Marietta is napping in her living room when Sarah wakes her up.
Sarah: It’s dad.
Marietta: What?
Sarah: Did you not hear the phone ringing?
Marietta: I was… otherwise preoccupied.
Sarah: By looking at the back of your eyelids?
Marietta: What’s it to you? It’s a Friday afternoon, I’m entitled to a nice little nap.
Sarah: I was just trying to be nice by bringing you the phone.
Marietta: I suppose you do have a point. Pass it over, kiddo.
Sarah: Here she is, dad. Ah, crap, I accidentally hung up.
Marietta: Oh my god. Sarah! This is why Henrietta is my assistant and you just get free room and board.
Sarah: That was unnecessarily harsh.
Marietta: Sometimes it takes some necessary roughness to get the point across!
Marietta grabs the phone and calls Milton.
Milton: Who hung up on me?
Marietta: Your daughter!
Milton: Ah, good. If it had been you, I would’ve been mad.
Marietta: That’s a double standard.
Milton: She’s my kid, I’m allowed to cut her some slack!
Marietta: Anyway, what are you calling for? I’m very busy.
Milton: I know you were napping.
Marietta: My Friday night post-work nap is penciled into my schedule! This is a key part of the routine!
Milton: I don’t want to delay it any more than I have to, I just wanted you to know that the German Ambassador to the United States is visiting New Orleans next week, and I thought you two could meet. I’ll be in DC, I can’t join in, but I think you’d make a good impression on her.
Marietta: I mean this respectfully… what does that do for me?
Milton: Did you seriously just ask me that?
Marietta: I’m not gonna blow her off or anything, but, uh… will she care about meeting me?
Milton: It’s just good for keeping up national relations.
Marietta: Will Germany be bombing us if I don’t request a meeting with their ambassador on his vacation?
Milton: She’s visiting on actual government business, not on vacation. Simply for the sake of keeping up appearances, please make a good impression on her.
Marietta: I’ll take her to mom and dad’s for dinner.
Milton: Yeah, for example, do not do that.
Marietta: You really think I’d be that dumb? You think that little of me? I know that’d be the start of World War III.
Milton: You said it aloud, I had to make sure it wasn’t acted on.
Marietta: I’ll show the ambassador a good time.
Milton: Don’t do what you did with the Finnish President, please.
Marietta: Hannele had a wonderful time!
Milton: The two of you were lambasted through international media!
Marietta: But we had fun!
Milton: Just keep it serious.
Marietta: I’ll be boring. I promise.
Milton: No keg stands.
Marietta: You sound like Tammy!
Milton: Tammy is a wonderful and kind person who got you elected twice, I will take that as a compliment of the highest order!
Marietta: It wasn’t meant to be one!
Sarah: Are you two done?
Marietta: Why?
Sarah: I want to watch the premiere of Vanderpump Rules.
Marietta: You haven’t watched that yet?
Sarah: You have?
Marietta: I work with three other women, two of whom know how to use Twitter. I have ton watch it the night it airs to not get spoiled!
Sarah: You didn’t tell me?
Marietta: Where were you on Tuesday night?
Sarah: Out with friends.
Marietta: See, your own fault.
Milton: Hello! Still on the line!
Marietta: Oh, right. I guess I’d better get going, the princess needs the room.
Milton: Not that I want to keep you on, but can’t you just leave the room?
Marietta: Nah, this is my cozy nap chair. I’ll just pop my earplugs back in and be asleep in an instant.
Milton: Okay, I’ll talk to you later. In fact, I’ll see you tomorrow.
Marietta: That should make mom happy. She never stops talking about you.
Milton: Well, I understand why. I’m pretty great.
Marietta: The ego on some people…
On Monday…
Marietta: Oh, jeez.
Tammy: Marietta? Are you listening to me?
Marietta: Yeah, something about the budget.
Tammy: No! We’re working on the city council’s request for our plans to renovate the city park!
Marietta: Oh, right.
Amy: What are you looking at?
Marietta: I just got a text from Milton.
Amy: Well? What’s it say?
Marietta: Oh, I have to share with the class?
Amy: Well, when the student’s not listening to the teachers, that’s what has to happen.
Marietta: How am I the student? I’m the one that’s mayor!
Amy: I don’t know, you’re the one who started with that metaphor!
Tammy: Seriously, though, what’s he texting you about so feverishly?
Marietta: “Don’t forget about the German Ambassador,” “Did you get my last text?,” “Did my message send?,” “Please don’t forget about the ambassador,” “Did you contact the German Ambassador yet?” “I’m not going to be ignored, Marietta.”
Amy: Wow, when did Milton turn into Glenn Close?
Tammy: German Ambassador?
Henrietta: I guess the answer is “Yes, she forgot about the German Ambassador.”
