was in a bad place and took it out on all of us, especially you. I decided to forgive her.
Betty: And that includes sneaking her into my home? The one I opened up to that woman before she cut us all off because a few of us disagreed with her being a fascist?
Jerry: You and the accusations again. You can’t even disagree politically without being a “fascist.”
Betty: Jerry, she reposted something from a neo-Nazi account.
Jerry: She’s just very stupid and was very drunk! She didn’t mean it!
Betty: You always make excuses for anyone on the far-right found guilty of being the demonic bigot I’ve long accused them of being.
Jerry: And you are an anti-American communist.
Betty: Jesus!
Jerry: Don’t invoke his name.
Alysa: Oh no… this is not fun.
Steven: I think your mom would love a visit with Caitlin right now.
Alysa: Yes! For sure!
Karl: I also don’t appreciate Carlene being invited into our home without our knowledge. The way things were left off still doesn’t sit right with me, and I think Carlene handled it so poorly and never even tried to patch things up. She is not who I thought she was.
Cindy: You always taught me to forgive and be kind.
Teri: They also taught you to be a Democrat, but you didn’t listen to that…
Tammi: Carlene is a good person.
Betty: Yeah, so was Charles Manson in someone’s eyes.
Tammi: Did you just compare your niece to a prolific murderer?
Betty: I’m saying bad people are often able to convince good people that they’re not bad. Doesn’t make them any less bad.
Frank: I think it’s w-
Teri: Shut up.
Jerry: We shouldn’t judge her off of one bad day.
Betty: She had time to clear things up. She never once bothered to reach out to us.
Cindy: You and dad made it very clear you were unwilling to give her that chance. He slammed the door in her face and said to never contact us again. He spoke on our behalf.
Teri: I’m with mom. You guys are nuts for having had that witch here.
Ralph: Nothing you all do surprises me, but I would hope that you’d have a bit more family solidarity. She went bananas on us and stormed out on this family and said awful things and hurt us, and you sneak behind our backs and decide to just forgive her. If someone did that to you, they’d be dead to us.
Cindy: Don’t guilt us. She reached out at church, she tried to make amends with the people she knew would be open to it.
Betty: Because she’s manipulative. No one else probably wants to give her the time of day. They know her tricks.
Cindy: In my view, that day was not indicative of who she truly is. I’ve never seen her act that way again, and I hadn’t seen her act like it before. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know her again, I think you would, too.
Betty: Hell no!
Karl: No one’s explained why you brought her to the house without even disclosing it. You clearly snuck behind our backs to do it, you knew we’d be gone. So why?
Cindy: Carlene is moving to Georgia.
Betty: Hallelujah!
Cindy: She came to say goodbye.
Betty: Well, thanks to my kindness, she knew the address. So I suppose maybe she did just surprise you here.
Frank: Oh no, we set it up at church.
Tammi: Did that need to be said?
Frank: I’m sorry.
Tammi: Just go sit in bed and think about what you’ve done.
Frank: Yes, dear.
Betty: I’m so thoroughly disappointed in all of you.
Betty leaves the room.
Karl: She spoke for both of us.
The next day…
Cindy: Mom, can I -
Betty: No.
Cindy: You’re not going to talk to me?
Betty: I feel betrayed.
Cindy: It’s not up to you to decide who I associate with.
Betty: It says so much about your character, though. Especially when you plan to have her in my house.
Cindy: Mom, I think if you just talk to her -
Betty: I don’t want to.
Cindy: So, I have news…
Betty: What? You loved yesterday so much that you brought her back?
Cindy: I think it’s time to clear the air.
Carlene: Betty, it’s so good to see you.
Betty: Demon!
Karl: Ah, hell, am I still having a nightmare?
Betty: No, they invited her back! And they’re demanding we speak with her.
Carlene: I am sorry! It was a horrible mistake I made.
Betty: Not as horrible as the one my daughter’s made! This is a disgrace!
Cindy: Mom, just talk to her.
Betty: All right, Carlene. I think you such. I think you stabbed me in the back when I vouched for you. I think you broke my heart. I think you’re a bad person. I think I never want to see you again.
Carlene: I am incredibly sorry I hurt you. I’ve had a long time to think about its. I really regret my outburst, it was ridiculous and a betrayal. I didn’t give reciprocate the same kindness you gave to me.
Betty: Correct.
Carlene: I wish I could take it back. I wish I could make it never happen. I never expected to see you again, and I’ll leave I you want.
Karl: Door’s right over there.
Carlene: Just please don’t hold Cindy’s big heart against her. She is very forgiving, she’s so kind. She and Jerry afforded me kindness when so many wouldn’t even look at me. I would hate to be the reason for a fracture in this family. I’ve done enough damage.
Betty: I still can’t get past her blatantly violating my own wishes to not see you ever again, but you have a good point. Unlike you, she does have a good heart. I’ll get over this eventually. For now, I’m still annoyed. But since this is likely the last time I’ll ever see you, I just want to wish you well. I hope your new life is fulfilling and that you don’t mess it up like you messed this up.
Carlene: I appreciate that. I’ll head out now.
Cindy: Thanks for coming by.
Teri: Dammit, I missed the face-off between mom and Carlene? I miss everything!
Ralph: Don’t worry, it wasn’t nearly as explosive as it could’e been. I’m worried about mom, she almost acted like a normal person. She’s losing her touch.
What did you think of this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
