Charlotte: Washington, DC! How quaint!
Frances: Quaint? I’ve never heard DC described in that way before.
Diane: Most of the time when I hear someone mention it, they’re just cursing it out and calling it hell on earth.
Sam: Which is the correct way to feel about it, all our worst politicians are here.
Diane: Oh, come on, they’re not all bad. There’s, uh…
Sam: Yeah, exactly.
Charlotte: I’m just saying, it’s much smaller than I expected. Our capital, London, is so much larger. This would just be a small neighborhood there.
Sam: We get it, Charlotte. You’re from London.
Leslie: Say, when are they announcing those Emmy nominations? It’s coming up this week, no?
Charlotte: Eight tomorrow morning!
Leslie: Oh, wow! That’s soon!
Charlotte: I’m quite nervous about it!
Frances: Is that why you’re being so annoying?
Nicolle: Do you guys usually fight like this?
Sam: Yes, we just they to be on our best behavior when you’re around. But if you’re going to be a regular presence, we can’t hold it in that long.
Carly: They know they can be comfortable in front of me, no need to put on an act.
Sam: And you’re married to Garry, so there’s no way I could restrain myself when you’re around.
Paul: Well, it’s late. If you guys don’t mind, I’m gonna just head to the hotel and turn in.
Leslie: Paul, it’s eight o’clock!
Paul: That’s late! By the time I get to the hotel, unpack, shower… it’ll be after ten!
Sam: Wow, after ten, how will you manage?
Paul: I don’t know! I don’t mind staying up that late on a regular day, but on a work night…
Sam: We’re going out clubbing tonight!
Frances: The hotel has a nightclub that we’re going to for drinks. We’re not bar-hopping like she makes it sound.
Paul: Just be ready for filming tomorrow! I don’t want to see you all coming in hungover and looking like death!
Charlotte: Don't worry, I’ll keep them in line!
Paul: That does not ease my worries.
Leslie: It shouldn’t!
Melanie: I’ll keep them in line.
Paul: See, that does ease my worries.
Melanie: Happy to help!
The next morning…
Leslie: Charlotte! Are you in there?
Charlotte does not answer.
Leslie: Charlotte! Are you alive?
Frances: Always a good thing to hear when walking out of your room in the morning.
Leslie: She’s not answering! I’m scared! It’s eight thirty!
Frances: Maybe she’s celebrating her big Emmy nomination?
Leslie: She’d usually do that by prancing around and telling us how great she is.
Frances: That is true!
Leslie: I’m going in!
Frances: How?
Leslie: I don’t know.
Charlotte: Leslie? What time is it?
Leslie: Oh, god, you look awful!
Sam: She may have stayed up partying a bit too late.
Leslie: How late? You said you were heading back to your rooms as soon as Diane got out of the bathroom when I left at ten.
Charlotte: Three or four hours and six or seven drinks after that.
Leslie: Oh my god! This is not you! You’re a professional! You’re acting like, well, Sam.
Sam: Hey! I like to party, but I woke up and got dressed on time.
Diane: Thanks to me!
Sam: Ah, yes, my own personal wake-up call.
Frances: So did you get your nomination?
Charlotte: Oh my god, that’s today!
Frances: Thirty minutes ago.
Charlotte: Where are Garry and Melanie? I want to be with the whole gang when I see my name listed as an Emmy nominee!
Melanie: I’m here!
Leslie: Melanie, you were supposed to keep them in line and make sure they didn’t party too hard! Look at Charlotte!
Frances: And, really, look at the bags under Sam’s eyes.
Sam: Hey! I look phenomenal.
Nicolle: Honey, this isn’t a winning battle.
Sam: Regardless, Melanie’s here, that’s all that really matters. We don’t need Garry here to bog down the celebration anyway.
Charlotte: He’d be hurt.
Sam: Good!
Diane: You are so disturbed in your hatred of Garry that even Olivia Rodrigo doesn’t have a song to describe it.
Sam: Cool.
Melanie: I think Lacy fits pretty well.
Sam: Don’t even! That is homophobic to say!
Garry: What are we all doing at Charlotte’s room?
Sam: Nothing! Go away! See you at work today!
Charlotte: Okay, time to officially check the nominations and see the good news!
Garry: Oh, the Emmy nominations are today!
Charlotte: None of you got spoiled, right?
Sam: No, but I’m gonna need you to speed this up!
Charlotte: Fine, okay, here goes nothing!
Sam: Finally…
Leslie: Isn’t it funny we all got up at the same time?
Sam: Shut up!
Charlotte: Well, my phone is blown up, so that’s a good sign.
