Our House Season 1 Episode 13 - Our Wells Beach House, Part 2

 Our House Season 1, Episode 13
Our Wells Beach House, Part 2

Betty: Guys, We’re now at the New Hampshire border! Only 45 minutes until we’re at the house! We’ll be there by 3:30!
Teri: With you, that 45 minutes will soon become two hours. But at least we’re close.
Betty: Hey! I’m not that slow!
Teri: We'll see about that.
Two hours later, the family arrives at their home in Maine.
Betty: See, I told you it wouldn’t be two hours!
Teri: Mom, it’s almost 5.
Betty: Wait, it is? Must have lost track of time!
Ralph: Why did we let her drive? She’s clearly insane.
Teri: Because nobody else knows how to use her GPS that looks like it’s from 1972.
Ralph: Why didn’t we use Cindy’s?
Teri: Mom wouldn’t let us. She said her GPS has “sentimental value.”
Ralph: Well her GPS is terrible.
Betty: Don’t you talk about Mabel like that!
Ralph: Mabel?
Betty: That’s her name.
Ralph: Her?
Betty: The GPS.
Ralph: I miss dad.
Betty: Hey!
Velma: Can we just go inside? We’ve been in an RV for over 24 hours. I just want to stretch and be in an actual house. I feel so claustrophobic in this tin can of death.
Frank: And if I may ask, why did a ten hour drive become so long that we had to pull over overnight?
Betty: No, you may not ask, Frank.
Tammi: That wasn’t very nice, grandma.
Betty: You know what isn’t nice, Tammi? You people have been attacking me for this entire trip! For my driving, for my singing, for my desire for Popeye’s Chicken. I’m just trying to give this entire family a nice vacation and I don’t even have my husband with and now I get this crap from all of you. The only thing getting me through this is that I get to see my friends again. I haven’t talked to them in a year and you guys aren’t ruining that for me like you ruined the drive up here.
Betty storms out of the RV with her suitcase in hand and takes the only key to the house with her.
Teri: Aww, now I feel bad.
Jerry: So do I. She had the only key to the house.
Cindy: Jerry! My mother just stormed off like the moody teenager in every TV show ever and is probably crying her eyes out and you’re in here cracking jokes!
Jerry: It wasn’t a joke.
Cindy: I don’t even want to look at you right now.
Mitchell: So, this vacation is going well so far.
Velma: How would you know? You’ve been asleep the whole time.
Teri and Ralph walk up the stairs to the house and bang on the door.
Betty: What do you want? Can’t you see I’m trying to have a dramatic moment here?
Teri: We’re sorry mom. We didn’t want to upset you. We were all just being our sarcastic selves and it wasn’t the time for it.
Betty: You’re right. It wasn’t.
Ralph: Mom, come on. We obviously didn’t mean to offend you. We just like to joke.
Betty: If you’re so sorry, then why did only two of you come to apologize to me?
Teri: We’re kinda the self-appointed representatives of the group as a whole. It wouldn’t have been practical for all ten of us to walk up these little stairs at once.
Betty: So you’re really all sorry?
Teri: Yes! Please let us in so we can all start the family fun! Didn’t you want to go to a lighthouse today?
Betty: That’s the plan! We’re gonna get our stuff in the house, eat a quick dinner and then go to the lighthouse is Portland.
Teri: That sounds great. But you need to open to door for any of that to happen.
Betty opens the door.
Betty: Alright, I forgive you.
Teri: That’s great! Now this vacation can really begin!
Betty: Oh my god!
Teri: What now?
Betty: That sign in front of Mary’s house.
Teri: Oh dear.
Betty: She sold her house! I’ll never see her again.
Teri: Don’t say that, you might be able to track her down. Ask around, I’m sure one of your neighbors knows where she moved to.
Betty: I’m going to do that right now. Can I borrow the car?
Teri: You’ll have to ask Cindy. It is her car, after all.
Betty: Will do!
Betty runs down the stairs to the RV, where the family is waiting for her.
Betty: Hey Cindy, can I borrow your car? Mary moved away and I want to see where she’s living now and go visit her.
Cindy: Sure, but I’m coming with. I wanna see her too, it’s been so long and you promised me that she’d be here.
Betty: This is going to be fun! A mother-daughter adventure for us! We never go on them anymore.
Cindy: That’s because I’m 48 and a grandmother.
Betty: I still go on adventures with Teri!
Cindy: That’s because she’s 37 but acts 20 and has no responsibilities at all besides a part-time job and an AMC A-List subscription that she needs to use five times a month so it makes financial sense for her.
Betty: That’s true. But this is still going to be a lot of fun!
Cindy: I’m actually looking forward to it myself. I guess we should eat first, though.
Betty: I’ll go make us some sandwiches.
Ralph: Hello! We still have an entire RV worth of stuff to unload and I also think Mitchell might have died back here so we might have to carry his body out of here as well.
Velma: No, he just passed out. Still recovering from that old trout he ate yesterday.
