Olivia: I have to say, Todd, I was never all that thrilled about you dating the simpleton’s daughter, but look what it’s resulted in! Sometimes, beauty emerges from unexpected places.
Meredith: I think that’s a beautiful sentiment!
Norah: I’m not sure those are the exact words I’d use.
Olivia: You know I don’t mean anything against you, Norah.
Norah: Of course. You just think my mum’s a simpleton.
Meredith: Norah! What an awful thing to say!
Norah: She said it first, and you thought it was “beautiful.”
Meredith: Don’t blame your mum-in-law for the hurtful words that came out of your mouth!
Todd: We’re not married quite yet. Can’t wait for it to be over with.
Norah: Over with?
Meredith: You’re quite touchy, dear.
Norah: I’m sorry, I’m just incredibly tired because the baby doesn’t ever let me get any sleep.
Olivia: Aww, she’s just like her father!
Todd: I didn’t keep you up at night as a baby!
Olivia: You sure did.
Todd: I don’t buy it for a second!
Olivia: Buy it or not, you were a right pain in the arse!
Fred: Olivia! You never curse like that, and you’ve decided to start in the presence of the baby?
Olivia: I don’t expect she’ll pick up on it. She’s not even half a year old.
Fred: That wasn’t my point.
Norah: I think all the time she’s spent away from the rest of her family is starting to impact her. They’re all so prim and proper, and they keep her in line generally.
Olivia: I haven’t been away that often. I just take a few days to myself a week. That’s normal, especially for a woman my age.
Norah: You’ve been here with us for eighteen days straight.
Olivia: I have?
Todd: Indeed.
Olivia: I suppose I’m entitled to grand-maternal leave. Is that a thing?
Fred: Not generally.
Olivia: Maybe it’s time to change that! I’ll take it up with Claude!
Fred: I’m not sure if he’s going to be all that open to such a suggestion after losing his most productive worker for most of the last six months.
Olivia: I’ve worked in the last six months!
Fred: Just not as much as usual. I think that’s admirable. Making memories with your family is the most important thing. You’ll never get this time back.
Todd: I have to say, mum, you are spending a lot more time with Liliana than you did with my other girls. I really appreciate that.
Olivia: As you get older, you begin to see the increased value in spending time with those that you love. I’d rather spend time with my granddaughter and my son than spend time working.
Todd: You said that without convulsing, which I’m very shocked about.
Olivia: I’ve changed! Family’s more important than anything. More important than work, more important than riding my horses, even more important than tending to my garden.
Meredith: I love to garden! Maybe we can garden together!
Olivia: Oh my. That’s a… lovely proposition.
Meanwhile, at Buckingham Palace…
Andrea: Enough about me, Your Majesty, how are you doing?
Claude: Ah, well enough. I’m a bit tired from my trip abroad.
Andrea: That’s right, you visited the United States. I have yet to visit them since I’ve taken office. I don’t think their president likes me too much.
Claude: Well, I don’t care for him. He just kept talking to me about coal. I’m told he comes from a coal-mining family. I didn’t realize they still did that over there.
Andrea: I didn’t realize Loretta Lynn was serious about being a coal miner’s daughter. I thought she was just telling a bloody story.
Claude: Anyhow, I’m quite sick of hearing about their 250th anniversary of “independence.” I don’t think leaving our country is much to celebrate. They’re worse off without us! Not to mention, we’re supposed to be friends now. Why the excitement about the anniversary of splitting up with your pals?
Andrea: They’re a very silly people. Darn shame they’re hosting the World Cup this year, so I’m forced to pay attention to them.
Claude: You fancy football?
Andrea: They call it “soccer.” Animals!
Claude: I must say, I never expected the thing I bond with you over to be displeasure with Americans!
Andrea: I think it unites us as a nation.
Claude: Would this be a bad time to inform you that I’ve invited their president for a visit here, then?
Andrea: No, that’s wonderful! I might end up on their Today show now!
Claude: Would that be a highlight for you?
Andrea: It would be nice. I don’t think any Americans know who I am because, again, I haven’t been invited to the White House. It’s just considered police.
Claude: You’re not missing much. I don’t know what the hullabaloo is about that place, it’s not very impressive. It’s no Windsor or Buckingham.
Andrea: I think I ought to be going, sir. I’ve just noticed the time, I have to go back to parliament to get yelled at by some lunatics.
Claude: I think the opposition leader is a fine woman.
Andrea: If you’re referring to Meredith Trayman, they’ve replaced her. You don’t have to fake being polite about her any further.
Claude: I’m somewhat related to her now, so I actually do.
Andrea: Oh, that’s right! Good luck there.
Claude: Thank you. I expect I’ll need it.
Andrea departs and Eleanor and Christine rush in.
Christine: How was your meeting, dear?
Claude: I’m starting to like her, actually. Perhaps she lacks tact, but I do think it’s about time a working-class woman was in charge of the nation.
Christine: Do you really believe that?
Claude: I think she’s doing her best, and she’s already an improvement over the last one. So that’s good for the people.
Christine: But do you like her?
Claude: I’m finding ways to relate to her, that’s all I’ll say.