Leslie: A lot of that is me, honestly.
Charlotte: Okay… Looking, looking… okay. Lead Actress in a Limited Series! Cate Blanchett, Viola Davis, Nicole Kidman…
Frances: Great names to be nominated with!
Charlotte: Frances, it’s alphabetical by surname!
Frances: Blanchett, Davis, Kidman… oh.
Sam: Weren’t you the favorite to win?
Diane: That was probably always wishful thinking, no?
Charlotte: I can’t believe this.
Sam: That’s exactly what I say when we lose to RuPaul every year.
Charlotte: This is serious! This is an Emmy for acting! Not for hosting, no one cares about those, they don’t even broadcast that on TV!
Diane: You don’t have to rub it in like that!
Charlotte: I’m just heartbroken and lashing out, I’m sorry.
Frances: It’s still an honor to almost be nominated, right?
Diane: I don’t think that’s going to make her feel any better.
Charlotte: I’ve been betrayed by Hollywood!
Sam: Join the club! I was supposed to be a movie star! I was supposed to have my own sitcom! I’m now the happy little cheerleader for a bunch of people who take baking FAR too seriously.
Charlotte: I just don’t understand how this happened! Everyone said I was a lock! Variety called my performance the dramatic performance of the year!
Sam: There’s no way it was any better than the performance you’re putting on right now. Now THIS is the dramatic performance of the year.
Charlotte: That’s not funny!
Garry: I thought it was funny!
Sam: Thank you, Garry!
Charlotte: I’ve been snubbed of the Emmy and Sam is thanking Garry, I must be in the Twilight Zone.
Diane: They showed that over there in England?
Charlotte: It’s England, not Mars! And, I think I just need some time alone, if that’s all right.
Melanie: Take all the time you need!
Leslie: Well, not too much time. We do have a show to film. We’ll go to breakfast, and then, you will be ready to film come hell or high water.
Charlotte: I guess I can rally by then.
Diane: Just think, they can never take that Oscar from you!
Charlotte: That one man did on Oscar night, took it right out of my hands!
Diane: But you got it back! That’s the important thing!
A bit later, Paul is in his room when Jacqueline calls him.
Paul: Wow, quite early for you, isn’t it?
Jacqueline: It’s six! I’ve been up two hours!
Paul: You woke up at four? For what?
Jacqueline: That’s what you do when you’re a working professional.
Paul: The office opens at eight!
Jacqueline: Lots of work can be done before you go in to the office! This is why you got booted!
Paul: Anyway, to what do I owe the, uh, “pleasure?”
Jacqueline: The presence of the Bake Your Heart Out cast is requested at the White House.
Paul: Which white house?
Jacqueline: The White House.
Paul: Oh…
Jacqueline: You don’t sound pleased!
Paul: You do know that every cast member on this show is either a Democrat or a Brit, do you not?
Jacqueline: They can’t put politics aside for one day just to meet with the President of the United States? The man is an outright superfan of your silly baking show!
Paul: That’s wonderful. They’re still not meeting him at the White House.
Jacqueline: You can’t disrespect the President like this! He’s an old business friend of mine.
Paul: That’s wonderful. Diane would self-immolate before she ever met with him. In fact, I think it would be a risk to everyone’s safety if you put the two of them in the same room.
Jacqueline: Make it happen, Paul.
Paul: Why do you ask em to do the impossible so often?
Jacqueline: It makes me life better knowing you are miserable.
On the set of Bake Your Heart Out…
Paul: I’m so glad you’re all here!
Charlotte: I’m not! Is life even worth living when you’re dealing with such sorrow?
Paul: What happened, Charlotte?
Sam: She didn’t get nominated for an Emmy.
Paul: That’s it?
Leslie: That’s it.
Frances: Our show got nominated! That’s something!
Diane: We didn’t want to rub that in her face.
Sam: Although, you know, it’s our eighth straight nomination as hosts…
Diane: It is a grand accomplishment.
Frances: Charlotte has a producer credit on the show, she got a nomination for that!
Charlotte: That doesn’t help me!
Paul: Okay, well, I’m sorry to say that I’m about to make matters worse.
Charlotte: Of course you are! You always do!
Paul: Wow, that was pretty pointed.
Leslie: Don’t take it to heart, she’s just having a hard time.
Charlotte: I meant it!
Leslie: Okay then!
Paul: This will be equally tough on all of you.
Frances: That has completely changed how I feel about it then. When it was just going to be annoying for Charlotte, I didn’t mind. Now that it might inconvenience me, I’m pissed.
Sam: Just spit it out.
