Our House Season 5 Episode 18 - Our Best Friends

Our House Season 5, Episode 18

Our Best Friends

Cindy and Jerry walk into the living room.

Teri: Wow, you’re all dressed up for a Friday night! I take it these aren’t your outfits to watch Shark Tank.

Cindy: Not quite, no. We’re going out for dinner with some of my friends.

Betty: And I wasn’t invited?

Jerry: I told you she’d get upset.

Cindy: I just needed a bit of time away from all of this. We’re always together, sometimes I need space.

Karl: I remember first hearing that when you were a teenager!

Betty: It hurts just as much now as it did then.

Teri: Don’t worry, mom. I still want to spend my Friday night watching Shark Tank with you. I have nothing better to do.

Betty: Thank you!

Velma: I have other offers and opportunities, but I choose to prioritize our Friday night TV ritual. I just want everyone aware of that.

Danielle: You guys go on all you want about Shark Tank, I just can’t wait for Blue Bloods.

Ralph: I can’t possibly imagine why Cindy and Jerry wanted to get away from all of this for a night. This house is so exciting.

Betty: We have heart. I think that’s more important than anything else.

Cindy: I think you’re all reading into this a little bit too much. It’s nothing personal, I just want to see my friends.

Betty: You’re the one who said you needed space and time away from us.

Jerry: She’s right, honey, you did.

Cindy: Jerry, go get the car started.

Jerry: Will do.

Cindy: I don’t get to see my friends very often, and I get to actually spend time with them even less. I’m just taking the rare opportunity I get while I have it. I’ll be back for Friday TV next week, I promise. I’ll watch all the old person shows you guys want me to, no questions asked.

Betty: Send them my love.

Cindy: I’ll do just that. You guys have a good night.

Teri: Don’t stay out too late! You know your curfew is eleven!

Karl: She’s just kidding! But do call if you’re going to be late, you know your mother won’t be able to go to sleep without knowing you’re safe.

Cindy: No matter how old I grow, no matter how many grays appear on my head, my mother still treats me the way she did when I was a teenager.

Betty: And don’t you ever forget it.

The next morning…

Velma: You guys sure turned in early last night. You were both off to bed by the time Blue Bloods started!

Jerry: She was too busy being miserable to have much of a desire to stay out.

Velma: What were you miserable for?

Cindy: My friends have ditched me.

Velma: They stood you up?

Cindy: No, even worse. They’re become friends with each other.

Danielle: Hold up. They weren’t friends before, but you all went out for dinner together?

Cindy: They were friendly with each other, but they weren’t close friends. They just knew each other because I introduced them.

Velma: Is there a reason it’s bad for them to be friends with each other?

Ralph: I’m sure she’s about to enlighten us.

Cindy: I don’t need the commentary, Ralph. I’m hurting!

Danielle: I understand the great pain of having two friends who become friends with each other. It’s the worst feeling in the world, when those we love are happy.

Cindy: I’m not upset about them being happy, I’m upset they’re excluding me.

Velma: How are they doing that?

Cindy: They’re meeting without me, going to movies, going out to dinner, going to the beach - all without me.

Ralph: People are hanging out, lock them up!

Cindy: It’s sneaky! They’re going around behind my back. You should’ve sen their faces when Clara let it slip that she and Laura took a trip together to the Chesapeake Bay. They knew they slipped up! Say, Jer?

Jerry: Oh, yeah. Like deer in headlights.

Danielle: It is pretty shady to blatantly go behind your back like that.

Cindy: I would not mind them being friends if they ever made any attempt to invite me to anything they did together.

Velma: Don’t they invite you to dinner together?

Cindy: No, I always initiate the group activities. I’m always the one who puts in the effort with them, and I always include the both of them. I guess there’s something wrong with me, if they have to go behind my back like this to avoid spending time with me.

Betty: Honey, there is nothing wrong with you! There is something wrong with them, anyone would be lucky to spend time with you.

Cindy: Oh no, mom overheard it.

Betty: I’m here for you to lean on, I won’t overstep. It’s just that, I know what it’s like to feel abandoned my your friends.

Ralph: There you go, Cindy. Mom’s here to make it all better!

Betty: I don’t appreciate the snark when I’m just trying to make my daughter feel better.

Cindy: I feel like I’ve been taken advantage of. Do you know how embarrassing it is to be sitting at a table, knowing the two people around you have been sneaking around behind your back and think you’re dumb enough not to know?

Ralph: Well, until they slipped up, you didn’t know, right?

Cindy: Shut up, Ralph!

