Aimee is in Carolyn’s office.
Carolyn: Can you believe the election is coming up so soon?
Lynette: Not soon enough! The adds are driving me absolutely batty, and I’m a politician!
Alec: You guys get political ads in Wyoming? I didn’t even know you guys had TVs.
Lynette: We’re Wyoming, not 1920!
Aimee: I’m also glad it’s over. The faster Delphy gets out of here, the better.
Carolyn: oh, here you all go. You’re spending too much time with Gwen Gardenia.
Alec: We all did vote to impeach him before we ever met her. You know, because he directed a mob to break into the capitol and try to kill us.
Carolyn: That was a misunderstanding!
Alec: So if I have a rally on your lawn and tell the people to go into your house with weapons and chase you… I’m not trying to murder you? Just a misunderstanding?
Carolyn: That’s not the same thing. You can’t blame him for the delusional actions of others.
Lynette: He literally said “Get those bastards! Put the fear of God into them!”
Carolyn: He used flowery language that shouldn’t have been used. No reason not to give him another term.
Aimee: The man’s deranged. But even if the people of this country disagree with me on that, I’ll be glad to see this election over. I can’t stand to see one more ad calling Eleanor Baum a “typical Hollywood liberal” or Delphy someone “you can’t trust with America’s future.”
Lynette: I think the Democrats should get to have a celebrity president! We had one! He was great!
Aimee: The best ever. Maybe Eleanor Baum will be their Reagan.
Carolyn: Don’t you say such blasphemy in front of me. I knew you guys were veering left, but I never knew it was this bad.
Aimee: We’re still Republicans! I voted GOP down-ballot!
Carolyn: Down-ballot? We don’t have any other races this year!
Aimee: We have some local races.
Carolyn: She’s a Republican, folks! She voted republican for county auditor!
Aimee: It was actually just a township council race. The auditor race is in even-numbered years.
Alec: I think Eleanor Baum is a unique sort of politician. I’m voting for her.
Carolyn: Well, duh.
Aimee: I’m torn. She’s just a bit left for me, and I don’t live in a swing state, so it doesn’t really matter how I vote. It’ll be for her or some center-right independent.
Lynette: You could just write Reagan in!
Aimee: He… he’s died, Lynette.
Lynette: I know! It’s a protest vote! My dad voted for Mickey Mouse!
Aimee: Mickey Mouse?
Alec: He’s better qualified than the current POTUS.
Carolyn: And more qualified than the talk show host you’re trying to install as our leader! She only got the nomination because Marietta Landfield dropped out!
Alec: She won the most votes in a contested primary. You’re acting like the Democrats had some shady backroom deal. They’d never do that! They’re not us!
Lynette: Eh…
Alec: They didn’t in this case. Eleanor Baum won fairly. Marietta was out of the race for three months, Baum won the most states. Such is democracy in action. I have no qualms about supporting her.
Carolyn: You all used to be conservative firebrands! What happened?
Lynette: We didn’t leave the party. The party left us.
Aimee: We’re still in the party, though. Our views have just fallen out of fashion within it.
Lynette: Close enough.
Carolyn: Anyway, the word on the street’s that the election is as close as it could be. Both parties are going all out.
Aimee: As in every election.
Lynette: If only any of us were from swing states. I feel like that’s the only way to get the full election experience.
Alec: There shouldn’t even be swing states. One person, one vote is how it should be.
Carolyn: Oh my god, he really is a Democrat now.
Aimee: I think we need to move on from this. One of us, not naming names, is taking it far too personally.
Carolyn: I’m sorry, it just feels like you’ve all abandoned the values you dedicated your lives to as soon as you got these fancy new jobs in the Senate.
Aimee: I’ve been in the Senate for almost three years.
Lynette: My god, it’s been that long? We’re almost halfway through our first and only terms.
Alec: Hey, you guys at least have three more years for sure. I find out my fate in just two weeks!
Lynette: I keep forgetting about that!
Carolyn: Well, there aren’t supposed to be any Senate elections this year. The governor just rushed a special election rather than wait until 2026 because they want to get the seat back for the Dems.
