Carol is sitting at her desk when Gretchen and Susana walk in.
Carol: You two look mighty cheery.
Susana: Why don’t you? Christmas is in two days!
Carol: Have you seen what’s going on lately?
Susana: The snow is falling, every street corner is decorated, the holiday tree stands tall in the lobby. How can you not be filled with joy and jubilance?
Carol: We’re down five points in the polls, the media is running stories about how we can’t even pass a budget bill, we’re not securing any further endorsements. I’m so stressed.
Gretchen: I knows it’s stressful, but your entire life can’t revolve around politics. Take some time to enjoy things in life.
Carol: Such as…? What is there to actually enjoy?
Gretchen: You’re healthy, you’re employed -
Carol: Not for long!
Gretchen: it’s Christmas, you get to spend all of your time with a daughter who loves you. You have many blessings in your life, all you need to do is look at them.
Susana: Like this festive hat!
Susana puts a red and green elf hat on Carol’s head.
Carol: Get it off.
Susana: Mom! You’re such a square.
Carol: It’s so itchy!
Gretchen: You really aren’t in the Christmas spirit this year. I’m not used to seeing you this way.
Carol: That reminds me, I’m not coming to the Christmas Eve party tomorrow. I’m going to use the day to get some rest and relaxation. I barely get any of that anymore.
Gretchen: I’m not happy about it, but I understand. You’re coming next year, though. You don’t have any choice in the matter.
Susana: You’re not celebrating Christmas Eve?
Carol: I have no spirit whatsoever, I’m a big ole’ bah humbug. I don’t want to ruin your holiday for you.
Gretchen: What about Christmas day? Are you going to feel better by then?
Carol: I’m not sure what I’m doing yet. I don’t know if I’ll be in the mood. Hopefully a day of resting will do me good.
Gretchen: You have an open invitation to swing by our place if you want.
Carol: I’ll keep it in mind.
Susana: Mom, you need to cheer up! Stop dwelling on the job and enjoy the most wonderful time of the year.
Carol: Like I said, I’ll try to use my day off to get my mind on the holly jolly, but I can’t help that I’m not in the mood for it. I’m just grumpy lately.
Susana: Oh, mom. Stop being such a grinch.
Carol: Next Christmas.
The next night…
Susana: Mom, I’m heading over to Gretchen’s. You’re sure you aren’t coming?
Carol: No, I’m staying home. You have fun.
Susana: All right, see you later.
Carol: Think of me when you’re singing your Christmas songs and eating your cookies!
Susana: That was very passive-aggressive.
Carol: Passive-aggressive?
Susana: You’re almost taunting me in a way.
Carol: This is why I want you to go without me, I’m hurting your feelings.
Susana: Okay, I’ll see you later. Try not to think about Samantha so you can be cheery tomorrow!
Carol: See, that was passive-aggressive.
Two hours later, Carol, sleeping on her living room recliner, is awoken.
Carol: What is that light? Is that a fire? I don’t have a fireplace. I just want to watch Succession, I don’t have time for this.
Lucinda: Silence!
Carol: Lucinda? What in the world are you doing here and in chains?
Lucinda: It’s my ghost!
Carol: What? You aren’t dead!
Lucinda: Use your imagination!
Carol: Why are you here?
Lucinda: I’ve made the mistake you’re making tonight. I’ve skipped Christmas. I’ve been a miserable miser. Don’t allow the same fate to hit you.
Carol: What fate? You’re spendi-
Lucinda: Tonight, you will be visited by three spirits!
Carol: Oh, this is just A Christmas Ca-
Lucinda: This is your last chance, Carol. See the error of your ways, or be doomed for all eternity!
Carol: Uh huh.
Lucinda: You’ll see the error of your ways soon enough.
Lucinda disappears.
Carol: Well, that was trippy. Just a bad dream, I suppose. Back to bed I go.
Carol drifts off to sleep before being woken up an hour later.
Carol: Is it morning already?
Samantha: No, you idiot!
Carol: Oh, not you…
Samantha: I am the Ghost of Christmas Past!
