Cindy walks into the living room while the family is watching television.
Cindy: Is everyone aware of what next week is?
Jerry: Oh, I know! Our anniversary!
Cindy: That’s in August.
Jerry: August and November are pretty close!
Teri: Is this really necessary? We’re all quite captivated by this year’s Dancing with the Stars, and you’re interrupting us while Steve Irwin’s son is trying to dance the jive.
Ralph: I still miss Andy Richter.
Cindy: We have nine days to prepare for Thanksgiving! This is completely necessary!
Danielle: For what it’s worth, that was going to be my guess.
Cindy: Mom, why are you not more concerned about this? This is your whole thing!
Karl: This really focused on the stores right now.
Betty: With Mitchell gone and Jerry distracted by that bathroom, I’m short-staffed. It’s the holiday rush, I need to make sure I’m prepared.
Cindy: But this is Thanksgiving! Caitlin’s first Thanksgiving.
Steven: To be fair, I don’t think she’ll remember much of this.
Teri: Yeah, we can skip it and just lie to her about her first Thanksgiving when the time comes.
Cindy: We’re not skipping Thanksgiving! Come on, guys. We go all out or every other holiday, we are not about to half-ass Thanksgiving when it means a lot to me.
Ralph: What’s there to half-ass? I’m going to make dinner like always, and everyone else is free to chip in if they want. None of you ever do, but that can change this year.
Betty: That is not true! I make the rolls.
Ralph: You burn the rolls.
Jerry: That’s how God intended them to be eaten.
Teri: I think it’s unfair to minimize mom’s contribution to our family Thanksgiving. The rest of us, sure. But mom always chips in.
Betty: Thank you, dear! Just because I’m slacking this year does not mean I don’t often go above and beyond to make sure Thanksgiving is special for everyone under this roof.
Cindy: Speaking of people under this roof… Alysa, will your mother be joining us?
Alysa: I haven’t even -
Betty: No!
Teri: Mom…
Betty: She’s not ruining another Thanksgiving!
Cindy: I thought you two made up?
Betty: I don’t actively want to punch her in the face every time I see her. That doesn’t mean I want her in my house on Thanksgiving. Or ever.
Alysa: Aww, that’s actually sort of touching, in its own weird way.
Cindy: Do not take my mother’s pettiness into consideration for your answer here. Alysa, are you going to ask your mom to come for Thanksgiving?
Alysa: I think she’d like that. I’m not sure what she’s planning, though.
Teri: Your own mother hasn’t asked you what you’re doing on Thanksgiving yet? I envy you.
Betty: What is that supposed to mean?
Teri: You’re clingy.
Betty: That’s a vicious lie! I just care!
Ralph: You care far too much.
Cindy: I’ll leave you all to your show now.
Teri: You don’t want to watch?
Jerry: Most of us don’t, we’re just too lazy to get up and watch something else on one of the other TVs.
Frank: Speak for yourself, this is compelling TV!
Jerry: It is technically TV. I agree on that.
Teri: And we are all texting ELAINE to 21523, correct?
Frank: I’m voting for the Mormon wife.
Teri: Of course you are.
The next day…
Alysa: Mom, I have a question for you.
Anita: I can watch the baby any time! You don’t even need to ask, she’s my grandchild and I love her. Now, we do need to talk about what she’ll call me when the time comes. I’m thinking g-ma. It’s hip, it’s cool, it’s -
Alysa: It’s not about Caitlin.
Anita: Okay, but I haven’t seen her in there days, so I am going to need you to bring her over to see me. It’s been ages.
Alysa: Are you going to be coming over to celebrate Thanksgiving with us? I haven’t heard anything about you doing your own thing, so I felt I needed to see where your head’s at.
Anita: I wasn’t already invited? I assumed I was, I did go there last year. You know, I’m a very lonely woman. I’m divorced, half of my colleagues on the HOA want me gone, my daughter’s moved out and never visits -
Alysa: That’s not true!
Anita: You don’t visit enough!
Alysa: I’m glad you feel so confident about being invited. That does show you’re getting more comfortable with the Bellwoods.
Anita: I’ve been forced to, entirely against my own will. It’s horrific and I don’t know if I can forgive you for it., really.
Alysa: Well, we’re all family now, regardless of how you feel about it. I think it’s wonderful, and I’m glad you’re coming over for Thanksgiving.
Anita: Is there anything I can bring?
Alysa: Uh… not rolls. That’s Betty’s thing.
Anita: They were burnt last year.
