Frances pulls into her parking space and gets out.
DeAnna: Frances! You know anything about getting visitors?
Frances: What?
DeAnna: I think one of Dana’s bigwig friends is here again. Guess we have to be on our best behavior.
Frances: Your best behavior is still worse than the average person’s worst behavior.
DeAnna: I don’t know why you have to be so negative towards me.
Frances: Because I’ve met you.
DeAnna: I was just trying to give you a heads up!
Frances: I tend to act professional at my workplace, so I don’t need any warning. I’ll be my normal self, and I’ll charm whoever it is stopping by today.
DeAnna: Okay, sure, no need to get so defensive.
Frances: I just don’t appreciate the insinuation that I’m ever not entirely lovely.
DeAnna: I’m not insinuating anything, I’m saying it outright. Frances, you’re a demon. Keep it in check.
Frances: See, that’s what I like to hear! Some good smack talk! Nice talk, DeAnna, see ya later!
DeAnna: See ya!
Frances walks onto the set.
Beverly: Frances…
Frances: What? Everyone looks strange.
Beverly: Dana wants to speak with you.
Frances: Did I do something wrong?
Beverly: We think it’s something about your contract.
Frances: I signed that, I swear. I didn’t forget like last time! Why do you think it’s about my contract?
Marcia: Because Dana mentioned something about a contract when she called Beverly to ask you to stop by her office.
Frances: Okay, well, that’d do it.
Marcia: If you get us all fired because of some technicality, I swear to god!
Frances: I did nothing wrong! They agreed to my contractural demands, I signed the contract, I mailed it. I mailed it…
Beverly: What do you mean you mailed it?
Frances: I had to get Yvonne to look it over, but we were headed into a one-week filming break because I needed the time off, so I asked for a copy of it and said I’d mail it in signed. I thought I did, but, you know, life’s been chaotic.
Beverly: Oh Frances.
Frances: I’ll sign it right now, everything will be good.
Marcia: You probably already blew it, we know how Dana is.
Dana: And how is that?
Marcia: Dana! Lovely to see you!
Dana: Yes, of course. Frances, if you don’t mind, my office…?
Frances: Am I being punished? We always say your office is like the principal’s office.
Dana: No punishment. Just… a private business matter.
Frances: So I’m not fired?
Dana: Of course not! It’s impossible to overstate just how much value you add to this company. And, you see, you’ve already signed your contract, so I can freely state that without you using it against me down the line!
Frances: See! I told you all I signed it! They didn’t believe me.
Beverly: In fairness to me, Dana, you did mention something about a contract. I felt it was the only logical explanation.
Marcia: What else could it possibly be? Is it my contract? Are you cutting my salary in order to par Frances her raise and you want her to break the news? That’s low and dirty.
Dana: Marcia, your salary is fine. You signed a five-year contract three years ago, that salary is untouchable.
Marcia: Good to know! I forgot that!
Frances: I guess we should have this top-secret meeting now, rather than letting the mystery hover over us all day. Bev, I won’t be long.
Dana: Thank you for understanding the interruption, you know I’d only ever do this when completely necessary.
Beverly: It’s no trouble. It’s not like Frances is ever ready to start filming right when she walks in, anyway. There’s always a process.
Marcia: It often involves mocking us. But we’re not interns, so that wouldn’t be a concern for you.
Frances: All right, Dana, let’s get to your office before they get me into trouble.
Marcia: How would we ever do that?
Frances: By being yourselves.
In Dana’s office…
Dana: First off, thank you for taking time out of your day to meet with me here.
Frances: I don’t think I really had much of a choice. You’re my boss.
Dana: That’s not a phrase I’d go around repeatedly, honestly. It has bad implications.
Frances: Oh… yeah, it does sound bad out of context.
Dana: Regardless, I’m happy you’re here. Frances, we have a problem.
Frances: We do? I was led here under false pretenses, then.
Dana: You did nothing wrong.
Frances: Ah, good to hear. I get in trouble enough with Bev and Marcia.
Dana: Frances, I already said that you are the face of our network and our most important talent.
Frances: And yet, I just can’t get enough of hearing it. You can say it again if you’d like!
Dana: So, I’m not the only one who has noticed your talent.
Frances: I’d hope not, I mean, you can’t be a star with only one fan.
Dana: I mean I’m not the only network executive to notice. You may have heard, this morning, I had a visit from Paul McCann of UTN. Now, I believed this was a friendly visit, perhaps him bringing me some token of appreciation for allowing him to observe our network as he developed his own baking show. That is not what it was.
Frances: And how does this involve me?
Dana: I’m getting there! So, he stops by, and I believe it’s my friend dropping by for a fun visit, catch up and maybe have lunch together -
Frances: Dana, it’s nine in the morning.
Dana: I wake up at four, this is nearly lunchtime for me.
Frances: That sounds miserable.
Dana: Anyhow, Paul tells me he’s here to speak with one of my top talents.
Frances: Oh, finally, the part about me!
