STATION MARKET HH RATINGS (+/- LAST WEEK)
RSN Los Angeles: 7.3 (-0.1)
RSN Indianapolis: 6.5 (+0.2)
RSN Santa Fe: 0.6 (-0.1)
RSN Bridgeport: 0.5 (=)
RSN Anchorage: 0.2 (=)
SETTING: RSN corporate office. SASHA, the liaison to RSN Santa Fe, just got off a call with the local station. She walks away from her cubicle and storms straight into BENNY’s office.
SASHA
Alright Benny, we got a problem.
BENNY
Another one?
SASHA
I was just on the phone with Santa Fe.
BENNY
Yeah, that does sound like a problem.
SASHA
Did you know we don’t have the Opening Day game?
BENNY
What are you talking about?
SASHA
It’s gonna be on national TV. RSN Santa Fe can’t show it because of blackouts.
SASHA INTERVIEW
So the Primitives are playing their opening game on national TV, meaning RSN Santa Fe won’t be able to show it. National TV typically blocks local stations from broadcasting games. I guess it’s not a huge deal but…you know, considering we’ve been promoting Opening Day for months, not a great look.
BENNY
No, they’re gonna show the game on RSN Santa Fe.
SASHA
Benny, I already told you, it’s on national TV.
BENNY
Maybe. But it’ll be on Santa Fe too.
SASHA
That’s not how that works.
BENNY
Oh yeah?
SASHA
I mean…yeah.
BENNY
Watch me.
BENNY picks up the phone.
BENNY
Actually don’t watch me, I do this better alone.
SASHA leaves BENNY’s office.
BENNY INTERVIEW
In the past, I would’ve just let this slide. Next thing you know all the big Primitives games are on national TV, and RSN Santa Fe is being forced to shut down. But now that I’m back, I’m gonna take action.
CUT to SASHA returning to her cubicle, where AUSTIN, KYLIE, NICOLE, TREVOR, and BLAKE also work.
BLAKE
What’s going on?
SASHA
Nothing much other than that the Primitives aren’t going to be on RSN Santa Fe on Opening Day.
BLAKE
Really? You’ve been promoting it—-
SASHA
I know.
AUSTIN
Isn’t there anything you can do? There’s gotta be something.
SASHA
Benny’s on the phone about it with…somebody? Anyway, how are you guys doing?
NICOLE
I’m doing great! RSN Indianapolis keeps gaining in the ratings. Apparently a lot of people are unaware the Primitives left and are tuning in trying to find preseason games. Speaking of which, how are the preseason games going?
SASHA
We’re not exactly showing those.
NICOLE
Sasha, I pity you.
TREVOR
Who knows, maybe the national TV broadcast will bring some eyeballs back to RSN Santa Fe?
SASHA
I have to hope.
DEVIN approaches SASHA, AUSTIN, KYLIE, NICOLE, TREVOR, and BLAKE.
DEVIN
Guess what I did?
KYLIE
Do we want to know?
DEVIN
Oops I messed that one up. I meant Benny said, ‘Guess what I did?’ So, guess what Benny did?
KYLIE
I don’t know, why don’t you just tell us.
DEVIN
I think he’s too proud of it to let me. He should be here soon.
BENNY comes running over.
BENNY
Guess what I did?
KYLIE
Just say.
BENNY
Alright. I got the Primitives on RSN!
SASHA
Wait…really?!
BENNY
Yep.
SASHA
But what about the blackouts? Santa Fe can’t show the Primitives because they’re gonna be on national TV.
BENNY
I never said they’re gonna be on RSN Santa Fe. They’re gonna be on RSN Indianapolis.
NICOLE
You’re kidding.
BENNY
Nope. The blackout only pertains to the Santa Fe region. Not Indianapolis! So we’ll just show the Opening Day game there and spam the hell out of Santa Fe!
NICOLE
Benny…you know nobody who watches RSN Indianapolis can watch RSN Santa Fe so it really doesn’t matter.
BENNY pauses.
BENNY
But Indianapolis likes the Primitives still.
NICOLE
I guess so.
BENNY
So somebody wins!
NICOLE
Sure. Sorry Sasha.
BENNY
Yeah, now that I say it out loud…sorry Sasha.
BENNY INTERVIEW
And there you have it. I took action, and now the Primitives are playing Opening Day on an RSN station. And you know what, you can’t make everyone happy no matter what you do. So I’d say I’m doing a pretty good job.