The family is at Martin and Patty Lynn’s for dinner.
Eliza: So, how is everyone? All well? We haven’t been here in a few weeks, I’ve been so busy in the state senate and then the kids were sick.
Milton: You haven’t missed much!
Tammy: Not true! I was almost murdered.
Amy: That’s a bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think?
Tammy: That psycho had me in his crosshairs, my life was just about over.
Henrietta: They caught him in Colorado.
Tammy: And he was from Virginia, he could have easily stopped down here on his way.
Eliza: Well, regardless of the outcome, the situation sounds pretty scary.
Amy: It was more entertaining than scary, honestly.
Tammy: It was not!
Marietta: You got to watch a bunch of Scandal when you were cooped up at home trying to avoid getting shot.
Tammy: Yeah, and they had a whole plot about the president being shot! It was very triggering!
Amy: That was in season two! You’re only on season two? After five years?
Tammy: I’m savoring it!
Elena: Maybe Scandal’s not the show for you if you’re averaging one episode a month.
Tammy: Nope, I love it!
Kathleen: Well, I have some news that isn’t related to Tammy’s semi-brush with death.
Amy: Thank god. She’s been using this for attention for way too long.
Martin: In fairness, he was only caught a week ago.
Amy: Five days too long to be dwelling on this.
Tammy: I almos-
Kathleen: So, Monday is the seventh anniversary of Allen dying. I’ve been so down the past few days, I am every year when that day comes up, and I feel like I have to go back to Arkansas.
Martin: What do you mean by that?
Kathleen: I want to go back for a visit. I already talked to Ray, he told me I could stay with him and Melina.
Martin: Do you want us to go?
Kathleen: You don’t have to, I just think it’s something I have to do.
Marietta: No, I think this is something we could all do! The Senate’s not even in session right now, even Milton could come with us. And I could have Amy and Henrietta hold down the fort in my office while we’re gone.
Tammy: Do you not trust me?
Marietta: No, you’re coming with.
Tammy: See that, Amy? I’m her favorite!
Amy: I don’t think there was ever any real doubt.
Henrietta: Amy already has an office, can I use your office while you’re gone?
Marietta: Yes, of course.
Amy: My office is a converted broom closet!
Henrietta: Snooze, you lose!
Kathleen: Are you all really sure you want to come with? Fayetteville, Arkansas is not exactly the most exciting of locales.
Amy: How’d you ever end up there, anyway?
Kathleen: Love.
Amy: That’s actually sweet, to find someone you love enough to suffer through living in Arkansas to be with them.
Kathleen: We had a love story for the ages. I miss him every day.
Marietta: I’m not sure if this is a comfort to you, It’s not much of a comfort to me, but you’ll always have us. We will always be here.
Milton: Why would you say something so horrifying to her?
Marietta: It was an attempt at comforting her.
Milton: There’s no way it worked, the though of having to spend forever with us is utterly horrifying!
Kathleen: No, don’t talk like that. I love being a part of this family, even if you all drive me nuts.
Martin: And that’s that! We’re all here for you, and we’re all going to Arkansas with you.
Kyle: What’s the weather like up there this time of year?
Marietta: Oh, kiddo, you’re going too? I figured you and Maria were too busy to go.
Maria: I mean, Milton’s a US Senator and you’re the mayor of our state’s largest city, we’re no busier than you guys. We can make a family vacation work.
Kathleen: I don’t know if I’d call it a “family vacation.”
Maria: We’re a family, we’re taking a trip together. Family vacation.
Sarah: At least your kids are too young to remember it.
Maria: Do you not think Arkansas is a great place to go on vacation?
Sarah: There are better places.
Patty Lynn: How would you know? You’ve never been there!
Kathleen: She’s not wrong, it’s not the most exciting place. But, for years, it was home. And home is nice.
Marietta: This house used to be my home, “nice” is not necessarily the word I’d use to describe it.
Patty Lynn: You could always leave if it’s that bad!
Marietta: No, I’m just being my sarcastic self. I do like it here.
Milton: Way to stick your foot in your mouth.
Marietta: Oh, shut it!
Martin: So, does anyone else have something to share? Preferably something that won’t cause infighting amongst siblings?
Amy: There’s nothing any of us could say that wouldn’t cause those two to give each other hell.
Martin: That’s true.
Later that night, after everyone else has left…
Martin: Girls, I think I’m heading to bed. I’m tired.
Patty Lynn: Yeah, me too. Cooking takes a lot of energy out of me lately.
Kathleen: Martin, can I talk to you really quickly before you head to bed? There’s something on my mind.
Martin: Of course! Don’t take it too personally if I start to nod off, though.
Kathleen: I think I’m moving back to Arkansas.
Martin: What?
Patty Lynn: I hear a commotion down there, but I’m too tired to check, hope all is well!
Martin: You’re moving back to Arkansas? Why? This is your family! You’ve said it yourself!