Alec: I mean, this may help. If Delphy is re-elected, it’s presumably a good night for Republicans. 2026 wouldn’t be. This may be my best bet.
Aimee: Presidenital turnout in Illinois… good luck, Alec.
Alec: The internal polls are incredibly close. No matter how it goes, I’m proud of the race I’ve run. It’s undoubtedly going to be the best performance for a Republican in Illinois in decades.
Lynette: Do you not find it fishy that Mildred worked so hard to get Democrats elected every other year, even when it wasn’t competitive, but she’s done nothing to get Apple elected?
Aimee: Maybe she likes Alec! She likes me!
Alec: Rebecca Apple is a terrible, scandal-plagued candidate, and she knows it. She’s crooked, even by the standards of Illinois Democrats. Mildred is not, because she’s avoided the horrors of Springfield. No need to attach yourself to the stench of scandal.
Aimee: I certainly know the feeling!
Lynette: You know the feeling of running against a scandal-plagued candidate, and I know the feeling of having a third-party candidate cracking 20% in the polls.
Alec: I’m not the most popular politician among Illinois Republicans. I have a very unique coalition.
Aimee: So did I!
Lynette: I mostly just got the votes of Republicans who hadn’t turned the news on since 2021.
Carolyn: Good enough for 40% of the vote!
Denise bursts through the door.
Denise: Finally!
Aimee: What on earth are you doing here?
Denise: I’ve been trying to find you for two hours!
Carolyn: Did you not get permission from your keeper before you decided ton hang out with your friends?
Aimee: I told her who I was meeting with. Denise, I told you who I was meeting with!
Denise: Well, I went to Lynette’s office first, and you weren’t there. Then Alec’s. Then, for good measure, Gwen’s office.
Carolyn: Gross.
Denise: Then, I checked the Senate floor, just to be sure you weren’t working.
Alec: We never are.
Denise: After that, I checked the cafeteria. I smelled horrible things.
Aimee: Kylie heated a tuna salad again?
Denise: She’s an awful woman.
Aimee: She’s not great.
Carolyn: I think she’s fantastic!
Denise: Then, I figured you had to be in Carolyn’s office. As I did not work for you in the House, I was unsure of how to find my way here. I got lost. At long last, after running into the Speaker, I have found my way.
Carolyn: Of course Nanette would be aware of where Aimee is.
Aimee: So what’s the big emergency?
Denise: A Little Sketchy wants you to host.
Aimee: What?
Lynette: It’s like SNL, but more lame and with lower ratings. And it airs on Friday night.
Aimee: I know what it is! Why does a sketch comedy show want me to host?
Carolyn: You are a laugh riot.
Aimee: I’m serious.
Carolyn: So am I!
Denise: The pitch I was given was “We want to do an election episode and having a real politician is the best way to do it.” You’re a gimmick, pretty much.
Alec: Gee, if only there were a prominent national politician with a background in live comedy.
Lynette: I think Eleanor is a little busy.
Alec: It was a joke, Lynette.
Carolyn: Why Aimee? I know she’s fairly well-known for pulling off an electoral miracle, but she’s not exactly a household name.
Denise: Marietta Landfield and Jenny Ross said no. Dede Ducovney was nixed by the network for equal time reasons. They shifted from the biggest animus of the 2025 race to members of the Senate. Hence, Aimee.
Aimee: What if I’m not funny? I can’t read cue cards!
Denise: They’re not looking for an Emmy-worthy performance. Just some pre-election fun to satirize this election.
Lynette: Could this not backfire on her future election prospects? They do some wild stuff on that SNL copycat.
Denise: We would have final approval on all sketches.
Carolyn: Also… what future election prospects?
Lynette: Really, Carolyn? Be a little optimistic.
Carolyn: All right. Aimee will win, because Washington is such a red state.
Alec: You’re so annoying sometimes.
Carolyn: I know.
Aimee: When do I have to give them an answer by?
Denise: Well… the show’s next Friday. So, tomorrow morning. They’ve also asked a few other senators, but you’re the top pick.
