Marietta Season 6 Episode 16 - Death of a Statesman

Marietta Season 6, Episode 16
Death of a Statesman

Marietta walks into her office.

Marietta: All right, girls, what’s up today?

Tammy: Oh my god! You made it here second!

Marietta: Amy’s not here?

Tammy: Nor is Henrietta.

Marietta: That’s somewhat normal, but beating Amy here? Something’s wrong.

Tammy: You’re just early. You’re never early. Are you okay?

Marietta: I woke up before my alarm went off. Something inside me said it was time to get up, and I think that something was my bladder, but I tried to go back to sleep and I couldn’t.

Tammy: It’s good you’re here early, though. We have a busy schedule today. We’re going to visit that elementary school -

Marietta: Is that code for “we’re going to watch the premiere of Abbott Elementary?”

Tammy: Unfortunately not.

Marietta: Ugh.

Tammy: You also have meetings with a few local business owners, and councilor Packard wanted to meet with you to discuss some plan she has.

Marietta: A busy day of doing horrible things, awesome.

Tammy: It could be worse. You could have to meet with the Vice President.

Marietta: Why would I have to do that?

Tammy: She’s in town.

Marietta: Gross.

Tammy: I know.

Amy: What in the hell are you doing here this early?

Marietta: I work here.

Amy: Not this early you don’t!

Marietta: Okay, I’ve had enough of this! I don’t get here that late!

Amy: Of course not.

Marietta: Are you just saying that to humor me?

Amy: I would never!

Marietta: Uh huh.

Amy: So, anyway, I think it’s gonna be a good day. We’re off to an early start, as per usual. Tammy’s got a full schedule for us.

Tammy: Where is Henrietta?

Amy: I didn’t even notice she wasn’t here.

Marietta: Well, she’s only my assistant, we can go about our day without her.

Amy: So empathetic of you.

Marietta: What, do you want me to sent in a search team because she’s five minutes late for work?

Tammy: It’d be nice if you seemed to care even a little bit.

Marietta: If she doesn’t show, then I’ll get worried. It’s still very early in the day, early enough that I wouldn’t even say I consider her to be “late.” It’s fine.

Tammy: All right, so with that said, do we want to begin preparing for today’s meetings?

Marietta: Preparing? What’s there to prepare for?

Tammy: So you want to go in blind?

Marietta: You’re being unnecessarily cryptic here. I’m meeting with a few small business owners, not representing America in front of the UN!

Tammy: I just like to keep us informed, but I guess not all of us value that.

Marietta: I’m good at improv. It keeps me natural and relatable.

Tammy: So we’re just gonna sit around and relax until the first meeting at ten?

Amy: Thank god she came in early!

Marietta: We can work on the city budget if you want, that always needs a bit of work.

Tammy: That would be something, at least.

Henrietta: I’m sorry I’m late!

Tammy: You’re only a few minutes late, no big deal!

Marietta: That’s not what you were saying a few minutes ago!

Tammy: Oh, Marietta, shut up!

Henrietta: No, I really am noticeably late, and I apologize for it. I was on the phone.

Amy: You were probably being more productive than whatever the hell was going on here.

Henrietta: I’m pretty sure I got a call meant for you, Marietta. I kept trying to explain I was just your assistant, but they weren’t understanding and they kept asking me for comment on something.

Marietta: Well, what did you say?

Henrietta: I told them they had the wrong number!

Amy: What did they want you to comment on?

Tammy: It was probably a scam. They probably wanted your personal information or something.

Henrietta: No, it wasn’t anything insidious. A politician died.

Marietta: Who?

Tammy: Yeah, we kinda know a lot of those, it might be relevant.

Amy: Last I checked, my grandma is still alive, so it’s not her.

Tammy: She is? How do you not lose your will to live if you have you as a granddaughter?

Amy: We’re all kinda shocked about it if I’m being honest.

Henrietta: It was a governor. A Louisiana Governor, I think.

Amy: Well, there are only a few of those still living, can’t be too hard to figure out.

Tammy: How did we not know this yet, that’s my question.

Henrietta: I didn’t mean to throw the day into chaos like this.

Amy: No, we need to know. I’ll probably have to make some statement about it, you know, standard expressions of sympathy.

Marietta: Oh my god, it’s Henry Fontainebleau!

Amy: Wow! I worked with him!

Marietta: So did I! So did Milton! He was governor back when Milton was Secretary of State.

Amy: He was mayor when I was first elected to the city council.

Tammy: I have no idea who this man is.