Kathleen: I know, but something within me says it’s time to go home/
Martin: This is home! It is now, at least. It was home before Allen, too.
Kathleen: My son lives in Fayetteville still. I miss him. I don’t see him enough.
Martin: I understand that, but I don’t know how much longer we’ve got left, Kath. It’s been so wonderful reconnecting and I don’t want to have to spend the rest of our lives at a distance again.
Kathleen: My visit to New Orleans was only ever supposed to be a temporary thing to begin with, I was only coming to reconnect and repair our relationship. It’s repaired. Something’s calling me back to Arkansas, and I have to go. I hope you can support that.
Martin: It just breaks my heart, kid. I don’t want to lose my little sister all over again.
Kathleen: Let’s just be glad we’ve had this time together.
Martin: At the end of the day, it’s your life to live as you desire. I’m going to miss you terribly, but if this is what you want, I’ll support you.
Kathleen: Don’t tell any of the others, okay?
Martin: Not even Patty Lynn?
Kathleen: Especially Patty Lynn! Can you imagine how annoying she’ll be about this? Not to mention, the entire city will know by tomorrow afternoon if she finds out.
Martin: She’s not that bad.
Kathleen: She is.
Martin: I know. I’ll keep it a secret.
Kathleen: It’s not that I want it “secret,” per se. I just don’t want everyone getting all wishy washy and letting it ruin their trip. I want them to enjoy themselves.
Martin: It’s just Arkansas!
Kathleen: Ignorance is bliss, Martin.
The next week, at the airport…
Marietta: Dad, you okay?
Martin: What? Huh? Yeah.
Marietta: Strange…
Martin: I was just a bit confused by the question, don’t turn into Sherlock.
Patty Lynn: He was probably just concerned about us flying on some crap no-name airline because it’s the only one that flies into Fayetteville, Arkansas. I can’t say I’m not concerned myself. I mean, is this airline even regulated? The seats were too cheap to be regulated.
Milton: We could have driven, but someone said no.
Patty Lynn: You all know I enjoy a good road trip, but this isn’t the time for that.
Milton: And why’s that?
Patty Lynn: A road trip’s for when you want to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. When you just want to get somewhere and be done with it, you fly.
Sarah: Who said we wanted to get to Arkansas quickly?
Moira: You need to stop making pointed little jabs at Arkansas, your aunt is very excited to show us around her hometown.
Sarah: You’re not my real mom and you never will be!
Moira: That was a bit uncalled for.
Marietta: Surely you’re used to it by now? She says it to me all the time!
Patty Lynn: And me.
Sarah: I like to rebel against authority.
Tammy: You are an adult now, you don’t really have to listen to them.
Milton: Why would you say that? And while we’re at an airport, no less!
Marietta: How about, she can be independent any other time but we all have to listen to dad here so we don’t get lost. He’s the airport boss.
Martin: Airport boss?
Marietta: You’re the only one we all listen to.
Tammy: I’m not even in this family, I can do whatever I want.
Marietta: But you won’t.
Tammy: You’re right.
Martin: I guess it’s my job to say we need to go check in so we’re not late to the gate.
Sarah: Finally, I can taste Arkansas.
Marietta: It doesn’t sound like it would taste very good.
Milton: What state do you think would taste good?
Tammy: Hawaii.
Milton: Maybe next year you can taste Hawaii.
Later that day…
Kathleen: Okay, gang! Ray is here waiting for us. He has a sign with out names on it.
Tammy: Do you not know what your own son looks like?
Patty Lynn: How hard can it even be to find a person at the airport in Fayetteville, Arkansas. I’m pretty sure this place is only open part-time. I’ve seen two workers since we’ve arrived.
Kathleen: It’s not that bad, it’s just smaller than our big-city airport.
Milton: I never thought Dulles would seem nice in comparison, but here we are.
Kathleen: So it’s a little run down -
Marietta: A little? There’s floral wallpaper, and it’s peeling off!
Sarah: It smells.
Tammy: I was once First Lady. I’m now here. I don’t know how this has happened to me, but I’m sad.
Sarah: For some reason, I always thought you were from Arkansas.
Tammy: I’ve been here once before in my entire life, it was absolutely awful, because someone threw a tomato at Mitch and I thought it was a grenade because it was unripened.
Marietta: That’s a fun story. Let’s find our luggage and our ride.
Moira: Is there room for all of us in one car?
Kathleen: I’m sure we do! There aren’t that many of us.
Sarah: There are eight of us.
Marietta: Yeah, unless he drives the bus from the Partridge family, we’re in trouble.
Milton: I think people are staring at us.
Patty Lynn: What, have you never seen a First Lady, a senator, a former senator, a former Secretary of Transportation and a senator’s wife walking through an airport together before?
Kathleen: I think you’re forgetting someone.
Patty Lynn: Who?
Kathleen: I was this district’s congresswoman.
Patty Lynn: That was like fifty years ago!
Kathleen: And people remember what the Secretary of Transportation from thirty years ago looks like?
