Frances in the Kitchen Season 3 Episode 2 - Stroke in the Kitchen

Frances in the Kitchen Season 3 Episode 2
Stroke in the Kitchen

Frances is at a baseball game with her family.

Frances: May I ask what the point of this game is?

Greg: The point?

Frances: Yeah, what is supposed to be fun about it? They’re just hiding a ball with a stick. Why’s that fun to watch?

Jimmy: Look at them running the bases. Look how far they can hit the ball. Look how fast that ball can fly. Is that not thrilling to you?

Frances: Not really, no.

Louise: Come on, Fran. There’s a certain charm to it all.

Frances: It’s certainly no figure skating. Now that’s a sport!

Louise: Why did you even come with?

Frances: I’ve never seen a baseball game before, I thought I’d try something new. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t.

Marcia: Are you at least going to eat some Cracker Jack or a hot dog?

Frances: A hot dog? What kind of animal do you think I am?

Marcia: A snobby one.

Lauren: You’re missing out! This chili dog is to die for.

Frances: I’m glad, because what’s in there probably is going to kill you.

Lauren: Don’t be such a negative Nancy! It’s okay to eat some junk food every now and then.

Frances: I host a baking show. I built an empire on junk food. I just don’t like my junk food to be made out of literal junk.

Louise: You’re an absolute joy today, aren’t you?

Greg: She had a headache earlier today, maybe that’s to blame.

Louise: Or maybe she’s just a miserable prick. That could be it!

Frances: Oh, look! The guy’s running! keep going, man!

Greg: He’s on the other team. You don’t want him to score.

Frances: I don’t know this sport, I certainly don’t have any particular teams I root for.

Greg: Would you not want to root for the LA team?

Frances: I don’t care enough to do that.

Frances’s phone rings.

Marcia: Oh, my phone is ringing!

Frances: No, that’s my phone.

Marcia: They’re both ringing.

Frances: what a coincidence.

Marcia: Mine’s from Beverly, who’s calling you?

Frances: Oh god…

Marcia: DeAnna?

Frances: Nah, Jane.

Marcia: Much better, no?

Frances: I could’ve channeled my baseball-induced rage towards DeAnna, that may have been helpful for everyone here.

Marcia: We should answer these.

Frances: And how, may I ask, are we going to hear them over the sound of this crowd?

Marcia: We can leave the stands and go to where the concessions are. We should be able to hear there.

Frances: That’s like… you have to walk there.

Marcia: Come on, let’s go. It’s not like you care about seeing the game, anyway.

Frances: Okay, fine. Guys, we’re off on a hike. We’ll be back.

Greg: Don’t get lost.

Frances: I hope I do. Would keep me from having to experience any more of this horrid game.

Jimmy: It’s America’s pastime!

Frances: America should get some better taste.

Marcia and Frances answer their phones and walk away.

Frances: What’s going on, Jane? Did you accidentally get trapped in your closet again?

Jane: No! I haven’t been in the closet in forever!

Frances: You just avoid your kitchen closet?

Jane: It’s not that hard.

Frances: Anyway… what’s this call for? You knew I was going to a baseball game, so I’m assuming it’s an emergency of some sort.

Marcia: What? You’re kidding!

Frances: Is it related to by Beverly called Marcia, perchance?

Jane: Now that I think of it, yeah.

Frances: And it’s about…?

Jane: Oh, yeah. Bev wanted me to tell you that Charlie had a, um, I can’t remember the word, but something bad happened to him and now he’s in the hospital.

Frances: I need more details, but I don’t think I’m going to get them from you, so I’ll let you go.

Jane: It was nice talking to you!

Frances: I don’t know if I’d agree.

Jane: I’ll see you Monday!

Frances: Remember, Monday is the day that happens in two days. And two is the number after one.

Jane: I know that, Frances.

Frances: I gotta make sure sometimes. See ya, Jane.

Frances hangs up.

Frances: Marcia, what’s going on with Charlie?

Marcia: Did Jane not tell you?

Frances: What do you think?

Marcia: Beverly, can you give me a minute to explain what I know to Frances?

Beverly: Was Jane really incapable of completing this one simple task?

Marcia: Do you know Jane?

Beverly: Good point.

Marcia: So, Charlie had a stroke.

