Gretchen walks into the office.
Carol: Good morning!
Gretchen: What’s so good about it?
Carol: Oh no, not another day with you in this mood.
Gretchen: This place feels empty, lifeless. It’s a void.
Carol: My god, stop being so dramatic.
Gretchen: It’s just not the same here without Susana! She was the life of the party!
Carol: Gretchen, you’re speaking about my own daughter. I think if anyone here should be gutted that she’s not around anymore it should be, uh, me. But it’s been a month, and I’ve moved on. Like I say any other time you mope about this, she’s very happily enjoying her new career and life in DC. She was already so used to it from living there during your time in the Senate, it’s like picking up an old book where you left off.
Gretchen: I am very happy for Susana, she deserves the greatest success, but you must admit that there’s a void left in the office with just the two of us.
Sarita: Hey, Governor Raymond! I just wanted to remind you that you have interviews scheduled for later today to fill the special assistant job, and they really can’t come soon enough, I’ve been picking up the slack and I am bone tired!
Gretchen: Ah, Massachusetts! I forgot you were here!
Sarita: “Good morning” would have sufficed.
Gretchen: But it’s not “good!” How do I even go about replacing Susana? She’s irreplaceable!
Carol: I don’t know, but we’re going to have to, because this is getting overwhelming. Poor Sarita looks like a corpse.
Sarita: All right, I’m gonna head back to my office, where I can’t hear the insults.
Gretchen: Oh, no! I didn’t mean to upset you.
Sarita: I’m used to it, everyone is in a very emotional state since Susana left. You’re allowed to be.
Carol: I wasn’t trying to insult you, by the way, I just wanted to point out that you clearly need rest, you’re working too hard.
Gretchen: We appreciate it, though!
Sarita: I’m glad you to hear it. Sometimes it’s hard to get that motivation to finish all the work, but sleep is overrated anyway!
Carol: How much are you sleeping?
Sarita: Two, three hours a night? Maybe a little less.
Carol: Oh my god. How are you alive?
Gretchen: Ah, that reminds me of my old senate days. Between the work and taking care of Toby, I never slept.
Sarita: You mean it can somehow get even worse?
Gretchen: Oh, honey. Motherhood is a special kind of sleepless hell, but it is worth it! This is not, though, you need to get some more rest.
Sarita: The work is important, though, it has to be done.
Gretchen: Carol and I can take on a bit of it until we hire someone. We’ll split the work.
Carol: Can we?
Gretchen: Yes.
Carol: Better get on hiring someone, then. I’ve got a life outside of this.
Gretchen: You think I don’t?
Carol: I plead the fifth.
Samantha: Raymond! What the hell are you doing here?
Gretchen: In my office?
Samantha: Jeanne and Hank said you were going to their small business roundtable in Newport this morning.
Gretchen: Their what?
Sarita: Oh no! I knew I forgot about something!
Samantha: What the hell has happened to this office lately? Documents keep getting misplaced and now this?
Carol: We’re down an employee, she was very crucial to the team.
Samantha: Carol, what is it that you actually do around here?
Carol: I’m the chief of staff, I manage the staff.
Samantha: All right, that’s a very literal interpretation of that job.
Carol: It’s my job and not yours, and Gretchen seems quite content with how I do it, so none of your business!
Gretchen: She also does a lot more than she’s letting on, she just likes getting you riled up.
Samantha: I’m aware.
Gretchen: Would you mind telling the two pains in my ass that the appearance slipped through the cracks and I apologize for standing them up?
Samantha: I can do that, yes. Could you try to get your office in line? You’re all frightening me, this operation used to be so smooth.
Gretchen: Stop rubbing it in!
Later that day…
Anthony: Gretch, honey… are you all right?
Gretchen: Of course, why do you ask?
Anthony: Well, you’ve been listening to that one Lisa Loeb song on repeat for about three hours.
Gretchen: It’s a song that brings me job.
Anthony: I wouldn’t call “Stay (I Missed You)” a happy song.
Gretchen: It makes me feel seen.
Lucinda: It makes me want to commit homicide!
Toby: I like it!
Lucinda: Oh no, he’s got the musical taste of a lesbian.
Gretchen: Mother, leave me alone!
Lucinda: I feel like I still live with a teenager.
Anthony: Gretch, I’ll ask again… are you all right?
Gretchen: No!
Anthony: What’s the matter? You rarely come home from work looking so… lost.
Gretchen: I miss Susana, the office isn’t the same without her. In many ways.
Anthony: I get it, it’s hard when someone you care about moves away and you don’t get to see them as much.
