Aimee is at Cherie and Ernesto’s house.
Cherie: Look at my bill-passing daughter!
Aimee: Oh, mother.
Kimmy: A sentence that makes just as much sense coming from a disapproving child as it does from a gay on Twitter live-tweeting RuPaul’s Drag Race.
Aimee: The drag queens are mostly men in makeup, right? Why are they calling them “mother?”
Kimmy: You know what? It’s hard to explain.
Aimee: I support gay rights, you can explain it to me!
Kimmy: “Mother” is a w-
Cherie: So about your bill!
Kimmy: Oh, thank god you saved me.
Cherie: That’s what mothers are for.
Kimmy: Mother in the biological sense or in this gay sense that I’m just learning about now?
Aimee: Enough!
Ernesto: Yeah, tell us about your bill.
Victoria: It’s about boats.
Ernesto: What about boats?
Victoria: Ernesto, we’ve heard enough about it the last two weeks, I don’t need to hear about it any further.
Doug: I’d gladly listen to her talk about it again!
Victoria: You’re her husband, you have to say that.
Ernesto: You sound a little grump, all that cross-country travel starting to wear you down?
Victoria: No, I’ve just heard a lot about boats.
Aimee: She really has, but she’s been a trooper through it at least.
Cherie: I read enough about it to get the gist, if it makes Victoria so uncomfortable to discuss.
Kimmy: I’m glad Aimee’s passing legislation about boats. I don’t trust her to make laws about anything important, so good she’s distracted.
Aimee: Thank you?
Cherie: Come on, we all know your Democrats would never let her pass anything they didn’t agree with, anyway. Lord knows they have enough seats to block anything.
Kimmy: Elections have consequences.
Cherie: I hate when you use that line!
Ernesto: Ladies, ladies, no need to fight over this. Aimee finally passed a major piece of legislation, we should be celebrating her accomplishment. Not bickering about the Democrats.
Kimmy: Who, mind you, have been much nicer to Aimee than the Republicans.
Dave: The Republicans did choose her to be the #3 member of the caucus.
Kimmy: Consolation prize.
Dave: She worked hard for that.
Aimee: Not really.
Aimee’s phone rings.
Cherie: No phones! We are bonding as a family!
Kimmy: I think the phone call might save us from killing one another.
Cherie: All right, fine, answer away!
Aimee: I’ll be right back!
Cherie: I’ll believe that when I see it.
Aimee picks up the phone.
Aimee: What’s going on?
Denise: Hi, Aimee! Enjoying the recess so far?
Aimee: Why are you saying it like that? What’s wrong?
Denise: I received a request.
Aimee: No! Tell Greg I’m off the clock! I have town halls and constituent events scheduled and that is IT for me for the week!
Denise: Senator Montgomery -
Aimee: Don’t care! I’ll see her in nine days!
Denise: You don’t care what your colleague has to say?
Aimee: I am emotionally and physically exhausted from working that bill through Congress and then having to be in the same room as the president, I have earned this week off.
Denise: Two weeks, actually.
Aimee: Two weeks?
Denise: I didn’t want to correct your math, but I figured I better make sure you didn’t come back to work a week early.
Aimee: Two weeks off, huh? We have it pretty good.
Denise: Aimee, you’re a very smart woman, but sometimes you deeply concern me.
Aimee: And I concern myself. So, now knowing I have two weeks off from the grind of the senate and not just one, I think maybe I’m open to hearing what Liza wanted from me!
Denise: You amaze me.
Aimee: I amaze many people.
Denise: Obviously, you know that Congress is passing a new budget bill.
Aimee: Yes, I am on the appropriations committee, my only good committee assignment.
Denise: Liza wrote a bill to subsidize the Alaskan fish and game industry, as well as providing funds for expanding infrastructure in the state. There was something about a bridge, I don’t know.
Aimee: The Bridge to Nowhere?
Denise: No, that’s dead. This is a much more practical matter. Anyway, Liza is asking several members of the Senate and House to come out to Alaska and visit her so they can attest firsthand to how necessary this funding is.
Aimee: Does she not know how to FaceTime? Or send pictures? Why do I have to go there? It’s cold, it’s distant, it’s treacherous.
Denise: It’s Alaska, not Narnia.
Aimee: You know how many planes crash in Alaska?
Denise: Yeah, that’s why they need expanded infrastructure. It’s the Last Frontier!
Aimee: Isn’t all the wilderness a selling point for the twelve people who live there?
Denise: Well, Liza’s not gonna pave the whole state over, Joni Mitchell. She just wants to fund what’s necessary.
Aimee: Again, thought, why do I have to go?
