Teri and Danielle are in the car when they get a call from Betty.
Teri: We left two hours ago, mom! What do you want?
Betty: I’m jest checking in! Where are you at now?
Teri: We just got on the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. Is that okay with you?
Betty: You’re running behind!
Teri: We stopped for breakfast.
Betty: I would’ve made you breakfast.
Danielle: That’s very kind of you to offer, but we did just fine, and we didn’t even have to wake you up at six in the morning.
Betty: You didn’t leave until eight. I was awake when you left.
Teri: We know how long you take to make food.
Betty: I can hurry if I want to!
Teri: Too early in the day for rushing.
Betty: Well, I don’t want to bug you, I know you’re on your little girls trip, so just have fun, be safe, and let me know when you get to Ocean City.
Teri: We will, mom, and have fun at home!
Betty: I won’t! Bye!
Teri hangs up.
Danielle: We didn’t have to blow her off like that.
Teri: Blow her off?
Danielle: You were so short with her, I think she was trying to say that she wanted to come with us.
Teri: She knew this weekend trip was just for us. Why would we bring her with?
Danielle: You could be less rude about it, that’s all I’m saying. You sniped at her just for asking if we wanted breakfast.
Teri: I did not “snipe” at her.
Danielle: You didn’t?
Teri: How did I snipe at her?
Danielle: “we know how long you take to make food?” Do you think that was a nice way to put it?
Teri: I was telling it like it is. She knows she’s slow in the kitchen, it’s why we always have Ralph or Cindy do it.
Danielle: I just think you could have been more tactful about it, and drop the attitude.
Teri: I see it’s going to be one of those kind of days.
Danielle: What is that supposed to mean?
Teri: You know, you in a mood.
Danielle: I’m in a mood?
Teri: I’m my usual sarcastic self, nothing out of the ordinary, and you’ve got a problem with it!
Danielle: I’ll drop it, fine. Talk to your mother however you see fit.
Teri: Thank you! Now, let’s enjoy the beautiful scenery on this bridge. Look at all those seagulls! Isn’t nature magic?
Danielle: The ones flying or the ones dead on the road?
Teri: Look at Dani Downer go! She’s truly got a gift. No one else can bring people down like she can!
Danielle: I thought we’d reached detente?
Teri: I gotta be me!
Danielle: You sure do.
Three hours later…
Teri: All right, it’s only one o’clock. You wanna check out the town?
Danielle: I’d really rather take our luggage up to our room and get situated first.
Teri: We can’t do that after we go have son fun around town? We don’t have unlimited time here, I’d rather not waste it sitting in a hotel room.
Danielle: I woke up at six in the morning and just drove for five hours, I’m really not in the mood for going out on the town. Maybe after I relax a bit, we can go out.
Teri: All right, fine. If that’s what you want, sure.
Danielle: Thank you. Now, where’s the room key?
Teri: I don’t know, I thought you had it.
Danielle: I gave it to you!
Teri: I don’t recall that.
Danielle: It was five minutes ago!
Teri: I was playing Candy Crush, I was listening to ABBA, I was in the zone.
Danielle: You’re unable to properly handle a key when you’ve got Mamma Mia on the stereo?
Teri: Yes. ABBA is all-consuming.
Danielle: How do I do it?
Teri: Do what?
Danielle: Handle you?
Teri: You know you were lucky to find me!
Danielle: Uh-huh.
Two hours later.
Teri: Okay, you ready to go out?
Danielle: I’m still really not feeling it.
Teri: Come on! We have three days here and you’re gonna waste one of them in the hotel?
Danielle: I work long days, and now I’m on a vacation. Am I not allowed to rest one my vacation?
Teri: We’re here to see things, not to lay on a cheap hotel bed! I can lay down at home!
Danielle: Why are you pestering me about this? You know how I feel, why dig in?
Teri: I just want to have fun?
Danielle: Well, you’re not fun!
Teri: Excuse me?
Danielle: Not when you’re badgering me, you’re not!
Teri: I just wanted to have a nice night together. Even if we just go check out the beach or -
Danielle: Oh, just be quiet! Get in the damn car, we’ll go out on the damn town if you want!
Teri: No, if you don’t want to -
Danielle: No! Get in the car! We’re going!