Leslie: Yeah, we do have a show to get to. We have a busy day of baking inspired by the food of the DMV.
Garry: The Department of Motor Vehicles?
Leslie: District of Columbia, Maryland and Virginia.
Frances: I know what you’re thinking, there aren’t many desserts that pop up as being associated with those regions. We’re really stretching the theme here. One dessert just uses Virginia peanuts, the other is just making cakes in the shape of DC landmarks. Thankfully, Maryland gives us more to work with.
Sam: That’s wonderful, Frances. Paul, what is this horrible thing you have to ask us?
Paul: Jacqueline has requested, um, demanded, that you all meet with the President at the White House. He’s an old friend of Jacqueline’s, and a big fan of the show.
Diane: Absolutely not! No! Never!
Sam: Diane, do you care to make your position any more clear?
Charlotte: I knew I should’ve skipped work today!
Leslie: No, you should not have! Paul, I don’t understand why you would even ask us about this. We’re not going. I’m not putting my team in an uncomfortable situation.
Paul: It’s an order.
Leslie: It’s an order we’re not going to follow.
Sam: What are they going to do, fire us?
Garry: I remember a similar statement being said several years ago. It didn’t end well for us.
Sam: They learned their lessons!
Paul: The President is a unique man. I did not vote for him -
Diane: Thank god!
Paul: A lot of our viewers did.
Diane: I don’t care! He’s a bigot and so are they!
Frances: I think we should try to rock the boat as little as possible.
Diane: You think we should go and meet Brian Delphy?
Frances: Absolutely not! We should fake our own deaths!
Sam: How doers that rock the boat as little as possible?
Frances: It avoids making either end of the political spectrum hate us. That’s nice.
Garry: How would we all die at once?
Frances: Diane set us all on fire, or Charlotte went on a murderous rampage after her Emmy snub, or -
Charlotte: That’s not funny.
Frances: I kinda thought it was gonna happen, to be honest.
Charlotte: I would never hurt another person! Aside from whoever voted for Viola Davis, that is. She was in a movie, not a TV show! It’s despicable! It breaks the rules!
Diane: It doesn’t, though. The movie was quite good!
Charlotte: Did you vote for her?
Diane: And you! That’s the important part!
Melanie: I think we should just send the White House a fruit basket and leave it there.
Paul: That won’t really cut it, unfortunately.
Melanie: I’m out of answers, then.
Sam: We’re not going, end of story.
Paul: You know what? No, you’re not going.
Sam: I know, I just said that.
Paul: I’m trying to do a nice thing here, Sam.
Sam: But you’re just doing a thing we were already going to do ourselves.
Frances: Just appreciate the gesture, Sam.
Sam: He doesn’t get credit, he was the one putting us in the situation to begin with!
Paul: It was Jacqueline, I promise. I would never, I know how you feel. Quite well.
Leslie: So how exactly are you getting out of this?
Paul: I do not know. But I will. You’re dealing with enough with Charlotte’s, you know, situation.
Charlotte: What situation? You mean my egregious awards snub? I’ll never accept it.
Frances: I feel like this issue was resolved miraculously quickly. It would usually linger over our heads for an entire week and we’d have to do a lot more complaining to get it solved.
Diane: I think that means things are looking up for us!
The next day…
Leslie: “Far-Left Bake Cast Refuses Presidential Visit.”
Diane: Yeah, I can also read, Leslie.
Garry: They say no publicity is bad publicity.
Leslie: This is pretty bad, Garry. We’re the new enemies of half of the American public.
Frances: It’s really only a quarter or so that actually care about nonsense like this. And ninety percent of them will forget about it by next week. The rest will take another month or so before they also forget. We’ll ride out the storm.
Leslie: I hope you’re right. With Jacqueline in charge, we can’t survive a boycott.
Sam: These people aren’t even smart to cross the street, let alone organize a full-on boycott. Don’t panic.
Leslie: That seems like an excessively negative thing to say about a large fraction of the country.
Sam: I don’t mean all of them! Just the ones who can’t handle us refusing to meet with some politician. If the sets you off, you are beyond pathetic.
Melanie: Well, I admire you all for holding your ground.
Frances: Speaking of beyond pathetic, Charlotte, how are you feeling on this fine morning?
Charlotte: I didn’t get to tell you the good news! They retracted Viola Davis’s nomination because her film was released theatrically in some places and wasn’t a pure TV movie!
Diane: Does that mean you get nominated now?
Charlotte: It means Viola Davis is not, and that is a win in itself, really.
Diane: So that’s a no.
Carly: Misery loves company.
Sam: That why you married Garry?
What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
