Our House Season 6 Episode 5
Frances, Marcia, Beverly and Jane are at lunch during a filming break.
Frances: You know, ladies, it’s so nice to get to get out and just have a nice lunch together. We never do this.
Beverly: Yeah, you never want to leave the lot. You just want to keep filming so we can wrap early.
Marcia: I have to pack a sandwich like some sort of elementary schooler, and I barely ever have time to eat that!
Frances: You guys talk about me like I’m some sort of slavedriver!
Marcia: Well… if the shoe fits.
Frances: That’s not funny!
Marcia: I wasn’t trying to be funny.
Frances: I’m just trying to say that this is nice. It’s nice for us to unwind together. It feels like a long time since we’ve been able to do that. We haven’t been hanging out like we used to.
Marcia: You’ve understandably not been yourself.
Frances: We don’t have to dwell on that.
Marcia: I’m not trying to, I promise. I’m just saying, you have reason to not want to hang out and party, no need to beat yourself up over it.
Frances: But we’re here now, and I’m happy about it.
Beverly: So, anyone see any good movies lately?
Jane: I finally watched Finding Dory!
Beverly: Of course you did.
Marcia: Yep, this is the sort of engrossing conversation I have so missed this last month or so. Thank god it’s back!
Later, when the group returns to the lot…
DeAnna: Hey, guys, we gotta talk.
Marcia: Is this happening now? Are we friends with her now?
Frances: God, no. Something must be genuinely wrong, I see a sense of urgency in her face. Usually, I just see a desire to annoy.
DeAnna: I’m right here! And I’m trying to give you guys a heads up.
Frances: A heads up on what?
DeAnna: Something’s not right at this network today. We are under attack.
Beverly: Are the North Koreans finally striking us and the nuke’s headed straight for the lot?
DeAnna: What? No. This is worse.
Beverly: It’s hard to imagine anything worse.
DeAnna: The media is after us.
Marcia: What media? Do people even know our network exists outside of retired women and people in doctor’s office waiting rooms?
DeAnna: The LA Gazette.
Beverly: I’ve always hated them, a Republican rag!
DeAnna: I’ve never thought about them any at all, but now they’re trying to ruin our lives! Read it!
Beverly: “The Baking Channel has long been associated with sweetness - warm-hearted, feel-good entertainment that could brighten anyone’s day with the sight of the baked goods prepared by hosts with soothing, kind voices.”
Frances: Aww, they think I have a kind voice.
DeAnna: That part was clearly about ME!
Marcia: I think that was about me, we all know that I’m the real star of this show.
Jane: Where am I? What’s going on? What’s happening?
Beverly: None of this is bad so far.
DeAnna: Keep reading. They flatter us, then twist the knife.
Frances: You know, I good, too. I don’t just bake. The name of the network’s really misleading.
Beverly: “However, underneath the peaceful facade is a dark history of hosts terrorizing low-paid employees, emotional abuse of unpaid interns, and tumult. The network is good about hiding it all, but some of these employees say they’ve had enough. They speak with us, all under the assurance of anonymity, about the mayhem and emotional trauma they endured during their stints at America’s favorite cooking channel.”
Frances: That is patently untrue! I treat my underlings with the utmost respect!
Marcia: Underlings?
Frances: Yes, everyone from you to beverly to Jane to… all those other people who work for me whose names I can’t presently recall.
Beverly: I mean, we were just talking at lunch about how you force us to skip lunch most days so we can speed through filming.
Frances: Oh, god, do you think that’s what this is about? Are they going to defame my good name?
DeAnna: For legal reasons, they avoided naming any hosts.
Frances: Oh my god! They’re gonna think it’s us! We’re the faces of the network! This is even worse! Some of these people we work with are nutjobs, I’m sure they really are abusing their staff. I mean, you probably are. But I’m not!
DeAnna: I am not abusing my staff!
Frances: You abuse me.
DeAnna: I don’t like you. I like my staff. They keep my show running. Heck, my sister is my producer. I don’t abuse her.
Beverly: Well, this has been illuminating -
DeAnna: You’re not leaving! We have to get to the bottom of this crisis!
Beverly: What’s there to get to the bottom of?
DeAnna: We need to figure out who’s airing out our dirty laundry to the press.
Frances: None of it’s true about me, but there’s nothing we can do about it. I can’t exactly preemptively come out and say it’s not about me, that’ll just make me look even guiltier.
DeAnna: Exactly why we need to find who made these accusations and discredit them.
Marcia: That’s nuts. We’ll look nuts.
Beverly: If the shoe fits…
Frances: I’m ignoring it. I have nothing to gain by reacting to this at all. Worst case scenario, some people get the impression I’m mean. Nothing I read in that article is that damaging, certainly not illegal. Who cares if some of our hosts put on an act on camera. DeAnna, you portray yourself as a normal person. We all know that’s not true.
DeAnna: I am perfectly normal!
Frances: Sure.
Beverly: I’m completely with Frances. Nothing to figure out here. We need to just move on with our day.
DeAnna: You didn’t read the whole article.