Denise: Because, against all odds, you have somehow found yourself becoming an incredibly influential senator.
Aimee: That’s so upsetting. This was never supposed to be in the cards!
Denise: You were supposed to be home with your children, I was supposed to be… I guess at home knitting? Certainly not here.
Aimee: I suppose I have no choice but to begrudgingly accept my position of power and use it to help a friend.
Denise: Since when are you and Liza friends?
Aimee: We’re acquaintances! She’s a neat lady.
Denise: Then you shouldn’t mind going to visit her in Alaska!
Aimee: She’s not that neat!
Denise: Just go.
Aimee: Who else is going? Anyone I like?
Denise: Gwen, Geraldine, Alec, Lynette, Sharon, Nanette and Carolyn.
Aimee: So… all of my friends? It’s like I’m the center of the universe or something!
Denise: It’s more geared towards schmoozing Gwen.
Aimee: She wouldn’t invite any Republicans if that were the case.
Denise: Well, she has to at least try to reach to her own side of the aisle.
Aimee: When’s this trip? I’ll be there.
Denise: Four days! It’ll be from Wednesday to Sunday.
Aimee: She’s kidnapping me for five days?
Denise: I think kidnapping is a harsh term.
Aimee: You’re not the one who has to go to Alaska!
Denise: Yeah, that’s true. Well, you enjoy yourself.
Aimee: Ah, thanks. It’s gonna be great.
Aimee hangs up and returns to the table.
Cherie: That took a while.
Aimee: I just found out… this is horrifying.
Ernesto: Who died?
Cherie: Somehow, still not your mother.
Ernesto: Leave her alone, she’s not so evil.
Kimmy: She’s pretty evil, but it’s okay. She’s family.
Victoria: Where is she, by the way?
Cherie: Thankfully, on a bingo retreat.
Victoria: Bingo retreat?
Cherie: I don’t know what it is either, but the daughter of one of her old retirement home pals picked her up, and I was not about to stop her from taking her.
Aimee: Well, the horrifying thing I found out is not about anyone dying. I just have to go to Alaska.
Cherie: That’s almost as bad.
Victoria: Alaska’s beautiful!
Dave: When do we leave?
Aimee: Oh, I’m going myself. There’s a whole congressional delegation going, no room for and husbands.
Ernesto: You’ll have the house to yourself at least.
Victoria: Not with me around!
Dave: Great.
Four days later…
Aimee: Oh god, Carolyn.
Carolyn: Why do you look like that? Unlike the rest of us, this is your first plane ride of the day.
Lynette: Yeah, you could be Gwen. She flew from LaGuardia to Sea-Tac and now we have to fly into… what city are we flying to, anyway?
Carolyn: Anchorage.
Lynette: Oh, right.
Aimee: Well, I just had to use the restroom. How do people use that little torture box to have sex in? Joining the mile high club sounds like a challenge on Fear Factor, not anything fun. That thing is disgusting.
Lynette: Most of the time, they’re drunk when they’re doing it, no?
Aimee: I can’t say I’m all too familiar, I just find the idea of it entirely repulsive.
Carolyn: Thankfully, you don’t have to join it.
Aimee: That’s about the only good thing about this trip. I don’t even know why we need to go?
Carolyn: It’s all about PR. We go, it makes us look like real experts on the issue, and people will listen to us.
Aimee: I’m just not, uh, terribly concerned with the infrastructure and finances of Alaska. I’ll go here, it won’t really change my mind on the bill, and then… what? How does this help Liza at all?
Carolyn: Look, I’m just taking the free excuse for a vacation. It’s nice to go out and see the world.
Aimee: I’d rather be home and spend time with my kids.
Lynette: Boring!
Aimee: Sorry my family bores you.
Lynette: I don’t mean that. I just think we need to take more risks!
Aimee: Well, we’re flying into the state where plenty of politicians have died or disappeared in plane crashes, so this is quite a risk!
Captain: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, we are about to hit a small patch of turbulence, so please be seated and keep your seatbelt fastened.
Aimee: I told you this was a bad idea!
Carolyn: I believe you pointing out the thing about the plane crashes taunted God, and now we’re paying.
Lynette: Ladies, we’ll be fine.
Gwen: Oh my god, we’re all gonna die!
Geraldine: Gwen, shut up!
Gwen: We are going to die! Seven powerful members of Congress, and also Carolyn, are going to die because of Alaska!
Nanette: We’re not alone on this flight, Gwen.
Gwen: But we’re the most important ones!
Sharon Balducci: She didn’t mean that, folks! We’re all important!
Gwen: I absolutely mean it!
Aimee: I’m so embarrassed.
