NUMB HUMOR STUDIOS PRESENTS:
COLLEGE
Season 2 Episode 6
"Megan's Hot Sister"
Written by
William Fry & Michael Ledesma
INT. STUDENT UNION - DAY
Andrew and Edison sit at a table at the student union. They are sad.
ANDREW
Look at us. Two miserable single guys.
EDISON
At least you had a girlfriend. But no, you decided to break up with her. Why?
ANDREW
I have my reasons.
EDISON
They better be good. Also, could I have Gabby’s number?
ANDREW
What?! No!
EDISON
Sorry sorry just asking.
Megan appears with a gorgeous girl.
MEGAN
...And these are my roomates Andrew and Edison. Guys, meet my sister Sabrina. She goes to the community college.
SABRINA
Hey guys.
ANDREW & EDISON
Hey there.
Andrew and Edison look at each other.
MEGAN
Ummmmm ok. Hey I’ll see you guys later. I’m gonna show her the ice cream machine.
Megan and Sabrina leave.
ANDREW & EDISON
I’m gonna ask her out.
Andrew and Edison look at each other.
ANDREW & EDISON
What?
ANDREW
I want to ask her out.
EDISON
So do I.
ANDREW
Well this is awkward.
EDISON
Yeah. Well look man you’ll find another girl.
ANDREW
What? What makes you think you’re going to ask her out?
EDISON
Uhhhh I’m the one who just experienced a breakup.
ANDREW
Four months ago. My breakup was two weeks ago. I should get to ask her out.
EDISON
My breakup meant something. You and Gabby were just... together.
ANDREW
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
EDISON
Point is, I’m gonna ask her out.
Edison gets up.
ANDREW
I call dibs.
EDISON
Andrew... she’s a human being. Not the last cheeto in the bowl.
ANDREW
No I was just-
EDISON
For shame Andrew. For shame. I thought you were better than that.
Edison leaves.
ANDREW
I was just... calling dibs.
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
Megan is drinking tea and reading a book. Andrew and Edison enter the apartment.
EDISON
Hey Megan can I ask you something?
ANDREW
Can I also ask you something?
MEGAN
For the last time, I will not invest in your reusable condom idea.
EDISON
It’s not about that but I would like to talk more with you about that.
ANDREW
I was not nor will ever ask you to invest in the reusable condom.
MEGAN
Ok. Well what is it?
EDISON
Does Sabrina have any specific interests?
ANDREW
Or any hobbies?
Megan closes her book.
MEGAN
Ok. I know what’s going on. You two want to ask Sabrina out.
ANDREW & EDISON
Whatttttttttt. Nooooooooooo.
MEGAN
You know, she actually said she likes one of you.
EDISON
Who?
MEGAN
Not gonna say.
ANDREW
What?! Why not?
MEGAN
Cause I’m curious of how this will play out. I predict that at least one of you will get arrested. Or die.
Megan gets up and enters her room.
EDISON
Ok well it’s settled.
ANDREW
What do you mean?
EDISON
Well it’s obvious that I’m the one that Sabrina likes.
ANDREW
And why is that?
EDISON
Dude. No offense but I’m the hot one in the group.
ANDREW
Uhhh I’m hot.
EDISON
You’re average. Little below average. I on the other hand am on a scale between Ryan Reynolds and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
Andrew starts laughing.
ANDREW
Uh huh ok man. Sure.
EDISON
Seriously dude. I’m the clear winner.
ANDREW
She could be into me. I’m kind, I’m sensitive, I’m a good listener-
EDISON
All that stuff is bullcrap. No woman actually cares about that.
ANDREW
And you think Sabrina likes you?
EDISON
Uh yeah. And I’m gonna prove it.
Edison pulls out his phone and starts texting Sabrina.
ANDREW
What’re you doing?
EDISON
Texting Sabrina. I’m asking her to come over.
Andrew pulls out his phone and starts texting.
ANDREW
Damn it. My phone’s dead.
Edison’s phone goes off.
EDISON
She says yes. Looks like I got a date and you don’t.
ANDREW
Fine. You win this round.
Andrew goes into his room.
LATER
Edison and Sabrina sit on the couch watching a movie.
EDISON
So... how are you?
SABRINA
Um good.
EDISON
Good. Good good good.
Edison puts his arm discreetly around Sabrina. Andrew enters wearing a tank top and gym shorts.
ANDREW
Hey. Don’t mind me. Just gonna do my exercises. You know. So I can stay buff.
Andrew awkwardly does some stretches and lifts a pair of weights with some difficulty.
SABRINA
You know, I think it’s so cool that you guys live together.
EDISON
Um yeah. It has its perks.
ANDREW
Except when your roommate doesn’t do the dishes.
EDISON
Well maybe if the other roommate would buy paper plates instead of fancy real plates, we wouldn’t have that problem.
ANDREW
Those plates are from Ikea!
SABRINA
Guys guys. Don’t do this. Look I know relationships are tough but you guys are clearly made for each other.
ANDREW & EDISON
What?
SABRINA
It’s hard being a gay couple. Especially in this era-
EDISON
Whoa whoa whoa. You think I’m in a relationship... with him?
ANDREW
And you think I would actually be with him?
SABRINA
You guys aren’t gay?
ANDREW & EDISON
NO!
SABRINA
Oh. Sorry. It’s just you two act and fight like a couple.
EDISON
Well were not. Now that that's out of the way, shall we get back to our date.
SABRINA
Excuse me?
EDISON
Our date?
Sabrina starts laughing.
SABRINA
You thought this was a date?
EDISON
Yeah. You are attracted to me right?
SABRINA
No.
ANDREW
Because she’s attracted to me.
SABRINA
Um also no.
EDISON
But Megan said you like one of us.
SABRINA
I have a boyfriend. She was obviously messing with you.
Sabrina leaves. Megan stands in her doorway.
MEGAN
Well this is disappointing. I was really hoping one of you would get arrested.
EDISON
You told your sister we were gay?
MEGAN
Yes.
ANDREW
Why?!
MEGAN
I was bored.
Megan goes back into her room. Andrew and Edison stand in awkward silence.
ANDREW
You wanna order a pizza and watch Kill Bill?
EDISON
Hell Yeah.
END.