Ralph: Good to know.
Betty: Let’s get our stuff in the house then. I’ve got some sleuthing to do!
Two hours later…
Teri: How did it take so much longer to unpack the RV than it did to pack it?
Ralph: I think the combination of dad not being here to help and Mitchell being comatose didn’t help us. Also, we had to carry the stuff all the way up these stairs and that really sucks.
Betty: Well, now that we’re done we better eat so Cindy and I can go looking for Mary! And you guys have to get to those lighthouses in Portland before the sun goes down.
Teri: Are you really sure you want us to go without you?
Betty: Sure, I’ve seen every lighthouse in this area a thousand times. And we have two more weeks here, whatever we see now we can still see later.
Just then, Betty gets a call from Karl.
Karl: Betty! How’s it going?
Betty: It’s going okay. How are you? You sound so much better!
Karl: I feel a lot better. I went to the doctor yesterday and she said it was just a bad case of the common cold. I’m gonna drive up to Maine tomorrow.
Betty: Wow, that’s great!
Karl: Do you need me to bring anything?
Betty: No, I’m good. You just get some rest ahead of your big drive tomorrow!
Karl: Oh, it’s not that bad of a drive. I’m sure you saw that when you drove up yesterday.
Betty: Oh yeah. It was great. We got here so quickly and with no issues.
Karl: Good. If you don’t need anything then I better be going, don’t want to hold you guys up from your fun!
Betty: Bye Karl, I love you.
Karl: Love you too, Betty.
Betty hangs up the phone.
Betty: Good news everyone, Karl is on his way up here tomorrow!
Cindy: That’s great! The whole family is together now!
Jerry: Aren’t you forgetting someone?
Cindy: Who?
Jerry: Your son.
Cindy: Oh yeah, Zeke. Well, he never went on family trips anyways.
Jerry: He went with us when we all went to Disney World together five years ago.
Cindy: Oh yeah. I try to forget that trip.
Jerry: Yeah, Zeke punching Mickey Mouse in the face is something I also try to forget.
Teri: Why isn’t Zeke here, actually?
Cindy: He didn’t want to come, said he’d lose too much work since this is the prime season for him a his job.
Teri: Oh, too bad. That time he punched Mickey in the face was hilarious.
Cindy: Yes, hilarious.
Ralph: Teri, are we gonna go? Because it’s seven o’clock now and sunset is approaching. We might not make it to the lighthouse in time.
Teri: Would anyone mind if we waited until tomorrow?
Velma: Not at all. I’d like the night to relax before we get to the vacation activities.
Ralph: So are we staying?
Teri: Looks like it. Guess we can break out the Clue and the DVDs.
Cindy: Mom, do you want to do what they’re doing? We can still go look for Mary tomorrow.
Betty: I guess. A night of games and movies sounds like fun.
Teri: So the whole gang’s staying in? Guess we’re playing Clue in teams.
The next day…
Karl: Honey, I’m hooooooome!
Betty: Karl! How was the drive?
Karl: Lovely. Barely anyone on the road, I only had to stop twice, it was great. What have you guys been doing?
Betty: We played Clue and watched that Bette Midler movie Big Business.
Karl: Oh, that’s it?
Betty: Yeah, we just wanted to relax yesterday.
Karl: I’m sure you guys had fun, at least.
Teri: Dad!
Karl: Teri! Where’s the rest of the gang?
Teri: At the beach. We’re heading to Portland later so I came home to shower. I’m sure they’ll all be home soon.
Karl: That’s good. But Betty, why weren’t you down there with them?
Teri: She was. She came back after an hour because she saw a shark.
Karl: She did?
Teri: She didn’t. She saw a wave that resembled a fin, threw on her coverup, grabbed her book, and ran home.
Karl: Did you think the “shark” was going to come on land and get you?
Betty: I was already freaked out enough by my book, that creepy wave was enough to get me home to watch some TV.
Karl: Why were you reading a horror story, you know they scare you.
Betty: I wasn’t. I was reading Hillary’s book.
Karl: I thought you said you weren’t reading a horror story.
Betty: I’m also just in a bad place right now, I just found out that Mary moved away and I don’t know how to find her.
Karl: What are you talking about?
Betty: Mary. Our friend.
Karl: I know who you mean Betty, I just don’t know what you’re talking about. Mary sent us a card last month telling us that she was moving out and moving to a retirement community.
Betty: Oh. I must have missed that.
Karl: I told you during Erin Burnett’s show, you probably were too caught up in that.
Betty: Yeah, that sounds like me.
Karl: Here’s the address, I had it in my wallet for the trip.
Betty: You area life saver! 
Karl: I’m not, but thank you. You want to go see her today?
Betty: Yes, Cindy and I were going last night but it got late and and we canceled those plans in favor of family night. Maybe the three of us can go.
Karl: Sounds good. I better go shower myself since I’ve spent the last ten and a half hours in the car.
