The Bullpen Season 2 Episode 15: The Closer

Kurt: long-term reliever-turned starting pitcher
Lorenzo: middle-relief pitcher
Robert: 8th inning/setup pitcher
Eli: left-handed specialist

Eli: Just us again?
Kurt: Yep, Jason is still interim pitching coach and Bryan is still home with his baby. I'm sure they'll be back soon enough.
Lorenzo: Good, because I'm bored. I like the friendly banter I have with Jason.
Robert: You mean the one where you would ask him if you were going to pitch and he would say no?
Lorenzo: Yes. Speaking of which, am I going in the game today?
Robert: How should I know?
Kurt: Actually, the starting pitchers have been getting a little weaker and I just pitched might actually be possible.
Eli: You don't remember how Lorenzo also just pitched and walked off the mound?
Kurt: I was trying not to.
Robert: Lorenzo you're not pitching.
Lorenzo: Good because I don't see any chicken wings.
Robert: Yeah, because you already ate them all.
Lorenzo: Eli had one.
Robert: Eli, did you have one?
Eli: Oh. Maybe? I don't really remember, I kind of just mindlessly grab snacks.
Robert: OK the point is the chicken wings are gone and for the most part, it's because of you.
Lorenzo: Good.
Kurt: Huh?
Eli: Pretend you're not listening, just like I'm doing with the bullpen's phone.
Kurt: The phone is ringing?
Lorenzo: The phone is ringing!
Robert: Anyone gonna answer--actually I'll do it.
(Robert answers the phone)
Robert: OK...I understand...OK I'll tell him. Wait, actually he's not here today...he's taking care of his baby...yeah, he didn't tell you about that?...OK I'll tell that guy then. Hold on. I'm Robert! You're talking about me!
(Robert hangs up)
Lorenzo: You just get fired?
Robert: No. They want me to pitch.
Kurt: It's the 4th inning, why would they want the guy they hired to pitch in the 8th inning to pitch right now?
Robert: Oh, not right now. In the 9th inning since Bryan is gone. They figure I'll need 5 innings to warm up.
Eli: They wouldn't be wrong.
Robert: Anyone want to catch for me?
Kurt: I'll do it.
Lorenzo: I call being the monkey!
Kurt: We're not doing monkey in the middle.
Lorenzo: Why not?
Kurt: Because...why do I have to explain this? OK, fine, let's play monkey in the middle.
Robert: And how is that going to help me warm up?
Kurt: It's not. But you know us. Just throw it.
(Robert throws it, it almost goes into the other bullpen. They lose track of time and play monkey in the middle for another 4 innings).
Eli: Robert, it's your turn to pitch.
Robert: Yeah, OK, Lorenzo I don't know how you're still in the middle but it's time for me to start warming up for real.
Eli: No, I mean you're supposed to be walking into the game right now.
Robert: Oh crap. Wish me luck.
(Robert walks to the mound, very slowly, waving to the crowd).
Lorenzo: He's gonna get crushed. 
Eli: Maybe not, Kurt did fine out there after all.
Kurt: Thanks?
Lorenzo: Was that a ball or a strike?
Eli: Ball. Look up from your huge phone and you'll see it went to the backstop.
Lorenzo: Think our team win?
Kurt: Only if Robert doesn't give up any runs.
Eli: He just made an out so that's promising.
Lorenzo: Two. The batter is just walking back to the dugout for some reason. Maybe he wanted a chicken wing.
Kurt: He hit the ball and someone caught it, do you know nothing about baseball these days?
Lorenzo: Correct. 
(After a long pause)
Kurt: He just stuck out a guy. Game over!
Eli: Why is he still standing there?
Kurt: Does he still think there are 4 outs in the 9th inning?
Eli: Don't think anyone told him otherwise...oh.
Kurt: Yeah. He'll figure it out eventually. I'm going home.
Lorenzo: Not before me you're not!
Eli: I'm leaving too. And if he doesn't figure it out, we know who the starter is tomorrow.
Kurt: It's supposed to be me but OK.

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