Teri: I wasn’t trying t-
Danielle: I said we’re going, now drop it!
Teri: I don’t want you to go if you don’t wa-
Danielle: Drop it!
Teri: All right, fine, we’ll go. God, I hate when you get like this! You can’t be reasoned with!
Danielle: Get in the car! We’re gonna go have fun, just like you begged for!
Teri: Wow, god forbid a person wants to enjoy herself on vacation! Let’s scream at her like you’re a Real Housewife!
Danielle: I’m done. I’m done.
Teri: So you’re done, but you’re going to make me get in the car? Am I a hostage now?
Danielle: Don’t push me.
Teri: Whatever.
Later that night, Teri calls Karl.
Karl: Honey, what’s up?
Teri: Thank god you answered.
Karl: Is something wrong? You usually wouldn’t call like this if everything was fine. I figured you’d be at some bar by now.
Teri: That was the intention, but Danielle’s gone completely nuts. I need you to pick me up.
Karl: I can leave first thing in the morning if y-
Teri: I need out now, dad.
Karl: What is wrong?
Teri: She’s just being a bitch. I snuck out of the room with my suitcase while she went in the shower, I can’t go back to the room now. I had to leave my ABBA CD - which she ejected from the CD player, I might add - behind in her car. I’m at a bar now.
Karl: It’s late, dear. I can’t see so well on the roads at night. Can I send Jerry?
Teri: Oh, god.
Karl: I’ll take that as a yes.
Teri: Just tell him to be fast, these people are freakin’ me out. One of them either has an eye condition or he’s winking suggestively at me. I think it’s a man, at least. On second thought, I might be at a lesbian bar.
Karl: That’s nice, sweetie. You enjoy your experimenting, Jerry’ll pick you up soon enough! Just text him the address!
Teri: I’m not experimenting!
Karl: Sure.
Four hours later…
Frank: Teri! You okay?
Teri: Where is Jerry?
Frank: He faked a stomachache to get out of this, you got stuck with me.
Teri: I’m never forgiving Danielle for this one. Not ever.
Frank: “Thank you for taking up a nine-hour drive at eight o’clock at night, Frank. You’re such a nice guy!”
Teri: Don’t talk about yourself in the third person, it’s unbecoming.
The next morning…
Betty: Are they still in bed?
Tammi: Well, they didn’t get home until almost five in the morning, and it’s currently ten, so I can’t say I’m surprised.
Betty: I wish we knew what happened. Did Frank happen to tell you anything before he fell asleep?
Tammi: It was five AM, I was asleep!
Betty: Well, I’m proud of you for being able to sleep through someone jumping into bed. Karl moves a little bit, that’s the end of my sleep for the rest of the night. Don’t get me started on my bedtime bladder.
Tammi: I wasn’t going to, trust me.
Cindy: Oh, look! Sleeping Beauty has found us!
Frank: How late is it?
Tammi: An little after ten. You okay after last night ?
Frank: I need a shower. Eight hours of sleep, I feel sticky.
Betty: You smell sticky, too.
Velma: What happened last night? Why’d she come home?
Frank: I don’t know.
Velma: You were in a car with her for four hours and you just… didn’t ask?
Frank: It’s not that I didn’t ask. She pulled out her sleep mask and some earplugs right away and slept the whole ride home!
Mitchell: And she’s still in bed?
Velma: Don’t get bold.
Mitchell: What does that mean?
Velma: It’s a miracle that you’re out of bed before two in the afternoon. That’s what it means.
Frank: She was very upset.
Karl: Yeah, I could tell when I got the call. She didn’t say what happened, though.
Tammi: Her and Danielle have never fought before. Not that I know of, anyway.
Betty: They had little spats before, nothing like this. It would be so sad if this really was the end.
Ralph: Did Danielle call or anything?
Betty: Nothing on the home phone. Maybe she called Teri.
Ralph: I would hope she cared enough to investigate when her best friend disappeared from a hotel room in the middle of the night.
Teri: Are you guys talking about me?
Betty: No, never!
Mitchell: Yeah, we were.
Velma: Idiot!
Teri: Don’t be too hard on him, I figured you were. It’s a pretty strange situation, and you guys always have so many questions.
