Amy walks into the office.
Marietta: Wow, you’re late!
Amy: Am I?
Marietta: Well, I’m here. So… yeah.
Amy: That was incredible. The boss admits that she always shows up late.
Marietta: I’m the mayor, what are they going to do, fire me?
Tammy: She had this same mindset when we worked in the Senate, by the way.
Marietta: And they fired me.
Tammy: But now you’re back, and that’s what important!
Henrietta: And when it came to the presidential race, you fired yourself!
Marietta: We don’t need to talk about that, I would’ve won.
Tammy: And shown up late to every meeting with a world leader.
Marietta: They all do that! Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Tammy: Okay, let’s not get all philosophical.
Henrietta: So just how did you end up getting here late, Amy? You’re always the first one here!
Tammy: Yeah, I had to rummage through my purse to find my key to the office.
Henrietta: And in that time, I arrived and was able to open the door for her.
Tammy: I still haven’t found that key, which, in hindsight, is probably a security issue.
Amy: I’ll call someone to change the locks.
Henrietta: Now those of us who are responsible need to get new keys! This is a custom key, it has Joy from Inside Out on it!
Tammy: Joy Behar? She used to yell at me anytime I did The View, not a pleasant experienced being yelled at by a redheaded Italian, they’re a fiery people.
Amy: So, the reason I was late today was… wait, can’t you tell?
Marietta: How could we tell?
Amy: Well, my knees and wrists are scraped and my glasses are broken.
Marietta: I don’t really look at your knees. I’m not trying to get #MeTooed.
Amy: I don’t think looking at a person’s knees will cause that.
Marietta: I’m not about to find out!
Amy: Anyway, I fell walking down the stairs outside of my house, so that’s why I was late. I had to run back in and clean my wounds. Don wanted me to go get checked out for injuries since I fell really hard on my wrist, but it’s just my left wrist, I don’t really need that.
Tammy: Amy, are you, like… okay?
Marietta: Is anyone in this office okay?
Amy: I’m fine. It’s just a couple scrapes. At the worst, I have a bone bruise.
Marietta: You sure? You ca go get that wrist checked out and be back in time for lunch. You know I have connections at urgent care.
Amy: They’re not nearly urgent enough, not considering how much we’ve got on our plates.
Marietta: What do we actually have to do today?
Amy: Well, Marietta has to finish filing the backlog of appointments from when we were all out.
Marietta: I don’t know how this city has managed to operate with only six members of the Municipal Yacht Harbor Management Corporation!
Amy: It is, nevertheless, an important thing we have to do. We need to look over candidates, have finalists for all the openings on all of these different boards - not just that one, and then send the nominations off to the city council.
Henrietta: We have more open positions for government agencies than there are people in the city.
Marietta: Anything else? Preferably something that isn’t ridiculous and a waste of time?
Amy: It depends what your feelings on ribbon-cutting ceremonies are.
Marietta: Don’t love ‘em.
Amy: The local business-owners association is meeting with us later to discuss a new ordinance.
Marietta: Oh my god, today is such a Monday.
Henrietta: It’s Thursday.
Marietta: It’s the most Monday of all Thursdays.
Tammy: That doesn’t make any sense.
Marietta: Of course it makes sense! Monday is the worst, and today is feeling very bad, in a way that is Monday-esque.
Amy: We also have a dinner with the mayor of Dubuque, Iowa.
Marietta: Why?
Amy: Um…. A promise we made when we were campaigning. He endorsed you in exchange for strengthening trade between the two cities. You might not know it, but both our cities rest on the Mississippi River!
Marietta: I never thought about Dubuque as a river town.
Tammy: I never thought of it as a trading entity. Do people even live there anymore?
Henrietta: Dozens of grandmothers came out to our rallies! So, yes, people do live there!
Tammy: A deal with Dubuque could be huge for the city’s GDP! We might rake in ten, maybe twenty more dollars a year!
Marietta: Hey, don’t hate on Iowa, they almost made me president!
Tammy: No, Caitlin Clark almost made you president. Iowa just blindly went along with her suggestion.
Henrietta: And we love them for it!
Marietta: But we don’t need to dwell on our past. We’re very happy working in the mayor’s office, no?
Amy: It doesn’t really matter if we’re happy, we’ve got a lot of work, time to get it done!
Twelve hours later, Amy returns home.