Teri: What are you all yapping about so early in the morning?

Velma: Is nine early to you?

Teri: On a Saturday? Yeah! I’m only up because I needed a drink of water, I’m going back to bed.

Ralph: Aww, you’re going to miss the conversation about Cindy’s friends cheating on her.

Teri: Cheating on her?

Cindy: Clara and Laura are doing things together without me, behind my back.

Teri: They didn’t even call to ask you?

Cindy: No!

Teri: Those bitches!

Velma: Oh, she’s pulling up a chair, folks! She’s intrigued!

Teri: The nerve that it takes for them to go behind your back after you introduced them in the first place! Cutting out the middle man, that goes against some sort of friendship code.

Ralph: Cool, she’s fanning the flames.

Teri: Trust me, Ralph, the flames have been high from the start. This means war. I’ll slash a tire if I gotta.

Jerry: She’s violent in the morning.

Teri: Hell hath no fury like a woman whose sister was scorned.

Cindy: You know, the really pathetic thing is that I still do want to be friends with them, and I still care how they feel about me.

Betty: You and Clara have been the best of friends ever since you could walk, of course you don’t want to give up on that friendship so easily.

Karl: I’m not really sure where Laura popped up from. She just sort of appeared.

Jerry: We know her from… uh… I don’t know.

Teri: We all have one friend like that, someone you don’t remember where you met or why you’re friends, but you just know you are, so you don’t question it.

Danielle: Am I that friend to you?

Teri: No. I know why I’m friends with you, you put up with my shit. My friend Renee, though, no clue why I’m friends with her, I just know I have to say hi when I see her at the supermarket.

Cindy: I don’t know how I stick these friendships out and still claim to have any self respect, though. They’ve betrayed me ad they’ve betrayed my trust.

Ralph: Dear god, my sister is Olivia Rodrigo.

Karl: Honey, can I give you some advice? Deep down, you know what the right thing to do is. Follow your heart.

Cindy: That is a very nice way of telling me you have no intention on helping.

Karl: Correct. I don’t think you need it. You’re the only one who possibly knows what these friendships mean and what you're willing to deal with in order to keep them going.

Teri: I still think the tire slashing idea is a good one.

Karl: It is not.

The next weekend…

Cindy: My god! Look at my phone!

Teri: A message from Clara. You’re still speaking to her?

Cindy: Read it.

Teri: “Hey Laura, just wondering if Mandello’s tonight at six sound goods to you. Let me know”

Cindy: See a problem with that?

Teri: Yeah, they’re getting quite sloppy.

Tammi: Okay, I was at the beach last week and missed what apparently was the scandal of the decade. You guys are all feuding?

Cindy: No. Laura and Clara are just going and doing things together behind my back. They’ve become fast friends and left me out to dry. No feuding has occurred, to my knowledge. In fact, I haven’t even told them how I feel about their little rendezvous together.

Tammi: Have you considered telling them?

Cindy: They’re grown, they should be able to figure out how lousy it would make any reasonable person feel in my position. They’re running around together behind my back and they don’t even have the decency to be upfront with me after they know I’m aware of what they’re doing. They either think I’m stupid or they don’t care about how I feel.

Tammi: Like I said, tell them how you feel. Maybe they don’t realize what they’re doing is wrong.

Teri: How could they not? They’re sneaking around her back for a reason!

Tammi: Are they sneaking? From what I’ve heard, they talked about it sort of freely at dinner. It does upset you that they’re doing things without asking you, and that’s understandable, but at the end of the day, they’re two grown adults hanging out together as friends. That’s far from a crime.

Frank: I don’t mind if my friends spend time together without me.

Betty: What friends?

Cindy: Maybe I should start hanging out with people behind their backs.

Ralph: My god, I feel like I’m in middle school all over again. This is so childish.

Cindy: I just got an idea!

Teri: What about?

Cindy: Danielle! You and I are going to Mandello’s tonight.
Danielle: We are?

Cindy: Yes! Tonight at six.

Karl: Honey…

Cindy: You told me I knew in my heart what the right thing to do is. In my heart, I’m certain this is right.

Karl: Okay, if you know it in your heart, that’s what you do.

Danielle: What exactly are we going to do at Mandello’s?

Cindy: Have a grand ole’ time.

Danielle: You want to make Clara and Laura jealous, correct? You want to make it seem like we are the best of friends so they get upset.

Cindy: Isn’t it a great idea?

Teri: I still think slashing their tires is the best plan.

Ralph: That would be less childish. More illegal, though.