Eleanor: We have a problem, dearest.
Claude: What is it, mum?
Eleanor: Olivia.
Claude: Oh, lord, I’m aware! Where is she?
Eleanor: She is on leave. She never told us she was taking it, but she has taken it, anyway.
Christine: I don’t see how that’s an issue.
Eleanor: She is our moist diligent worker. She performs more royal engagements in a year than anyone else. She had more than Arthur and Claire combined last year, and they were second and third.
Claude: Who was last? We’re going to have to start cutting people loose, stripping some titles. I think they’d be a good place to start.
Eleanor: It was me. I am in my nineties, you know?
Claude: I’m willing to offer you a bit of understanding.
Eleanor: I appreciate that. I did birth you.
Claude: So, what are we to do about Olivia?
Christine: Enjoy the time she’s away?
Claude: I’m serious. I don’t want to come down too hard on her, she works very hard typically. But she’s been away so much this year, and it’s become a headache. She’s not showing up to places she’s scheduled to be at, she’s not even returning my calls. I’m not happy about it all.
Eleanor: We need to just call her in and confront her about it.
Christine: No!
Eleanor: I am sure Olivia will be understanding about our concerns.
Christine: I feel like I’m not being heard here.
The next night…
Claude: Glad we could all be here for this family meeting. It’s been too long!
Claire: It’s been three days.
Ethan: Yeah, it’s a Wednesday Why are we having a Wednesday night family meeting?
Claude: This was urgent.
Arthur: I was supposed to be at a children’s hospital right now.
Claude: They can wait.
Arthur: I’m not sure. They’re in hospital for a reason.
Claude: Anyhow, one person seems to be missing.
Fred: She thanked you for the invitation, but had to decline.
Claude: What do you mean “decline?”
Fred: She’s busy with the baby.
Eleanor: Baby?
Fred: Your great-granddaughter?
Eleanor: I did forget about that.
Gigi: She’s spending far too much time with that kid. She’s neglecting me!
Claire: Aren’t you a bit old to be -
Gigi: No! I need my mummy!
Claude: So she’s ignoring us because of the baby?
Fred: Yes, and I think that’s fairly normal.
Claude: I don’t want to be too bossy, but she’s just the grandmother. I don’t think she needs to devote all of her time to being with Liliana.
Fred: Bonding with a grandchild is a natural thing. Maybe if more people in this family did the same, you’d all be a bit more normal.
Claude: I think we’re plenty normal!
Claire: I don’t know about that…
Claude: If you don’t like how we are, you can leave!
Arthur: I’d rather she didn’t.
Gigi: Again, I agree she’s spending too much time with the baby. She should be spending that time with me.
Eleanor: I struggle to fault her for wanting to spend with with her grandchild, but she has responsibilities.
Fred: Responsibilities she was born into and forced to take part in. She’s devoted her whole life to this -
Claude: Eh…
Fred: Minus twenty years.
Claude: Quite important to note.
Fred: I just think you all need to show her more grace.
Claude: She’s free to spend time with her granddaughter. I just think she ought to also tend to her royal duties. She’s not pulling her weight right now.
Fred: If this country didn’t have a royal family -
Eleanor: Do not even dare insinuate such a thing in my home!
Christine: It’s my home, actually.
Arthur: None of us actually “own” it. It’s owned by The Crown.
Christine: Silence, son!
Arthur: Yes, mum.
Gigi: Can we also remind mum that she’s neglecting her responsibilities to me?
Fred: Gigi, you can always just come over to our place.
Gigi: It’s not as satisfying as when she comes to be and asks me to do something with her.
Fred: Are you really playing hard to get with your mother?
Gigi: I don’t think I’d call it that.
Claude: So, Fred, can you talk to Olivia?
Fred: I don’t see eye-to-eye with you lot on this. I will bring up your concerns, though. I think she does need to be aware of how you all feel.
Claude: I appreciate that.
Later that night…
Fred: Olivia, do you not want to know what the emergency family meeting was about?
Olivia: Not really?
Fred: You did demand that I go in your stead.
Olivia: Because I was uninterested in it, but didn’t want mum calling me to complain about me being a no-show.
Fred: They’re very concerned with you, Olivia.
Olivia: They’re always on my case about something. What now?
Fred: You aren’t pulling your weight, or something along those lines. They want you to return to work.
Olivia: I take a bit of time off to spend with my baby granddaughter and they’re calling meetings about it? These people are unbelievable!
Fred: I defended you. Though, Gigi did not. She feels “neglected.” She seems to have forgotten that she’s middle-aged now.
Olivia: I do plan to return to work. I certainly plan to spend more time with Gigi. It’s just been a lot. I want to be there for Liliana at the beginning, I want to see the milestones. Is that so evil?
Fred: No, it’s sweet. You’r determined to do it better this time.
Olivia: Exactly!
Fred: I admire your growth as a person, dear. If other people can’t, then so be it.
Olivia: You know what? I think, just to stick it to them, I’ll take another week off! Take that!
Fred: Ah, well. Still a work in progress. Aren’t we all?
What did you think of the season premiere of The Princess Royal? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new epsiode of The Princess Royal next week!