Don: Amy, do you know what time it is?
Amy: Late.
Don: Yeah. I’ve been waiting for you.
Amy: I’m sorry. I was at dinner with some mayor who wouldn’t shut up.
Don: Couldn’t you excuse yourself and leave?
Amy: I wish! Marietta would be furious if I left, its not worth upsetting her over.
Don: Somehow, it always comes back to her.
Amy: Marietta? Are you jealous off my boss?
Don: I’m not jealous. You just dedicate so much time to work. I’ve barely seen you in the last year, thought! I thought that you’d be around a lot more now that the campaign’s over, but you’re still throwing yourself into your work.
Amy: It’s an important job. I work for our mayor! I’m a major part of our city government! I could’ve been White House Chief of Staff!
Don: I think maybe you let that possible promotion go to your head, and you’re now throwing yourself into work to avoid facing that it isn’t going to happen.
Amy: And I think you’re an ass!
Don: Amy!
Amy: I said nothing wrong.
Don: You called me an ass!
Amy: Stop being one, then!
Don: Are you trying to start an argument with me?
Amy: At least I’m not throwing a fit over a woman simply having a job and a life!
Don: Oh my god! What’s with the feminist crusade?
Amy: Oh, now you have a problem with feminism?
Don: No! I have a problem with you weaponizing it and acting like I’m some sort of sexist. I just wish I could see my wife a bit more. I don’t think that’s all that ridiculous.
Amy: I want you to support my career more. I support yours!
Don: We never even discuss my career.
Amy: And to me, that’s supporting it. I don’t nag you for it, I just accept that you have to do it, and I don’t make a stink about it.
Don: Of course you don’t mind me working, you’re never at home anyway!
Amy: That’s not true!
Don: You left after eight, and you got home at 8:30. You’ll go shower, perhaps watch one or two TV shows, and go to bed. Then you’ll wake up, eat breakfast, and be out the door tomorrow.
Amy: Yes, because as we’ve established, I have a job that’s truly important.
Don: More important to you than me, that’s for sure.
Amy: How do you say that?
Don: When you were off campaigning for Marietta, we could go days without speaking! I didn’t even know what state you were at a given time!
Amy: I was helping to run a presidential campaign.
Don: You aren’t anymore, and you still act like you are. I just want life to go back to normal.
Amy: We have such a backlog of work from not being around the last year. Once that clears up, things’ll be normal again. I promise.
Don: You need to just put your foot down.
Amy: I am. Now. Let me do my job, or so help me.
Don: You are so stubborn.
Amy: Damn right I am! Now, I’m going to shower, and because I’m exhausted, I’m going to lay on the couch watching Matlock, and if I fall asleep by the time Elsbeth’s on, that’s okay. Do not wake me up, I intend to sleep on the couch, I do not want to be around you until you learn to be more supportive.
Don: Amy, I -
Amy: No. I need a breather before I hear from you. And you need to process what I said and change your mindset.
One hour later, Amy is awakened by a phone call.
Amy: This better not be Don trying to abuse a loophole. Oh, it’s Delia! Of course she’d call at nearly ten.
Amy answers the phone call from her daughter, Delia.
Amy: What’s up, kid?
Delia: Mom!
Amy: Your mom was sleeping, so please don’t yell, it’s very jarring.
Delia: Oh, I’m sorry to wake you.
Amy: It’s fine, I just drifted off, I was sleeping very lightly. What’s going on? Clearly something was important enough to call me about.
Delia: It’s Stacy. She proposed, we’re getting married.
Amy: Oh, kid! I’m excited for you! Does Cooper know?
Delia: I haven’t even talked to Cooper in a few weeks, I think he’s busy at college.
Amy: Well, Clemson life is very hectic. Call your brother, though, he’d be ecstatic for you.
Delia: Can you get dad on the phone?
Amy: Oh, no.
Delia: He in bed?
Amy: I don’t know, and I can’t say I care!
Delia: Are you two fighting?
Amy: Sweetheart, that’s not something I want to drag you into.
Delia: You’re fighting. Well, I’ll give him a call.
Amy: I’m happy for you. Give my regards to Stacy, tell her I’m very excited to welcome her to the family!
Delia: Is there going to be a family to welcome her to?
Amy: Ah, we’ll patch this up. Just stupid marital stuff, you’ll know soon enough.