Gretchen: That’s a big part of it, I do miss seeing her. Another part of it is that the office has fallen into a state of disrepair without her. We’re misplacing bills, I’m not finding out about engagements my office has apparently agreed for me to appear at until after they’re over, Massachusetts is doing roughly three jobs right now… it’s a disaster. And the meetings we had today with prospective replacements was just awful. I don’t mean to disrespect these people, who were mostly really lovely, but none of them seemed qualified to actually do the job I need them to do.
Lucinda: What could the job possibly entail? You don’t even need a qualification to be governor of this state, let alone be the governor’s assistant or whatever. No one lives here!
Toby: We live here!
Lucinda: Well, my life’s not changed since the governor no longer has an assistant, so I don’t see the need for the position at all. What do you even do all day, Gretchen?
Gretchen: I hate when you get like this.
Anthony: She’s always like this.
Lucinda: I am very kind.
Gretchen: You might be the least-supportive mother anyone’s ever had!
Lucinda: Not true! Joan Crawford had children!
Gretchen: You’re worse! At least Jason Crawford’s kid made a boatload off of how horrible of a mother she is. I have to go around and pretend you’re a normal person!
Lucinda: Someone’s testy today I see.
Gretchen: Anyone with half a brain could tell I’m in a bad mood today.
Lucinda: Yes, again, the Lisa Loeb marathon indicated that to those of us with ears.
Anthony: You said no one is qualified for the job. Do you think maybe your standards are too high because they don’t stack up to Susana?
Gretchen: I don’t know.
Lucinda: She’s not coming back, Gretchen. And, to be honest, she wasn’t eminently qualified, either. She was just a nepo baby. Anyone you hire could easily do just as well as she did with a bit of time.
Gretchen: That’s not true! A key to success to working in the governor’s office is to have strong rapport with the governor.
Lucinda: It’s not the Bachelorette, Gretchen! You’re not hiring who gives you butterflies, you’re hiring who you think is most fit to serve in… whatever position it is that’s vacant. What is it, personal assistant?
Gretchen: Special assistant to the Governor of Rhode Island.
Lucinda: Personal assistant.
Gretchen No, it’s an actual government role, not just someone to send to get me coffee. It’s basically the second-most-important staffer in the office.
Lucinda: So still not terribly important.
Anthony: Did anyone today catch your attention at all?
Lucinda: Are you becoming swingers now?
Toby: What’s a swinger?
Anthony: Oh, nothing!
Lucinda: It’s a person who likes swings.
Toby: I like swings! Am I a swinger then?
Anthony: Gretchen, I think we should consider assisted living for your mother.
Lucinda: I’m sorry, I’ll shut up.
Anthony: Damage is done. Please pack your knives and go.
Gretchen: To answer your question -
Lucinda: Do I really have to move out?
Anthony: No, my god! No nursing home would take you.
Gretchen: No one caught my attention at all. Maybe tomorrow, we have our second and final batch of interviewees ahead of us tomorrow. Hopefully one of them is good enough.
Anthony: Well, it’s no use worrying about it. I know you’ll find someone. Just, come watch TV or something. Wallowing in self-pity isn’t healthy.
Gretchen: I have work to get done. I told Massachusetts I’d take up some of Susana’s workload, it was too much for her on her own on tip of her own work.
Anthony: Just try not to overwork yourself.
Lucinda: There’s a first time for everything!
The next day, at work…
Gretchen: That was terrible.
Carol: They’re not all so bad.
Gretchen: None of these people fit in this office. They just don’t have “it.”
Carol: They’re not Susana.
Gretchen: That’s not all.
Carol: Gretchen, I know you are fiercely loyal to your team and you don’t like change. You’re the only politician I’ve ever known who’s had the same chief of staff for over twenty years.
Gretchen: When it works, it works!
Carol: However, there are so many good people in the world. There are many people worth giving a chance to.
Gretchen: I understand that, but it has to feel right.
Carol: I get it, no one we met with really felt right to me, either. They didn’t seem to grasp what the job entails. We have to keep looking, and we have to do it quick.
Gretchen: We’ll find someone. The right person’s out there.
Jeanne: Governor Raymond! You are still alive, good to see!
Hank: We were worried Pratt was lying to us, we haven’t seen you lately.
Gretchen: These two are prime examples of why you make sure the people you’re putting into political power are decent and caring, and not… whatever they are.
Hank: You try to impeach a person six or seven times and this is how they treat you!
Gretchen: are you here for a reason or just to harass me? We have a busy day today, lots of work to be done.
