The Bake Your Heart Out crew boards a plane.
Diane: On the road again!
Sam: Why do you look so happy?
Diane: I love being together.
Sam: Garry’s here.
Diane: Yes?
Sam: How could anyone want to deal with him?
Garry: I’m right here!
Sam: I’m aware. I’m not two-faced. I tell it like it is.
Leslie: Sam, we’re flying on our way to film a Christmas special. Can you at least try to not be such a grinch?
Sam: I’m not a grinch! I just don’t want to leave my house in sunny California to fly to… wherever two weeks before Christmas!
Leslie: Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
Sam: I don’t even know where that is!
Leslie: The Christmas city! Or, so I’ve been told. I’ve never heard of it, either. We just tried to find a Christmas-sounding place to film the special in. It looks nice.
Frances: I think I had a layover there once.
Leslie: They don’t have an airport, so that would be difficult.
Sam: Then where in the hell are we flying into now?
Leslie: Allentown.
Garry: I love that Billy Joel song.
Leslie: I think it is actually the city Billy Joel’s singing about, now that you mention it.
Frances: How far away is it from this Bethlehem place?
Leslie: Really close. We’ll be to the hotel in a flash.
Sam: Good. And that city better be absolutely decked out for Christmas to justify making us fly all the way out here so close to the holidays.
Leslie: I feel like you’re blaming me for a decision that was really Paul’s. I’d have been fine just shooting the special in a studio in LA, but he wanted to continue with the show being a cross-country exploration of American desserts, so here we are.
Diane: Pennsylvania is very Christmassy. They do sing about a man heading here for some homemade pumpkin pie in There’s No Place Like Home for the Holidays.
Sam: Well surely no other state has ever been mentioned in a Christmas song.
Diane: Did I say that?
Garry: I think we should’ve filmed the special in Hollis, Queens. Christmas in Hollis is my favorite Christmas song.
Melanie: Christmas in Hollis is your favorite Christmas song?
Garry: Yes, is that so hard to believe?
Melanie: Given than you’re the whitest person I’ve ever met, I didn’t expect a Run-D.M.C. song to be your favorite. I was expecting something by, say, the Carpenters or Michael Buble or Bing Crosby.
Charlotte: What’s the matter with Bing Crosby? He’s no Cliff Richard, but -
Sam: Cliff Richard?
Charlotte: Mistletoe and wine is an absolute holiday classic! And what’s your favorite holiday song, if you’re going to be son judgmental?
Sam: Melanie’s the one who started it.
Melanie: I’ll tell you my favorite, hands down - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home). The Darlene Love original.
Diane: She’s my Queen of Christmas, no disrespect to Mariah Carey intended whatsoever.
Sam: My favorite is… I think it’s unfair to demand I tell you all.
Nicolle: I know what it is.
Sam: You shouldn’t. Don’t give in to bullying and peer pressure.
Leslie: She’s crapping her pants over here over this. How bad is it?
Nicolle: It’s the Chipmunk Song.
Frances: Alvin and the freakin’ Chipmunks is your favorite Christmas song?
Sam: Hey, at least it’s not Dominick the Donkey!
Frances: It might as well be!
Sam: Come on, leave the Chipmunks alone!
Frances: My favorite is Step Into Christmas by Elton John, for anyone curious.
Sam: I can’t mock that. Elton is a friend.
Frances: And you didn’t even try to get him on Celebrity Bake Your Heart Out?
Sam: I won’t abuse my friendship in such a way. It’s not a true friendship if you try to use it for your own personal gain.
Frances: I use Garry for my own personal gain.
Sam: I’m sure you do!
Frances: Not like that! Get your mind out of the gutter!
Sam: I don’t think I will!
Leslie: Ah, would you look at that, a call from Paul. It tears me to pieces to have to walk away from this heartwarming conversation.
Diane: Your phone’s not ringing.
Leslie: Narc!
Several hours later…
Leslie: Oh, we’re finally here! How exciting?
Sam: Just as I always say: nothing as exciting as Pennsylvania.
Nicolle: I’ve always quite enjoyed Pennsylvania. Good people, good food, good culture. Heading to Philadelphia was a nice day trip I’d take sometimes during my years in NYC.
Sam: You never took me to Philadelphia!
Nicolle: Yeah, we tended to visit more exotic locales on the occasions where we’d get to spend time together.
Charlotte: That sounds perfectly reasonable, I can’t wait to hear how Sam takes issue with it.
Sam: Are you implying that I complain a lot?
Charlotte: No, I’m saying it.
Sam: Fair enough.
Diane: Let’s get off this plan! I can’t wait to see this winter wonderland!
Garry: Yeah, I’m excited for a white Christmas. Well, a white two weeks before Christmas. It’s never cold and snowy back home in California.
Sam: I looked out the window, it doesn’t look snowy out there.
Garry: Well, surely it at least feels like Christmas is supposed to feel. Much more than Beverly Hills.
