The family is standing at the end of their driveway.
Betty: Wow, would you look at that piano?
Ralph: Look at the grandfather clock!
Karl: Look at the canopy bed!
Teri: Can we stop looking at things? Why are we all standing out here at the end of our driveway like idiots?
Betty: We have a new neighbors, gawking is the neighborly thing to do!
Teri: No, it’s just weird!
Velma: Come on, we’re entitled to make presumptions about our new neighbors based off their possessions, it’s a rite of passage for nosy busybodies everywhere!
Teri: At least you’re aware of what you are!
Velma: I’m proud of it! They don’t call me Hawkeye for nothing!
Danielle: No one calls you that!
Mitchell: I do, but it’s only because she has bulging eyes and a slight beak.
Danielle: How romantic. This is why I never remarried, I’ll never find love like theirs.
Cindy: Why on earth would you want to?
Danielle: Sarcasm.
Velma: So who do we think’s moving in? Clearly they’re loaded.
Betty: I heard rumors it was a congressperson!
Velma: Alicia Spanheim?
Betty: No, a former one. Alicia wouldn’t be caught dead in this neighborhood, these people are insane.
Jerry: So is she.
Betty: You sh-
Karl: Down, Betty.
Betty: I could take him out if I wanted to. I’ve got a mean left hook!
Velma: Does a former member of Congress have that much money?
Jerry: They do if they spend their time in Congress wisely.
Teri: Not everyone can be George Santos.
Karl: Oh boy, someone’s walking over to us.
Cindy: It’s a woman!
Ralph: Wow! A woman! Never seen one of those before.
Danielle: We’re watching this move-in the way peopled watch alien crash landings in sci-fi movies.
Woman: Hello!
Betty: Oh, don’t mind us! We’re just taking in the good weather and fresh air!
Woman: I know what you’re doing, it’s fine. You’re just trying to see who’s moving into your neighborhood. I’m Lianne Goldenderry, I own a few businesses in the area and such.
Betty: A few? You own half the land in Henrico County!
Frank: I know the name, but I never knew your face. You’re a big name in this area, welcome to the neighborhood!
Lianne: Ah, you guys are hyping me up too much.
Mitchell: There’s a stretch of highway named after you, I think we may be under-hyping you.
Lianne: Oh, that? That’s nothing, I knew the governor.
Betty: She knew the governor! Our new neighbor knew the governor!
Ralph: Well, mom here is friends with our congresswoman.
Lianne: Oh, so am I!
Betty: Oh, really?
Lianne: Yeah, we have tea or lunch every once in a while, catch up. She’s a very fun person.
Betty: This is so cool! We have a rich neighbor!
Cindy: Mom! Chill!
Lianne: No, I am rich, I’m aware.
Ralph: I believe that the existence of billionaires is a moral fai-
Jerry: Stop being woke, Ralph!
Ralph: I’m just exercising my freedom of speech, you guys always claim to love that.
Karl: I’m so sorry. For all of them. You can continue moving in, we’ll stop our spying.
Lianne: Oh, I’m glad you’re out here! My moving guys have to go, and I’m not nearly unpacked. I was hoping I could pay some of you to help me out. You guys look pretty strong and capable.
Frank: Why, thank you!
Teri: Don’t let it go to your head, man. That just makes you look like a loser.
Frank: What?
Teri: You heard me. Loser!
Frank: That was a bit uncalled for.
Teri: I promise you, it wasn’t.
Karl: I think we should put aside our petty squabbles and help our new neighbor out, I’m sure she wants to get herself settled.
Lianne: I find this very funny. I live alone, I don’t get to see these funny human interactions.
Betty: You’re going to live alone in that big house? My goodness, that’s the dream!
Jerry: You don’t have to worry about us committing any robberies, but if I were you, I’d probably refrain from publicizing that I’m both very rich and completely alone in my house.
