Numb Humor Studios Presents:
College
Season 2 Episode 8
"Wing Woman"
Written by
William Fry & Michael Ledesma
INT. THE COLLEGE CLUB - NIGHT
Andrew, Edison, and Megan are sitting in The College Club.
EDISON
Hey guys check it out. That girl is totally flirting with me.
Andrew and Megan discreetly look over at another table.
Sitting at it is a girl looking their way.
EDISON
Alright, I’m gonna go work my magic.
Edison walks over to the table.
EDISON
Hey there. I’m Edison. You wanna...?
GIRL
Excuse me?
EDISON
You and I were totally vibing.
GIRL
No. I was actually looking at the girl you were sitting with.
EDISON
Oh. Well I see. Goodbye.
Edison returns to his table.
ANDREW
Well?
EDISON
She likes Megan.
MEGAN
Really?
EDISON
Yeah. Go ahead. Go talk to her. I’ll be fine.
MEGAN
Nah, she’s not my type.
EDISON
This is ridiculous. Before I dated
Brittaney, I was a total sex magnet.
But it’s almost as if dating
Brittaney made me less... magnetic.
ANDREW
That’s literally the stupidest thing
I’ve ever heard.
EDISON
It makes me feel better.
MEGAN
You know, I can help you pick up
women.
EDISON
What do you know about picking up women?
MEGAN
I don’t know. I’m a lesbian which means that I’m attracted to women.
EDISON
Oh yeah. Sure why not. I’m always up for learning.
ANDREW
That’s a lie.
MEGAN
I’m gonna be your wing woman.
EDISON
Alright. Let’s do this.
MEGAN
First things first. Women don’t like the whole smooth cool thing. They like someone who cares. Who’s passionate and caring.
EDISON
Ok. Ok yeah I can do that. I’m gonna go try that.
Edison goes to a random table. Sitting at it is a girl who is teary eyed.
EDISON
Hi there, you look like someone who could use a listener.
GIRL
My boyfriend just broke up with me and now he’s dating my roommate and I-and I-
EDISON
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh I have to go.
Edison returns.
EDISON
That didn’t work.
MEGAN
Ok listen up.
Andrew goes to the counter. Sarah appears next to him.
ANDREW
Sarah?
SARAH
Oh. Hey.
ANDREW
What’re doing here?
SARAH
I’m on a date. Calvin and I broke up.
ANDREW
Oh. Cool. That’s great.
SARAH
Gabby here?
ANDREW
No we uhhhh broke up.
SARAH
Oh. Sorry.
ANDREW
Nah it’s cool.
SARAH
How’s Edison?
ANDREW
Good. He and Megan are doing...
something.
SARAH
Ah.
ANDREW
Ummmmm I think your date is talking to another girl.
SARAH
Oh. Yeah. I kinda expected that.
ANDREW
You did?
SARAH
Yeah.
ANDREW
You wanna grab a table? Shakes on me?
SARAH
Sure why not?
Edison returns to his table.
EDISON
Ok. I told a girl some bullshit story about how I adopted a dog that was about to be put down. It almost worked but then she asked me what breed and I panicked and said Vulpix.
MEGAN
Well that’s your fault for playing
Pokemon Go.
EDISON
Megan look. I don’t think your lesbian knowledge is compatible with my straight knowlege
MEGAN
Maybe you’re right. However I do have one more thing we can try.
EDISON
I’m listening.
Andrew and Sarah sit at a table. They’re laughing.
SARAH
So she thought you and Edison were a couple?
ANDREW
Yeah.
SARAH
Wow. Listen I’m sorry for everything I said at the beginning of the semester. About not wanting to be friends.
ANDREW
It’s ok. I’m sorry also. We both said things.
SARAH
I want to be friends.
ANDREW
Me too. Maybe we could be more.
SARAH
What do you mean?
ANDREW
I... want us to be-
SARAH
Andrew.
ANDREW
What?
SARAH
I’m over you. I just want to be
friends. Ok?
PAUSE
ANDREW
Ok. Friends.
Cut back to Edison and Megan.
MEGAN
You got it?
EDISON
Oh yeah.
Edison goes to another table full of girls.
EDISON
Hey. I’m Edison. You see that guy over there talking to that girl?
Edison points to Andrew and Sarah.
GIRL
Yeah?
EDISON
That’s my best friend. He stole my girlfriend from me.
GIRL #2
You poor thing.
Girl #2 goes over to Andrew and dumps her milkshake on him.
She returns to Edison.
GIRL #2
Do you want to join us?
EDISON
Don’t mind if I do.
Edison mouths “Sorry” to Andrew.
Edison gives a discreet thumbs up to Megan.
MEGAN
Lesbian knowledge wins again.
END.