Frances: I think Beverly Hills is quite Christmassy. They put up some lovely Christmas decor on Rodeo Drive.
Garry: But it’s also seventy degrees outside. I can go outside without a sweater. At night!
Frances: Some people just insist on complaining about everything! It’s Christmas!
Garry: I’m aware, that’s why I’m grateful to be in the Christmas City! What’s it called again, Leslie?
Leslie: Bethlehem!
Garry: And how did they stake their claim on being the “Christmas City?”
Sam: Have you ever read the story of the Nativity, Garry?
Garry: Of course I have! Jesus is the reason of the season, I have a sweater that says that!
Sam: And where was Jesus born?
Garry: Oh, right!
Charlotte: He was born in Pennsylvania?
Leslie: No, they named this city after the location of Christ’s birth. Hence, the Christmas City.
Diane: Great, we now know why a town called “Bethlehem” is associated with Christmas. Can we please get off the plane now? I need a peppermint mocha or something, the plane ride has made my Christmas spirit dwindle.
Charlotte: I blame it on Ebenezer over there.
Sam: I know you’re referring to me, and I don’t care.
The group steps off the plane.
Sam: I told you it wasn’t snowy.
Melanie: I don’t think this is quite the winter wonderland we were promised.
Leslie: I never promised jack squat! I said we’d come here and there would probably be Christmas lights and we’d film our special and we could go home. That was all I promised. I never said it would be cold, you all just assumed.
Frances: I mean, it is Pennsylvania.
Carly: I feel like I’m having a heat stroke.
Sam: That’s probably the stupid matching Christmas sweater your husband made you wear.
Carly: I picked it out myself!
Sam: Wow, you two are a better match than I thought.
Garry: Thank you!
Sam: It wasn’t a compliment.
Diane: Did we make a wrong turn and end up in Florida?
Sam: I don’t think so. I’d be breaking into hives if we were in Florida.
Garry: I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I think I need to take my festive sweater off.
Frances: Oh, you know it’s bad when Garry’s saying that.
Charlotte: It feels like summer to me.
Sam: Well, you’re British. You guys melt whenever it’s above sixty-five.
Leslie: Al Roker did not properly prepare me for a Christmas heat wave. Though, in fairness, I don’t make it a habit to check the weather reports for Pennsylvania.
Melanie: I don’t know why you guys are complaining. I’ve had my fair share of cold Christmases in Rhode Island. This is great for me.
Diane: I think the rest of us were just hoping, since we were heading to a cooler climate, that we’d get to experience a more traditional Christmas. You know, snow and hot cocoa and bundled up tight by the fire. We’ll make the best of it, though. We always do!
Sam: Do we? We usually just end up bickering.
Diane: I’m trying to be optimistic.
Garry: Maybe it’s warmer in Bethlehem!
Sam: You think driving ten minutes down the road will make it drop thirty degrees and fill our hearts with the holiday spirit?
Garry: You never know!
Leslie: Let’s just grab our bags and get to the hotel. Maybe the city itself will still be decorated enough to get us into the spirit anyway, despite being seventy degrees outside for some reason.
One hour later…
Diane: The town is very pretty. I will give them that.
Sam: It’s less Christmassy than I thought.
Frances: I’m sure you were gutted that the speakers weren’t blasting out The Chipmunk Song.
Sam: I told you all that in confidence.
Frances: Nicolle told us.
Sam: I might have to consult with divorce lawyers.
Garry: You should never feel ashamed of the things that bring you true joy.
Charlotte: Oh my god, it gets worse. Garry just defended you!
Diane: I think we need to give the little town of Bethlehem a chance. It’s not night out yet, I’m sure the lights will be beautiful.
Sam: Yes, we can walk the streets to see them while wearing flip-lops and Hawaiian shirts.
Frances: Mele Kalikimaka!
Leslie: We should just go check in so we can get settled. I think I need to go find a Kohl’s, too. I packed winter wear, I need a darn t-shirt.
Diane: I think we can wear long sleeves and sweaters! It’s not that hot out.
Frances: Garry looks like he’s about to die. He’s like one of those reindeer at a Christmas village in the south. Sickly and overheated.
Sam: In that case…
Nicolle: Sam! It’s Christmas!
Sam: And that would be a fantastic Christmas gift for me.
Garry: It’s okay, I know she doesn’t mean it.
Charlotte: Yeah, who would she have to viciously mock if Garry were dead?
Sam: Oh, that’s easy. Frances.
Frances: Keeping Garry alive is our top priority this Christmas!
Later that day, Leslie is on the phone with Paul.
Paul: So, settling in okay in the Lehigh Valley? Is the holiday spirit of the Christmas City infecting your crew?
Leslie: Not exactly… Paul, it feels like hell here.
Paul: You don’t like it?
