The gang is at a restaurant after arriving in Michigan earlier that day.
Leslie: How does it feel, Frances?
Frances: How does what feel?
Leslie: Being home!
Frances: Oh. Right.
Leslie: Did you forget you used to live here?
Frances: Of course I didn’t! I just, you know, I don’t feel it’s some major occasion. I’m in Michigan again, a lot of people visit Michigan.
Garry: Surely you have to be excited to come home.
Frances: Home is Santa Barbara. This is not home anymore.
Melanie: Come on, you were raised here, it’s always home in a way.
Frances: I feel like most of what made it home is gone. I made a new life for myself in California, I left Michigan behind. So it’s not special to be back. It’s just any other stop. There’s no ill will towards them or anything. Although I am a little upset that my brother ended up moving back here, so I feel like Michigan stole him from me. I guess that explains why I’m still a little bitter.
Leslie: Well that explains it! We need to meet up with your brother!
Diane: And her sister-in-law, don’t forget her!
Frances: We can forget her, I like Michigan for taking her back.
Sam: Oh, come on, you love her too! You’ve let that slip.
Frances: Just don’t tell her that! She always gives me such a hard time whenever you insinuate that I don’t completely hate her.
Diane: You didn’t already set up a visit with your brother? I can’t believe that! I’d be dying to meet up with my family if I were in town.
Frances: I didn’t even know when or if we were coming to Michigan. We were just in Georgia last week, I thought we’d be in Florida this week!
Garry: Yeah, why did we fly from Georgia to Michigan?
Paul: Poor planning by a certain Brit, perhaps?
Charlotte: I had nothing to do with this!
Paul: I meant Jacqueline.
Charlotte: Oh, carry on, then.
Leslie: I put the schedule together, y’all. I thought we spent enough time on the east coast and since we’re already halfway though the season, we had to get moving out west.
Sam: We’re halfway through the season? Jeez.
Leslie: We are after this episode. Time flies!
Diane: I’m excited to move out west. I can’t wait for when we visit Texas.
Leslie: Oh my god!
Diane: What?
Leslie: I just realized we’re not going to Texas! How do I forget Texas?
Sam: They’re gonna take that personally.
Frances: We already skipped Philadelphia, we can’t keep affording to upset the most obnoxious places in America.
Sam: Well, let’s hope they don’t find out you said that about them.
Paul: Don’t worry, everyone, there’s always next season!
Charlotte: But we are currently in Michigan, so Frances… call your brother!
Frances: But we’re in Traverse City, my brother lives in Saginaw.
Charlotte: I believe it’s pronounced “Truh-verse.”
Frances: We’re in America, dear. We don’t pronounce anything correctly.
Diane: I just looked it up, Saginaw to Traverse City is a two and a half hour drive.
Frances: You people are so damn nosy.
Diane: But would you want us any other way?
Frances: Yes! I’d love for you to be normal!
Carly: “Normal” is not a word in any of these peoples’ vocabularies.
Garry: I’m normal!
Carly: Except for you, honey.
Carly rolls her eyes.
Garry: I saw that!
Carly: You saw nothing!
Sam: I love when she gaslights him.
Carly: I’m not gaslighting him.
Sam: Doesn’t work on me, Carly!
Carly: Are you sure?
Sam: Very!
Carly: It was worth a try. Can’t let my secrets get out far and wide.
Charlotte: Speaking of secrets…
Frances: I swear to god, this better not be about me!
Charlotte: It wasn’t gonna be, but now it is. Call your brother!
Frances: Where is the waitress? I’m hungry!
Melanie: It’s not like any of us have had time to look at the menu.
Frances: Doesn’t matter, I’ll take whatever they want to give me if it’ll shut all of you up.
Sam: I think we all know damn well that we will never “shut up.”
The next day…
Paul: All right, gang, big day today! We’re at the halfway point of the season once this episode is done. That’s worth celebrating!
Diane: We talked about this yesterday.
Paul: Just reminding everyone.
Diane: No need to remind us, I’m already beginning to dread the moment this is all over.
Sam: Dreading?
Diane: I love working with all of you!
Frances: Oh my god, she’s crying!
Melanie: Diane, it’s okay. We’ll always be back together again just a few months after it’s over.
