Our House Season 5 Episode 9 - Our Let’s Be Frank

Our House Season 5, Episode 9

Our Let's Be Frank

The family is at a restaurant in Richmond.

Teri: Wow, we’re actually at a nice restaurant! I can hardly believe my eyes!

Betty: We go to nice restaurants!

Teri: Do we?

Cindy: You know what? She’s right. Every time we go to a fancy restaurant, we leave her home. I get why she feels this way.

Teri: I don’t appreciate the snark.

Jerry: You can all thank Serena for this night out, she gave me a gift card for Thanksgiving and said it’s the best place in town.

Cindy: Good for Serena.

Jerry: You seem bitter.

Cindy: I’m tired of you acting like she knows all. You don’t take my restaurant recommendations so seriously.

Jerry: We went to Red Lobster when you suggested it, no?

Velma: I sincerely hope that we get to hear this argument for the entire time we have to sit here waiting to be seated.

Danielle: I’m going to go to the bar.

Tammi: You can’t go to the bar first, this isn’t Olive Garden.

Danielle: So I have to sit here and wait?

Tammi: You sure do.

Danielle: God, I’m ready. You can take me now.

Karl: Oh, it won’t be that bad!

Ninety minutes later…

Frank: You know what? I’m getting really tired of this. We’ve been here what, two hours?

Betty: And somehow, your talking is still the most annoying part of my day so far.

Jerry: Maybe I can go talk to the hostess or something.

Frank: No, I will. You’re tiptoeing around it because Serena likes this place and you’re afraid you’ll get banned and your gift card will be useless.

Teri: Frank’s gonna take charge. Should be funny.

Tammi: I believe in you, honey!

Frank: Thank you! It’s good to have one person in my corner.

Betty: One more than there should be.

Frank walks over to the hostess.

Frank: Excuse me! We have been here almost two hours, no one has updated us, apparently we’re just supposed to be expected to accept this. It’s rude!

Hostess: Sir, I’m sorry, we are working on seating everyone as quickly as possible.

Frank: Let me be frank here: this is the worst I have ever been treated in a restaurant. Everyone working here needs a lesson in public relations. You don’t leave your customers hanging like this. I don’t expect to be given VIP treatment, but I expect to be given enough respect to be informed that it would take longer to be seated than the original twenty minute estimate. This is disgraceful.

Hostess: Would you like to speak with my manager?

Frank: I’d like that, yes. He needs to know how shabby this place is being run.

Hostess: I am the manager.

Frank: Uh…

Ten minutes later…

Frank: Well, we got banned.

Danielle: At least we get to go home. Right?

Betty: Nice going, Frank! I think they were going to seat us sometime in the next hour or two! You ruined it!

Jerry: Cindy, pick a new restaurant for us.

Cindy: Oh, I’m good enough now?

Jerry: You get one shot, don’t you blow it because you wanna get snarky!

The next day, Steven and Alysa are in his room.

Steven: Hey, Lys, come check this out.

Tammi: I don’t know what you’re asking her to check out, but put it away!

Steven: Mom! Why are you outside my room?

Tammi: The door was closed.

Steven: I must have bumped it, sorry.

Alysa: We were just looking at TikTok.

Tammi: Is that what teens do nowadays when they’re dating? That makes me sad.

Steven: Mom, look at this TikTok!

Tammi: I don’t like TikTok, they’re spying on me.

Steven: Just look at it!

Tammi: Why would you post this? You know your father us shy.

Steven: Well, that isn’t true.

Alysa: Steven didn’t post it, a popular TikToker did, Sammy Darlington.

Tammi: That name means nothing to me, but how do we get this off?

Alysa: Eight million people have seen it already in the four hours it’s been on here.

Tammi: Message him.

Steven: Message Sammy Darlington?

Tammi: Yeah! He’s not the Queen of England!

Steven: For one, he’s alive.

Tammi: He is a mere mortal, like the rest of us.

Steven: He came in fourth place on Dancing with the Stars!

Tammi: Fourth? You know who else placed fourth on Dancing With the Stars?

Steven: No, who?

Tammi: Exactly! It’s not even worth mentioning. Message him, get this down.

Steven: Can I show dad first? He might find some humor in it.

Tammi: I suppose.

Steven: Lys, I’ll be right back. I have to show this to my dad before I insult an internet superstar.

