PLAYERS
Kurt: long-term reliever
Lorenzo: middle-relief pitcher
Jason: bullpen coach
Robert: 8th inning/setup pitcher
Bryan: closer
Eli: left-handed specialist
All: benchwarmer
Jason: Huddle up guys, I have a special announcement.
Lorenzo: We're getting fired?
Jason: No. I don't think.
Robert: You're getting fired?
Jason: No!
Bryan: Then what is it?
Jason: Manager is spending the game in the bullpen.
Eli: He's not going to do his job?
Jason: Game's a joke, the team they're playing is in last place.
Kurt: Why does he want to spend a game with us then?
Manager: I don't know, why do I?
Lorenzo: Hey Manager! What brings you here?
Manager: Just seeing how my bullpen is doing. Sorry I haven't been playing you guys, it just seems unnecessary.
Robert: Oh no apology necessary, Manager.
Manager: Whatever you say...also, call me Manny. My first name being Manager is oddly fitting, yet unfortunate.
Jason: Manny, let me ask you a question. Am I getting fired?
Manny: Nope, I'm paying you less than half of the next lowest-paid bullpen coach, why would I fire you?
Jason: So you value me?
Manny: Not especially but if it makes you feel better, then yes. Cool bench by the way.
Lorenzo: It's heated.
Manny: How did you even get the money to put this together?
Robert: Club money.
Manny: You guys get funding? Learn something new every day.
Bryan: Yeah, we're just as much a part of the team as everyone else.
Jason: Bryan we've established that you're not.
Manny: But Burt over here is!
Kurt: Is it too late for me to tell you my name is Kurt?
Manny: Whatever, I don't care as long as you win us some games.
Kurt: How could I become a starter though? We already have five.
Manny: And they're all valued at $20 million. With that kind of money I could purchase any bench I want. [Pause]. That's right, I'm incompetent too. Pitchers really work wonders for us, don't they?
Jason: Yes, they do. Trust me, all of my guys are very grateful for that.
Manny: Except Burt!
Kurt: Kurt.
Manny: If you want to pitch you'll let me call you whatever I want, Mort.
Kurt: OK then.
Manny: You guys really have it made here. Cool bench, you seem to get along, and you get paid to do nothing.
Lorenzo: And I've only spent 95% of it!
Manny: That's a personal problem that you should stop and think about. But not on my time.
Lorenzo: You don't even know what we do during the games. We--
Robert: Practice, of course! That's all we do! We warm up without anyone even asking us, because it's fun and we can only get better! Practice makes perfect! Or better. Which is perfect! And--
Manny: I've seen all your antics, the cameras do a good job at showing you on the big screen at the perfect times. Great comic relief for whoever's losing. Usually the other team. Actually, always the other team. Anyways, Burt, or Mort, or whatever your name is, you ready to make your first start tomorrow?
Kurt: A little nervous but I'll be fine.
Manny: You better be fine given how much you're going to be paid.
Kurt: I assume I'll get $20 million like the rest of the pitchers?
Manny: Oh no, you keep your salary of what, $2 million?
Kurt: 600 thousand.
Manny: Oh even better.
Kurt: I just feel like maybe I deserve a bit more given I won't be a benchwarmer anymore.
Manny: Nah this game isn't about money, it's about winning. And money but whatever. I'll make you a deal. [Pauses]
Kurt: Any chance that deal is being announced anytime soon?
Manny: Oh yeah. You can get your 20 million, but everyone in the bullpen gets a pay cut to balance it all out. You have a choice. Let me know tonight, or tomorrow, or some other day.