Beverly: Did it get worse?
DeAnna: Not really, but you didn’t do your due diligence and check before you brushed it off as nothing.
Marcia: We just want to get to work. I have no time for smears from the newspaper. Does anyone even read the newspaper these days?
Jane: I don’t.
DeAnna: Can you even read?
Frances: Hey! She might be an idiot, but she’s OUR idiot! Only we get to mock her!
DeAnna: You’re admitting to mocking your own assistant? Maybe there is truth to this story after all.
Frances: You exhaust me.
DeAnna: Good!
Later that night…
Frances: Glad you guys could come over! I need someone to vent to after today, good lord.
Louise: What ever could you be talking about?
Frances: Okay, that’s an odd response.
Lauren: I think, uh, that mom’s referring to a newspaper report that I had to hear about from DeAnna all day long.
Jimmy: First I’m hearing of it!
Louise: Well, I actually do read the paper. What is that about?
Frances: It’s nothing, really. Some old interns have sour grapes because they couldn’t cut it at the network. Not everyone can be Jane and stick around forever!
Louise: In fact, how has Jane stuck around forever? She’s comically inept.
Frances: She’s a sweetheart, though, and who else would hire her?
Louise: So she’s a vibes hire?
Frances: That case could absolutely be made.
Louise: So nothing in the article is true?
Frances: Not on my end! I treat everyone with compassion, kindness, and resect.
Jimmy: Eh…
Frances: “Eh…?”
Jimmy: Look, I love ya dearly, but you’re a hothead.
Frances: I am not!
Jimmy: See what I mean?
Frances: No!
Lauren: DeAnna is simultaneously convinced that it’s a fraudulent article with no real sources and that several interns have betrayed the networks’ trust and must be tracked down to recant their statements and that she is entirely innocent of any of the claims regardless. It’s all delusional. This article has broken her brain.
Louise: To be fair, it’s not like her brain was fully intact before.
Lauren: Oh, it was completely broken. The woman’s deranged.
Frances: How this warms my heart!
Jimmy: Again, this sort of talk is what can be construed as a bit a abrasive. It can lead to a reputation of being unpleasant.
Frances: I am not unpleasant! That article was not about me!
Lauren: I can speak firsthand… there’s no way anything you’re doing on your set is any worse than the way DeAnna acts. Only to to interns, though: she knows they’re the only ones she has the ability to abuse and get away with it. No network is going to take the side of a lowly intern, but if a producer blew the whistle… that’s a different story.
Frances: So she’s really that bad to the interns? I was under the impression what we had was special.
Lauren: I don’t think it’s intentional. She’s just a naturally unpleasant woman.
Jimmy: And that’s the different between the two of you. You’re not unpleasant because it’s in your nature. When you act like a ass, you’re doing so on purpose.
Louise: Regardless, some of the other ladies at my work are asking about you.
Frances: It’s good to have buzz.
Louise: It’s not good buzz. They’re asking if I think the article could possibly be about you. They’re disgusted by the allegations, they don’t respect people who mistreat others. In other words, they’re snowflakes.
Frances: Well, what did you say?
Louise: I said I don’t work with you, I don’t know if it’s about you. It could be. It could be about anyone!
Frances: Oh my god!
Louise: Did you want me to lie?
Frances: You could at least attempt to vouch for me!
Louise: Why would I do that?
Frances: We’re family!
Louise: I don’t make a habit out of misleading my colleagues.
Frances: It’s not misleading! The article’s not about me!
Louise: I’ll tell them you said that. They might believe you.
Frances: And what if they don’t?
Louise: They might boycott the network, who knows.
Frances: This is terrible!
Louise: It’s only a couple of people.
Frances: A couple of people who work with my sister-in-law! I’m sure plenty of others feel the same way! I’m being defamed for something I am entirely innocent of doing! I’m being dragged down by the bad behavior of others. This can really hurt my show.
Jimmy: I think most people will forget it. Heck, most won’t know it to begin with, it was published in one local paper.
Lauren: The paper does have a website, it went a bit viral.
Jimmy: She didn’t need to know that, Lauren!
Frances: I would’ve found out eventually, it’s fine. I figured it picked up steam, anyway. The public loves this sorta gossip.
Louise: Oh god, what if TMZ starts hunting us down to ask if you’re as bad in real life as they said in the article?
Frances: Again, I was not named specifically.
Louise: You’re the one everyone associates with the network. The finger gets pointed at the most famous, whether it’s true or not.
Frances: I know! Stop reminding me!
Lauren: The internet has a short attention span. By Monday, it’ll be old news.
Frances: What if they talk about this on The View? I can’t be getting roasted by Whoopi!
Louise: I think Joy is meaner.
Frances: But Whoopi has an Oscar! She’s a cultural icon.
Lauren: I don’t think you have to worry that much about The View tackling this. It’s not really that major of a story. Just ten thousand shares on Twitter, TBC only trended for a little bit. It’ll blow over.
Frances: You sure?
Lauren: I think so.
Jimmy: Well, that “I think so” sure should comfort you.
