RODNEY is sitting at a table in the cafeteria, eating lunch with GERALD and EARL.
GERALD
Think she still likes you?
RODNEY
Who, Sharon?
GERALD
Who else?
RODNEY
I didn’t want to talk about her if you meant someone else. Anyway, I doubt it. She yelled at me that she never had kids.
EARL
Yeah, we heard. Though I wouldn’t quite call that a yell.
GERALD
Earl, I think you’re hard of hearing.
EARL
What’s that now?
GERALD rolls his eyes.
RODNEY
She’s dating Russell now. She’s been over me since before the turn of the millennium. And I’ve felt the same way about her. Now can we eat our lunch?
GERALD
You hate the lunch here.
RODNEY
Eh, I think I’m getting a little more used to it. You were right.
RODNEY starts eating his lunch: a chicken salad sandwich, coleslaw, and potato chips as EARL and GERALD continue to try to ask him questions related to SHARON. Eventually, RODNEY hears a question he feels compelled to answer.
GERALD
What if Russell and Sharon broke up? Would you ever consider getting back with Sharon then?
RODNEY takes a deep breath.
RODNEY
Dating is for adults aged 18 to 34.
EARL
That’s not true, that’s just when a lot of people first marry.
RODNEY
Alright sure, whatever, but I’m over 54 now. I’ve aged out of all key demos.
GERALD
You gotta stop thinking like a TV executive.
RODNEY
But I am a TV executive!
GERALD
Not anymore. You retired, remember?
RODNEY
Once a TV executive, always a TV executive. I can’t help it.
EARL
You’re gonna have to if you want to make any amends with Sharon.
EARL points his finger past RODNEY. RODNEY turns his head to see SHARON walking up to an empty table with a plate.
GERALD
Why don’t you talk to her before Russell gets here?
RODNEY
I don’t know, he could get here at any moment.
EARL
Now’s your chance.
RODNEY sighs, then gets up and walks over to SHARON.
SHARON
What do you want?
RODNEY
You have anything left you want to say? You know, from that little outing?
SHARON
Nope. You know more than you needed to.
RODNEY
Alright then.
RODNEY starts to walk away.
SHARON
Wait—
RODNEY
What?
SHARON
I said wait.
RODNEY
I’m waiting.
SHARON
Oh usually when people say ‘What’ here it’s because they can’t hear me.
RODNEY
How old do you think I am?
SHARON
Old enough to live here.
RODNEY
Well I’m no older than you are!
SHARON
We’re never going to be able to get along, are we?
RODNEY
Probably not.
SHARON
That’s too bad. Russell and I…went our separate ways.
RODNEY looks at SHARON in shock.
RODNEY
I’m so sorry. I mean, I’m sure you’re the one who called it off like you did with me.
SHARON
Nope. Guess he wanted a change of scenery or something, I don’t know.
RODNEY
Well if you ever need anything…
SHARON
I’m not taking your help.
RODNEY
I know. I was gonna say Earl and Gerald over there could help.
SHARON
Uh huh. Go eat your lunch.
RODNEY returns to his table.
GERALD
So? How’d it go?
RODNEY
Incredibly awkward. How the hell do we get her moved out of here?
SHARON
I HEARD THAT!
RODNEY runs out of the cafeteria.
SHARON
Coward.