Frances: Oh my god! He seems so healthy. Way too healthy for someone that runs a network devoted to baking, actually.

Marcia: Healthy people have strokes all the time. Most of them are fine. Charlie will be fine. Right, Beverly?

Beverly: All he said in the text was that it was a “small stroke.” I didn’t talk to him or see him, so I don’t know how he’s doing. They’re keeping him for a few days for treatment

Marcia: Should we go see him?

Beverly: Would you want to see us if you just had a stroke?

Marcia: You’re right.

Frances: Do you know his room number? I’ll tell Jane to send flowers to him.

Beverly: Do you trust Jane to do that correctly?

Frances: I don’t trust Jane to do anything correctly. I just have to wait and see and hope she surprises me.

Marcia: That seems like a good system.

Frances: It works to by satisfaction.

Beverly: Can you have her put my name on the card?

Frances: Remembering one additional name is a lot to ask of her, but I’ll try.

Beverly: Well then, I’ll let you get back to your game.

Frances: Gee, thanks…

Beverly: Try not to party too hard, we have to do a show tomorrow, after all.

Frances: We still have to work when Charlie doesn’t? That seems unfair.

Beverly: Stop talking stupid. Please.

Frances: Aren’t you just a Debbie Downer today?

Marcia: Bye, Beverly! Sorry Frances hijacked the call.

Frances: Well maybe she shouldn’t have had Jane call me if she didn’t want her call to get hijacked!

The next day, at the studio lot…

DeAnna: Fran! Where ya goin'?

Frances: To work. You do know what that is, right? I’ve never seen you do it.

DeAnna: Ignoring that… did you hear about Charlie?

Frances: Of course I heard about Charlie, I’m very in the know. Charlie and I are quite close.

DeAnna: Did you go see him? I did, he looks awful. I went to see hi yesterday and he said I was the first person from the network to visit him.

Frances: Oh, uh, no. I wanted to give him some time to rest, didn’t want to bother him after going through something so traumatic. I sent some flowers, though!

DeAnna: The daisies? The note said they were from “Frank and Barley.”

Frances: Jane…

DeAnna: You really ought to send gifts yourself if you want it done right.

Frances: Thanks for the unsolicited advice on sending flowers. I’ll keep it in mind.

DeAnna: Testy, testy!

Frances: I barely slept last night, I was so worried about my friend. Now, I have to get to the studio. I have crepes to make and an assistant to yell at.

Frances enters the studio.

Frances: Why do you look so stressed, Bev? Is Charlie okay? His best friend DeAnna didn’t tell me anything happened, so I assume he’s fine.

Beverly: I heard a horrendous rumor that I cant’ stop freaking out about.

Frances: Was it the one about Tom Cruise? I heard that too, ruined Risky Business for me.

Beverly: Not about Tom Cruise.

Frances: Then what is it?

Beverly: I was talking with another producer who has some knowledge of the goings-on around here and they said that the network owners are looking for a new network president because they don’t think Charlie can do the job anymore.

Marcia: That’s terrible! The man had a stroke and they’re already out for his job?

Jane: Capitalism is a cruel mistress.

Frances: She does say smart things sometimes!

Beverly: It gets even worse than the needless cruelty.

Marcia: I can’t imagine how.

Beverly: The woman they want to replace him with -

Frances: Girl power, I love to see it!

Beverly: Her name is Dana Maximoff, and she’s got quite the reputation in this business. She’s power-hungry and doesn’t care who she has to screw over to get to the top.

Frances: When are we going to stop hearing these tired tropes about any woman who has the audacity to have a bit of drive and determination?

Beverly: She fired about ninety percent of the staff at one cable network after she took over as president.

Frances: Sometimes you have to clean up the mess. I’m still not hearing anything that makes her sound that bad.

Beverly: She did the same thing at a further two networks. Now she’s coming to our network. Do you understand the reason I, a replaceable behind-the-scenes producer, am worried about tha?

Frances: I’m beginning to.

Marcia: She can’t be that bad to work with, right? It has to be overblown.

Beverly: I’ve talked with people who were fired by her. She brings you in for a “contract negotiation” and then tries to scale back your salary in an attempt to cut costs. If you don’t agree, you’re gone.

