Our House Season 6 Episode 15 - Our New Man

Our House Season 6, Episode 15
Our New Man

Cindy: Does anyone know where Teri is?

Velma: At work, no?

Cindy: Seems a bit late for that, no?

Tammi: What time is it?

Cindy: Seven o’clock.

Tammi: And we haven’t eaten yet? What’s wrong with us?

Danielle: Well, ever since Ralph started up his new business, no one else can get in the kitchen on Thursdays or Fridays.

Ralph: Don’t blame me for trying to make a living!

Cindy: We’re not poor, we can afford to go out to eat if Ralph’s hogging the kitchen. In fact, let’s go there right now!

Betty: Not without Teri!

Cindy: Do we have to do everything together?

Betty: This is different. It would be mean to go out without telling her and eat and then expect her to get food for herself when she gets home.

Jerry: You could call her and ask her if she wanted to meet us there instead of keeping us all hungry and hostage.

Mitchell: Good idea! Thank god someone’s got a brain!

Frank: Get a room, you two.


Velma: You would like any idea that ends in you getting to slam some food into your mouth. One-track mind.

Karl: Should I get the car started?

Betty: We aren’t leaving just yet.

Tammi: It’s seven o’clock, are you planning to eat dinner at midnight?

Betty: I just… oh, fine, we’ll go now. But I need to get a good blouse on if we’re going anywhere fancy.

Tammi: I was thinking Texas Roadhouse.

Steven: I love Texas Roadhouse!

Jerry: Who doesn’t love Texas Roadhouse?

Danielle: Is that the place with the peanuts?

Jerry: That’s one way to put it.

Danielle: I have a gift card for that place. Let me go find it.

Frank: Now this is becoming a production.

Betty: Just be glad we’re letting you come with us!

Frank: Don you think you’re the boss of Texas Roadhouse? I have a car and a bank account, I can go there whenever I please!

Velma: I’m not his biggest fan, but he’s not wrong.

Betty: I’m calling Teri, you guys get in the care and get ready to leave.

Frank: How long are you going to be? It’s cold out.

Tammi: Don’t be such a drama queen.

Betty picks up her phone and calls Teri.

Teri: What’s up, mom?

Betty: Where are you?

Teri: I’m working a late shift at work, someone called out.

Betty: Wow, it sounds really loud there.

Teri: They’re playing music over the loudspeaker way louder than normal for some reason, we’re trying to figure it out.

Betty: How long are you gonna be there?

Teri: At least another hour, maybe two. Are you that worried about me?

Betty: No, we - okay, yes, I was a little worried. I was calling, though, to see if you wanted to join us for dinner. We’re going out.

Teri: You guys haven’t eaten yet?

Cindy: She was waiting for you!

Teri: Is that Cindy?

Cindy: She has it on speakerphone. She always does, she’s basically deaf.

Teri: I should’ve known that.

Betty: So I guess that’s a no on dinner, then.

Teri: Yeah, sorry. You guys have fun, though!

Cindy: Thanks, we will, bye!

Cindy hangs the phone up.

Betty: What was that for?

Cindy: Those people out there are hungry! If they have to wait another minute to leave for dinner, they’re gonna stage a mutiny!

Betty: I don’t think you give them enough credit.

Jerry and Mitchell press the horn on their cars.

Betty: Okay, you’re right.

Cindy: I usually am, people just never give me the chance to tell it like it is.

Later, at the restaurant…

Ralph: I can’t believe you ordered appetizers! I told you how overpriced they are at any restaurant!

Velma: Are you allergic to fun?

Ralph: I’m just trying to keep us from breaking the bank over mozzarella sticks.

Velma: We got fried pickles, actually. Let’s keep it factual.

Danielle: They’re arguing about pickles.

Cindy: I wish Teri was here to see this, she’d get a kick out of it. Dumbest argument I’ve seen in a long time!

Ralph: I made a suggestion, she took offense to it.

Velma: You took offense to me wanting delicious food! I’m sorry I’m hungry, but it’s almost eight o’clock!

Karl: Children!

Ralph: I’ll drop it.

Jerry: Thank god you’re here.

Danielle: I think I’m going to run to the bathroom. If the waitress brings the pickles, save me a few. If she wants a dinner order, I know Betty’s gonna take at least another half-hour to make her choice, so I’m not concerned about picking that out.

