Olivia is drinking tea at her dining room table when the phone rings.
Fred: Who is calling so early in the morning?
Olivia: I think we both know who it is.
Fred: Do we?
Olivia picks up the phone.
Olivia: What’s going on, mother?
Claude: Not mother!
Olivia: Claude? What are you calling about? Isn’t it too early for you to be awake?
Claude: Very funny. I bet I wake up before you.
Olivia: I bet you don’t.
Claude: I did when we were at Balmoral!
Olivia: Vacation-mode Olivia is very different from day-to-day Olivia.
Claude: Why are you referring to yourself in the third person?
Olivia: Why are you calling me?
Claude: Mum -
Olivia: I knew this was her doing!
Claude: wants us to have a family meeting tonight. She’s ready.
Olivia: Ready for…?
Claude: Ready to tell the world she's abdicating. She wants to talk to all of us before she breaks the news.
Olivia: I’ll be there. What time?
Claude: Does five work?
Olivia: It can, and it must.
Claude: Make sure your entire family is there.
Olivia: Even Fred?
Fred: Even Fred? Wow.
Claude: Yes, even Fred. See you tonight, Liv.
Fred: Even Fred?
Olivia: Oh, get over it.
Later that day, at Buckingham Palace…
Eleanor; I’m so honored that you’ve all been able to clear your schedules to be here to speak with me today.
Anthony: I don’t think Olivia had to make any alterations to her schedule. Not like she does much of anything.
Gigi: Do any of us, really?
Olivia: I’ll have you know that I am the royal who has made performed more royal engagements than anyone since I returned.
Selina: Where did you get that drivel from?
Olivia: I read it in The Sun.
Selina: That settles that.
Eleanor: It is true, actually.
Selina: Can we make it untrue?
Claire: Can you stop harassing Olivia? Just for one second?
Arthur: Honey, stay out of it.
Claire: No! Your aunt has never been anything but kind to me and everyone else in the family, and yet some of you insist on belittling her at every turn. What can she do to shut you people up?
Eleanor: Anyhow, I wanted to speak with you all regarding my impeding abdication.
Claude: So it is still on? I was frightened.
Ethan: I was hoping she’d changed her mind.
Eleanor: That’s something I will not be doing. This is happening.
Claude: We are all so ready for you to finally get your well-earned retirement.
Eleanor: You’re a bit too excited, but that’s okay. At least you’ve not killed me so you could be king like some have in the past.
Anthony: So, uh, mother… what are we all doing here?
Eleanor: I don’t know Anthony, what are you doing here?
Anthony: You asked us to be here. Oh god, mum, are you losing your memory?
Gigi: She’s stepping down at the right time, then!
Eleanor: I don’t have memory problems, I was being sarcastic!
Anthony: Unfortunately, your joke failed. Could you tell us why we’re here, then?
Eleanor: I wanted us to all be gathered under the same roof one last time while I’m still queen. Tomorrow, I will inform the people of my decision to abdicate and sign the instruction of abdication.
Ethan: Tomorrow already?
Eleanor: Tomorrow. I thought you all knew that once the new year came along, I was abdicating.
Claude: I think it just went so quickly for all of us, since Olivia was hogging the attention ever since she returned
Olivia: That is such a lie!
Selina: Sounds about right to me.
Claire: Here we go again.
Eleanor: No arguing! This is supposed to be a celebration.
Ethan: We’ll try not to argue. Right, guys?
Anthony: Right.
Fred: We wouldn’t want to ruin this big celebration of you.
Eleanor: I actually wouldn’t mind if you argued, Fred. Selina is going after your wife, giving her a dose of her own medicine would be wise.
Ethan: Mother!
Eleanor: It would be!
Ethan: It would not be!
Eleanor: I’m still in charge of this family until tomorrow and I will be doling out advice until then.
Arthur: Will you not be giving us advice after that?
Eleanor: I will, but you’ll be under no obligation to actually take my advice.
Olivia: Do they take it now?
Eleanor: That is a fair point.
Claude: I take her advice!
Anthony: Only because you’re a kiss-ass.
Claude: Why are you turning on me?
Anthony: I poke fun at everyone. I’m an equal-opportunity offender.
Eleanor: Has everyone eaten already? We can eat together if you want.
Gigi: It’s only quarter after five, so, no, I have not eaten.
Eleanor: We have one taker.
Claude: I don’t think any of us have eaten. Just based on the growling stomachs that I’m hearing around the room.
Olivia: I usually would eat by now, but Fred told me that since you always feed us, I shouldn’t eat before coming here.
Eleanor: So we’re going to have one last family meal together, too! Lovely!
Arthur: Gran, why are you calling it our “last meal” as if we’re all due to be executed?
Eleanor: You know what I meant, Arthur.
Claire: Yeah, honey. Stop giving your gran a hard time.
Later that night…
Eleanor: Look at the time, everybody! Almost seven!
Olivia: How does it take that much time to eat? What were we doing?
