NUMB HUMOR STUDIOS PRESENTS:
COLLEGE
SEASON 2 EPISODE 7
"My Boyfriend Edison"
Written by
William Fry & Michael Ledesma
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
Edison is looking at a textbook. Andrew is doing homework.
EDISON
I remember learning this stuff in high school.
ANDREW
So?
EDISON
So why am I having to learn it again? I’m telling you man. High school and college are basically the same thing. Same subjects, same types of teachers. College is just another way to squeeze more money out of millennials.
ANDREW
Uh huh.
Megan enters the apartment.
MEGAN
Hey are any of y’all not going home for Thanksgiving?
ANDREW
No. My mom guilted me into coming home.
EDISON
I’m not. My family’s version of Thanksgiving is having the entire family get together and saying what we're thankful for.
ANDREW
So basically what every family in America does?
MEGAN
Edison, would you go to Thanksgiving with me?
EDISON
Why?
MEGAN
I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend.
EDISON
Say what now?
MEGAN
Please. Just for the day.
EDISON
Why?
MEGAN
(Sigh)
My parents don’t exactly know that I’m gay.
ANDREW
You never told them?
MEGAN
No. I’ve never known how. Every time I went home, I’d bring a fake boyfriend to make them think I’m straight. That’s why I need Edison.
EDISON
So let me get this straight. You want ME to pretend to be YOUR boyfriend so that your PARENTS will think you’re straight.
MEGAN
Yes.
EDISON
I’m in.
MEGAN
Great. We leave tomorrow morning. Wear something nice.
Megan enters her room.
ANDREW
You sure you don’t want me to take your place.
EDISON
Nope.
ANDREW
I’ll pray.
EDISON
That won’t be necessary.
ANDREW
For Megan.
EDISON
Oh.
THE NEXT MORNING
INT. MEGAN’S CAR - DAY
Megan is driving. Edison is sitting in the passenger seat.
EDISON
So why haven’t you told your parents you’re gay?
MEGAN
I didn’t know how to.
EDISON
Well on tv, whenever a character comes out to their parents, it’s usually a heartfelt moment that brings them closer together.
MEGAN
You watch too much tv. It’s a lot harder to come out than that.
EDISON
I see. Hey, how thick should I lay the whole fake boyfriend stuff.
MEGAN
I don’t know. I’ll introduce you and then you just stay close and hold my hand.
EDISON
Ok. Just so you know, I might do some improvising.
MEGAN
Fine. Just make it convincing.
The car stops and Edison and Megan get out. They walk to the front door of Megan’s house and enter. Megan’s parents appear.
MEGAN’S MOM
Megan sweetheart welcome home.
MEGAN’S DAD
Happy Thanksgiving.
MEGAN
Hi mom, hi dad.
MEGAN’S MOM
And who’s this?
MEGAN
This is my boyfriend Edison.
EDISON
Yes I am your daughter’s boyfriend, Edison.
MEGAN’S MOM
Everything is set up. Let's eat!
Edison, Megan, and her parents take a seat at the table.
MEGAN
Where’s Sabrina?
MEGAN’S DAD
She’s spending Thanksgiving with her boyfriend at his place.
MEGAN’S MOM
So, let’s say what we're thankful for.
EDISON
I’ll go first. I’m thankful for my GIRLFRIEND Megan. The girl that I LOVE.
MEGAN’S MOM
Awwwwww.
MEGAN
And I’m thankful for... my boyfriend.
MEGAN’S DAD
And I’m thankful for-
MEGAN
Can we just eat.
MEGAN’S DAD
Oh. Ok. Let’s eat.
They start eating.
MEGAN’S MOM
So, how did you two meet?
MEGAN
It’s a boring story.
EDISON
No it isn’t. I was throwing this amazing party at my place. I was just chillin and this girl just comes over drunk off her rocker and tells me I’m hot, then proceeds to throw up on my couch. Now me being a perfect gentleman, I didn't record her like most assholes. Instead I held her hair while she threw up. I drove her home and the next day we had our first date.
MEGAN’S DAD
Wow that’s... a very interesting story.
MEGAN
Yes, it is. Could you excuse us.
Megan grabs Edison and they go into the hallway.
MEGAN
What the hell was that?
EDISON
What?
MEGAN
I was drunk and threw up?
EDISON
I told you I was gonna improvise.
MEGAN
You are such an idiot.
EDISON
Look they’re obviously buying that I’m your boyfriend. Now let's go back before they get suspicious.
MEGAN
Fine. But no more talking.
Megan and Edison return to the dining room.
EDISON
Sorry about that. She just wanted to make out for a little bit.
MEGAN’S DAD
Excuse me?
Megan slaps Edison’s arm.
EDISON
Nothing.
MEGAN’S DAD
So, how’s school?
MEGAN
Great.
EDISON
Oh yeah we are killing it.
MEGAN’S DAD
That’s good.
Edison’s phone goes off.
EDISON
Oh excuse me, I have to take this. Love you babe.
Edison leaves the dining room.
MEGAN
Mom. Dad. I need to tell you something. I’m... a lesbian.
Silence.
MEGAN’S DAD
We kinda knew.
MEGAN
What?
MEGAN’S MOM
We always had a feeling. All the guys you brought home just seemed... fake.
MEGAN’S DAD
Besides, I’d rather you be gay than be dating that weirdo.
MEGAN
Yeah he’s my roommate.
Edison enters the dining room.
EDISON
Sorry about that. Hey babe.
MEGAN
Edison I did it. I came out to them.
EDISON
You're gay?!
MEGAN
Edison you don’t have to play along. They know you aren't really my boyfriend.
EDISON
Oh. I see. Well I also need to come out. I Edison, am... a proud straight male.
MEGAN’S DAD
He’s single isn’t he?
MEGAN
Yep.
END.