Frank: Again, we won’t rob you. Don’t get the wrong idea. I see the look in your eyes, you have no reason to panic.
Teri: Usually when someone says that, you should absolutely panic. However, Frank is definitely too lame to ever even try to do something illegal, so you’re good.
Lianne: Oh, don’t worry, I’m not worried about you guys. You just made a good point, I need to be careful with this mouth of mine. Now, I guess we should get over there and get this done. I don’t want to take up too much of your time, I’m sure you’ll want to be eating dinner soon.
Betty: Dinner? How long have we been out here?
Cindy: I think she’s trying to just hurry us along politely, mom.
Betty: I didn’t get that feeling.
Jerry: Regardless, Lianne certainly wants to get her things in and get settled in her new place, so let’s go do that, guys.
Betty: Do you need my help, or -
Teri: Mom, a stiff breeze could kill you. Let’s head in the house and get dinner going or look at Facebook or order some new Christmas decorations off Amazon because our house looking like the inside of a Macy’s is still not enough.
Betty: All right, sounds like a plan. We know who the new neighbor is now, anyway, it’s not like we have to stare across the street and wonder anymore.
Cindy: We’re sorry about the invasion of privacy, by the way. We usually know better than to do that, I guess our curiosity got the best of us.
Velma: I think it was when we saw the gold toilet being taken in.
Lianne: Yeah, that one usually gets peoples’ attention.
Velma: I’m just sort of proud to live in a neighborhood where someone has one. Makes me feel special.
Lianne: Well, it was so nice to meet you guys. We’ll go get this finished and then I’ll let you have your men back!
Teri: You can keep them if you want. We don’t really need them.
Velma: True that!
Jerry: They’re kidding.
Velma: Are we?
Two hours later…
Cindy: Look who finally made it home!
Betty: What did she have you doing over there? We were starting to get worried she took Teri up on her offer.
Teri: You were worried. I was hopeful.
Betty: That’s not a nice thing to say about your father.
Teri: Not him! Just the others.
Mitchell: Wow!
Velma: Come on, Mitchell, you have to know you’re annoying.
Betty: Is no one going to answer my question? What was going on over there?
Jerry: She just had a lot of stuff. You know, she’s very rich.
Frank: And, get this - this is her “downsizing!”
Velma: I didn’t need to know that. That makes me feel less special. She sees our neighborhood as a downgrade.
Frank: No, she sees this new house as being smaller than her last. She said the neighborhood is great.
Teri: Wait until she meets everyone else in it!
Velma: What was the inside of her house like?
Jerry: Kinda bare. Really nice, though. She clearly had a lot of work done to it before she moved in.
Betty: Is it nicer than our house?
Jerry: Let’s not get into that.
Teri: That’s a yes.
Jerry: It is not!
Teri: Sure.
Karl: It’s a very nice house, but our house has the character, and that’s what makes it home.
Teri: See, Jerry. If you’re gonna lie, lie like that.
The next day…
Anita: Okay, everyone! We’re going to get down to business, but first, we have a new resident in our neighborhood. As we know, Flippelino family moved to North Carolina this summer, and the community has been at a loss without them. However, we are very excited and proud to welcome our newest resident, Lianne Goldenderry. Ms. Goldenderry is running late, which is unfortunate, but let’s give her a round of applause anyway.
Lianne: I’m here! Sorry, just a few minutes late, I hope that’s okay.
Anita: As long as it doesn’t become a regular thing, we can forgive.
Lianne: I appreciate it, thank you. I’m trying to make sure I become an active participant in this new community.
Anita: Well, uh, we have signup sheets for community activities if you’d like, uh… other than that, attending HOA meetings like you’re doing is a great way to integrate into this neighborhood. We’re a very friendly community.
Teri: Ha!
Anita: Ah, the Bellwoods…
Lianne: Oh my god, guys! It’s so good to see you!
Anita: You know them?
Lianne: They’re my neighbors!
Anita: Technically, we’re all your neighbors.