Ethan: We were reminiscing, it makes us lose track of time.
Gigi: Most of us were reminiscing. Todd just wanted to hear himself talk.
Todd: Gran said not to fight!
Gigi: Gran also seems to be under the impression that we’re all going to die tonight, she’s makes mistakes sometimes.
Eleanor: I did not say that!
Gigi: Arthur agrees with me.
Arthur: Claire thinks I should stay out of this and I agree.
Gigi: Coward.
Eleanor: Children, children please!
Todd: Ooh, you’re getting in trouble!
Eleanor: I have a proposal for you all.
Ethan: Everyone silent while Her Majesty is speaking!
Eleanor: Ethan, that’s embarrassing.
Ethan: It’s my last chance to say it!
Eleanor: Anyhow, I wanted to propose something for you all.
Claude: We’re all ears, mum.
Eleanor: It is my final wish as your queen -
Arthur: Again, gran, you aren’t dying.
Eleanor: for you all to stay over at Buckingham with me tonight. It’s late, and some of you have very long drives home. Instead of doing that, we can spend the night together and have run and continue our reminiscence.
Olivia: I wasn’t looking forward to that drive anyway, so, I’ll gladly accept the offer to push it back by a day.
Eleanor: This is going to be such fun!
Claude: I live a five minute walk away, I don’t think I need to stay over.
Claire: We live a ten minute drive away, but we’re still staying over. It’s Her Majesty’s final wishes, and we will honor them.
Christine: Good for you, Claire.
Olivia: I can’t believe Christine just told Claire to naff off.
Christine: I did nothing of the sort!
Olivia: We all know what “good for you” means.
Todd: Isn’t that that angry song that Gigi likes to danc-
Gigi: Shut up, Todd!
Ethan: I can tell we’re truly going to have a fun night.
Anthony: We’ll really treasure it.
Eleanor: So are you all staying or what? I have to tell the servants how many guest bedrooms to prepare.
Claude: We’ll stay.
Anthony: Where do I have to be, mother?
Eleanor: You are the hardest of my children to get rid of. You are eternally not busy.
Fred: I just realized I didn’t bring pyjamas.
Eleanor: Let me worry about that. You’re a guest in my home, I want to make you comfortable.
Fred: Well, I thank you for being such a considerate host. Too bad you only have about twelve hours left on the job.
Eleanor: I will always be a natural-born host, even well after I abdicate.
Olivia: I need tea, this is when I usually have anot-
Mandy: Here you go, dear.
Olivia: Thanks, Mandy! Mum, have you made her one of your servants?
Eleanor: She liked doing it before and I’m not going to take her off a job she likes. It gives her a purpose in this world.
Mandy: Who else wants tea?
Christine: What kind of tea?
Eleanor: Christine, use your brain. I only drink the best of the best!
Christine: Oolong?
Eleanor: I am so angry that I want to bar you from holding the title of “Queen Consort.” You don’t insult earl grey like that in my home.
Christine: I was joking!
Claire: There are things we simply do not joke about, Christine.
That night, at bedtime…
Gigi: Goodnight, mum! See you tomorrow!
Claire: Good night!
Ethan: Selina and I hope you have a lovely slumber!
Selina: No, I most certainly do not!
Olivia: What is this? Why is everyone filing to bed at the same time?
Gigi: They were getting ready for bed and then I figured I didn’t want to be the only one still up, so I went as well.
Todd: I’m still up!
Gigi: Being up alone with you is far worse than being up alone.
Warren: Darling, I’m here!
Claire: My god, Warren! I didn’t realize you were here! You’re so quiet!
Olivia: Okay, I’m closing my bedroom door for some peace and quiet. Goodnight, all!
Todd: We know what that means…!
Gigi: I’m going to be violently ill.
Warren: Let’s get you to the bathroom, then.
Olivia closes her door.
Fred: Wow, they’re rambunctious tonight.
Olivia: It’s a big night.
Fred: You look good with your hair in a bun. You should wear it that way more often.
Olivia: This is how I sleep every night.
Fred: It is?
Olivia: Yes! You’re just always in bed before me and the bun tends to come undone overnight.
Fred: Well, you look hot.
Olivia: My god, why are men like this?
Fred: Like what? I can’t compliment my wife?
Olivia: Frederick, we are in my childhood bedroom. The only thing I’m feeling in here is embarrassment at the violent shade of pink on the walls.
Fred: You aren’t feeling anything else?
Olivia: I am not going to sleep with you! Well, technically I am, but not in the biblical sense.
Fred: I meant about your mother’s abdication.
Olivia: You go from telling me I’m “hot” to discussing my mother? Oh, to have a brain such as yours.
Fred: You’re the one hung up on sex right now.
Olivia: It’s because it’s easier to think about that than to think about the other things I’m thinking about.
Fred: Which are…?
Olivia: Wouldn’t you like to know?
Fred: Olivia!
Olivia: Yes, that is my name.
Fred: What are you thinking?
Olivia: Jealousy.