Frances: She sounds awful!

Beverly: I told you so.

Jane: Why is she still getting jobs if she’s that bad? I don’t think people in the entertainment industry would let someone evil keep getting work?

Frances: Oh, you sweet summer child.

Marcia: What are we going to do about this whole thing?

Beverly: There’s nothing we can do, really. Just hope it falls through or that the intel was wrong. We have a show to do now, though, and I suggest we get to it so we can prove we’re efficient and shouldn’t be fired and/or canceled.

Frances: Got it, headed to hair and makeup now.

Beverly: You look fine as-is, let’s get to work.

Jane: Wow, you’re really worried about getting fired if you’re willing to lie that much.

At Frances’s house that night…

Frances: What a day.

Lauren: How’s Charlie?

Frances: Physically? Okay. Mentally? Gonna take a hit there soon.

Louise: What?

Frances: I’ve said too much.

Louise: No, you’ve not said nearly enough.

Frances: It’s not your business.

Louise: Oh, like I care if something’s my business or not.

Frances: Okay, fine.

Jimmy: Frances would be a terrible criminal. A cop so much as looks at her and she’d admit everything.

Frances: They’re going to sack Charlie and replace him with a stone cold bitch.

Lauren: That’s sexist.

Frances: It’s true, the woman’s looney! She’s got the Midas touch, but instead of turning everything she touches to gold, she turns everything she touches to the unemployment line.

Louise: Oh, so she’s like George Bush?

Frances: Not quite as incompetent. She fires you on purpose, she’s ruthless.

Jimmy: Is Charlie the small gentleman who just had a stroke?

Louise: No, they’re firing Charlie Chaplin. Get with the program, Jimmy.

Jimmy: You don’t have to be rude.

Louise: Sometimes that’s what it takes to knock some sense into you.

Lauren: Who is this person that’s getting hired?

Frances: Oh, we’re doing this.

Greg: You knew they were going to badger you for information the second you brought it up. They’re nosy.

Louise: We’re nosy? Don’t act so innocent here, buster.

Jimmy: He’s right. We’re significantly nosier than he is.

Frances: Dana Maximoff is her name, she’s apparently notorious in the industry. Beverly is terrified she’s going to fire her like she did with most of the staff at the last few networks she worked at. I’ve never heard of her.

Jimmy: Beverly’s a good worker. Gets things done, puts in the work, dedicated. Now, Jane…

Lauren: Her getting fired may be a blessing, unfortunately. So sweet, but so dumb.

Frances: Let’s not beat up on Jane, she might not be too smart but she’s, uh.. yeah, let’s face it, she’s gonna need some help filling out those unemployment forms.

Greg: We haven’t talked about how awful it is to fire someone basically for having a stroke. What is going on there?

Frances: Jane said it best. Capitalism is a cruel mistress.

Greg: Jane said that? Our Jane?

Lauren: That doesn’t seem right…

Frances: She’s got her moments!

Greg: I’m no lawyer -

Jimmy: It’s hard to become a lawyer when you’re busy almost becoming a doctor.

Greg: I thought this was a safe environment to share things.

Lauren: What were you going to say before dad interrupted you, Uncle Greg? I have a feeling we were on the same track.

Greg: Charlie can sue for wrongful termination, right? That’s discrimination.

Lauren: I think you’re conflating legal terms, but he could definitely take legal action. That violates the ADA.

Louise: Look at my girl, a legal expert! She’s a regular Marcia Clark!

Lauren: Let’s not say… that.

Louise: The media gave her the runaround, and you know it!

Jimmy: Don’t get her started on Marcia, you guys.

Louise: An American hero, I tell ya!

Jimmy: Yup, we all agree. Moving on.

Frances: I would love to see Charlie sue if he’s fired. I just can’t say that publicly, with Ms. Pink Slip on her way in.

Jimmy: I love P!nk, what a unique artist.

Greg: You better stand up for Beverly if she tries to fire her. She’s not rich like Charlie, she needs an advocate.

Frances: If there’s one thing I care about in this world, it’s friendship. I will stand up for her, and even for Jane.

Louise: Not family?

Frances: Have you seen my family? Not you, Lauren. You’re a delight.

Lauren: Thank you, aunt Frances. You are, too.

