DATE: July 18, 1876. The Indianapolis Primates are playing a home game against the South Bend Fighters. Due to general disinterest in the game, less than half the stadium is filled. Late to the game again include SAMUEL, a railway worker who cheers on the Primates as long as they were winning; ABNER, a shoemaker who only goes to the bullpen for the discount; SALLY, ABNER's wife and a cigar-maker; CHESTER, a printer who took the fall when the Primates' one loss in 1875 made the front page; RALPH, a painter who helped paint the ballpark seats but has no choice but to stand in the bullpen because he is constantly late; and WILLIAM, a factory worker and heavy drinker who makes and loses his money gambling on games. They have no choice but to gather in the bullpen, despite the empty seating.
RALPH
Isn't this quite the pity.
WILLIAM
I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about, Ralph. The Primates are ahead, and more importantly, I made a bet with a poor fellow who thought they'd lose.
CHESTER
You will never stop betting on games, will you?
WILLIAM
Not on your mother's grave.
RALPH
I'm talking about the fact we can't get a seat despite how empty this stadium is today. And rightfully so.
ABNER
I still can't believe our boys lost the battle out West.
SALLY
I can't believe the paper buried the news on the fourth page.
CHESTER
Did you want me to lose my job, Sally?
SALLY
Why, no, of course not...
RALPH
All this effort I put on painting these seats and I've not once been able to sit in one of them. Not once.
SAMUEL
Maybe next time we play the Fighters, you'll be able to get here on time.
RALPH
You must be joking! I wouldn't be early for a game in 100 years.
ABNER
Could you just imagine, baseball in 100 years?
SALLY
Oh Abner, you really think baseball will last 100 years?
ABNER
Eh, maybe.
SALLY
I don't know, there are thousands of people who come to most of these games! Could that truly be sustained?
ABNER
That's not for me to guess.
CHESTER
One thing's for sure, there won't be a team in South Bend for another year. Look how few people showed up today!
WILLIAM
100 years from now, they won't believe there used to be more than one team in a state. I bet there will be 38 teams: one from every state.
RALPH
You can't seriously believe Colorado will be getting a team.
WILLIAM
Why not? Even California and Oregon will have a team. We'll win the West eventually. We must.
CHESTER
William...please do tell me you don't have money on a bet that won't be resolved until the year 1976.
WILLIAM
Should I have made it earlier?
CHESTER
If you want to get your money!
WILLIAM
Eh. If I lose, it's my descendants' problem.
ABNER
Wonderful legacy you're leaving there.
WILLIAM
Should I have not bet on a team in California?
ABNER
I wouldn't have if I were you.
SAMUEL
William, as someone who works on the railway...how do you suppose a team like the Indianapolis Primates makes the trek out to San Francisco for a baseball game?
WILLIAM
Alright, maybe it wasn't my best bet.
ABNER
I should say so.
SALLY
One thing's for sure: the bullpen isn't going anywhere. How could it?
SAMUEL
Sally's got a point, how else would one experience a baseball game for a discount if they arrive late?
RALPH
And how else will the umpire know he's doing a terrible job if he doesn't have the bullpen to scream at him? That reminds me --
RALPH [to the umpire]
THAT WAS A STRIKE!
ABNER
Did you even see the pitch, Ralph?
RALPH
Who needs to?
SAMUEL
We're winning ten to nothing anyway, do we even need to stay here? I say we head on out to the saloon.
WILLIAM
Good idea. But I need to officially win my bet first so I can have beer money.
ABNER
My treat.
WILLIAM
Abner! That doesn't sound like you.
ABNER
I'll do it for a friend.
RALPH
The saloon sounds like a good idea to me.
CHESTER
I could go for some whiskey.
ABNER
Then let's go everyone! Toast to the bullpen.