Martin: Don’t drag me into this.
Ray: Mom!
Kathleen: See, I knew we’d find him! Everyone, this is Ray!
Milton: It’s been so long! Good to see you again!
Ray: Good to see you guys! You’ve grown!
Marietta: So have you!
Moira: What were they like as kids? I’m Milton’s wife, by the way.
Ray: I know, I got the invite to the wedding! I’m so sorry I couldn’t make it, I broke my leg right before and I just couldn’t make the trip in that condition.
Moira: It’s fine! You avoided seeing us drunk, at least. I’m glad that wasn’t your first impression of me.
Kathleen: Do we, by any chance, have room in the car for all of us?
Ray: Yeah, I think so! Gosh, it’s so good to see you again, mom! I’m so glad you’re coming home to us!
Patty Lynn: Coming home? We’re already here.
Ray: I meant moving home.
Patty Lynn: She’s not moving home.
Martin: Kathleen…
Kathleen: I didn’t intend for you to find out this way.
Patty Lynn: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Moira: I’m lost.
Milton: She’s moving back to Arkansas, she didn’t tell us first.
Patty Lynn: Did you think we just wouldn’t notice you not being on the flight home?
Kathleen: I wanted us to all enjoy this trip.
Patty Lynn: Why are you leaving us?
Kathleen: I didn’t realize you’d be this upset. I know we do our road trips together, but I always feel like I’m annoying you any other time.
Patty Lynn: You’re like a sister to me! Sisters bicker.
Marietta: Sisters also bicker with brothers.
Ray: Let’s just all go home, we can discuss this then, in private.
Moira: Yeah, people are really staring now.
Sarah: It’s fun, no?
Moira: No!
Patty Lynn: I guess. I’m just very disappointed by this.
Marietta: You’ll live.
The next day…
Patty Lynn: Ah, good! You’re all awake!
Marietta: Why are you dressed already?
Patty Lynn: We’re going house hunting, like those freaks on HGTV.
Milton: Mom, I‘m the US Senator from Louisiana, I can’t just move to Arkansas!
Patty Lynn: No, not for us! If Kathleen’s moving, I’ll help her move. We’ll find her a nice place, she deserves our help.
Martin: You’re fine with this now?
Patty Lynn: I laid in bed thinking about it, and I figured it’s her life and I can’t keep her where she doesn’t want to be.
Martin: I’m glad you see it the same way I do.
Marietta: Dad, did you know ahead of time, by any chance?
Martin: What? No!
Marietta: Oh, you definitely knew.
Martin: I was sworn to secrecy.
Patty Lynn: You’re lucky I’ve decided to be normal about this, or you’d be in for a rough trip, buddy!
Martin: Yeah, I know.
Later that day…
Kathleen: You know, I just don’t think this house is right.
Marietta: This is our fifth house of the day!
Kathleen: It sometimes takes more than five houses to find the right place to spend the rest of your life living in. I do have to say, though, I’m so glad you’ve all been so gracious about this and even helped the house search. I have a great family.
Martin: Patty Lynn led the charge, really.
Kathleen: Are we thinking of the same Patty Lynn?
Patty Lynn: You sure are! I want to help you out.
Kathleen: That’s very sweet.
Patty Lynn: If you’re going to move here, you might as well find the best place you can. And we’re here for six more days, so we might as well help make that happen.
Milton: I do have to say, you don’t seem all that excited to move back to Arkansas.
Kathleen: I don’t know, it’s not that I’m not excited. I just, uh, I’m sad I’m upsetting all of you.
Milton: You have family here, we understand.
Kathleen: I know. I just expected Fayetteville to feel more like home than it currently does.
Milton: What’s wrong with Fayetteville?
Kathleen: I think it felt like home because Allen felt like home. He’s gone, it no longer feels like home.
Martin: It’ll feel more like home once you settle in, I’m sure.
Kathleen: I guess you’re right.
Moira: I found a nice Cape Cod on Zillow, I think we should go there next.
Kathleen: They have Cape Cods in Arkansas? Man, the times, they are a-changin’.
Six days later…
Kathleen: All right, gang, let’s go home!
Martin: What do you mean by that?
Kathleen: I talked to Ray last night, we both agreed my place is in New Orleans, not here anymore. I’ll be coming back more often to visit him than I have been doing, but Arkansas is not where my heart is anymore. Allen’s gone, and that longing that I feel in my heart for him will never go away, not even if I move back to where we shared our life together. In fact, this place just feels empty without him. I’m ready to go home.
Patty Lynn: I am so mad at you for giving us such a scare!
Kathleen: I’ll never do it again, I promise!
Marietta: Why was mom more upset about aunt Kathleen moving home than her actual sibling was?
Milton: Because dad is a normal person, and mom is not.
Sarah: He married her!
Martin: Don’t remind me.
Patty Lynn: What does that mean?
Marietta: It means Kathleen’s not the only one in for an awkward flight home!
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