Fred: Oh no…
Olivia: I didn’t think much about it before because it felt so far off, but Claude is going to become king tomorrow. Tomorrow!
Fred: I love ya, tomorrow! You’re always a day away!
Olivia: Not funny!
Fred: It was a bit funny.
Olivia: I’m jealous of my brother. I feel envious of him and have disdain for him on the biggest day of his entire life.
Fred: His wedding day was bigger, no? The birth of his children? Surely that’s bigger than the start of a new job.
Olivia: He’s become the King of the United Kingdom, it’s not like he’s been promoted to manager at McDonald’s.
Fred: I want you to know that your feelings are valid. It’s normal to feel this way about someone who is living the life you wanted.
Olivia: That’s the thing! I don’t think I want to be queen. I just don’t want him to be king! I don’t want him to be able to hold that over me forever.
Fred: That’s, uh, that’s not good.
Olivia: I know, Frederick.
Fred: You’re using my full name quite extensively.
Olivia: I am upset!
Fred: Think of the good, Olivia. Your mother now likes me enough to let me wear your father’s pyjamas!
Olivia: That’s not doing much to take my mind of the situation, but it was a valiant effort.
Fred: There’s nothing I can say to make you not feel jealous of him. All I can say is, rather him than anyone else, right?
Olivia: I don’t know!
Fred: We’re not making much progress. Maybe we can continue this conversation tomorrow.
Olivia: I’ll just lie here reading a book. Maybe I can watch something on the telly.
Fred: Very well. Good night, Livie. You are the love of my life, and I couldn’t last a day without you.
Olivia: Very sweet. Good night, Frederick.
Fred: There you go with the full name again!
Olivia: Lights out!
The next day, at breakfast…
Eleanor: Olivia, you look… tired.
Olivia: I was up late reading a book, time slipped away from me.
Eleanor: What book?
Olivia: Um… Goodnight Moon.
Anthony: That is at your reading level.
Olivia: Don’t talk to yourself like that.
Arthur: Someone’s feisty today!
Claire: I love it! Girl power!
Ethan: She always did get cranky when tired.
Eleanor: Everyone, listen up! At eleven, I am announcing to the public that I am abdicating. Please be prepared for my address to the nation at that time. I want to be surrounded by those that I love the most.
Claude: Before that, I wanted to show you something. No one else knows that this exists besides Christine.
Eleanor: Did you write me a letter? I’ll read it in private.
Claude: No, it’s not from me. It’s from a very special person. Just look at the computer.
Eleanor: This better be good.
Claude hits play on a video from Paul.
Paul: Eleanor, if you’re watching this, I am gone, and we’ve made that decision that we talked about months ago. Please know that this is the right decision. I trust your judgment more than I trust anyone else’s, including my own. If you’ve decided to abdicate, it’s because you know it’s what’s best for the commonwealth. Hold your head up high, and know that you’re doing the right thing. I am so proud of you and all the work you accomplished as queen, and I am equally proud of you for stepping aside when you know the time is right. I love you my dear, and know that any time you need a bit of guidance from me, just look up. Farewell, darling.
The video ends.
Eleanor: Claude, how did you keep that a secret?
Claude: Christine threatened to cut my hand off if I told anyone.
Christine: I almost had to do it, too.
Eleanor: When was this filmed?
Claude: A few months before papa died. He made me leave the room while he recorded it and made me promise to not watch it before you did. It was very important to him.
Olivia: By any chance did he film any more of these? I’m in the mood to cry today.
Claude: This was the only one.
Olivia: It was worth a shot.
Eleanor: Okay, all. I would love to spend much more time processing this video from your father and discussing it, but we need to get ready. I’ll see you all in a few hours.
Arthur: Sorry, gran. I don’t mean to interrupt, but I believe we have a visitor.
Eleanor: Nathan! You’ve finally made it!
Claude: Do I see my son before me, or do my eyes deceive me?
Nathan: I had to cut my American trip short for this very special occasion.
Eleanor: I’m so glad that you are here for today. Thank you for putting us first.
Nathan: No problem, gran. I needed to be here, for both of you.
Eleanor: Now, if you excuse me, I really must get ready. Mandy, let’s go!
Mandy: Yes, Your Majesty!
Three hours later, at Eleanor’s speech…
Eleanor: Hello. I know that this speech may come as a surprise to many of you out there watching. It is so very rare for me to deliver an unscheduled speech, however, this is something I could no longer wait to share. As my family and I have begun to grieve our profound loss following the death of my dear life partner and husband, the Duke of Edinburgh, something has become clear to me. That is that, despite my deep love of service to this country, I can not continue on as the commonwealth’s monarch. At this time, it is not in the best interest of the commonwealth to have me seeing as its leader. After the completion of this speech, I will be signing an instruction of abdication, officially making my son, the Prince of Wales, our new monarch.
Olivia turns to the camera with pursed lips.
Eleanor: Long live the King!
What did you think of this episode of The Princess Royal? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to return for season two next year!