Cindy: So will you do it, Danielle?

Danielle: Go to dinner or slash the tires? I’d do both, I am from Bensonhurst, but I need to know which it’ll be so I know what to wear.

Cindy: Dinner. I don’t think the parents at my school would love it if the principal were arrested.

Later that night…

Cindy: We’re going now!

Teri: Not an airport, Cin. No need to announce your departure time.

Cindy: I just thought you’d all like to know, so no one’s worried when you can’t find me.

Ralph: No one would have been worried, your insane plan has been heavily discussed here. We  know exactly where you’ll be tonight.

Cindy: I’m always happy to be the subject of discussion.

Jerry: I just can’t believe you’re leaving me at home! Did I do something?

Cindy: No, Jerry, you just don’t fit into the plan. Them seeing me with you won’t make them jealous.

Jerry: That’s heartwarming.

At Mandello’s…

Cindy: Wow, this place has gotten one heck of a makeover since I’ve been here last.

Danielle: Why did we stop coming here again?

Cindy: Mom became somewhat of a celebrity here after she saved the restaurant. We couldn’t walk in here without the staff all fawning over her.

Danielle: Since when does Betty not love being fawned over?

Cindy: Oh, she loves it. The rest of us just can’t stand to witness it, so we make her come here alone for lunch.

Danielle: Well, I’ve missed their spaghetti.

Cindy: I’ve missed their shrimp scampi.

Danielle: That what you’re getting?

Cindy: Eh, not sure yet. My mind’s more focused on revenge than on food.

Danielle: That’s a pretty good thing to be focused on while at a restaurant.

Cindy: Would you look at that! That’s them over there!

Danielle: Where?

Cindy: The woman in the godawful bight pink -

Danielle: Salmon.

Cindy: The godawful salmon blouse. The other one has a puffy jacket on even though it’s sixty degrees outside.

Danielle: Okay, I see them.

Cindy: Let’s move closer to them.

Danielle: Must we?

Cindy: We must.

Danielle: Okay, sure.

Cindy: Excuse me!

Waitress: Yes?

Cindy: The sun is really bothering my friend’s eyes, could we move to a table somewhere else in the restaurant?

Waitress: Well, it isn’t very busy today. Sure.

Cindy: Thank you! You’re so kind.

Amelia: Cindy! What are you doing here?

Cindy: Danielle and I are just enjoying a night on the town. What about you?

Amelia: Just came in for a martini.

Cindy: Why don’t you join us for dinner? My treat!

Amelia: I couldn’t do that. I’ll pay.

Cindy: No, I’m the one asking you to join us.

Amelia: If you insist…

Thirty minutes later…

Cindy: Hahaha! You are too funny!

Danielle (whispering): Why are you acting so weird?

Cindy (whispering): Weird?

Danielle (whispering): Laughing like a freak?

Amelia (whispering): Why are we whispering?

Cindy (whispering): I think they’re finally noticing we’re here! We just gotta keep it up anot-

Clara: Keep what up?

Laura: And who is noticing?

Danielle: Oh! Oh my god! Clara, Laura! What are you doing here?

Clara: Cindy, of course we’re here. I know you got that message I sent by accident.

Cindy: Is this actually about to go down?

Clara: Is WHAT about to go down?

Cindy: You two have been excluding me from your little hangouts, like I’m second-hand news. Do I matter that little that neither of you ever care to even ask me to dinner anymore?

Laura: We just went to dinner last week.

Cindy: Because I invited both of you! I introduced the two of you, and now you’re cutting me out! How do you think that feels?

Clara: That was never our intention.

Cindy: It’s what happened.

Danielle: Hi, I’m Danielle. Her best friend.

Amelia: Huh?

Cindy: Danielle, we’re not doing that anymore.

Danielle: Maybe you aren’t. I put a lot into this act.

Clara: Cindy, did you bring a stranger along with dinner to make us jealous?

Cindy: Who would do that? This is my sister Teri’s friend!

Laura: Ah, that’s totally normal.

Cindy: I wanted you to see how much it stings to feel excluded.

Clara: I didn’t realize we were doing anything wrong. We just enjoyed spending time together and that’s all there is to it.

Cindy: Why not invite me?

Laura: Is it a crime to hang out with one person but not the other?

Cindy: No, but it’s hurtful when you’re the one left out all the time! Especially when you were both friends with me first!

Laura: We are sorry for hurting your feelings.

Clara: Do you want to join us for dinner now that we’re all here?

Cindy: No, thanks. I’m eating dinner with my friends.

What did you think of this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!

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