Carol: Yada yada yada.
Samantha: Carol, you’ve been bad., but you haven’t always been this way. I’m here to show the error in your ways.
Carol: You think I’m going to take your advice on that? Name any living soul on earth. I’d rather take their advice than yours.
Samantha: Can you just be quiet and not be such a hindrance? It’ll go much quicker if you don’t resist!
Carol: Can you just leave? Do I need to call the Ghostbuster?
Samantha: Grab my hand.
Carol: I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.
Samantha grabs Carol’s hand and jumps out of her window with her.
Carol: What in the hell is happening?
Samantha: Just trust the process.
Carol: What process?
Samantha: THE process.
Carol: God, you’re annoying.
Samantha: We’re here, Carol.
Carol: Why are we at some random house? Are you going to buy it out from a family so you can tear it down and laugh in their faces?
Samantha: You don’t realize that this is your own childhood home?
Carol: But it looks so dreary and depressing?
Samantha: This is how it always looked, even at Christmas. You just chose not to remember it this way because your parents made sure your memories here were all positive. Speaking of memories, we’re going in.
Carol: Okay, crazy lady.
Samantha and Carol enter the house.
Carol: Those are my parents! How are you doing this?
Samantha: Can you just watch?
Virginia (Carol’s mom): Honey, stay in your room! Santa won’t come if you’re peaking!
Carol: Mother! Oh my god, I miss you so much!
Samantha: They can’t hear you, or see you.
Carol: I know the rules, Pratt.
Young Carol: You need to go to sleep, too! Don’t blow this for me, woman!
Carol: I was a very precocious child, as you can see.
Michael (Carol’s dad): Do I need to come in there and read you a bedtime story?
Virginia: Read her The Night Before Christmas.
Young Carol: I already know The Night Before Christmas!
Carol: He read it to me every year.
Samantha: This year was different, wasn’t it?
Michael: I have a surprise for you this year!
Carol: He dressed up the dog like one of Santa’s reindeer. It was very cute.
Young Carol: Rufus! What’s on your head?
Michael: It’s not Rufus, it’s Rudolph!
Young Carol: Rudolph barks like a dog now?
Virginia: Come here for a second, Michael!
Michael: I’ll be right back, sweetheart. Don’t fall asleep before I read you our book!
Carol: We never did read the book, I was too tired and fell asleep.
Virginia: Michael, I just wanted you to know that I don’t have anything to give you for Christmas this year. I had to return it to buy the Barbie doll that Carol wanted so badly.
Michael: I didn’t get you much of anything, either. I gave you all of my money to buy Carol’s gifts. What I got you is so small, I just wanted you to have something to open. I’ll give you one of my newer shirts to wrap for me so Carol doesn’t notice that anything is off.
Virginia: I’ll do that. Thank you for understanding.
Carol: I never knew they spent all their money on my Christmas presents.
Samantha: There’s a lot you didn’t know.
Samantha grabs Carol’s arm and they fly out the door.
Carol: Where to now?
Samantha: Just be patient, okay?
Carol: Fine…
Samantha and Carol arrive at the door of an apartment.
Carol: I know where this is! My DC apartment. Based on the door, this is from my first Christmas in DC. The door was painted the next year because I couldn’t stand this ugly yellow color.
Samantha: I’m proud of you.
Carol: Thank you.
Samantha: Now, let’s get the hell in there.
2007 Susana: Mom, when are we baking? Dad used to always bake with us on Christmas.
2007 Carol: I’ll be done here in a minute! I just need to talk to my boss and then we can bake our cookies.
2007 Susana: Okay, that sounds fine.
2007 Carol: So, Senator Raymond. What’s up?
Gretchen: Carol, you can call me Gretchen. You’ve been my assistant for almost a year now.
2007 Carol: I’m a bit nervous about this call, Gretchen. It’s Christmas Eve and I’m afraid something’s gone wrong for you to be calling.
