American Horror Story Seasons, Ranked

American Horror Story is one of my favorite shows of all time. Unfortunately, not everything about the show can be perfect. The show has had its weak moments, and its strong moments. Most of the strong moments happened in earlier seasons. But the later season had their magic, too. Today, I'll be counting down the seasons, from the worst, all the way to the best.

7- Hotel

For such a promising premise, this one just went so, so wrong. It killed off two characters from other seasons (including Queenie, whose death I shall never get over). The characters were pretty awful, too (except for a few very good characters). They didn't really seem to know what to do with their stellar cast, especially Angela Bassett. For the most part, I didn't care about the fate of any of the characters. The plot really made no sense, and went nowhere fast. It also suffered from the loss of Jessica Lange, who was desperately needed to salvage this dumpster fire. It kills me to say this, but this was the first season of AHS that I didn't even care about in the slightest. 

Grade: D-

Numerical Score: 4/10

6- Cult

While I enjoyed the start of the seventh season, it went off the rails quickly. Filled with convoluted plots, clown masks, and far too many political references for my liking, this season was just a dumpster fire. It took away the supernatural element of the previous seasons and replaced it with the same blood and gore you can see in any other basic horror show. It just didn't feel like American Horror Story, and with much of the show's original cast nowhere to be found, it really wasn't.

Grade: D+

Numerical Score: 5

5- Roanoke

Roanoke was a huge improvement over Hotel, that's for sure. But pretty much anything would have been. I didn't dislike Roanoke or anything, it just wasn't consistent at all. I hated the premiere and the finale, but the middle episodes were mostly solid. The acting in Roanoke was good, but Kathy Bates really stood out as the Butcher. She was such a fun and interesting character, and Bates brought her to life perfectly. The storyline here was actually pretty good, but it did take a few episodes to get used to the documentary aspect. Evan Peters and Denis O'Hare were grossly underused this season, and the Taissa Farmiga and Frances Conroy appearances were disappointing. However, new additions to the cast like Adina Porter and Cuba Gooding Jr, and returning cast member Leslie Jordan all had strong performances in the season. While there was a lot to hate about this season, it wasn't all bad.
Grade C+

Numerical Score: 6.5

4- Freak Show

This was the first season of American Horror Story that I watched, so there's some nostalgia here. But I genuinely enjoyed this season, and cared for most of the characters. The end was heartbreaking for me. Elsa was a top-notch character, despite the fact that she was Lange's least-strong character. Dandy was a fantastic villain that met an even more fantastic fate. Maggie was one of Emma Roberts' greatest performances to date. Ma Petite's death was tragic, and really tugged at the heart strings. But some characters (and I love you NPH), such as Chester, were awful and made no sense. The rapid killing of many characters in the matter of minutes was sloppy and awful. Twisty was just odd, though he had some potential. Dell was... less than stellar. This season was still strong, but was ultimately the weakest Lange-led season.

Grade: B+

Numerical Score: 8

3- Murder House

I loved this season, so I hate putting it at #3. But it isn't quite as good as Asylum or Coven. I loved the Constance, Violet, and Billie Dean characters. They were fantastic. Tate was such an odd, interesting character. He completely changed the course of the season, and I loved it. The death of Adelaide was tragic, and Constance trying to get her to the yard really showed her love for her daughter, which I loved. The season was so entertaining. I would love to see them revisit the Murder House with a new family, with appearances by the old cast, of course!

Grade: A-

Numerical Score: 9

2- Asylum

Asylum was so fantastic. And it killed me to name it the second best. But alas, it had to be done. The season was great, and was very scary. It and Murder House are essentially tied for pure awesomeness.  The Name Game is one of my favorite moments in AHS (and TV) history. Jessica Lange was so fantastic in this season that the Emmys committed a crime by not giving her the Emmy. Sister Jude and her fall to madness were both moving and downright awful. Her death remains one of the most moving and heartbreaking moments of the entire show. Lana Banana was also an amazing character, as were Pepper, Kit, and Mary Eunice. My only problem with this season is the present-day nonsense.  I didn't care for the whole Shelley story either. She was a really odd character that was easily overshadowed by more interesting ones.

Grade: A

Numerical Score: 9.5

1- Coven

This is by far my favorite season, and is one of the greatest television programs I've ever seen. It's honestly in my top 5. I just adored the Stevie Nicks appearances. The characters (except Kyle, who was more annoying that anything) were all fantastic. The acting was top notch. The fact that it takes place in my favorite city in the world is awesome. This season was perfect. It's so great, I'll be watching it again soon (something I don't do with many shows). I loved that it didn't rely on wholly on shock value, something that too many AHS episodes do. Plus, it brought my favorite AHS characters ever, Myrtle, Madison, Misty, Cordelia, Zoe, and Fiona, into the world.