Steven walks out to the living room.

Steven: Hey, dad!

Frank: Hello, son! Always good to talk.

Teri: He’s surprised his own son is even willing to speak with him. It’s a bit sad.

Steven: Take at look at this, dad.

Tammi: It’s awful, I’m sorry honey!

Frank: Where is this from? 

Steven: You’re TikTok famous!

Betty: Tic Tac? Those things are nasty.

Ralph: I thought all old people liked those.

Teri: You would know.

Ralph: I am eleven years older than you!

Teri: That’s a long time!

Frank: Me? Famous? Why… I’m honored.

Tammi: Honored? You look like a loon!

Betty: Nothing new about that.

Frank: It’s a funny video.

Cindy: It’s just you yelling at a last at the restaurant from last night.

Steven: They’re calling you a “Male Karen.”

Teri: So let me get this straight - Frank got famous online for verbally accosting an underpaid service worker? Sounds about right to me.

Frank: She deserved it! you all told me so last night.

Karl: It was a frustrating experience, but the response was slightly over-the-top. I don’t think this is a great look for you.

Frank: I’m going to capitalize on this. I’m going to make my own TikTok page and start a website, maybe even sell merchandise.

Teri: Look at Frank. He’s in one viral TikTok and he thinks he’s Charli D’Amelio.

Tammi: Now him I’ve heard of!

Steven: Her. Charli D’Amelio is a girl.

Tammi: I said I heard of her, not that I’ve ever seen her before.

Jerry: A girl named Charli? This country…

Frank: You guys can judge all you want, but this is one of the most incredible things to ever happen to me. I, Frank, have become internet famous!

Danielle: I have to be honest, you’re not someone I would have expected to care about being famous.

Tammi: Are you joking? He loves the attention, don’t let him fool you.

Danielle: I didn’t expect him to ever care about getting attention from people who never met him, though. Wanting attention from your family and friends is different than wanting to be a social media influencer.

Teri: Frank will be a new kind of influencer, in that companies will pay him to not promote or use their products.

Frank: How do you guys feel about podcasts? I feel like I could be a good podcast host.

Steven: I think you should see how the TikTok account goes first.

Frank: It’ll go well. The people love me.

Betty: And are these people in the room with you right now?

Velma: The reaction seems sort of mixed right now.

Mitchell: You’re on TikTok? I barely know what that is.

Velma: And that’s why I’m hip and you’re not.

The next day, at dinner…

Karl: All right, Frank, how’s the TokTik treating you?

Frank: I was recognized at work today. One of the kids that brought his laptop in asked me if I was the “Let’s Be Frank” guy. Then, someone recognized me at the grocery store.

Velma: What were you doing at the store? I would’ve given you the list if I knew that.

Frank: I had to get some celebratory ice cream.

Tammi: He said he’s taking tomorrow off to make TikToks. He’s a grown man taking the day off work to TikTok. Mom?

Cindy: I’m staying out of this.

Frank: I was making a joke. How long does it take to make a TikTok, ten minutes.

Velma: Have you even made an account yet?

Frank: Yes! I’m up to twenty-two thousand followers!

Teri: He’ll be a household name by Friday.

Betty: Don’t put that into the universe. I had to hear them talk about him on The Talk today. Has Amanda Kloots not been through enough?

Velma: Who?

Betty: It’s not my fault you’re not up-to-date on your Talk lore.

Steven: The Let’s Be Frank TikTok is up to thirty-nine million views now. Still sort-of mixed reception to dad, though.

Jerry: Frank is used to mixed reception. It’s all he gets around here.

Frank: I have a devoted fanbase, and I’m going to win them all over eventually once they see my charm.

Teri: What are you planning to do in your TikToks? How many times can you say “Let’s be Frank” before it gets old?

Betty: It’s already old.

Frank: Steven and I are going to workshop it and figure out what my brand will be.

Steven: We are?

Frank: You are in tune with your TikTok generation. I need you!

Steven: How lucky am I?

Later that night…

Danielle: Do you guys mind?

Frank: Mind what?

Danielle: You’re talking during The Amazing Race.

Frank: Oh, sorry. We’re filming.

Cindy: During The Amazing Race?

Frank: I’m reacting “Frank-ly” to what’s going on on the screen.

Steven: We decided he’s a reaction video guy.

