Aimee is at home when she gets a call from Denise.
Aimee: Hello?
Denise: Aimee, I’m sorry to bother you with nonsense during recess. I know you do need the rest.
Aimee: You kidding? I still work during recess. A senator’s job is never done! I’m happy to hear from you.
Denise: This is not exactly something that will help you do your job, though. This is just interrupting your Thanksgiving recess with tomfoolery.
Aimee: Tomfoolery? Are you an 80 year-old British man now?
Denise: I just enjoy using whimsical words sometimes. You should try it, it adds fun to your life.
Aimee: So what’s this “tomfoolery” you’re calling me about?
Denise: The Battle Ground city council has contacted me to inquire about honoring you.
Aimee: Honoring me? Most people tend to try to censure me, so that would be a nice change of pace. How are they going to honor me?
Denise: They wan t to give you your own road.
Aimee: My own road? I’m not entirely sure I’m following.
Denise: They want to rename the main street in town after you, their most famous resident.
Aimee: Oh! That’s sweet!
Denise: I thought the same. Maybe not something that demands immediate attention, as they stated, but still, sweet.
Aimee: What’s prompted this?
Denise: Well, it’s not every day that a small town like yours gets to have one of its residents host A Little Sketchy.
Aimee: So I’m being honored for my contributions to comedy and not my political career?
Denise: I like to think so.
Aimee: Either way, it’s a very sweet thing to do. You can give them my approval.
Denise: Glad to hear it. There’s also a dedication ceremony.
Aimee: For a road sign?
Denise: It’s more than just a road sign, my friend! You’re getting etched into history!
Aimee: I feel like being a member of the United States Senate has etched my name more into history than having my name on a road sign.
Denise: True, but this is major, too! A hundred years from now, people will be driving down Aimee Ferrera Donahue Avenue! It’ll keep your legacy alive in the town you call home!
Aimee: I think I’d prefer Aimee Ferrera Donahue Drive, actually.
Denise: I’ll put in a word with the council.
Aimee: I’d appreciate that.
Denise: They’re planning for the ceremony to be sometime this week.
Aimee: That soon?
Denise: It’s a very urgent matter. Dozens of people drive down that road every year!
Aimee: You said it’s the main street!
Denise: Yes, in a town with a population of eighteen people.
Aimee: Twenty-two thousand! One of whom is THE Tonya Harding!
Denise: Is that something to brag about?
Aimee: Well, who do you got from your hometown?
Denise: Nancy Kerrigan…
Aimee: You’re from Boston?
Denise: No, I just thought it’d be a nice lie. I’m from Pompano Beach.
Aimee: Florida? Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.
Denise: It’s a beautiful state. Everyone’s insane, hence my moving, but the area is gorgeous.
Aimee: Well, Washington’s gorgeous too. And we’re saner!
Denise: Aside from that guy the Democrats nominated against you.
Aimee: Thank god they voted for him! The other ones were so boring and normal, I would’ve lost in a landslide.
Denise: So, when should I tell them you want to hold the ceremony?
Aimee: Well, Thursday’s Thanksgiving. So not then. I think maybe Saturday?
Denise: I thought you’d say that! That’s why I already told them we’d do it Saturday.
Aimee: Glad you valued my insight.
Denise: Hey, it’s not a personal slight. I was just on a time crunch!
Aimee: Again…they’re putting my name on a street sign. It’s not quite as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be.
Denise: Maybe they should put my name on the street, then. I’m taking this honor much more seriously.
Aimee: I never realized how stubborn you could be.
Denise: I tried to be on my best behavior until I knew you were too attached to me to sack me.
Aimee: Who said I am?
Denise: I see how you rely on me. I’m your sidekick.
Aimee: Most people tend to think Lynette’s my sidekick, actually.
Denise: That hurts my feelings.
Aimee: All right, are you coming to this all-important unveiling ceremony?
Denise: Of course!
Aimee: Then I’ll see you Saturday. And I’ll surely talk to you before then.
Denise: See you then!
Three days later…
Ernesto: Aimee, I heard something about you in the paper, I’m surprised you didn’t tell us about it.
Kimmy: Dad, don’t harass Aimee over her terrible political views. It’s Thanksgiving!
Ernesto: I happen to agree with most of her political views.
Manuela: Which is not how you were raised.
Ernesto: I was raised to be an independent thinker.
Manuela: You were raised by a left-wing revolutionary!
Dave: It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without political arguments, would it?
Victoria: I, for one, was planning to keep my mouth shut and avoid talking politics. I thought that was the polite move.
Kimmy: I’m sorry, I started it.
Cherie: Yes, you did.
Kimmy: I hear the disappointment in your voice.
Cherie: Well, I was hoping to have a nice Thanksgiving… it could be my last.
Kimmy: Oh no, are you going to say that every holiday.
Cherie: I have cancer, my dear.
Ernesto: And still, four of our kids couldn’t be bothered to come home.
Cherie: But we don’t have to be bitter about it. Our dear Aimee is here, and Kimberly is here as always.
Kimmy: I feel like you’re implying my presence isn’t that special.
Victoria: She sort of just outright said that, no?
Cherie: The kids all found out about my cancer at the last minute. It was too late for them to fly out. It’s fine.
Victoria: Are you sure?
Cherie: Do you want me to cry and tell you how sad I am not to see my kids on what could be my last Thanksgiving?
Victoria: Of course not!
Aimee: Mom, it’s not going to be your last Thanksgiving! You’re going to be fine. The doctor gave you an excellent prognosis.