Leslie: And next time, we’ll go to Texas. Texas and Ohio and -
Sam: You’re trying to cheer her up by promising a visit to Ohio? Are you nuts?
Leslie: Ohio is a lovely state, I assume.
Sam: Then you haven’t been there.
Leslie: Admittedly, no.
Sam: Think before you speak. Defer to experts.
Diane: Sam has beef with Ohio.
Charlotte: Wow, what a major surprise, she’s usually so friendly and accepting.
Sam: They were the unfriendly ones, believe me!
Frances: Look, I’m from Michigan, if you think I’m jumping in to defend Ohio, you’re nuts.
Leslie: I think we’ve bashed Ohio enough, maybe let’s get ready for work. You’re on in forty minutes! The contestants are nearly here!
Frances: Do we have to?
Leslie: I’m not your mother, do what you want.
Paul: Though, I’d rather not get in trouble with Jacqueline, so how about we film on-schedule?
Sam: You care about her opinion?
Paul: She yells very loud when she’s upset, and it’s my job to take it.
Garry: You need to grow a pair, man.
Sam: Oh my god, if Garry said that to me, I’d instantly expire.
Diane: Hey, Frances, you ever call your br-
Frances: Oh hey, look at the time, off to my dressing room to find an outfit!
Melanie: She’s being odd about this, no?
Sam: How can you ever tell?
One hour later…
Diane: Welcome to another week of Bake Your Heart Out!
Sam: We’re in Traverse City, Michigan, the cherry capital of the world!
Diane: The largest city on Michigan’s famed “cherry coast,” we’ll be sure to honor Traverse City’s most famous export with this week’s challenge, as well as several other classic Michigan desserts.
Sam: And be extra careful not to make mistakes this week, as Michigan is the home state of our own Frances Conner.
Diane: Frances, how you feeling about being back here?
Frances: I’m ready for some cherries, ladies!
Sam: Well, you’re in luck. Bakers, for this week’s first challenge, you’ll be putting your own personal spin on an international classic, the cherry pie, using cherries grown on Michigan’s cherry coast.
Frances: My favorite!
Diane: Good luck, bakers, and bake your hearts out!
Leslie: And cut! Good job, ladies!
Frances: I really didn’t need to be included so heavily in this, I don’t make Michigan my whole personality.
Leslie: Lighten up, Frances.
Diane: So did you ever -
Frances: Yes. He and Louise are coming tomorrow, they’re staying with me for four days. Are you happy?
Diane: Oh my god! This is so exciting!
Frances: Okay, you give up half your room to them, then.
Garry: Frances, you’re sounding as negative as Sam.
Frances: I’m starting to understand why she’s like this!
Sam: Yeah! Up top!
Frances: No thank you.
Diane: Why were you so weary about calling them in the first place?
Francis: I didn’t want to bother them.
Melanie: Aww, that’s kinda sweet.
Charlotte: More like sad.
Frances: I just did not want to waste their time. I know we have plans in place, and -
Diane: No! They can either come with us on all our planned excursions or we can plan something new!
Frances: You guys are too understanding.
Diane: It is my specialty.
Leslie: I try to be understanding myself, and I don’t mean to break up this love fest, but you two need to go talk to the contestants.
Diane: Sorry, I got all caught up in Frances’s family reunion!
Sam: I did not, but I did forget we were here to work for a moment.
Leslie: And yet, you are! So let’s get moving!
Sam: You are no fun.
Leslie: Sorry, I’m your boss, I can’t always be your friend.
The next day, on the set…
Diane: This is the part of this show we love! Chelsea, Selma, the judges were dazzled by what both of you created, and you are our top two for the week.
Sam: Chelsea, your salted caramel cherry pie was a welcome twist on an old favorite, fit for a Michigan fall. You also perfected one of the hardest judge’s challenges we’ve ever had, recreating Mackinac Island fudge and living up to Frances’s childhood memories. And your bumpy cake was just as moist as you’d want it to be, avoiding it being too soggy and overwhelmingly sweet.
Diane: Selma, your chocolate cherry pie didn’t totally reinvent the classic dessert, but altered it just enough to be a fresh take, which the judges appreciated. Your fudge also impressed the judges, though they did find it a tad bit salty, which was unexpected. Still, your take on the bumpy cake left them in awe, tasting better than any other cake made this week.