Grade: A+

Numerical Score: 10

I can't wait to see what else Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, and the rest of the AHS crew have in store for us over the next few seasons.

American Horror Story: Roanoke Episode 5 Review

      The episode opens with Doris Kearns Goodwin telling us about the beginnings of the House of Horrors, as I like to affectionately call it. It was built by Edward Philippe Mott, a wealthy man with Social Anxiety, who just adores his artwork. We also meet his lover and manservant, Guinness.
Unfortunately, his art is not long for this world, and The Butcher and Ambrose destroy it all. Edward punished his staff for what he just "knows" they did, and he locks them in the cellar. Later, Edward is awoken in the middle of the night, and he is taken outside to be "punished" for building his home on the Roanoke land. He is killed by the colonists. Guinness gets away, but he tells nobody about the staff, and they all perish. Guinness is also blamed for Edward's death.

       Back to the age of the Millers, the Butcher wants the Millers to all surrender, so that she can have her land back, and she can kill them. Matt wants Shelby to take Flora and go, but, unfortunately, ghosts start to swarm them, and they think they're trapped. Fortunately, Edward helps them out, and leads them to the woods. He then leaves them to fend for themselves, and they are captured by the Polk family.

      The Polks take Matt, Flora, and Shelby to their home, and there they find Elias. Elias has been brutally tortured. The Polks have cut off parts of his body so that they can eat him. Unfortunately for him, their Mama (played by Frances Conroy, in her return to AHS) does not like the taste of him (he's rancid), and she has her sons kill him. Mama Polk then tells the Millers of their (and their ancestors) agreement with the Butcher. They would try to keep the home empty, and make sure they had some fresh blood during the Full Moon.

     We finally get to see what has happened to Lee. She's being held by the police in her ex's death, but they won't charge her. She is released, and sees a bunch of texts from Shelby. The most important one is one informing Lee that Flora is safe (kinda). She heads to the house.

       The Polks are taking the Millers back to the house, in order to be sacrificed. The Millers manage to fight back, killing one of the Polks, and knocking one off the truck and to the ground. But that does not work, as Mama Polk and one of the sons manage to capture them. Mama hits Shelby with an axe, ensuring that they won't run off.

     The Millers are taken to the Butcher, and are going to be killed. Just as Flora is about to die, Lee arrives. Ambrose rebels against the Butcher, and saves the Millers. The Butcher and Ambrose burn in the fire. The Pig Man tries to finish the deed, but Lee hits him with her car, and they drive off to a hotel. At the hotel, it is discovered that Shelby has been suffering from nightmares that the Butcher has found them.

This was the best episode of the season. This season is really shaping up to be a good one, and it just keeps getting better. I can't wait for the big twist in episode 6.
Score: 9.5
Grade: A

Loose Ends:
- Well, there you are Evan Peters!
- And then you get outshone by Frances Conroy coming back.
- Nice shoutout to Dandy's death!
- And now Elias is dead. Eww. Eww. Eww.
- Still no opening credits. Maybe next week?

American Horror Story: Roanoke Episodes 1-3 Reviews

Because I only just decided to write AHS reviews, I will be giving short, summarized reviews of each episode and my thoughts on the season as a whole. Starting next week, there will be more in-depth reviews.

Episode 1

This was a very disappointing premiere. I was really hoping for some more action (or for SOMETHING to happen at least), but it didn't really go anywhere. This is my least favorite AHS premiere ever. I hated the documentary style.

Numerical Score: 5/10
Grade: D


Episode 2
This episode was certainly better. I thoroughly enjoyed the scenes that Denis O'Hare appeared in. He's always a delight. I'm hoping for more scenes with him in it. The season is getting on the right track. I just want more Kathy Bates. The scenes with the nurses were also very good. I want to know more about them.

Numerical Score: 6.5
Grade: C+


Episode 3
I really enjoyed this episode. The documentary part is starting to get entertaining, and I loved the interaction between Lee and the Interviewer. I'm also in love with Cricket. He's my favorite character thus far. The scenes of The Butcher were also great. Kathy Bates is amazing. For the first time this season, I'm actually excited for the next episode. I can't wait to see the next few episodes. This was the best AHS episode since Freak Show.

Numerical Score: 9
Grade: A-


Loose Ends:
- PLEASE COME BACK JESSICA LANGE
- YOU TOO, FRANCES CONROY
- I need to see more of Cricket. He's such an interesting character.
- Kathy Bates is so fantastic
- This season is getting so much better
- Why is Denis O'Hare barely a part of this season so far?
- Can you guys stop killing all of these pigs?
- Who the fork is Priscilla?
- Please, bring back the opening sequence.
- You got me hooked again, Ryan Murphy!
- CROATOAN!!!