Two days later…
Dana: Ladies, we gotta talk!
Beverly: Must we? We’re trying to film, I’m sure you unders-
Dana: The TBC team has spent the last two days working vigorously to look into ways to combat the recent hit piece against us.
Beverly: They already talked about it on The View, we’re in People Magazine, we’re a watercolor topic. What has the PR team cooked up to miraculously turn public opinion around?
Dana: That’s what we’re having a meeting about!
Beverly: A meeting?
Jane: I love meetings!
Marcia: There’s something wrong with you.
Frances: Dana, we’re in the middle of filming a very important episode. I’m sharing my favorite family recipes passed down by my mom.
Jimmy: Yeah, I took off work just to appear on the show with her!
Marcia: And it’s cutting down on my screen time, so I’d like to just get this one over with, if that’s okay.
Jimmy: I don’t mean to stay your spotlight, I’m sorry.
Frances: Jimmy, it’s not your fault.
Dana: Respectfully, I do not care about this drama, it is for you to sort out. The meeting is at 2 PM, it is mandatory for all hosts and producers. Marcia, dumb one, you’re exempt from the meeting, but you can attend if you want, so one as you don’t make a scene.
Marcia: When would I ever make a scene?
Jane: I can’t wait!
Beverly: 2 PM… Frances, can you finish this episode by then?
Frances: Of course! I was hoping to start on another by then, but we can’t always get what we want. We’ll be there.
Dana: I appreciate it. For the record, I know these claims aren’t about you. You have the lowest staff overturn of any show.
Frances: We treat everyone well and with respect. This is a family.
Marcia: Well, except your higher-ranking staff.
Frances: Oh, yeah, we go after each other like cats and dogs. But that’s from a place of love.
Dana: Again, that’s not the basis of this article. Good-natured ribbing is fine. We’re not scolds.
Beverly: That implies you’re planning to crack down on this. What’s the game plan?
Dana: All will be revealed!
Beverly: That worries me.
Dana: Nothing for you guys to worry about! Now, DeAnna…
Frances: I knew it! She was so anxious about this article, this is all her fault.
Dana: I can neither confirm nor deny that.
Marcia: You know, they say all press is good press… maybe this is secretly a good thing for us!
Dana: We’ve done research into that. Again, all will be revealed!
Marcia: Why does .it feel like she’s about to shut the network down?
Dana: All will be revealed!
Marcia: My god, stop saying that! We get it!
Dana: All will -
Marcia: We know, be revealed.
Later that afternoon…
Dana: Thank you everyone for coming to our m-
DeAnna: I’m an innocent woman.
Essie: No more innocent than I am!
Frances: I don’t have to feign innocence, I know how I treat people.
Dana: Anyway, we are all aware of the serious and disturbing allegations of workplace bullying and misconduct that have been levied against our network and our employees. Though an investigation has begun, no one at this network has been able to locate those that made the allegations. The LA Gazette is quite thorough on protecting the anonymity of their sources, and we respect that! However, due to that, we are unsure of which employees, specifically, are at the center of these allegations. For that reason, this will be a network-wide mandate.
DeAnna: What are you asking us to do?
Dana: Can I talk?
DeAnna: Sorry.
Dana: First, I will make a public statement confirming that we are implementing measures to ensure a more respectful workplace, free from bullying. We are going to protect our interns and our crew members. Some people clearly believe they have the right to mistreat our TBC staff, and I will have no tolerance for it. We have admittedly lacked proper plans to respond to claims of bullying, but that’s being fixed, and we are hiring some to tackle this head-on, a sort of bullying watchdog. I will have an open-door policy for any staff members looking to file complaints about workplace bullying. The filing of a complaint against any of our producers or hosts will be investigated vigorously by our bullying watchdog, including reviewing security footage. In addition, we will be hiring monitors to stand in on all sets and ensure every worker is being treated with respect. This is not happening again.
Frances: I support that fully. You know, at Frances in the Kitchen, we have nothing but respect for everybody.
Dana: In addition, we have a public image to repair. We are starting a new project called the “Kindness Kitchen” initiative. All of our hosts will film bumpers - solo and with other hosts - promoting the values of the Kindness Kitchen, discussing the importance off tolerance, treating others with respect, all of that crap.
Essie: You don’t seem too sold on this initiative.
DeAnna: I don’t see what this will do for us.
Dana: We’re showing that we’re taking this seriously. It’s caused a huge hit in our public perception, people view this as a network of bullies. We’re going to turn that around.
Frances: Hear that, DeAnna? We need to behave ourselves.
DeAnna: I don’t know to what you are referring, but I resent the implication.
Dana: I know this will be hard for some of you, but we need to foster a positive workplace environment. No ands, ifs, or buts.
Frances: I support you. Thank you for being such a leader for us.
Dana: Thank you, Frances!
Jane: I love this! This is such a great pl-
Frances: Jane, quiet, the adults are talking!
Dana: Frances…
Frances: Oh, sorry! I forgot! New rules!
What did you think of this episode of Frances in the kitchen? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