Mitchell: We got you covered!

Velma: That’s his way of saying he’s going to eat all of the fried pickles before you’re back and then blame it on me.

Mitchell: I’d never do that! You scare me too much! I’d blame it on Frank.

Frank: Why not? I get blamed for everything else!

Danielle gets up to go to the bathroom and immediately walks back to the table.

Jerry: Bathroom that bad?

Tammi: That sucks, I had to go, too!

Mitchell: The Arby’s across the street has a pretty clean bathroom from what I remember.

Velma: How would you know that?

Mitchell: I used to go there occasionally after work when I worked over in this area.

Danielle: It’s not that! I didn’t even make it in.

Frank: Oh, it was ocupado?

Danielle: I didn’t get anywhere near it! I saw something shocking!

Betty: The President!

Tammi: A rejected proposal!

Steven: Too soon…

Velma: Sir Elton John!

Danielle: For the love of God, stop guessing and let me tell you!

Karl: Now, you know good and well that being quiet is not how this family operates.

Danielle: That’s true. I should never expect normalcy.

Betty: Tell us what it is!

Ralph: Why would Sir Elton John be at an Texas Roadhouse in Central Virginia?

Velma: I don’t know!

Betty: Shut up!

Ralph: Wow!

Danielle: Teri is here.

Betty: No! She would never lie to me!

Danielle: Then she has a doppelgänger that lives in the same town!

Cindy: She lies to you all the time.

Ralph: ALL the time!

Betty: That’s not true!

Ralph: It is true!

Mitchell: So she believes Teri would never lie, but you two would… interesting.

Cindy: Well, Teri is the favorite, that’s what everyone always says!

Betty: That is not true! I love all of you equally.

Karl: Where was Teri, again? I need to go see this for myself.

Velma: We need to leave it be, she’s a grown woman, and also she gets very angry very easily.

Betty: If she is here, she lied to me. I don’t like being lied to by the children I so lovingly raised.

Ralph: Do you know how insane you sound?

Betty: Don’t say that about your mother!

Karl: Yeah, I think you know better than to do that.

Ralph: I’m sorry, it’s just true sometimes! She’s nuts! I say that lovingly.

Betty: Your father was the one who wanted to go check on her, I was perfectly fine just sitting here drinking my Diet Coke.

Tammi: Diet Pepsi.

Betty: It’s the same drink.

Tammy: Gasp!

Karl: It was a bad idea to fan those flames. That being said, I think the only way to stop this fighting and give us a peaceful dinner is to see once and for all if it’s really Teri.

Danielle: I don’t know whether to be insulted because no one believes me or insulted because everyone thinks I can’t identify my best friend from ten feet away. Either way, I’m insulted.

Cindy: I believe you.

Frank: I think it’s just the crazy old lady that doesn’t.

Steven: I wasn’t listening, what were we talking about?

Jerry: Nothing important.

Steven: Okay, good, I’ll go back to Candy Crush while we wait for the waitress to come back.

Karl: I’ll be right back, gang.

Danielle: I still have to, you know, go to the bathroom.

Karl: Just wait until I get back, two of us walking together will ensure she sees us and knows we’re snooping.

Karl walks away.

Mitchell: So, everyone place your bets, is it Teri?

Jerry: Of course it is.

Betty: It is not! She doesn’t lie to me.

Tammi: It’s clearly aunt Teri. The better question is why’s he hiding him from us?

Jerry: Is the answer not obvious? Look at this family.

Cindy: We’re fun!

Jerry: Fun to laugh at, yes. Fun. To spend the rest of your life married into… not so much.

Velma: Tell me about it!

Ralph: I choose not to take offense to that and believe that Jerry and Velma know they’re the problems in the family.

Velma: Did not say that.

Karl: Okay, gang, it’s her.

Betty: That’s it!

Cindy: Mother! No! Sit down!

Ralph: No, let this happen, this is like something you’d see on Vanderpump Rules.

Tammi: You watch Vanderpump Rules?

Ralph: Scandoval, baby.

Tammi: This has been such a weird dinner.

Betty: I’m sorry, I gotta go!

Betty gets up and approaches Teri’s table.

Betty: Hello!

Teri: Are you our waitress? What happened to our last one?

Betty: Don’t you dare!