Aimee: They probably should’ve had a host in place a bit earlier, no?
Denise: The network 86ing the VP’s appearance was a very last-minute choice. That left them scrambling.
Carolyn: I’m still lost on how they settled on Aimee for this.
Lynette: Maybe they really love pragmatic governing and getting stuff done!
Denise: I think they just really liked her on Celebrity Bake Your Heart Out.
Aimee: I forgot I did that!
Lynette: You got robbed on it, honestly. I’d try to forget it, too.
Aimee: It’s fine. I’m over it. I can’t watch figure skating anymore, but I’m fine.
Later that day…
Victoria: Look who’s back from another productive day at work!
Aimee: Aunt Vic, you don’t have to baby me. I’m not a first grader.
Victoria: I know, but I like to be encouraging. It can’t be easy, being a Republican disliked by all the other Republicans in a Democratic supermajority.
Aimee: You didn’t have to word it like that.
Victoria: I was told not to baby you!
Aimee: That is true, I did say that.
Dave: So, did anything interesting happen today at work? Because nothing interesting happened at mine. I did make a good Alfredo sauce for dinner, though. Just need to decide what pasta to make with it!
Aimee: I was asked to host A Little Sketchy’s election special.
Dave: Excuse me?
Aimee: Yeah, that was the big occurrence today at work. I might become a comedy star.
Dave: I’m lost on how this came about.
Aimee: They want a politician to host the weekend before the election. Somehow, that got to me. Denise has a theory that my episode of Celebrity Bake Your Heart Out put me on their radar. It does air on the same network, so maybe!
Victoria: Is that the one that does the sketch about the guy in the van down by the river?
Aimee: No, that was SNL, and those sketches aired when I was about six.
Victoria: You don’t need to make me feel old.
Dave: Are you gonna go ahead and do it? I’ll support you regardless of what you do.
Aimee: I think I’m going to. This could be a very fun opportunity. And it’s one I’ll surely never get again.
Victoria: You could!
Aimee: I will not. So I have to jump at it now. The Senate’s out of session the week leading up to the election, so I’ll have the time off for rehearsals and everything. It lines up pretty perfectly.
Victoria: Are we going to New York?
Aimee: I forgot it’s in New York. Do I have to spend a week in New York?
Victoria: I would think so.
Aimee: Well, every silver lining’s got a touch of grey.
The next morning…
Aimee: Denise, start spreading the news. I want to be a part of it: New York, New York.
Denise: It’s too early for this. Did you also get offered a hosting job on Rockin’ Eve?
Aimee: No, A Little Sketchy! It’s filmed in New York, and we’re going.
Denise: Oh! Thank you for not being so cryptic. Like I said, too early for this. I’m barely awake, what with all this changing of the clocks.
Aimee: That’s next week. Is that why you were an hour late today? I was waiting!
Denise: I’m sorry. I’m so scatter-brained lately. My personal life, you know -
Aimee: Call the people at A Little Sketchy. Don’t let them give that hosting slot to anyone else. Who am I hosting with?
Denise: Chappell Roan.
Aimee: Well, that’ll go as well as the SNL with host Steve Forbes and musical guest Rage Against the Machine.
In Gwen’s office…
Gwen: Aimee! What brings you here so early? You want a coffee?
Aimee: Do you have coffee just sitting out?
Gwen: I get a lot of morning visitors. So many people try to schmooze you when you’re the chair of Appropriations. It’s only polite to be prepared for all of those visitors.
Aimee: Okay, here we go.
Gwen: You look nervous. What do you need?
Aimee: I need advice on live performance?
Gwen: Contemplating a career change?
Aimee: Not quite. I’ve just been asked to host A Little Sketchy, the Friday night sketch comedy show.
Gwen: I’m familiar. Do you have any acting experience?
Aimee: I played a background role in The Crucible in middle school.
Gwen: Well The Crucible’s a laugh riot, you’ve clearly got the comedic chops.
Aimee: You are a legend of live acting. Nobody could better prepare me for this than you.
Gwen: I’m a theatrical actress, dear. Not an sketch actress. I’m not a comic.