Delia: I certainly hope not!
Amy: That’s what we all say at the beginning, when filled with the idiotic optimism that comes with youth. Don’t worry, you’ll get over that soon enough!
Delia: I don’t really want to.
Amy: No one does!
The next day…
Tammy: Amy, you look awful!
Marietta: And you’re late again! This is becoming a pattern! I’m not mad, since I have no room to speak on it, but I am worried. This isn’t you.
Amy: Well, yesterday was an injury. Today… my life is falling apart!
Henrietta: Oh no, what’s going on?
Amy: Nothing to concern any of you. Lots on the docket today for all of us, including a trip to meet with the city council for me!
Marietta: Amy, we’re not that busy. Let us know what’s affecting you.
Amy: I had a blowup with Don. We’re fighting about… I don’t really know how to put this. You.
Marietta: Me?
Amy: He thinks I do too much work for you.
Tammy: We have had a lot of long nights. Mitch is sure enjoying it.
Amy: Don’s not.
Tammy: Give him twenty years.
Amy: I just don’t understand why he can’t see the importance of my job. You know, we haven’t talked since I got home last night. I don’t have the stomach to look at him.
Marietta: That’s… not good.
Amy: No, it’s not. I slept on the couch! I feel like I got hit in the back with a crowbar. It’s like Tonya Harding snuck into my house last night.
Marietta: How’d that happen?
Amy: I have an old couch. It’s lumpy, it’s got a wooden bar that protrudes a bit. It’s why I don’t typically use it as a bed.
Marietta: You’re going through it, clearly. How about you stop by tomorrow for family dinner? You need a distraction.
Amy: Yeah, that would be nice.
Tammy: Am I still invited?
Marietta: Why wouldn’t you be?
Tammy: I don’t know how many plus ones you get.
Marietta: My mother’s obsessed with me, I get as many plus ones as I want.
Later that day, at the city council…
Amy: Folks, my darling former colleagues -
Bethany: You never worked with me!
Moira: Have you considered that you’re not the only one on the council, Bethany?
DeeDee: Seriously, it’s like you try to say the most asinine thing you can think of.
Florence: Bethany thinking? That’s funny!
Bethany: That’s mean! Marissa!
Marissa: Councilors, please, exercise a bit of civility.
Florence: Why would I when she never does?
Celia: How am I the youngest person here and also the most mature?
Florence: Because you think you need to be stuck up in order to make up for your lack of life experience!
Celia: That’s not… that’s not true!
Moira: It’s a little true. We’re city councilors, not senators, you can loosen up a bit.
Florence: Would anyone mind if I smoked?
Bethany: I do, I actually have mild asthma.
Florence: Oh, good, this should help thin the herd, then.
Marissa: Councilor Packard!
Mack: Is she drunk?
Moira: I wish I were drunk!
Marissa: Everyone, please remember we have a guest, you are all looking foolish in her presence!
Moira: I apologize, Amy.
Amy: It’s no problem. So, the mayor has asked me to come here and advocate for her road safety plan. We’ve carefully plotted out key measures we’d like to include in the bill, which we’re still working on. We just wanted to speak with all of you so we can hear your personal concerns on the matter and take them into consideration while we put the bill together.
Bethany: The mayor didn’t care enough to show up herself?
Amy: The mayor is incredibly busy doing mayoral duties.
Florence: Such as?
Mack: I thought I saw her standing outside the new Popeye’s waiting to cut the ribbon.
Bethany: We’re less important than Popeye’s.
Florence: I understand your perplexed reaction, as you do not appear to have ever eaten fried chicken before, or any other food.
Bethany: She’s body-shaming me now!
Florence: I just hate you for being a skinny bitch, is that so bad?
Marissa: Yes! Stop! I hate you all!
Moira: You forgot to mute your mic on that last point.
Marissa: No, I wanted you all to hear me.
Amy’s phone rings.
Amy: Friends, I am so sorry, this is my mother calling. I have to take this.
Marissa: It’s no problem. We’ll just read over the plans while we wait. Silently.
Amy steps into the hall and answers the phone.
Amy: Mom, what’s going on?
Farrah (Amy’s mom): Amy, it’s your father.
Amy: Oh no. Is daddy gone?
Farrah: No, no, still stubborn as an old battle-ax. He’ll outlive me, and probably you as well.
