Finally Together Season 1 Episode 4: The Arrival, Part 3 of 3 (TVRGO Throwback)


CATHERINE
Alright everyone, my parents are expecting to see us today so everyone get ready to go.

BRITNEY
It’s 4am.

CATHERINE
Yeah and it takes 8 hours to get there.

WILLIAM
That’s right kids, time to get in the car.

BRITNEY 2
Don’t you hate Mom’s family?

WILLIAM
Only because they hate me.

CATHERINE
You know that’s not true.

WILLIAM
Did you hear any of the things your father told me when Britney came along? And don’t get him started on Britney 2.

CATHERINE
OK so we named both of our kids after Britney songs that have...special meaning to us. If he hated you so much he wouldn’t have invited us.

WILLIAM
At least it means I don’t have to go in to work for a while.

BRITNEY 2
You are both acting strangely somewhat normal right now...whatever happened to the mom who told us to go to bed at 6am because she wanted Britney 3 and the dad who made us jump over a campfire until the first person got burned?

WILLIAM
They don’t exist this week.

CATHERINE
Don’t worry, we’ll be back to our true selves once we come back from this reunion. Now if everyone can get in the car I found heavy metal covers of some old country songs. Now...where is North Carolina?

WILLIAM
There’s Fran and Brian’s 3rd smartest child!

BRITNEY
You know it’s 8 hours away but you don’t know where it is?

CATHERINE
I know a lot of things Britney.

BRITNEY 2
Like what?

CATHERINE
Um...stuff. I don’t need to justify myself to you. Come on everyone, time to go.

(THEY GET IN THE CAR. 5 MINUTES OF SILENCE GO BY.)

BRITNEY 2
So Mom, are you going to play your heavy metal covers?

BRITNEY
Don’t remind her!

CATHERINE
That’s right Britney 2, thanks for the reminder. 

(CATHERINE PUTS IN CD, BRITNEY SONGS START PLAYING.)

CATHERINE
Tricked you!!!

(CATHERINE STARTS SINGING ALONG TO THE SONGS LOUDLY WITH WILLIAM.)

BRITNEY 2
I swear I'm their 3rd-favorite Britney.

WILLIAM
You got that right. I can't hear you singing!

BRITNEY
Dad! I was conceived to this song what is wrong with you?!

BRITNEY 2
This one was yours Britney? Mine was...I think it's called Whoops I Did It Again. Pretty fittingly.

WILLIAM
Britney and Britney 2, your mom and dad may have never loved each other romantically, but physically...well, it's enough to get us through our lives.

BRITNEY 2
Gross. Can't believe I'm saying this but go back to singing.

CATHERINE
Pull over William, this is the song that played when we made out for the first time. Let's recreate it! 

BRITNEY 2
Can you just let us out of the car?

WILLIAM
You stay here, we'll be back in a minute.

CATHERINE
Time us. We're people of our word.

(WILLIAM AND CATHERINE LEAVE THE CAR.)

BRITNEY 2
Well here's a minute without them...wait what are you doing?!

BRITNEY
What does it look like I'm doing?

BRITNEY 2
It looks like you're about to take a drug. 

BRITNEY
Very good Britney 2!

BRITNEY 2
Why are you doing that?!

BRITNEY
Don't worry, just looking to have a little adventure on this ride.

BRITNEY 2
Cut it out, you could get addicted.

BRITNEY
Oh relax, live a little bit.

BRITNEY 2
I'm not going to do drugs and you shouldn't either. Or...at least wait until the end of the ride, I don't want to witness this.

BRITNEY
Fine. Be like that.

BRITNEY 2
Like what? A human being who cares about the wellbeing of others? 

BRITNEY
Duh. What's the worst that can happen?

BRITNEY 2
You need to stop.

(CATHERINE AND WILLIAM COME BACK.)

CATHERINE
Well that was nice. Now, where did I put my happy pills?

BRITNEY
Back here Mom.

CATHERINE
Thanks Britney.

WILLIAM
You know Britney, 16 is the legal drug-taking age in our household. 

(BRITNEY LOOKS AT BRITNEY 2.)

BRITNEY 2
She doesn't want any.

WILLIAM
OK, if she says so. Now, which one to take...

BRITNEY 2
This isn't funny.

WILLIAM
What do you have against a little fun? 14 years old is close enough to 16 in situations like these.

BRITNEY 2
Stop.

CATHERINE
Don't tell him what to do.

WILLIAM
Yeah, don't tell him what to do. Wait, who?

CATHERINE
You.

WILLIAM
Oh. Maybe you should take the wheel.

CATHERINE
It hit you that quickly? Mine will set in soon enough too. 

(CATHERINE LOOKS AT BRITNEY 2, THEN:)

CATHERINE
Hold the drug bag.

BRITNEY 2
Will do Mom.

(BRITNEY 2 OPENS THE WINDOW AND THROWS THE BAG ONTO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.)

CATHERINE
HOW DARE YOU LITTER!

WILLIAM
Why did you throw those out the window, those cost money! I assume. No?

CATHERINE
I know a guy. Britney 2, get in the drivers' seat, you're being punished.

BRITNEY 2
I'm not driving.

CATHERINE
Yeah you are.

BRITNEY 2
This is illegal.

CATHERINE
So is doing drugs but it didn't stop us.

BRITNEY 2
Can you all, please, at least try to act normal at this family reunion? I'm fairly certain you're not addicted to these, but don't become addicted. Do it for me. Please?

WILLIAM
Uh huh.

(BRITNEY 2 BARELY GETS THEM TO FRAN AND BRIAN'S HOUSE IN ONE PIECE. LUCKILY, THE DRUGS HAD WORN OFF ON THE OTHERS BY THE TIME THEY ARRIVED.)

BRIAN
Welcome everybody! I've been told it's actually you who are Catherine and family, not the people who got here a little while ago. That's on me. Looks like everyone is here now, time to get this reunion going!

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