Karl: What did happen?
Teri: Danielle was in one of her moods. Usually, I can just ignore them, and it’s no harm done. However, I’m stuck in a car with her this time. I try to make small talk, she has smart remarks. I want to go enjoy Ocean City, she wants to stay in the room and relax. Eventually, my desire to actually do some vacationing on vacation sent her over the edge and she blew up on me and forced me into her car so we could have some “fun.” It was the most awkward three hours of my life! She was miserable, short, and snappy the whole time, I felt terrible for everyone who had the misfortune of coming into contact with us!
Jerry: Isn’t it sort of your fault for booking a trip to Maryland in March? Who would have fun there then?
Teri: After you made me ride in a car with Frank for hours, I’d prefer if you stayed quiet.
Jerry: I was sick!
Teri: Frank told me you faked it!
Jerry: Why would you do that?
Frank: I’m honest!
Jerry: Don’t listen to him, he’s crazy.
Frank: If that’s what you have to tell yourself to shield your ego.
Betty: Oh my god, we’re gonna have another family feud! Everyone calm down!
Frank: I’m just giving him a hard time.
Jerry: And I’m just trying to not get attacked by Teri.
Teri: I’m not a crazy person, I’m not going to snap on you. I’m calm, I’m through the drama, whatever.
Betty: So, what’s going to happen with Danielle?
Teri: I don’t know, I don’t really care. When she can treat me with a bit of decency and respect and talk it out, I’ll be here.
Karl: So, you want some breakfast?
Teri: Oh, what are you making me?
Karl: Ralph, what’s left over?
Ralph: Uh… a couple cold pancakes and maybe one piece of bacon.
Mitchell: Oh, I ate that.
Ralph: A couple cold pancakes.
Betty: I think we have a banana, too.
Ralph: A couple cold pancakes and an unripe banana.
Teri: That’s a hearty meal if I’ve ever seen it.
Two days later…
Ralph: Someone hide Teri.
Teri: Why, what’s up?
Ralph: Well, someone’s here. Who do you think it is?
Velma: Everyone get to the living room!
Steven: What’s going on?
Velma: WWE SmackDown!
Cindy: Oh, come on, give them some space.
Teri: No, I don’t want space! I ain’t ready for this!
The front door opens.
Betty: Welcome home!
Danielle: Wow, that’s a warm welcome.
Karl: None of us are getting involved. We all know what happens, it’s only the business of you and Teri.
Velma: But I’d like to watch the fallout, please.
Karl: Everyone, let’s go about our day, and not make this awkward.
Danielle: Teri, can we talk?
Teri: Oh! You’re here, I didn’t notice.
Danielle: You didn’t?
Teri: I’m very unsure of how to handle this.
Danielle: I’ll start. I acted poorly towards you, because I was in a bad mood. I shouldn’t have given you such a hard time about something so stupid.
Teri: I agree.
Danielle: Do you have anything to say?
Teri: I think that about covers it.
Danielle: You think?
Teri: What are you looking for here?
Danielle: A bit of accountability, if we’re going to repair this friendship.
Teri: I shouldn’t have… wanted to go out and see the city?
Danielle: No!
Teri: I can’t read minds.
Danielle: You left while I was in the shower! I didn’t know what happened!
Teri: You certainly didn’t seem to care! You came home days later, once the trip was done!
Danielle: I know how it looks, but I really was concerned. I just figured, correctly, that you left and had non interest in speaking to me.
Teri: So is our friendship done because of this?
Danielle: Of course not!
Teri: You sure?
Danielle: Yes! It was an ugly moment, an unfortunate, regrettable mistake. In don’t want that to end over twenty years of friendship.
Teri: I agree. I’m sorry I scared you, if I did indeed do that.
Danielle: If?
Teri: You could’ve called.
Danielle: I sense this reconciliation is a work in progress.
Teri: We’ll be fine with some time. I do want to warn you, though.
Danielle: What did you do?
Teri: Your belongings may have been boxed up and taken to the basement by someone.
Danielle: Why would you do that?
Teri: I didn’t say it was me!
Velma: It was her, though.
Teri: Oh, shut up, Velma!
Velma: We all know that’ll never happen!
What did you think this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