Amy: What’s going on then? Is he driving you mad?
Farrah: He fell on the kitchen floor this morning. He insisted he was fine, but I made him go to the hospital, and his hip is broken.
Amy: Wow, I just had a fall myself. I think my wrist is sprained, it’s still bugging me. But enough about me! How’s daddy feeling?
Farrah: Fine, considering. He’s getting surgery tomorrow, I don’t remember the details, it was so overwhelming.
Amy: Do you want me to fly out to Arizona?
Farrah: No! You need to live your life, he’s fine. I just wanted you to know what was going on with him.
Amy: If anything changes, let me know. If I need to be there, I will.
Farrah: Absolutely. Talk soon, sweetheart.
Amy: Talk soon!
The next night…
Patty Lynn: Amy, you look so…
Milton: Mom, don’t bully the woman, she’s clearly going through a lot.
Kathleen: I apologize for their rude behavior. I know you’ve come to expect me to be the one to deliver that rude response, and it’s completely uncalled for that it’s coming from them.
Amy: No, they’re completely right. I look awful, and I’m going through a lot!
Marietta: Poor thing. She fell, she’s not speaking to Don - has that changed?
Amy: No.
Marietta: Clearly, what will make him feel better about you spending too much time at work… is you going out for the night to have dinner at your boss’s mom’s house!
Amy: You’re not my boss, you’re my friend.
Moira: Even worse for her, she had to deal with the most dumpster fire city council meeting I’ve ever seen.
Amy: You guys weren’t so bad!
Moira: We were so bad.
Amy: Yeah, you were. I blame it on the Republican.
Moira: Which one? Half of them act like Republicans!
Patty Lynn: There is good news, though!
Marietta: Where?
Patty Lynn: How about that Alysa Liu? What a little firecracker! American women can skate again, it’s a miracle!
Marietta: She’s an inspiration. Although, she has accomplished a bit too much at her small age, it’s making me feel very unaccomplished.
Milton: But was Alysa Liu on the precipice of the presidency?
Marietta: We need to stop talking about that.
Amy: I did enjoy watching the skating on NBC last night. It’s not quite enough to cure my mood, but it was a nice healing salve.
Marietta: Skating brings us all together. All eighty of us that watch and care about it.
Amy: It’s good to be around people I can tolerate, though.
Kathleen: Now there’s praise!
Amy: Speaking of people I tolerate, where’s Tammy?
Marietta: She’s running late, Mitch can’t figure out how to get the internet back on.
Amy: How’s that her problem?
Marietta: Ask her, I don’t know.
Amy gets a phone call.
Amy: Ugh…
Patty Lynn: Him?
Amy: Yeah.
Patty Lynn: Answer it. Just let this patch itself up, it’s time.
Amy: You sure?
Marietta: I’m divorced, I’m not the one to ask for advice.
Moira: Answer it! Although, I’ve also been divorced.
Milton: Not this time, though!
Amy answers her phone.
Amy: What?
Don: Amy, I miss you.
Amy: That’s nice, Lisa Loeb. You gonna tell me to stay now?
Don: I’m being serious. I don’t want to fight. Our daughter’s engaged and you didn’t tell me! She called to say her grandfather broke his hip, and you didn’t tell me!
Amy: It wasn’t a supportive environment for me, and I didn’t feel comfortable opening up about it.
Don: Amy, I just want to spend more time with you. I went about it wrong, I shouldn’t have shouted, I’m sorry. Just please, come home. I respect your job, I respect your career, I just miss how it was. However long it takes to get back to normal, I’m fine waiting, if that makes you happy.
Amy: Good to hear! I forgive you, but I do have a prior engagement tonight, so I’ll see you soon.
Don: Where are you?
Amy: Oh, uh… Marietta’s mom’s house.
Don: Are you kidding?
Amy: Oh come on, this isn’t work! I spend Christmas with these people!
Don: That’s true.
Amy: See you tonight!
Don: See you then!
Amy hangs up.
Marietta: That sounded productive.
Amy: Everything’s fine!
Marietta: That was quick! I never got over any fights after just a quick conversation like that.
Amy: As you said, you are divorced…
Marietta: You ass! And after I invited you to family dinner at my insane mother’s!
Patty Lynn: Insane?
Kathleen: I don’t think that’s a descriptor that should shock you.
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