Amy: Our governor, keep up!

Tammy: I’m from New York.

Amy: We know!

Henrietta: I’m from Virginia, but you don’t hear me reminding everyone every ten seconds.

Tammy: How did this become an opportunity to bash me?

Henrietta: It’s an emotional day, sorry.

Tammy: What did you mean emotional? You didn’t know who the hell he was either!

Henrietta: A man’s dead, that’s always sad.

Tammy: Don’t get me wrong, I’m not happy about it! I just, you know, I don’t know him.

Marietta: We weren’t exactly close, but I did work with him when he was governor and I was a senator to pass some things for Louisiana, especially during the hurricane. I’m bummed. Milton’s going to be, too.

Amy: He was a great mayor.

Marietta: That’s how my mom knew him. She said he was a pain in the ass, but it was only because he was so stubborn about doing what he felt was best for the city. It’s good to see a politician who genuinely does care. I think I should do a press conference about it. You think we can get something together in time to make it during the news at noon?

Amy: I can try.

Tammy: We have plans then, Marietta. They’ve been penciled in for days, even weeks!

Marietta: Sometimes things get in the way of plans, you know that.

Tammy: This is too much!

Henrietta: Come on! Don’t be so cold!

Tammy: I’m not trying to be cold! I just don’t want to screw over people who put in meeting requests weeks in advance because Marietta needs a big TV moment.

Marietta: You’re being ridiculous. Amy, send out a quick press release informing the media of my speech at noon. Also, order the city flags to half staff.

Amy: Got it.

Tammy: You people drive me nuts!

Marietta: The feeling is mutual!

Tammy: Am I really that insensitive that you’re walking away from me?

Amy: Seems so, yes.

Tammy: Ugh! You people drive me nuts!

Marietta gets a call from Patty Lynn.

Marietta: Ah, guess who just found out.

Amy: This’ll be a while.

Marietta answers the phone.

Patty Lynn: Did you hear the news? It’s awful!

Marietta:  I assume you mean about Governor Fontainebleau. Yes, I’ve heard.

Patty Lynn: He was younger than me! I don’t know what happened!

Kathleen: Cancer!

Patty Lynn: Oh, jeez. And he never told anyone?

Marietta: We weren’t exactly best friends with him, I’m not shocked he didn’t call us to let us know.

Patty Lynn: I know, but we didn’t get to say goodbye. He and I worked pretty well together back when he was mayor.

Martin: He was dying, I don’t think we can be too upset he didn’t call up everyone he ever knew to tell them goodbye.

Kathleen: Yeah, is that how you’d want to spend your final days?

Patty Lynn: I don’t know, spending my dying days being told how beloved I am and how great I was in life seems like a nice way to end things.

Kathleen: You’re deranged.

Patty Lynn: That’s not a way to talk to someone who’s grieving!

Kathleen: Sounds like a big ole’ excuse to me!

Marietta: Is there any particular reason you called? You just wanted me to hear you guys bickering?

Kathleen: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to start something while you’re on the phone. You deal with enough nonsense from her.

Marietta: Thank you. You’re not wrong.

Patty Lynn: One of the governor’s assistants contacted us and invited us to his funeral. It’s this Friday.

Marietta: Oh, wow, that’s fast.

Patty Lynn: He was always very efficient, I’m not shocked his funeral was pre-planned.

Martin: Are you going to go with us?

Marietta: I’m the mayor, I’d better go. I have to represent the city.

Patty Lynn: Good. I’m going to call Milton, too.

Marietta: Won’t he be in DC?

Patty Lynn: They don’t do anything anyway, you know that!

Marietta: Okay, that’s a bit insulting.

Patty Lynn: I didn’t say you didn’t do anything as a senator, but the Senate as a whole… not too productive.

Marietta: That’s true. I still don’t know if Milton will show, though. They kinda had a bumpy end to their working relationship.

Patty Lynn: What do you mean?

Marietta: You don’t remember?

Patty Lynn: No!

Kathleen: Oh boy, she’s starting to forget things! That’s never a good sign!

Martin: Stop it.

Kathleen: Just kidding!

Patty Lynn: I don’t know why everyone’s speaking so light-heartedly when a man has died!

Marietta: You should hear Tammy.

Tammy: Don’t bring me into this!

Marietta: She’s being a real negative Nancy.

Tammy: Kathleen, I get you. That’s all I’m saying.

Kathleen: Oh, so she’s not crying over some guy she’s never met. Don’t let them bully you into being fake!

Tammy: Never!