Alysa: That’s how they like them.
Anita: I’d ask if they’re okay, but I’ve met them… so I know they’re not.
Meanwhile, at Betty’s store…
Betty: Are you guys sure that the ad is good? No mistakes?
Steven: Grandma, it’s perfect.
Betty: I didn’t accidentally say everything is 90% off instead of 40% off? I did that once, the customers were not happy.
Karl: We lost so much money that day.
Steven: It looks fine. It’s a great ad. Did you use AI for the picture of the turkey on there? It has two heads.
Betty: I didn’t even notice that.
Steven: Okay, maybe I do need to look over it once more.
Jerry: You really think Betty knows how to use AI? Steven, come on. Don’t make me laugh!
Steven: She could!
Betty: I found it on Facebook! I thought it was cute.
Steven: Okay, so it’s AI from a different grandma.
Betty: Facebook isn’t just for grandmas!
Steven: Eh…
Karl: It’s also for grandpas!
Betty: Honey, you’re not helping my case.
Jerry: I don’t understand why we even need to do a Black Friday sale at all. We do good business any other time. It’s not like we ca compete with the big retailers. So why force me to come in to work at 6 AM one the day after Thanksgiving?
Betty: Black Friday is a time-honored tradition.
Jerry: There you go with traditions again.
Betty: It’s true!
Jerry: It’s the worst holiday tradition. You can just shop online and avoid fighting and assaulting moms just to get a good deal on a TV you don’t need.
Betty: What’s the fun in that?
Jerry: I think getting to safely buy things from the comfort of your own home while you watch the Macy’s parade is pretty fun.
Betty: I disagree. As a business owner, I will always respect the tradition of Black Friday.
Steven: Do you ever miss being able to go Black Friday shopping, since you spend the day here now?
Karl: Oh, she still goes. She takes an extended lunch break and goes to Target and then Kohl’s.
Steven: Are you doing that again, grandma?
Betty: You betcha. I’m not going to miss out on the fun!
Jerry: It’s not fun! And that hour is especially not fun, because it leaves the entire burden upon us!
Steven: Well, I’m happy to help during that hour. I need to pick up the slack, I have a family to support now.
Jerry: We don’t get bonus pay for Black Friday, FYI.
Betty: You don’t.
Jerry: Excuse me?
Betty: Oh, nothing!
One week later…
Ralph: I am exhausted!
Cindy: Do you need help?
Ralph: How about you just make this or me and then I relax because I’ve been cooking for six hours?
Danielle: Six hours? My god, what all are you making?
Ralph: Stufing, dressing, mac and cheese, corn fritters, fresh cranberry sauce, green beans, green bean casserole, squash casserole, sweet potato pie, pumpkin pie -
Alysa: I’m full just hearing all of that.
Ralph: Look, we’re a big family. We need a lot of food to feed us.
Teri: You don’t have to make thirty different dishes to feed us. Just triple the stuffing recipe.
Ralph: I like making everything for us. I just need a break, and I’m not even halfway done.
Tammi: I feel very silly about complaining about making mashed potatoes.
Teri: Making them from scratch takes work!
Tammi: I was gonna buy the pre-made stuff…
Ralph: You were raised wrong.
Tammi: Look at my parents!
Cindy: Excuse me?
Tammi: I mostly meant dad.
Jerry: Excuse me?
Betty: Honey, let me help.
Ralph: Mom, I don’t want you to overwork yourself.
Betty: By making some food? Come on. I’ve been doing it for over sixty years. I have more experience in the kitchen than anyone.
Ralph: Okay, fine. You can make the pumpkin pie!
Betty: I make a mean pumpkin pie.
Danielle: Is anyone else making ham? I feel like I have to contribute somehow.
Teri: You see what you’ve done, Ralph? You’re making so much, it’s making other people feel inferior and it’s just contributing to our overabundance of food. The fridge is going to be a nightmare.
Frank: Not if I have anything to say about it!
Teri: Aren’t you on Ozempic?
Frank: It’s Thanksgiving, I can overeat for one day, even if it’s painful.
Teri: Aren’t you just the picture of a healthy relationship with food?
Ralph: Hey, mom, you never told me if Jeannette and Rick are coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow.
Betty: Of course they’re coming.
Ralph: Great! Now I have to make sure everything is perfect. You guys are easy to please, they have very sophisticated palates.
Karl: They’ve gone broke and are getting free shelter and a hot meal. They’re not in any place to criticize the cooking.
Ralph: Good point!