Jeanne: Good to see someone’s finally getting some work done around here. I’m not one to judge, but, yikes.
Gretchen: It’s been a trying time.
Hank: Are there only three people that work in this office?
Gretchen: Again I ask, are you here for a reason?
Jeanne: It’s time to pass a state budget, we came to ask if you had any proposals put together for us to review.
Gretchen: Oh, god, it’s that time again?
Jeanne: So that’s a no.
Hank: Told ya so!
Gretchen: Carol, is that not Mike’s job? Have you heard from him about a budget at all?
Carol: Who is Mike?
Gretchen: The budget director!
Jeanne: Your chief of staff isn’t aware of who is on your staff?
Gretchen: That was more Susana’s job.
Hank: Who the hell is that?
Jeanne: The other one that was always with them.
Carol: My daughter!
Hank: Oh! Where’s she?
Gretchen: She went to work for Judith Meyerson in DC.
Hank: So nothing gets done anymore around here because one staffer quit? Jesus, the level of incompetence in this office is insane.
Gretchen: What are you gonna do, impeach me again?
Hank: I don’t know, maybe I should!
Gretchen: Maybe I should endorse you for re-election! That’d go well for you!
Hank: No, please don’t! I’ll do anything!
Gretchen: Anything?
Jeanne: Before you trick Hank into signing his soul away, I think we should get out of here. We’re both very busy, anyway, and you also claim to be, so we should all go get that work done. Please, though, get that budget proposal written up for us. It’s crunch time.
Gretchen: Will do! And, Hank… you’re not going to have ANY problems with what I write up, are you?
Hank: Nope, none at all!
Gretchen: Finally, I’ve discovered what frightens you! I finally feel power!
Carol: See, today’s not all bad.
Later that night…
Anthony: How was today?
Gretchen: Shit, but I do know now how to blackmail Hank, so that’s nice.
Christina: Mom, blackmail is wrong.
Gretchen: Christina! What are you doing home from school?
Christina: Dad told me you needed a bit of cheering up, and like the good daughter I am, I asked him to come pick me up so I could surprise you.
Lucinda: I don’t know why you’re all feeding into this. If we keep rewarding her pouting, she’ll learn that this is how she can earn little treats.
Anthony: She’s a human, Lucinda, not a dog.
Lucinda: It’s the same idea. Never reward bad behavior.
Christina: I don’t see myself as much of a “reward,” frankly. I’m just here for support.
Gretchen: You’re a wonderful reward!
Lucinda: See! She’s getting the wrong idea from this. Gretchen, you have to get it together! I know it’s not a very important job, but the state does trust you to be their governor for some reason, and you need to at least try to do that rather than pouting.
Christina: Even a governor is allowed to feel emotional.
Gretchen: I appreciate that. It’s good to have someone else to back me up, mom really piles on the hate.
Lucinda: I’m sorry for working to harden you up and prepare you for the real world.
Gretchen: I was the Democratic Party’s nominee for vice president, I think I’m aware of the “real world.”
Gretchen: We all saw how that turned out.
Christina: Grandma, lighten up.
Lucinda: Since it was you asking so nicely, I will
Gretchen: Christina, do you know any good polisci majors at school who you think could work for my office?
Christina: Wasn’t your problem not being able to find any qualified applicants? I don’t think a student would solve that.
Gretchen: I want someone qualified who will fit in well. You know who’d mesh well with Carol and I.
Christina: I’ve got non one, I’m sorry.
Lucinda: I don’t see why it’s so hard to find someone.
Christina: Grandma…
Lucinda: I wasn’t saying anything mean! I’m just saying, it’s a cushy job and it’s a good stepping stone into further political work. Why isn’t she getting qualified people?
Gretchen: People see me as a lame duck. They’d rather apply for jobs with people who have, uh… futures.
Lucinda: I’m glad someone said it.
Christina: I’m sure someone qualified will come along. Now, I’m gonna make dinner and we can relax and have a nice night before I have to head back to school.
Gretchen: When do you have to go back?
Christina: Tonight, I have class tomorrow.
Gretchen: All right, with such little time, I don’t want to spend it dwelling on my job.
Lucinda: Ah, good, the less we have to talk about that, the better.
Later that night, after Anthony drives Christina back to school, Gretchen calls Susana.
Susana: Gretchen! It’s so nice to hear from you! What’s up?
Gretchen: I miss you!
Susana: I’ve heard! I miss you, too!
Gretchen: I hope you’re doing well.
Susana: DC’s a lot different from Providence. It’s just a different way of life here.