Cherie: I’m just trying my hardest to enjoy every day. Tim McGraw says you should life like you’re dying. I find it has enhanced my appreciation for life’s small joys.
Aimee: I’m glad to hear that, I guess. We should all strive to enjoy life.
Cherie: Speaking of enjoyment, you have big news you need to share!
Aimee: I do?
Ernesto: I was hinting at that, but I got dragged into some political nonsense. I hear you’re getting a road named after you?
Aimee: Oh! That!
Ernesto: That’s big news!
Kimmy: It’s not quite as big as you’re saying, a lot of people can get a road named for them. That teacher at my school that died in a car crash had a road named after her.
Dave: Quite an ironic way to choose to honor her, no?
Victoria: Was the road they named after her the road the crash was on?
Kimmy: I don’t remember.
Cherie: This is hardly appropriate Thanksgiving dinner talk.
Ernesto: I’ve never heard more death talk at Thanksgiving before.
Manuela: I’ve heard more before. My abuelas were very negative people.
Ernesto: But anyway, it might not be big news, but it is exciting! It does mean you’re seen as a respected figure in the community. You’ve had an impact here.
Aimee: I work very hard to represent this town. The people of Battle Ground will always have a champion in me.
Cherie: I’m just surprised you’re not more excited about it.
Aimee: It’s a nice honor, genuinely. Just not something I need to run around telling everyone.
Cherie: Regardless, we’d like to be there at the ceremony for you. We’re so proud of you.
Aimee: That’s great. It’s gonna be on Saturday, we’ll have a lovely time.
Kimmy: I’m gonna bake you a cake.
Dave: You bake?
Ernesto: No.
Kimmy: I’m trying to learn domestic skills. I do want to move out one day.
Manuela: It’s about time!
Cherie: You’re one to talk.
Manuela: I’m a senior citizen. I need someone to watch after me. I could fall!
Cherie: We’re not exactly young, either.
Manuela: Yet you keep whining about how it’s your last Thanksgiving, as if you haven’t got enough of them…
Cherie: When are you going to finally just up and d-
Ernesto: Enough! This has gotten out of control.
Kimmy: Just now?
Victoria: I think you should invite Carolyn to the ceremony! I miss her!
Aimee: I don’t know if Carolyn will want to… you know what? Sure.
Victoria: Yay! I love it when people see how good my ideas are.
Manuela: When does that happen? Every ten years?
Cherie: You better never find yourself on lie support, because I’d pull the plug in a heartbeat.
Dave: Wow, I love Thanksgiving.
Two days later…
Gwen: I can’t believe you convinced me to come to a road dedication.
Carolyn: I can’t believe she did, either. I never would’ve told her about it if I knew she’d invite you.
Lynette: I think it’s great for the group to be together!
Mildred: I feel like I got grouped in by accident? I don’t typically partake in your bipartisan congregating.
Alec: I think you got added into the group chat by accident.
Mildred: That’s happening a lot lately around DC.
Gwen: Why’d you come?
Mildred: I’m fond of Aimee. It felt important.
Gwen: Are all of so in need o work to do that we flew across the country to watch them name a road after our work friend?
Lynette: Hey, she’s my best friend.
Gwen: I’m sure she is.
Carolyn: I didn’t realize there would be Democrats here. I don’t like this.
Gwen: Looks like strong Republican turnout, too.
Carolyn: Excuse me?
Gwen: We have protesters.
Alec: “AFD is a Commie” not very creative, are they?
Gwen: Look, getting out of bed and tying their own shows is a struggle for some of these people. I consider it a marvel that they could make their own signs and find the road.
Alec: I hope Aimee isn’t upset by the protesters.
Carolyn: She’s generally aware of her detractors. Never has deterred her before.
Aimee and her family pull up.
Aimee: Wow, I’m quite popular.
Cherie: Hey! That’s my daughter you’re all protesting! Go away!
Aimee: Mom, don’t make a scene.
Cherie: She perfectly represents this city! She gives us a voice in Congress! Get a life and get away!
Kimmy: Oh no, they’re approaching.
Ernesto: Back in the car, back in the car.
Dave: Oh, security’s escorting them away.
Aimee: Thank god. This is part of why I did make a big deal about this. These things attract the weirdos.
Victoria: If I don’t have a problem with a road in my hometown being named after a Republican, then why should these freaks?
Carolyn: Well, they seem to view her as a Democrat.
Kimmy: God, I wish.
Victoria: Carolyn, so good to see you!
Carolyn: Good to see you as well! I missed you!
Denise: So Aimee, you excited?
Gwen: I don’t mean to be rude. I’ll sound like an elitist here, I know. This road is… terrible.
Aimee: It’s not great. Not the nicest side of town.
Mildred: Your hometown, no offense, does not seem very nice, based off of this road.
Aimee: It’s an unusually terrible road. I was told it would be a main road, what happened to that?
Denise: Uh… the protests scared them off.
Aimee: Excellent. Well, the truckers and hookers will get to see my name on the signs, at least.
Carolyn: Hookers? Where? I’ll call the cops.
Gwen: The cops are practically your emotional support animal.
Carolyn: I support them and they support me.
Denise: Hey, they’re ready to start the ceremony.
Aimee: I absolutely can not wait.
Victoria: Your face suggests otherwise.
Aimee: Yes, it’s called sarcasm.
Minutes later…
Mayor Ed Harley: So please welcome our beloved daughter of Battle Ground, our voice in the US Senate, the most passionate fighter or our community we’ve ever known… Aimee Ferrera Donahue.
What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!