Gretchen: It’s nothing. I just wanted to thank you for your work writing the bill last week. It’s my first major piece of legislation and you helped me put it into words, but I forgot to thank you. As my token of appreciation, I wanted to invite you to my place tonight for Christmas Eve. I know it’s short notice, but I figured it was worth asking. We’re both away from our families this year, and I know that’s strange for us, and maybe this can help us get by that.
2007 Carol: I’ll have to ask my daughter, Susana. That’s so sweet of you to ask, though.
Gretchen: It’s the least I can do. Work’s been so stressful, I think this could help us jump into the new year in a cheery mood.
2007 Carol: Hey, honey. Come here?.
2007 Susana: What’s up, mom? When are you going to be ready to bake?
2007 Carol: Actually, maybe a change of plans? My boss invited us over to her place to celebrate. I think it would be nice for us to not be alone this Christmas.
2007 Susana: Can we still open a present like always?
2007 Carol: Of course!
2007 Susana: Can we eat grandma’s cutout cookies that she sent us?
2007 Carol: We can take them with?
2007 Susana: Does your boss have eggnog?
2007 Carol: I’ll ask.
2007 Susana: I’m only kidding. I want to go if you want to go.
2007 Carol: Okay, we’ll go.
Gretchen: Oh, that’s great! I’ll see you soon! Merry Christmas!
Carol: That’s what started our annual tradition. We haven’t spent a Christmas Eve apart once.
Samantha: As much as I can’t stand her, she stepped up for you in one of your darkest moments and saved your Christmas. Now, I must go.
Carol: But where? Where are you going? I want to know so I don’t go there.
Samantha disappears as Carol is transported back to her living room.
Jeanne: Hello, Carol.
Carol: Not you… this is the worst nightmare of my life.
Jeanne: No nightmare, toots! This is real!
Carol: What are you here to show me? My eighth grade Christmas recital? My last Christmas with my son-of-a-bitch ex-husband?
Jeanne: I am the Ghost of Christmas Present. I’m here to show you what’s going on right now as you hide from the world because the going got tough.
Carol: Good for you, Jeanne.
Jeanne: I am the Ghost of Christmas Present! Come in, and know me better, man!
Carol: in where?
Jeanne: I don’t know, that’s just something I’m supposed to say, I thought. Grab my damn arm!
Carol grabs Jeanne’s arm.
Carol: Where are we going, your wiseness?
Jeanne: We’re visiting the person most special to you who you’ve hurt the most. And, we’re here!
Carol: I don’t recognize the place.
Jeanne: You will soon.
Carol and Jeanne enter the home to see Samantha on her couch, eating fruitcake as she watches the Hallmark Channel.
Carol: Why would you bring me here? Maybe I’m a bah humbug, but I’m not bad enough to have witnessed that.
Jeanne: Oh, god! Wrong house! I’m so sorry!
Carol and Jeanne transport to Gretchen’s house.
Carol: Gretchen’s. I know you’re trying to teach me a lesson here. Let’s just get to it.
Jeanne: How are you a worse person now than when we started?
Carol: I’m just so tired.
Jeanne: Let’s get to this so you can get to bed.
Jeanne and Carol go into the house.
Lucinda: Gretchen, Susana is crying over the bowl of mulled wine. It’s unsanitary, can you move her?
Gretchen: Will you actually drink the wine after that?
Lucinda: Not if you don’t make haste.
Christina: Grandma, that’s disgusting.
Lucinda: The wine is good, I’m not letting a bit of salt ruin it.
Toby: Mom, is grandma drunk?
Anthony: The bourbon balls must have gotten to her.
Susana: I’m sorry for ruining Christmas!
Carol: Whoa, what happened to her?
Jeanne: Really?
Christina: You didn’t ruin Christmas! Have you seen this family? You’re normal compared to the rest of us.
Susana: I’m crying on Christmas Eve.
Anthony: On the plus side, you made it through dinner without crying and you made it through Elf without crying. it’s only once we got to caroling that you started crying.
Susana: Oh, that reminds me of mom…
Gretchen elbows Anthony.
Anthony: Ouch!
Toby: Can we open presents? I want to give Susana one!