A few hours later…
Teri: Alright guys, let’s get to Portland! We got lighthouses to see and a 45 minute drive ahead of us.
Tammi: Can I go to the bathroom first?
Teri: There is a bathroom in the RV.
Tammi: I wanted a private one.
Teri: It’s very private, we used it for the past two days and nobody saw anything.
Tammi: Alright, fine.
Teri: Just. Just go to the bathroom. The rest of us can go wait in the car.
Tammi: Thank you.
Teri: Steven, what CDs do you have for us to listen to? I will accept literally any answer that is not “ABBA.”
Steven: I have mom’s Aerosmith CD.
Teri: Cool, let’s go live on the edge! Get in the RV everyone!
Betty: Cindy, are you ready to go see Mary?
Cindy: Yes! I miss her!
Betty: Then let’s get going!
Karl: I’m driving, Betty.
Betty: Why can’t I drive? I drove the entire family all the way here.
Cindy: Please drive, dad.
Karl: I am Cindy, don’t worry about it.
Twenty minutes later, both parties on en route to their destinations.
Teri: The GPS says we’ll be there in just 10 minutes guys!
Ralph: Teri… Why does that sign say New Hampshire is nine miles away?
Teri: I don’t know.
Ralph: Aren’y you the one that’s driving?
Teri: Uh, yeah.
Ralph: And you don’t know where we even are?
Teri: We are ten minutes from our destination.
Ralph: But what is our destination?
Teri: Portland!
Ralph: Did you put it into the GPS that way?
Teri: I’m pretty sure I can work a GPS, Ralph.
Tammi: Aunt Teri, what lighthouse are we going to see?
Teri: The Cape Elizabeth Lights in Portland.
Tammi: I thought so. The address for that isn’t actually a Portland address.
Teri has a look of terror on her face.
Teri: Umm… what city is it in?
Tammy: Cape Elizabeth.
Teri: Yeah I don’t know what I put in here but it ain’t right.
Ralph: Did you put Portsmouth, New Hampshire in here?
Teri: Probably.
Ralph: Well it’s almost 7 and now we’re an hour from the lighthouse. We’ll never make it in time.
Teri: We might as well make the most of it, and find something to do here.
Jerry: I vote for the lobster house.
Ralph: Sure you wanna go to a place named after a “socialist,” Jerry?
Jerry: I’m sure that Warren’s Lobster House is not named after Elizabeth Warren, Ralph, no matter what you tell yourself.
Teri: You two stop. We’re going to eat some lobster and that is that.
Frank: I’m allergic to lobster.
Teri: Then stay in the RV.
Frank: I knew you were going to say that! You can’t hurt me when I expect it. I’m not even allergic, I just wanted you to insult me so I could fight back.
Teri: You are a sad little man.
Meanwhile, Karl, Betty and Cindy arrive at the retirement community to see Mary.
Betty: Why would they name a retirement home The Shady Palm? It sounds like a cheap brand of sunglasses.
Karl: The name is fine, you’re just overly critical.
Cindy: Dad, do you want her to kill you?
Karl: She wants to kill me all the time anyway.
Betty: It’s true, I do.
They walk into the lobby and talk to Sharice, the clerk at the front desk.
Betty: Hey there, Sharice. We’re here to see Mary McKenna.
Sharice: Mary McKenna? She’s popular this week, she’s had five visitors since Monday!
Betty: Good for her! But where can we see her?
Sharice: Well, visitor hours are over in a half hour but you can go see her if you want. Walk down the hallway, take a right, and you’ll see an elevator. Go up one floor and then walk out the back door. Here at Shady Palm, our residents all have their own small one-level homes. That back door will take you to the golf cart rental. From there, you can drive out to the main street. Mary is at 49 Pool Road, which is the third house on the third street on the right.
Betty: I understood none of that.
Karl: I understood very little of that.
Cindy: I wasn’t paying attention.
Sharice: There’s a GPS on the golf carts that our guests like to use. You can just type the address in.
Betty: What’s the address again?
Sharice: 49 Pool Road.
Betty: Alright, then I guess we’re good to go. Thanks for the help.
Sharice: It was my pleasure.
The three of them take the elevator to the second floor of the lobby and grab a golf cart.
Betty: Karl.
Karl: What Betty?
Betty: It’s almost quarter of 8, we’re barely gonna get to see her.
Karl: What are you saying?
Betty: It’s only a thirty minute drive, we can come back tomorrow and spend more time with her.
Karl: I guess we can if you want to.
Cindy: I’m down for it if you guys are.
Karl: Back to the car we go!
One hour later at the beach house…
Betty: So Teri, how was the lighthouse?
Teri: We didn’t go, we got lost and ended up at the New Hampshire border. So we ended up getting lobster. How was Mary?
Betty: Yeah, we didn’t go either.
Teri: Oh cool, another productive day for us.

What did you think of the episode? Comment your thoughts below and make sure to catch a new episode next Thursday!

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