Carolyn: We can’t even pretend not to know her, we’re somewhat famous.
Lynette: I was our country’s Second Daughter!
Carolyn: We’re aware.
Gwen: Ah! Giant bump! It’s happening!
Aimee: Gwen, breathe.
Gwen: Does anyone know if this seat functions as a floatation device?
Nanette: We’re over land, Gwen.
Alec: Not to mention, we’re still in the air, at a completely normal altitude.
Gwen: I just have a bad feeling!
Carolyn: Who was in charge of making sure she took her pills?\
Sharon: me.
Carolyn: You failed, Sharon.
Sharon: I know.
Twenty minutes later…
Gwen: That was the scariest flight of my entire life.
Aimee: It was… fine?
Gwen: What part of that was fine?
Aimee: There were some bumps, it was a rough end to the flight, we were never in danger.
Nanette: We’re more of danger of ending up as TikTacToe memes -
Aimee: TikTok.
Nanette: That’s what I said.
Liza: Welcome to Alaska, gang!
Lynette: It’s lovely to finally make it here.
Gwen: It’s lovely to still be alive.
Carolyn: You won’t be thinking that once someone posts your rant online!
Gwen: That’s another day’s problem. I love the ground! I never properly appreciated it before!
Liza: It sounds like you all had a rough flight. Let’s get home so we can relax.
Geraldine: I can’t believe you’re putting us all up for the week. Just how big is your house?
Liza: Montgomery Mansion is one of the biggest homes in Alaska. You know, we were one of the first families in Alaska.
Gwen: Someone could move here today and still be one of the first families in Alaska.
Liza: Ah, very funny.
Gwen: Thank you, I try, even when in a traumatized state.
Liza: My husband is waiting for us outside as well. We can’t all fit in one car, so some of you will have to ride with him if that’s okay.
Geraldine: Of course I’d ride with Vince! He’s a swell guy!
Gwen: Which car’s bigger? I want to go in that one. Cramped spaces mess with my head.
Carolyn: Yeah, we saw.
Liza: They’re both large utility vehicles, can’t really drive much else in Alaska. You’re in good hands either way.
Geraldine: She rides with you, the more time I get away from her, the better.
Gwen: That was mean.
Liza: Gwen, you can ride shotgun with me.
Gwen: That makes me feel better, thank you, Liza!
Liza: Anything for my guests! I’m so excited to show you all the beauty of Alaska this week.
Aimee: I’ve seen it on Google pictures, it’s magnificent.
Liza: That’s nothing compared to real life. The majesty of this site will take your breath away.
Gwen: Maybe let’s word it different after that plane experience. I need my breath.
Nanette: It really wasn’t anywhere near as bad as she claims.
Gwen: To you!
Twenty minutes later…
Liza: All right, we all buckled up?
Gwen: Nice and tight!
Aimee: You know, Liza, I’m glad to get to see new things, but I can’t help but wonder what exactly you have in store for us this week, and how it pertains to your bill. I’d support it anyway, I read it and it’s solid.
Alec: Solid as a rock!
Liza: You’re all going to experience the Alaska way of life firsthand. We’ll drive through some of our worst dirt and gravel roads, we’re going on a commercial fishing vessel -
Aimee: Oh my god, are we gonna live out Deadliest Catch?
Liza: Sort of!
Nanette: I can’t say I ever watched that show and thought “that looks fun!”
Liza: Don’t worry, you’re not going to have to do any of the hard labor!
Nanette: That’s good, I am eighty.
Liza: Madame Speaker, you sell yourself short.
Aimee: Any other horrifying things?
Liza: We’ll go hunting.
Aimee: Ah, no. I love guns, but for protection. I don’t hunt.
Liza: We’ll go snowmobiling, too, and also observe a dogsled race.
Aimee: You’re giving us the full experience.
Liza: Yeah, it’s gonna be fun!
Nanette: What, exactly, is the point of this?
Liza: Getting strong advocates for include my amendment in the new congressional budget.
Nanette: I’m used to being wined and dined to gain my support on bills, but this is above and beyond. I’m impressed.
Liza: No one’s ever made you go on a boat before to get support for their bill?
Nanette: No, this is a first.
Aimee: I can’t tell if I’m horrified or thrilled by this wild, rough-and-tumble adventure you’ve planned for us!
Liza: I only give the full Alaska experience to the best of the best!
Two days later…
Gwen: Liza, is this boat going to sink?
Liza: No! The waters are always choppy, no need to fear!
Gwen: If it does, I’m not voting for your bill!
Aimee: I think we’d have bigger problems in that case.
Gwen: Don’t be a smartass!
What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the season finale next week!