Marietta: I didn’t forget! I just forgot to tell all of you!
Tammy: What did you forget to tell us?
Marietta: The German Ambassador to the United States is visiting next week. This week.
Tammy: She doesn’t even know when they’re visiting!
Marietta: I do so know! It’s this week.
Tammy: And why didn’t you tell us before right now?
Marietta: It’s Monday! I found out Friday! There was no opportunity to do so!
Amy: That’d be a valid excuse if we didn’t spend every Saturday at your parents’ house!
Marietta: I don’t talk work there.
Amy: Yes you do!
Marietta: Okay, can I admit something?
Henrietta: In don’t know, seems like a tough crowd.
Marietta: I don;’t want to meet with this ambassador.
Amy: Wow, you could hardly tell.
Tammy: Why not?
Marietta: I just… I’m ready to be done schmoozing people. It’s been thirty years or whatever, I’m just some mayor now. I’m third of it. I want to get things done for real people in my community. Beyond that, I’m ready to, you know…
Amy: What?
Henrietta: Retire?
Marietta: Yeah!
Tammy: What an awful word!
Marietta: It’s such a comforting feeling to know I’m almost there. I don’t have to kiss ass to win one more election, I just have to work alongside a city council that finally, at long last, likes me. I’m tired of being some sort of goodwill ambassador. It’s never come naturally. I have severe social anxiety, you know that.
Tammy: so you’re stressed about meeting this ambassador?
Marietta: I don’t know, a little I don’t want to look foolish. It’s a lot of pressure.
Tammy: Well, you have me, so you lucked out there.
Amy: You also have Henrietta and I. Not sure how that helps you, but you do!
Marietta: I guess I should make that call to the ambassador, then.
Tammy: You haven’t done that yet?
Marietta: I’m a procrastinator.
Amy: Our mayor, ladies and gentlemen.
Tammy: I’ll call for you, just give me the number.
Marietta: I gotta text Milton for it.
Amy: My god…
Tammy: Just do that now so I can call and set something up. The rest of you, please work on this park proposal.
Amy: Don’t worry, I’ll keep them in line while you’re gone.
Henrietta: What did I do?
Amy: You can’t trust the youngsters not to play on their phones.
Henrietta: I don’t think I was the one who got yelled at for being on their phone in this meeting.
Marietta: I’m the mayor, I can get away with it!
Tammy: Ah, yes. When you’re a star, they let you do it.
Marietta: Do you want the ambassador’s number or not?
Tammy: I’m not the one who’d get in trouble if I blew off the ambassador, so go ahead and do
it.
Marietta: You’re right, Milton would be so annoying…
The next day…
Amy: All right, gang! Do we have everything in order for the big visit?
Marietta: What are we actually doing with the ambassador, by the way? You all just told me you were “handling” it, you never told me what that meant.
Tammy: Yes, Amy, everything is in order. And, Marietta, you will be showing her around city hall before going to lunch with her and then going for a riverboat ride where you will talk about German-US relations and discuss the wonders of New Orleans.
Marietta: This feels like a lot to be thrown on me. Is the Secretary of State unavailable?
Amy: He’s dealing with serious matters.
Marietta: Is this not serious?
Amy: I mean, it’s not like this is all that important. It’s the German Ambassador to the US, not an actual world leader. This is just to get you some good PR, nothing really more.
Marissa: Are we too late? Did we miss the German guy?
Moira: Yeah, mama wants a trip to Berlin!
Marietta: Moira, she’s not Drew Carey, she’s not going to give you a vacation for winning the Showcase Showdown.
Moira: You never know! I’m very charming.
Marietta: If you were charming, you wouldn’t have needed to settle for marrying my brother!
Moira: Wow, someone’s moody today!
Amy: Just today?
Moria: She’s usually not quite this mad.
Tammy: Eh… you just don’t see it. Work upsets her.
Marissa: Very relatable.
Moira: So when is he getting here?
Marietta: It’s a woman. Amalia Ackermann.
Moira: That’s a fun name!
Amalia: Thank you! Lovely to meet you!
Moira: Moira Landfield, city councilor. It’s so nice to meet you as well.
Tammy: Hello, I’m -
Amalia: The First Lady!
Tammy: Well…
Amy: She used to be. Not anymore. Long, long, long time ago.
Tammy: Not that long ago.
Amy: Pretty long ago.
Amalia: I went to college at Harvard while your husband was President.
Tammy: Please don’t make me feel old!
Marietta: We are old, Tammy.
Tammy: We’re not that old.
Marietta: Let’s not have this conversation in front of company.
Amalia: First Lady Yarborough -
Tammy: Just call me Tammy!