Sam: That being said, only one of you can win, and congratulations to Chelsea on being our top baker!
Diane: And now, here we are.
Sam: I don[t like this part.
Diane: You don’t like much.
Sam: That’s true. But I dislike this the most!
Diane: Sadly, three of you stood out negatively this week. Allen, your fudge crumbled and the judges were barely able to find a large enough piece for all of them to sample, though your other two bakes were impressive, and save you this week.
Sam: That leaves Bethany and Philip.
Diane: Bethany, nothing went right for you this week. Your cherry pie crust wasn’t right, your fudge wasn’t sweet enough, and your bumpy cake was dry.
Sam: Philip, your cherry flavor was drowned out by other fruits included in the pie, a decision that left the judges perplexed. The icing on your bumpy cake was also not set properly, likely because it was iced when the cake was too hot, a mistake that judges don’t expect to see at this stage in the competition.
Diane: It is, sadly, the end of the line for one of you. And that person is… Bethany.
Sam: Bethany, it’s been a pleasure to try your baking and getting to know you. You’ll be missed in the kitchen.
Diane: And that’s it for Bake Your Heart Out! We’ll see you next week, when we travel to Chicago!
Leslie: Cut! That’s perfect!
Sam: Well, not for poor Bethany. She’s crying, Melanie, get her a tissue. Or six. Honey, it’s gonna be okay, the grand prize isn’t that high anyway, not for a show with this many viewers.
Melanie: Okay, I’ll get that, but also, Frances, you have company.
Diane: Oh my god, it’s time!
Frances: Why are you more excited than me?
Sam: She’s an odd woman.
Jimmy: Frannie! Long time no see!
Louise: Not long enough!
Frances: Gang, you remember my brother Jimmy and his wife, Elphaba.
Louise: Joke’s on you, she was the hero of that movie!
Frances: She was still a witch, flying on a broomstick!
Sam: Did they just call Wicked “a movie.”
Diane: Not everyone’s as cultured as we are, Sam. They didn’t get to see Adele Dazeem on Broadway.
Louise: I’m just happy to see you all again, it’s been too long.
Jimmy: Yeah, Frannie, you gotta invite us out to see you more often!
Diane: She’d love that!
Frances: I would! I miss you guys. It’s been too long.
Louise: You don’t even come home for Christmas anymore!
Sam: Diane makes her come over to her place. She has no one else.
Diane: Not true!
Louise: Mmm, pie!
Leslie: We usually donat-
Louise: Oh, this is awful!
Garry: Yeah, we sent her home for a reason.
Charlotte: Bethany, he didn’t mean it!
Sam: What an idiot you are.
Garry: I know.
Jimmy: So, what do you guys want to do?
Sam: What do you want to do?
Jimmy: We’re from here, we have nothing in mind. I just want to make sure you guys get to see all you want to see.
Louise: Maybe we can be their tour guides!
Frances: Louise, you sound excited! It’s unlike you!
Jimmy: She’s found a zest for life in retirement.
Louise: Maybe that’s what was in the pie! It was something sour.
Garry: I didn’t even think the flavor was the worst part of it, the crust was practically cardboard.
Charlotte: All right, we gotta get Bethany out of here, this is nightmare.
Sam: Melanie!
Melanie: On it!
Frances: Jimmy, it’s so nice to see you guys again. Even you, Louise! I didn’t realize how much I missed you!
Louise: Oh my god, it feels emotions!
Frances: Stop, you love me!
Louise: I do, but I don’t like broadcasting it!
Jimmy: It’s nice to see you again, too. And nice to see you back in Michigan! I know you have a complicated history with it, given everything that happened with mom.
Frances: No, I’m happy to be here.
Louise: Wait, what happened?
Jimmy: That’s a story for another day! We’re your tour guides now, it’s time to show you a good time!
Diane: Nothing too wild, we got up early this morning. Let us rest up before things get too crazy!
Louise: Diane, honey, it’s coastal Michigan, not Miami at spring break.
Diane: You never know! The most unexpected places can get wild sometimes!
What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