Betty: We were the ones who welcomed her to the community, though!
Anita: Oh, you are?
Betty: We sure are! We met yesterday. My husband and the other guys in our family all helped her move in. Your husband didn’t.
Anita: He’s a very busy man.
Betty: What are you implying about my husband?
Anita: There’s a time and a place for this.
Teri: Your right, you don’t want to show your true self in front of your new golden goose?
Anita: Excuse me?
Teri: Come on, Anita, we all know you want to schmooze Lianne and get her to help fund HOA projects with her vast fortune. You’re a golddigger who only cares about herself!
Anita: Where is this accusation coming from?
Teri: Reality?
Lianne: Is this true? Is that why you invited me immediately when you discovered I was thinking of buying the house?
Anita: No! You’re just so nice and charming!
Teri: Don’t buy it! Don’t ever leave your checkbook out in the presence of this woman!
Anita: This meeting has been hijacked! We are deviating horribly from the true point of it.
Lianne: Which was… to get my money to fund your plans for revitalization? All you really had to was ask, I love philanthropy.
Anita: I beg of you not to listen to the Bellwoods and their slander against me. They have a vendetta.
Lianne: They’ve been very nice to me, so I’m going to opt to listen to them. In fact, Teri, do you want to go out for coffee or something? You can give me the rundown on this HOA.
Anita: Please don’t leave!
Teri: I’d love to!
Lianne: Okay, let’s head out now! I’ll be back next week, maybe.
Three days later…
Danielle: Velma, I feel like we’re losing our friend.
Velma: I always thought it would be to a man, not to some rich lady!
Danielle: They’ve been out every day since that HOA meeting.
Velma: That HOA meeting where she left us to deal with Anita on own own!
Betty: Tell me about it! I’m used to having her to back me up in dragging that loon, I had to go at it on my own!
Danielle: We’re all suffering, Betty.
Karl: Suffering how?
Danielle: Oh, you did’t hear the conversation. Teri’s abandoned us for her new rich friend, Lianne.
Karl: My god, I thought something was wrong. You’re all just sad she’s got a new friend?
Danielle: We should be at those rich lady lunches with her!
Velma: I want to get fancy Italian lunches that my new millionaire pal pays for!
Karl: How do you all survive with such struggle?
Velma: It’s hard, but I’m brave.
Danielle: You did marry Mitchell, after all.
Velma: That wasn’t bravery. That was stupidity.
Karl: I’m sure he’ll be touched to hear that.
The front door swings open.
Teri: What a fun day!
Steven: Oh, I have things to tell you!
Velma: How long was that little shit eavesdropping?
Tammi: Don’t call my son that!
Steven: I’m kidding!
Teri: What’s going on?
Betty: Your friends here are concerned about the time you’re spending with Lianne.
Tammi: Jealous is probably the word, no?
Danielle: Why is everyone involved in this?
Teri: I wonder the same.
Danielle: We were just wondering how long this would last.
Teri: We’re neighbors and friends, so I’m hoping to not have a messy breakup. Why?
Danielle: We feel excluded.
Teri: Do you guys want to come with on Friday? You’re allowed.
Danielle: Yes!
Velma: I’ll think about it.
Danielle: Don’t have me out here looking desperate!
Teri: You’ve really been upset about this?
Danielle: It wasn’t really that big of a deal. In fact, the conversation only happened once and it was right before you stumbled into the door. They made a much bigger deal about it than it was.
Teri: Either way, I’m glad you called me out if you felt the situation was awkward. She’s very nice, I’m sure you’ll get along great. We mostly just talk smack about Anita, so that’s great.
Betty: I’m coming with!
Teri: Figured you’d say that.
Velma: We have a rich friend now!
Teri: Let’s not focus on her wealth when you see her, okay?
Velma: All right, but “gold” is literally in her last name.
Teri: I think she’s aware.
What did you think this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the midseason finale next week!