Gretchen: You guys actually have to work on real issues and not, say… visiting the opening of a new bakery in Newport.
Susana: The life of a senate staffer is wildly different than helping to run the office of the governor. It’s jarring to be towards the bottom of the food chain here. I’m a no one on Capitol Hill, but it’s rewarding work. I’m working for the whole country, really.
Gretchen: You see now why your mom was so grumpy growing up?
Susana: Yeah, it’s not easy! These people are sorta nuts.
Gretchen: Senators are simply built different. Elected to a body that’s supposed to promote collaboration, doomed to still see themselves as the center of the universe.
Susana: Senator Meyerson is great, though. She’s been super supportive.
Gretchen: That’s good to hear.
Susana: How’s everything back home? How are you?
Gretchen: It’s all still a bit chaotic. We still haven’t replaced you. You’re irreplaceable!
Susana: I find that hard to believe. I didn’t even have a degree in political science when I started.
Gretchen: You knew your stuff, though. You had a knowledge of politics that only comes with being raised in the field.
Susana: Why couldn’t my mother have been an actress instead? I could’ve bene rich!
Gretchen: This is so much more fulfilling, is it not?
Susana: If you say so. Now, I have a question. So, I’ve been gone a month, you’ve still not hired a replacement for me… who is actually doing the work I was doing?
Gretchen: It’s a combination of Massachusetts and nobody.
Susana: Oh, Gov. That’s a lot to put on Sarita.
Gretchen: I know. Poor girl’s buckling under the pressure.
Susana: Is the work she has been doing good?
Gretchen: For the most part. It’s rushed because she has so much on her plate, but you can tell she’s very knowledgable.
Susana: I think you’ve found my replacement.
Gretchen: Massachusetts? She’s a comms major, she’d be much happier if she could go back to her regular job with her regular workload.
Susana: It’s a huge promotion and a clear sign of confidence and support. She’s be the #2 among the staff, I’d even fly up to train her a bit if she feels she’d need it.
Gretchen: Who could I get to be communications director then?
Susana: Anyone can do that job. I’m sure any communications director from a recent campaign in the state would jump at the chance to be yours.
Gretchen: Susana, once again, you are a miracle worker.
Susana: I try!
The next day…
Mary: Gretchen, I don’t understand what you mean. You want my communications director?
Gretchen: Mary, I set you up with Esther. She’s my old pal from my early political days.
Mary: I’m aware, but I just took office a few months ago and now you want to take my communications director away!
Gretchen: It’s for the greater good, she can serve the whole state then! Only with your permission, though! I’ll never go behind your back.
Mary: Ugh, fine.
Gretchen: You’re a lifesaver! Now, scatter before Massachusetts sees you.
Mary: You think she’d be surprised to see the governor speaking with her own sister?
Gretchen: When do we ever talk?
Mary: Good point. I’ll see you later.
Gretchen: Don’t forget to tell Esther!
Mary: What if Massachusetts doesn’t take the job?
Gretchen: Then we can just tell Esther it was a prank.
Mary: What the hell goes on in this office?
Gretchen: Not much, lately.
Gretchen walks into her office.
Gretchen: Sarita!
Sarita: Oh my god, she called me by my actual name. I’m getting fired.
Gretchen: Sarita, we’ve been searching and searching for someone to take the special assistant job and no one seems to fit the bill, except for you. I want to be clear, you don’t have to accept the position, and if you decline, your current job is still yours. But this is a promotion to express that I believe in you, and I know you’re fit to help run this office.
Sarita: Oh, wow! I didn’t see that coming! I didn’t think I was doing that great of a job picking up Susana’s responsibilities.
Gretchen: You have a lot on your plate, but you have potential. You’re the only person I’ve met with in the last month since Susana’s left that I feel can fill her shoes. Do you want the job?
Sarita: Am I still going to have to be the comms director and the press secretary?
Gretchen: No, we have a contingency plan in place if you vacate that position.
Sarita: Then I’ll take it!
Carol: Finally, this saga ends.
Sarita: Thank you for this, I’m so ready to show that your confidence in me was earned.
Gretchen: You’re going to do a great job!
Esther: Hey, Gretchen! What an office you’ve got here! All these fancy computers, I’m not used to this!
Gretchen: Sarita, I think you’re going to have to explain to Esther how the computer system works. She’s a bit old-school.
Sarita: You’re certain she can run communications?
Gretchen: That’s not for you to worry about.
Esther: Wow, look at all this space! They never tell you the governor’s office is this spacious! I should run!
Carol: This’ll be fun.
What did you think of the season premiere of Raymond Island? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