Leslie: No, I have nothing against the city, we’ve spent almost no time here at all. It’s just incredibly warm out. Like I said when we were discussing filming locations, I was really hoping we could go somewhere snowy that really felt like Christmas. This is…not quite that.
Paul: Hey, it could be worse. I could’ve sent Jacqueline with you. I considered it.
Jacqueline: Your coffee, sir.
Paul: Thank you, Jack.
Jacqueline: I really prefer -
Paul: That’ll be all.
Jacqueline: Very well.
Paul: Unfortunately, Jacqueline is preoccupied here in LA. Very busy.
Leslie: Are you still torturing her by making her your “special assistant?”
Paul: Perhaps.
Leslie: You’re definitely getting visited by a series of ghosts on the 24th.
Paul: You sound to be in the Christmas spirit to me!
Leslie: More so than you, but I don’t think you business types ever really feel the Christmas spirit, if every Christmas movie ever made is at all accurate.
Paul: I love the holiday very much. Almost as much as I love money. Now, are you guys all going to be okay in Bethlehem? Or shall I book a visit to Alaska?
Leslie: Could. You do that?
Paul: To be honest, I wasn’t really expecting you to take that seriously. I guess I could see I there’s anywhere to film in North Pole, Alaska.
Leslie: No, we’ll make do here. Christmas is about fear more than just snow and cold weather. Heck, that’s how Christmas is every year back at home.
Paul: That’s the spirit! Now, I you excuse me, I havre to get back to work, but I’ll make sure to dream of a White Christmas for all of you tonight.
Leslie: I appreciate that, Paul. Be specific, though: we’re only here the next four days. A white December 9th through 12th would be preferable.
Later that night…
Diane: You know what? This town is quite charming at night.
Frances: Yeah, the horses pulling the carriages look a lot happier now that it’s only about 58 outside.
Garry: I don’t like horse-drawn carriages. It’s animal abuse.
Sam: That is the most Garry thing i’ve ever heard.
Charlotte: I actually agree with him this time. I saw them in New Orleans once. Have you ever walked in New Orleans in August? I almost died, and I don’t have fur, nor was I hauling a carriage.
Frances: Anyway, moving one from the animal abuse, I agree that the town does look beautiful. Wonderful lights, Christmas displays in the park, wreaths on every door and street light. It’s like a Hallmark movie, minus the fake snow and cheesy plot lines that are all the same.
Nicolle: I told you all everything would be fine!
Leslie: Plus, you know, even if the city wasn’t as Christmas as it advertised itself as, the studio itself will be decorated with plenty of decorations and fake snow. We had no need to complain.
Charlotte: We never do, but yet…
Melanie: It’s part of your charm. You’re lovable whiners.
Garry: Also, isn’t the real importance of Christmas spending time with the people you love? We’re doing that, so I don’t know why we were so concerned about the weather, anyway.
Sam: You’re going to make me puke.
The next morning…
Diane: Sam! Get up!
Sam: What? Is it seven already?
Diane: Yes, but that’s not why I woke you up. I woke up and I sort of forgot where I was, so I looked out the window, and… see for yourself!
Sam: Oh my god. How did that happen?
Diane: I don’t know, but it looks like Christmas! It’s a miracle.
Sam: Ugh, don’t get all cheesy on me.
Diane: It was seventy degrees outside yesterday and now the ground is covered in snow. Is that not miraculous to you?
Sam: The fact that I don’t have to shovel it is pretty miraculous to me, at least.
There’s a knock at the door. Diane answers it.
Frances: Did you see -
Diane: Yes!
Leslie: Is it not a Christmas miracle?
Charlotte: We weren’t aware it was going to be seventy degrees out yesterday, so for all we know, this was also forecast. Who’s to say?
Leslie: Paul said he was going to dream of a white Christmas for us. I choose to believe this is a sign from God about the magic of the holidays.
Sam: Oh no, she’s getting all Jesusy about it.
Leslie: How can one not?
Sam: Well, same of us are sane.
Leslie: The entire holiday only exists because of Christ.
Sam: And I think that’s wonderful. I also just think he has enough on his hands right now that he’s not making it snow in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania for the sake of a few spoiler millionaire TV personalities.
Charlotte: I’m an Oscar winner!
Sam: We’re well aware. In fact, all I want for Christmas is to go a day without you reminding me of it.
Diane: Are we going to be able to get to the studio today? It’s so snowy out.
Frances: God, you California types are so funny. I’m from Michigan, this is nothing! We’ll be fine. Just a nice holiday dusting to get us in the spirit.
Sam: And as soon as we see Garry, we’ll be straight out of the spirit all over again.
Diane: You should probably lighten up on him. It’s Christmas, after all.
Sam: And not bashing Garry would absolutely ruin my holiday!
What did you think of the Bake Your Heart Out Christmas Special? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the midseason premiere of Evergreen Aimee in early January! Bake Your Heart Out returns for season eight in summer 2026!