Amalia: I have such admiration for you. I was not a citizen, obviously, but I recall seeing you fighting for expanded healthcare when you were First Lady. That’s such an important issue.
Marietta: Healthcare has been a big issue for me as mayor, actually. We’ve really prioritized health and wellness of our citizens, looking into ways to make this a healthier city.
Amalia: That is very admirable. You have a wonderful city. Tammy, can you talk about your time as First Lady a bit? It’s just so fascinating how your government works, it’s so different from back home in Germany.
Tammy: Oh! Well, uh, I was my husband’s most important advisor. I was a politician myself, I was US Senator for New York throughout his presidency, so it was an usual sort of dynamic.
Two hours later…
Tammy: And so that brings you up to when I joined Marietta’s campaign!
Marietta: Excuse me, I have to run to the bathroom. I’ll be right back!
Amalia: That’s all right, I was just listening to Tammy’s story, I’m sure you’ve heard it.
Marietta: Oh, I noticed you were. And I have. I lived it, actually.
Marietta steps out of her office and calls Patty Lynn.
Patty Lynn: Honey, what’s going on? How’s this ambassador meeting going?
Marietta: I’m on the phone with you, how do you think it’s going?
Patty Lynn: What’s wrong?
Marietta: She’s a Tammy superfan?
Patty Lynn: What?
Marietta: Just what I said! She’s a massive admirer of Tammy!
Patty Lynn: Our Tammy?
Marietta: Who do you think I meant, Tammy Wynette?
Patty Lynn: That’d make more sense.
Marietta: She apparently went to college while Tammy was First Lady, so she’s familiar with her and now she wants to know every little detail of her career. They’ve been yapping so long, the social climber duo of Marissa and Moira had to pretend that they had actual work to do just to escape it.
Patty Lynn: I’m sure it’s not personal. Tammy’s interesting.
Kathleen: Is she?
Patty Lynn: She is!
Kathleen: What’s going on?
Patty Lynn: Oh, Marietta’s getting blown off by the ambassador.
Martin: That’s such a shame!
Marietta: Oh, now dad’s involved, that’s nice.
Martin: It’s fine, honey! Don’t let it get to you!
Marietta: This is Milton’s fault! He’s made me feel unimportant! I’m getting outshined by my own employee!
Martin: To be fair, that employee was First Lady of the United States. She’s quite well known.
Marietta: I thought the woman being German would counteract that a bit.
Patty Lynn: Try to connect with her.
Marietta: She shuts me down every time I try to talk!
Martin: She’s German, maybe she doesn’t understand how the city government works. Maybe she even thinks Tammy’s mayor!
Marietta: No, she knows it’s me. She just doesn’t care!
Kathleen: I barely care, and you’re my niece. I see no reason to fret that a German lady isn’t enamored by you. It’s fine. She clearly has bad taste anyway.
Patty Lynn: You are very personable, I’m sure you can make some sort of a connection with her, something you can relate to her on.
Marietta: I gotta go, I told them I was going to the bathroom, they’re gonna start to get suspicious.
Kathleen: They probably barely know you’re gone!
Marietta: Oh, god, you’re right!
Patty Lynn: Ignore her.
Marietta: Okay, I’m hanging up. I’m going to cry a bit and then I’ll go brave that disaster.
Five hours later…
Tammy: Ah, she was nice!
Marietta: That was dreadful.
Amy: You thought so?
Henrietta: I could see it in your face.
Marietta: We’ve got Sherlock Holmes over here.
Tammy: I didn’t notice anything.
Marietta: You were too busy yapping to your superfan!
Tammy: In was making conversation.
Marietta: I tried to do the same, she ignored me!
Amy: “Hey, thanks for giving us Katarina Witt“ is NOT conversation!
Marietta: Hey, just be glad I didn’t bring up World War II.
Amy: This is why the ambassador didn’t like you, Marietta.
Marietta: I was so embarrassed by that whole meeting.
Amy: It wasn’t that bad. The ambassador had fun, and that was the whole point of the day, to keep her satisfied.
Tammy: It’s not my fault she asked if I could go on the boat ride with her so we could keep talking.
Marietta: It is your fault that you said we only had two tickets and couldn’t get more!
Tammy: I didn’t know she was going to ask me to come instead of you.
Amy: Yeah, that part actually was quite embarrassing.
Marietta: It’s fine, it was one bad day, I’ll never had to think of it again.
Henrietta: That’s the spirit! It’s nowhere near as bad as when you got drunk with the President of Finland!
Marietta: I should call her up. She was fun. Not annoying like this lady.
Tammy: There ya go, already moving on.
Marietta: I should call the president first and tell him to reject this lady’s credentials next time she leaves the country and tries to return, though.
Tammy: Or maybe she hasn’t moved on, who can tell?
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