Danielle: Is The Amazing Race really the show to grab those TikTok fans?

Frank: We were going to react to the new Wednesday Addams show, but three of you are already watching Netflix.

Betty: Half-assing it from the get-go is always a sign a venture will be a success.

Frank: You need to stop doubting and belittling me.

Steven: He’s trying. Don’t shake his confidence.

Velma: For what it’s worth, I think your ramblings are more interesting than most of the drivel on this app.

Frank: I appreciate the support!

Cindy: But, seriously. Use another room to make your videos if you want to make them. I can’t hear anything over the sounds of you talking.

Frank: Will do!

The next day…

Tammi: Mom, I need to talk.

Teri: I’m not your mother.

Tammi: Oh! You got your hair done!

Teri: Yeah. I don’t like it. Everyone keeps saying it’s like Cindy’s hair. I gotta be my own thing.

Cindy: You were asking for me?

Tammi: We need to talk about Frank.

Cindy: Oh, where to begin.

Teri: He’s stupid, he’s lazy, he has no talent, he has some sort of a strange odor to him -

Tammi: I was hoping for a private conversation, actually.

Cindy: We’ll go to another room.

Teri: Sorry to bother you! I thought this was a safe space.

Cindy: So, what’s up?

Tammi: Frank is worrying me with this TikTok obsession. He’s at the movies right now filming a new video.

Cindy: He’s going to get thrown out, no?

Tammi: He bought a private showing for himself and Steven so he can film a forty-five second video!

Cindy: Yeah, that seems bad.

Tammi: This has all gone to his head very quickly.

Cindy: Getting a bit of positive attention after years of being a verbal punching bag will do that to a person.

Tammi: I don’t know how to tell him that this dream is ridiculous.

Cindy: I don’t know how this TikTok thing works. Can you make money off of it?

Tammi: You can, but he is not. He has about thirty thousand followers. You a heck of a lot more than that to make anything.

Cindy: Maybe he overestimated the appeal of a middle-aged dad rudely explaining things with snappy dialogue.

Tammi: What should I do here? Did dad ever get involved in something ridiculous like this?

Cindy: The military.

Tammi: Don’t say that!

Cindy: It worked out for him in the end. In the beginning, I thought it was a cult and I didn’t get why my twenty-four year-old husband was joining it.

Tammi: That is how I sort of feel about TikTok. So I suppose any advice you give me will ultimately lead to Frank devoting thirty years of his like to making short videos for people online?

Cindy: You’re the one who asked me for advice, don’t you go making fun of me.

Three days later…

Danielle: Jerry, is the internet down?

Jerry: I don’t know. why?

Danielle: TikTok isn’t loading for me.

Velma: You joined TikTok?

Teri: God, it’s spreading like the plague…

Velma: It’s loading fine for me, Danielle.

Jerry: Ah, good. I don’t have to get up.

Velma: You sound like Mitchell.

Karl: Danielle, maybe try and close out the app and restart it.

Teri: Dad, are you really trying to give someone else advice on how phones work?

Karl: I was only telling her what you told me when I was having problems with Facebook.

Danielle: I still can’t get it to load.

Velma: Hand it here.

Danielle: There you go.

Velma: It’s working for me.

Danielle: Yeah, but I can’t load Frank’s page.

Betty: Why would you wanna do that?

Danielle: I wanted to check his follower count.

Steven: Oh…

Danielle: What is it?

Frank: My foray into internet stardom is DEAD!

Betty: Ah, that’s a shame. Who wants dinner?

Cindy: What happened, Frank?

Frank: The TikTok teens are mean. Very mean.

Steven: Almost all of his viewers were hate-watchers.

Teri: All is right with the world again.

Tammi: It’s okay, honey. We still love you.

Teri: We?

Frank: I appreciate your support at this difficult time.

Velma: Is the podcast dead, too?

Frank: Never even started!

Karl: You really gave into the pressure of a bunch of meant teenagers?

Frank: It was partly the mean comments, partly because the views kept dropping with every video I made.

Steven: He is, to put it nicely, “washed up.”

Tammy: It was fun while it lasted, right?

Frank: It was stressful.

Teri: Think of it this way, Frank: you may still be able to squeeze a Tucker appearance out of this calamity. Just say it was cancel culture.

Frank: I didn’t even talk politics.

Teri: Does Tucker care?

What did you think of this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!

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