Amy: I didn’t think I’d ever get to see an alliance between those two.

Marietta: Nor did I ever want one.

Patty Lynn: So, back to your brother. What happened with him and Governor Fontainebleau?

Marietta: The governor wanted Milton to run to succeed him after his term ended, and Milton was being advised on that before he resigned as Secretary of State to take the job as US Deputy Secretary of State. Do you not remember this?

Patty Lynn: Of course I remember when he did that, I’m not totally crazy.

Marietta: Well, the governor was upset that all his work seemingly went to waste.

Patty Lynn: Well, he got Eileen Birkman to run and she won, so what was the issue?

Marietta: I don’t know, but it caused a bit of a fracture. They didn’t argue about it or anything, but things were weird and they drifted apart. You know how Milton is about confrontation.

Patty Lynn: He’s like a wet noodle.

Kathleen: That’s because you always coddl-

Patty Lynn: Don’t even!

Marietta: It’s worth asking him, though. Maybe he will show, it could give him some closure.

Patty Lynn: That’s the plan! I’m sort of the closer around here, call me Kyra Sedgwick!

Marietta: Yeah, sure. I’ll see you later. I gotta go work on a speech about the governor.

Patty Lynn: I’ll see you. Good luck! He was a heck of a guy, he deserves a nice eulogy!

Marietta: You think they’d let me give a eulogy instead of a public speech on the news? Amy, hold up!

Patty Lynn: I wouldn’t bet on that. You barely knew him.

Marietta: You’re not wrong. 

Marietta hangs up.

Tammy: So now you’re going to a funeral? On a Friday? This is going to interrupt two days of work?

Henrietta: My god, have a heart!

Tammy: I have a heart!

Marietta: Why do you eavesdrop on my phone calls?

Tammy: You shouldn’t use speaker phone if a call’s supposed to be private!

Amy: All right, ladies, I feel like I’m on an episode of Housewives.

Marietta: Can it, Andy Cohen!

Amy: I’m trying to douse the fire, not fan the flames. I’m no Andy!

Henrietta: I love Andy!

Amy: Of course you do.

Four days later…

Marietta: So, is Milton coming?

Patty Lynn: He wasn’t sure.

Marietta: Ah, he’s always so overdramatic.

Kathleen: You didn’t bring any of your pals along?

Marietta: No, they had to “keep the city running.” Nonsense, I say.

Kathleen: Any chance I could use that excuse to get out of this?

Martin: No.

Kathleen: Worth a try.

Marietta: I don’t get why Milton won’t just commit to either skipping or going to this funeral. It’s so annoying.

Patty Lynn: He’s very conflicted. I think he thinks he’d be a distraction or something. I don’t know.

Marietta: They had a minor falling out, he didn’t kill his dog!

Milton: I know!

Marietta: Oh, good, you did the right thing.

Moira: It took a lot of convincing!

Marietta: That doesn’t surprise me one bit!

Milton: It didn’t take that much convincing.

Moira: We just touched down in New Orleans twenty minutes ago. We bought our plane tickets this morning.

Milton: That’s misrepresenting the situation a bit.

Moira: It is not.

Milton: I thought we agreed not to tell people that.

Moira: No, only you did.

Milton: Please don’t push my buttons, it’s an emotional day.

Moira: Sorry, dear. I love you.

Patty Lynn: Regardless of when you decided to come, I’m glad you decided to at all. The governor’s widow asked about you and talked about how much the governor enjoyed working with you.

Milton: I wish I was able to have that conversation with him. It’s terrible that we went without speaking for almost fifteen years.

Moira: It’s not your fault.

Milton: It sort of is. I was shooting for the stars a bit, and I burned some people along the way before I got burned myself. It was a learning curve.

Marietta: Look where we are now, though!

Kathleen: A funeral?

Marietta: I mean in our lives.

Kathleen: Oh, right. You’ve had such a decline, but it’s not really your fault.

Milton: That’s not fair, Mayor of New Orleans is a great job!

Kathleen: Is it?

Martin: I wish they had a bar, maybe getting blackout drunk would be enough to shut her up.

Kathleen: Nope!

Patty Lynn: Milton, you want to go sit down?

Milton: No, I’m gonna go pay my respects to the family, let them know how much I appreciated his mentorship. You know, things I should’ve told him.

Marietta: Well, that’s very deep. I’m going to grab a good seat before they’re all taken.

Milton: Good luck with that!

Marietta: Good luck with your thing. Try not to get us kicked out!

What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!

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