Karl: I like to think I often make good points.
Teri: You have a much higher hit rate than anyone else in the family, that’s for sure.
The next day…
Cindy: Today’s the day!
Jerry: What? Honey, it’s 6 AM, go back to bed.
Cindy: It’s Thanksgiving!
Jerry: You’re like a kid on Christmas.
Cindy: I do have a child-like wonder.
Jerry: And it will still exist at seven. Get back in bed.
Cindy: The parade is starting in two and a half hours! I have to get the living room ready for Caitlin to watch it!
Jerry: You can’t be serious. She’s a month old! Can they even watch anything at that age?
Cindy: I don’t know, but this is her first Thanksgiving. It’s going to be special.
Jerry: Even the damn pilgrims didn’t worry this much about preparing for their first Thanksgiving.
Cindy: That reminds me! I got an adorable little pilgrim outfit for her to wear.
Jerry: This is deranged.
Cindy: Thank you.
Jerry: I’m staying in bed. Don’t let me sleep past seven.. thirty.
Cindy: I’ll be very busy making preparations, so I can’t make any promises that I won’t forget to wake you up!
Jerry: I’ll set my phone alarm.
Two hours later…
Ralph: I have so much to get heated for today. I think I’m going to have to use the oven in the guest house.
Teri: I’m sure Jeannette and Rick will be glad to let you use it.
Karl: I’d hope. It is our oven.
Teri: Dad, you’re so passive aggressive when it comes to those two.
Karl: I like them. They’re good people. They just happen to make me feel completely inferior because they are so braggadocios and demanding. Now, if you excuse me, I have a parade to go watch.
Cindy: Is it starting?
Karl: Yeah, I think.
Danielle: It’s just not going to be the same without Hoda this year.
Cindy: I have to go get Alysa and Steven and Caitlin up!
Tammi: Oh, please don’t do that.
Teri: I’ve never had kids and even I know you don’t wake up sleeping new parents when they’re finally getting some rest.
Cindy: They’re gonna miss the parade!
Tammi: I think they’ll be fine. Again… Caitlin is a month old. She doesn’t know what a Thanksgiving parade is.
Cindy: I know. I want these memories. Who knows how many Thanksgivings we’ll get together?
Tammi: You’re in your fifties. You’ll have more Thanskgivings with her than pretty much any other great-grandmother does.
Cindy: I’m getting her up.
Ralph: She’s like a child.
Betty: But she’s my child.
Cindy: Teri, put the turkey in the oven, please. I already prepared it last night. All you have to do is turn the oven on.
Teri: Got it!
Later that day…
Anita: I have to say, I appreciate being invited here. I don’t quite know what to think about my seat.
Betty: I think a beach chair seated in front of a TV tray is a bit too good for you.
Cindy: Mom…
Betty: Did I speak out of turn?
Cindy: Yes.
Betty: Apologies.
Jerry: We have a slight problem.
Jeanette: What is it, dear?
Jerry: Well, I went to grab the turkey to make sure it was coming along nicely, as carving it is my annual duty and I therefore see myself as the “turkey master.” Well, it is not, uh… cooked.
Rick: Excuse me?
Cindy: Teri… one job!
Teri: I put it in the oven! I think I just… it’s a new oven, okay? I don’t know how to use it quite yet.
Karl: It’s only noon. We still have time!
Ralph: A turkey that size takes six hours, at least…
Frank: We can wait. We can just snack. Maybe dessert first?
Teri: For once, Frank had a semi-decent idea.
Frank: Aww, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.
Teri: It’s a holiday, I’m on my best behavior.
Jeanette: At least, if we are going to have to wait or dinner, we couldn’t be waiting with a better group of people.
Betty: And also Anita.
Anita: Screw you, too!
Alysa: I’m so glad we’ve all found our way into each others’ lives.
Cindy: This turkey conundrum puts a damper on my quest to give Caitlin the perfect first Thanksgiving.
Steven: Grandma, why are you so worried about making the day perfect for a baby who can’t even eat any of the Thanksgiving food?
Cindy: Because our family is changing, and this is a new chapter in our lives. Holidays are incredibly important, and I want the holiday that’s starting out this new chapter to go well.
Steven: We’re all together, that’s what matters.
Cindy: You’re right about that. It doesn’t need to be “perfect,” as long as we can all make these memories together.
Teri: I guess that means I’m off the hook for the turkey?
Cindy: Not even slightly.
Teri: I feared that would be the response I got.
What did you think of this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read a new episode next week!