Teri: Ben, this is my mother, Betty Bellwood. Mom, this is Ben, my colleague from work.

Ben: It’s so nice to meet you.

Betty: Nice to meet you, too. Teresa, you lied to me!

Teri: I did no such thing.

Betty: You were at work?

Teri: We were getting work done, it got late, we decided to finish up here.

Betty: You work at a store!

Teri: I got a promotion.

Ben: What’s going on here?

Teri: Nothing! She’s not well, Ben.

Betty: I’m fine!

Karl: Honey, let’s get back to the table. The waitress wants to know what we want to eat!

Betty: Get me a taco, I don’t care! I need to figure out what’s happening with my daughter!

Karl: She’s an adult! You can’t have control over her forever. Let’s go sit back down.

Teri: I’m so sorry about her.

Betty: You drive me up a wall, little lady!
Back at the table…

Cindy: I told you not to check to see if it was really her.

Karl: You did not!

Danielle: I regret saying anything until we were safely home and free from the possibility of that happening.

Jerry: I’m just glad they didn’t kick us out.

Later that night, at home…

Jerry: I can’t believe we got banned from another restaurant!

Tammi: Not just any restaurant. A Texas Roadhouse. Do you know how badly you have to act to get banned from a Texas Roadhouse?

Frank: Every Texas Roadhouse in America, actually.

Ralph: There’s no way they can enforce that, they were just really ticked off.

Mitchell: You know, some would argue that -

Velma: Stay out of this one.

Betty: I’m very sorry. If it makes you all feel any better, only I am banned. You all just got kicked out this one time.

Jerry: That makes it so much better. We were only publicly humiliated at a local restaurant, we weren’t actually banned from ever returning.

Karl: Objectively, that is less bad. Those of us that know how to act civilized will be allowed to return in the future.

Betty: I’m so sorry for acting so foolish! I didn’t mean to do that, it just came out.

Cindy: I have to be honest, I think they overreacted a little. That place is the Mecca for local alcoholics, there’s no way mom is the worst-behaved person they’ve ever seen. Someone was just in a bad mood and took it out on her.

Betty: Thank you!

The front door slams open.

Teri: I can explain.

Betty: Can you?

Frank: Oh no, it’s starting again

Betty: Oh, Frank, shut up!

Teri: I didn’t mean to lie, I just know how yet get when I’m seeing someone.

Betty: So you two weren’t just at Texas Roadhouse trying to sell Birkenstocks to the waitress?

Teri: It was our second date.

Betty: Second?

Cindy: Oh no.

Betty: You know what happened the last time one of my children hid something about their dating life from me? Tammi.

Tammi: I’ll be honest, I’m kinda glad mom did that.

Jerry: So am I, sweetie!

Tammi: Dad, that was unconvincing.

Jerry: Well, thirty-some years with this family will do that to a man.

Teri: I know how you act when I date someone. It’s so early, I didn’t want you to get too attached. You’re like a child in that way.

Betty: You could have at least fessed up when I saw him at the restaurant.

Teri: I was scrambling. In my defense, you guys never go to Texas Roadhouse. I thought I was safe there, I thought I found a Bellwood-free zone.

Betty: I’m just disappointed. I thought we had a relationship where you could feel free to tell me, and all of us, about what’s up in your life.

Teri: It was childish, and I was foolish. I’m not going to make that mistake again.Do you want to meet him?

Betty: I already did.

Teri: I mean for real. I’ll bring him here for dinner.

Betty: Is he still going to think I’m a dementia patient?

Jerry: You aren’t?

Teri: I told him everything, at risk of making myself look bad.

Cindy: Introducing him to the family on the third date? Too soon!

Ralph: Your third date was at Planned Parenthood, shut it!

Tammi: What?

Cindy: Just for family planning advice, nothing else.

Tammi: You better not be lying like Teri.

Teri: I don’t love being the family face of lying.

Frank: Don’t lie then!

Tammi: Frank, shut it.

Betty: I’d love to have him over for dinner, Teri.

Teri: Thank god! All is well again!

Jerry: Not so fast! We still haven’t eaten dinner!

Velma: We gotta have leftovers in the fridge, no?

Jerry: Could’ve had a steak?

Betty: How many times do I have to apologize?

Jerry: A few more. 

What did you think this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week!

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