Susana: That’s so sweet, Toby, but I want you to enjoy your presents first. The adults shouldn’t intrude on kid’s Christmas.
Toby: Grandma does it all the time.
Lucinda: That isn’t true!
Gretchen: Anthony, can I talk with you in the kitchen?
Anthony: Are you going to elbow me again?
Gretchen: ’Tis the season.
Anthony: That doesn’t answer my question.
Carol: I wonder what they’re going to talk about.
Jeanne: You talk a lot. Observe.
Anthony: So, what’s up?
Gretchen: I feel so bad for Susana. She’s getting more depressed as the night goes on. I think she feels guilty about being here while her mom isn’t.
Anthony: She shouldn’t feel guilty. Carol could be here if she wanted to.
Gretchen: It’s always been the two of them for Christmas Eve and Christmas. No matter what. i can’t fix Carol if she won’t come around, but I can try to fix Susana. I think we should let her stay here overnight. Going back to that cheerless grinch house can’t help.
Carol: I am not a grinch!
Jeanne: Aren’t you?
Anthony: You can ask if you want, I have no problems with it. I don’t want to see anyone unhappy, especially on Christmas.
Jeanne: Thank you, honey. I knew you’d understand!
Anthony: I am pretty great like that.
Jeanne: Don’t push it.
Anthony: I won’t, I won’t.
Christina: Mom, Susana dripped into the wine bowl.
Gretchen: Dripped?
Christina: Her nose, you know…
Gretchen: Just don’t let your grandmother drink it.
Susana: I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to!
Gretchen: It’s okay, honey. We’re going to get your one tissues and get you cleaned up.
Anthony: I’m going to dump the punch bowl first.
Jeanne: Yeah, I think we’ve seen enough.
Jeanne returns Carol to her living room, where she is greeted by another ghostly figure.
Carol: Not another one…
Hank grabs Carol’s arm and whisks her away.
Carol: You’re direct. And terrifying. Why are you in a cloaked hood?
Hank: I am the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.
Carol: And why are we at a cemetery?
Hank: Can you just watch?
Carol: Oh, is that Susana? Aww, is she visiting my parents?
Hank: Take a closer look.
Carol: Oh, Gretchen’s here, too! Why?
Susana: It means so much to me the you came.
Gretchen: It’s the first Christmas Eve without here, I wouldn’t be anywhere else.
Carol: Without who?
Susana: Ever since mom’s car crash, you’ve made me feel like a part of the family. Thank you.
Carol: My what?
Hank: Is it that hard to piece things together? Lord, just use some critical thinking!
Carol: No need to be so harsh.
Gretchen: I have a lot more time on my hands now that I’m not governor. It sucks that Samantha is, but I guess that is what happens when you resign.
Carol: Gretchen resigned? What, did she kill me herself?
Susana: Can I tell you something?
Gretchen: Anything.
Susana: It actually helps me to know that you’re having a hard time with it, too. I’m not alone.
Gretchen: You never will be.
Carol: Hank, I just want to go back. I’ve seen enough.
Hank: Have you?
Carol: Yes!
Hank: Very well, then.
Hank pushes Carol into an open grave and throws dirt on top of her. She wakes up on her chair in her living room.
Carol: I’m alive! Oh, happy day, I’m alive! And this all went down before ten! I have time!
Carol hops into her car and drives to Gretchen’s, where she knocks on the door.
Christina: Carol, you came? We were just talking about you.
Carol: Everyone, I’m so sorry for my terrible mood. There’s no reason to blame Christmas for my troubles at work, I just need to enjoy the few things in my life worth enjoying. Those things are all in this room.
Susana: I’m just glad you came!
Gretchen: She came in a stained Christmas sweater, but it’s nice to see her here at all.
Carol: Is there any mulled wine?
Anthony: We had to throw it out. We have fruitcake!
Carol: After what I saw tonight? Uh-uh.
What did you think of the Raymond Island holiday special? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to read the Bake Your Heart Out and Frances In the Kitchen Christmas specials this week and the return of Raymond Island in summer 2022!
