The Bullpen Season 2 Episode 5: On The Mound

Kurt: long-term reliever
Lorenzo: middle-relief pitcher
Jason: bullpen coach
Robert: 8th inning/setup pitcher
Bryan: closer
Eli: left-handed specialist
All: benchwarmer
Until now.

Jason: I know last week we went to the wrong stadium. Please, nobody tell me we got this one wrong too.
Lorenzo: Coach, I know the rest of the team doesn't seem to be here but there's a crowd waiting for a game to be played.
Robert: Didn't anyone see that one of our starting pitchers is getting married today, so him and the other starting pitchers aren't coming to the game? Also, the game doesn't start for another five hours.
Jason: Why didn't I know this, and why did no one tell me?
Robert: You've never been good with dates and times. Also you threatened to make us pitch if we didn't get here at 2pm, and told us that's final and you won't be hearing any responses. 
Jason: Yeah that does kind of sound like me actually. And also who told you this thing about a wedding?
Robert: I read about it online. How else would I find out anything about this team? Oh also Bryan you're on my fantasy team now, most of my pitchers got hurt and there's no one else on my league's free agent list.
Bryan: Thanks?
Robert: What I'm trying to say is, don't pitch.
Bryan: Fine by me.
Jason: Wait...uh oh.
Robert: What?
Jason: Some of you actually are going to have to pitch.
Robert: No kidding.
Jason: Remember the last time we had to go in the game? That's basically why I'm the bullpen coach now. I never wanted to have to go through that again.
Lorenzo: Us either Coach. But with some prayers and sugar, we should be able to make it through.
Bryan: I actually have a thing going on so I probably have to leave by the fifth inning, guess I can't be the closer, that's too bad.
Jason: Nice try. Robert already said you're not pitching. 
Robert: That's right.
Jason: Wait. I'm in charge. Bryan, you're not pitching.
Bryan: Yes!
Jason: You're staying here though.

Bryan: Am I?
Jason: Actually whatever. 
Robert: So, who's going to pitch?
Jason: Kurt is supposedly our long-term reliever so I guess him?
Kurt: Yep, I'm the long term guy. I'm probably good to get a guy or two out.
Jason: Great, that leaves us with only 25 to 26 more!
Kurt: Too bad this is a home game. Let's be real, the other team would definitely not be batting in the final inning if they didn't have to.
Jason: You should probably start warming up in an hour or four. Actually don't, wouldn't want to tire you out since your average pitch count this year is 0.
Lorenzo: So what do we do until then, Coach?
Jason: I guess go home, make sure to get back for the first pitch though.
[Five Hours Later]
Jason: Alright Kurt, good luck.
Eli: Break a leg!
Robert: That's something you say when you're acting. Kurt is actually pitching.

Eli: Oh.
(Kurt walks up to the mound.)
Stadium Announcer: Now pitching, Burt LeTrix.
Robert: Huh?
Jason: I just got a text from Kurt saying to "just go with it". OK, why does he have his phone with him?
Lorenzo: Simple Coach, so he can make a call to the bullpen when he's ready to come out of the game.
Jason: The pitchers don't do that genius, the manager does it from the dugout.
Eli: I think I see him running back to the bullpen.
Kurt (out of breath): Sorry guys, kept my phone on me. Keep it here, passcode is 167597, I have some pretty fun time-waster games on there. Gotta run.
Jason: He's already out of breath. This is going to be a disaster.
Bryan: Was that a strike?
Jason: Looks like the umpire called it that. 
Eli: Guys it's all over social media! Kurt is going viral! As Burt, though.
Jason: Just because he pitched one strike?
Eli: Make that two.
Lorenzo: Why isn't the guy running?
Jason: He hasn't given up a hit yet! This is unbelievable! 
Eli: Looks like the guy hit that one.
Lorenzo: Yeah and it's headed right toward us, let me get my glove!
Jason: Crap.
Lorenzo: I got a home run ball everyone! Look!
Robert: Can't believe we're already losing. 
Eli: He was a two-strike wonder.
Lorenzo: Three strikes now.
Jason: Are we really going to do a play-by-play of every pitch he throws? 
Bryan: Nah, let's just watch. Whoa, he threw another strike! OK I'm done.
[Long pause]
Lorenzo: Coach, we haven't talked for six innings, can I at least mention the fact he's only given up two runs and we're winning?
Jason: I'm in total shock. I think the crowd is too, I've never seen people celebrate so loudly for simply throwing a strike.
Bryan: So about me in the game...
Jason: I don't think you have to worry, he might make it through the whole game! 
Robert: What's happening?
Jason: He's pitching great!
Robert: I mean why are there guys out there taking the ball away from him?

Eli: I think they're taking him out of the game. The starting pitchers came back.
Lorenzo: But starting pitchers start the game!
Eli: Not this time, I guess. The crowd is booing too. They're on our side this time!
Jason: They're on Burt's side but good enough.

(Kurt approaches the bullpen)
Jason: Kurt you did awesome! What happened?
Kurt: They said I've thrown a lot of pitches and want to give me a rest.
Jason: Oh come on, I can't believe they used that excuse. You were pitching great!
Kurt: They want me to start Saturday afternoon's game.
Jason: What.

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