Four days later…

Frances: This is ridiculous. Why do we have to go to a meeting? We bake cookies on TV! What do we have to talk about as a network?

Marcia: Have you seen what’s going on lately around here? I think a meeting to clarify the general direction of our network is actually pretty informative in this instance.

Jane: Remember when we all went to Aspen?

Frances: Last year? Yeah, we remember.

Jane: That was my favorite meeting.

Beverly: You went skiing because you weren’t invited to the meetings.

Jane: That’s why I liked them. No thinking required.

Marcia: Like you ever think.

DeAnna: Can you people quiet down? We’re in a meeting. You’re being rude.

Frances: We’re waiting for someone to come in and start it. Who called the meeting, by the way?

Beverly: Charlie. Who else?

Frances: Not sure if you recall, but he just had a stroke. There was reason to doubt that he’d be back on his feet and conducting a network-wide meeting so soon.

Beverly: Either way, it’s almost one. He should be here any minute.

Frances: “Should be” and “will be” are not the same.

DeAnna: You rich elites are all so impatient.

Frances: You say that as if you yourself are not a rich elitist.

DeAnna: What a disgusting allegation.

Beverly: Oh, look. Someone’s coming.

Charlie enters the room and everyone erupts in applause.

Charlie: Gee, y’all are really excited for today’s meetin’.

DeAnna: We were afraid we’d never see you again! You gave us quite the scare!

Frances: Quiet down, rich elitist.

Charlie: Now, girls! It’s good to see you’re not changing your behavior on account of my health scare, but maybe we can curb the fighting while the meeting’s goin’ on?

Frances: I can try.

Charlie: Thank you. Now, some of you may have heard the rumors about me. Rumors that I was more ill than I’d let on, rumors that my time at TBC was coming to a close, rumors that I was being replaced. Trust me, I’ve heard them all. Most due to heartfelt concerns of our colleagues, who texted me while I was in the hospital to tell me each and every rumor and ask if they were true. You likely noticed that I ignored those. That was all at the urging of my nurse and my husband, both of whom told me to stop worrying about work. Well, I’m addressing them now.

Beverly: You not texting back worried me so much! I was scared they were true. Thank god, you’re here now to prove them all wrong.

Charlie: Well…

Beverly: Well?

DeAnna: Some people don’t know how to shut u-

Charlie: I am staying on as president of TBC.

The room erupts in cheers again.

Charlie: That’s very sweet, thank you. I will not, however, be running the network alone anymore.

Beverly: What’s that supposed to mean?

Charlie: As the rumors went, TBC will be getting a new president, who will serve alongside me, Dana Maximoff.

Frances (whispering): It’s gonna be okay, Beverly.

Beverly (whispering): I should get a head start on packing my office.

Charlie: This has been in the works for a bit, it’s not just because of my stroke, though her hiring will allow me ample time to recover from it. The network is expanding and growing and I needed a bit of help running it. Dana’s a pro who has the experience we need to revitalize TBC while still keeping it true to itself. She’s here today, so give her a round of applause.

DeAnna: Yay…

Dana: Thank you all for that warm introduction! I am Dana Maximoff, your new boss. Don’t worry, I have the utmost respect for Charlie and we will be a team. Neither of us will override the other or hold more influence. I know my reputation is not one of warmth and fuzziness. I am a serious businesswoman who does what’s best for the company, but I’ve come to realize that what’s best for the company is, indeed, what’s best for the workers. Layoffs and firings will not be occurring on my watch, contrary to those rumors.

Beverly (whispering): I’ll believe that when I see it…

Dana: I know you all have no reason to trust me. This industry talks, and some of you may know people that I’ve let go from other companies I’ve run. I will foster a healthy workplace environment here. I have your backs, and I hope to gain your trust down the line. I start next week, so you’re going to be seeing a lot of me very shortly. I’ll now direct it back to Charlie, who I know you all want to hear from regarding his recovery. Thanks everyone, see you soon!

Frances (whispering): She seems nice!

Marcia (whispering): Personable even.

Beverly (whispering): I’ve got my eye on her…

Jane: I think she might be too good to be true!

Beverly: Thanks for saying that so everyone can hear, Jane.

What did you think of this episode of Frances in the Kitchen? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!

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