Aimee: You’re the funniest person I know!
Gwen: All off the top of my head! I don’t use cue cards
Aimee: You can at least help me get comfortable with being on a stage. I have zero experience, you can sure help with that.
Gwen: I’ll certainly try. But why did you say yes to this if you don’t know you’re comfortable with it? This could backfire! You could live on in internet infamy! You could become a meme!
Aimee: That would be good.
Gwen: Not the type of meme I’m thinking of.
Aimee: Well, we’re gonna make sure that doesn’t happen.
The next week…
Cherie: It’s almost time, dear.
Ernesto: We’re proud of you no matter what. Even if you bomb!
Cherie: Don’t even put that idea in her head!
Ernesto: It could happen.
Aimee: It really could.
Cherie: Hence why we don’t want it on your mind.
Victoria: I just met Chaperone! Very nice woman, we have very similar senses of style.
Kimmy: Chappell Roan. And why did she get to meet her? I’m a huge fan!
Cherie: Who are we talking about?
Ernesto: Oh, that’s the girl all the lesbians love, right?
Cherie: How would you know what lesbians like?
Kimmy: He’s actually right, though! Lesbians are obsessed with her.
Cherie: The more you know.
Victoria: I was walking backstage and bumped into her. I also met the producer. He thought I was an extra! Can you believe that? I’m a star.
Cherie: And yet, you’re staying backstage while we get to sit in the audience for the monologue…
Aimee: Oh, the monologue… three minutes of just me on a stage. I could puke.
Dave: Lean into that! People love feeling seen on TV. Stage fright is very relatable!
Aimee: I’m a US Senator hosting a sketch comedy show. I get classified intelligence briefings. I think “relatable” is out the window.
Dave: Well, it was just a bit of advice. You don’t have to take it.
Aimee: Gwen’s primed me for this. I am ready.
Ernesto: What does Gwen know about sketch comedy? She’s no Gilda Radner.
Kimmy: Who?
Victoria: Sickening. She was raised wrong.
Kimmy: My favorite cast embers were Bill Hader, Kristen Wiig, Will Ferrell, Tina Fey…
Aimee: Again, all those people were on a different show!
Ernesto: Well, who was on this one?
Aimee: Um, uh…
Cherie: Aimee is right now! That’s all that matters!
Thirty minutes later…
Announcer: Please welcome your host, Aimee Ferrera Donohue!
Aimee: Thank you, thank you! I know what you’re all thinking, and no: I’m not Penelope Cruz. Nor am I JLo, or Salma Hayek, or Eva Longoria. I am, of course, far more famous and elegant than any of them. No, let’s be real: you don’t know who I am. I’m Aimee Ferrera Donohue, US Senator for Washington, and you’re wondering why the heck I’m here. You know what, this is late night TV, I can say hell! You’re wondering why the hell I’m here! I am happy to be here hosting A Little Sketchy’s election special. I’m an unconventional politician, in that I get things done. Very unusual. Very unlikely to be a comedy show host. But this has long been a dream of mine. The dream was to do SNL, but they didn’t call me, so here I am on this stage. I want to get one thing straight: I am a Republican, but don’t worry: they don’t like me either. You’re probably booing your TV right now, and that’s fine. Hate watching still counts as a view! I am in office solely because my opponent was arrested for arranging an attempted murder, so I don’t have the typical political background. I’ve had an unusual ride, and I guess this is part of it. Just because I’m a US Senator doesn’t mean I’m not down to have fun. It’s gonna be a great nightie’s gonna have a blast. Chappell Roan is our musical guest, stick around!
The next morning…
Aimee: What did the reviews say, Denise?
Denise: They’re mostly positive!
Aimee: Read them.
Denise: Ferrera Donohue’s stilted delivery and novice acting skills make for a shockingly charming, season’s-best Little Sketchy.
Aimee: You know what? I’ll take it.
Cherie: You were supposed to point us out in the audience.
Aimee: Mom, I was so nervous that I accidentally ended the monologue two minutes early because it took a few seconds too long to switch the cue cards. Cut me some slack.
What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!