Dana: Yeah, you. I refused to let him speak with you on company time, since that’s wasteful -
Frances: Aren’t we wast -
Dana: No, this is productive.
Frances: Sure!
Dana: And, also, I’m furious with him. Frances, I know this will sound ridiculous, but I spoke with the board and we’re all very concerned about what Paul is asking of you. We want to counteract what he is offering.
Frances: You still didn’t tell me what he’s offering me.
Dana: Frances, he is trying to poach you from us by offering you a judging role on his new baking competition series. I don’t know the details of the offer, but it apparently pays well, considering he’s also offered to buy out your contract at a generous price.
Frances How generous are we talking here?
Dana: I do not know, but I know it’s more than you’re paid here, and it’s for six seasons, so you’d be locked into it for quite a while.
Frances: Six years with a higher pay than here?
Dana: But, the critical thing to consider here is that the show could be canceled after one season if it flops! The six years just keeps you under contract in the event it keeps getting renewed, it’s not guaranteed money. Here, it is guaranteed money!
Frances: This is wild to hear in this manner, Dana. Do you think this is why my manager’s been calling me?
Dana: I would assume it could be.
Frances: I have to think about this.
Dana: No, no! This network needs you. It’s why we’re offering you a one-time bonus of two million dollars if you agree to fulfill your contract.
Frances: Really? Wow, I am valuable.
Dana: You are the centerpiece of our network. Don’t tell DeAnna.
Frances: Oh, I will be telling DeAnna.
Dana: Does that mean you’re staying?
Frances: I have to talk it over with my business manager, and my family, and I have to at least hear Paul out on the details of the offer.
Dana: I do understand.
Frances: Loyalty is important to me. I’m not just going to up and leave without warning. I really don’t expect to take his offer, I just think I need to see what he’s pitching before I turn it down. You have no reason to panic.
Dana: Of course. And, even if you do leave, we will still have DeAnna!
Frances: I see what you’re trying to do! It’s not going to work on me that easily!
Frances returns to the set.
Beverly: Wow, she rattled you. You look like you just saw a ghost!
Marcia: Yeah, what did she have to say?
Frances: I can’t say it around Jane.
Jane: Why not?
Frances: You won’t take it well.
Jane: Oh my god, is the show ending?
Frances: No, of course not.
Jane: Then what is it?
Frances: All right, you’re all gonna find out sooner or later. Gals, I got an offer from Paul McCann, Dana’s friend, to judge his network’s new baking show.
Marcia: Network TV? We’re gonna be on network TV?
Frances: Um… no.
Marcia: What do you mean?
Frances: I really doubt I’m taking it, but the offer seems to only be for me. Dana didn’t mention any of you. That’s part of why I’m not taking it. I’d have to leave the show to take it.
Beverly: Frances, don’t let us hold you back.
Marcia: What are you talking about, Bev? Let us hold you back! Don’t even think of leaving if it’ll get us all fired!
Beverly: If this is an opportunity that she’s excited about, I’m not going to be the one to stand in her way.
Frances: Trust me, I’m not excited. I’m just paying this guy lip service. You know, down the line, it could help me in case I’m looking for work.
Beverly: Are you sure?
Frances: Very much so.
Jane: Good, I can’t lose you! You’re family!
Frances: Yeah, you’re marrying my niece, so that isn’t going to change.
Jane: Oh, right. We’d still see each other.
Marcia: Seeing Frances is not really my concern here. This job pays really well, much better than my old job as a middle school home ec teacher.
Frances: I really plucked you out of obscurity for this show, you’re welcome.
Marcia: Thank you, especially if you decide to let us stay on this show. Which you are doing, from what I gather.
Frances: Unless the offer’s too good to refuse.
Marcia: Oh, no, I don’t like that. A big network is exactly who can make an offer too good to refuse!
Frances: You have nothing to worry about. Let’s just get to work and not think about this.
Jane: That’s a good idea, the thought of us getting split up is too upsetting to think about.
Marcia: As if you think.
Beverly: You know what’s too upsetting for me to think about? The fact that you still haven’t brought me my coffee.
Jane: Oh, I’m on it.
Beverly: I’ll believe that when I see it.
Later that day…
Frances: DeAnna! Glad I caught you!
DeAnna: What could this be about? Nothing positive, I’m sure.
Frances: It is for me! Guess why Dana’s “bigwig friend” was here today!
DeAnna: I have a feeling you’re going to tell me, and that I won’t care.
Frances: He was here to offer me a job on his new network show! You know, the one he was developing when he came here to observe the workings of our network? Guess he was impressed with what he saw from me!
DeAnna: That’s… fine.
Frances: You’re spiraling.
DeAnna: No, I’m… happy…
Frances: Yeah, you look it.
DeAnna: At least I get the good parking slot! And a better time slot!
Frances: Don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m not taking it. Most likely.
DeAnna: That seems ill-advised. I’d be out of here in a second if a real network offered me a prime network gig!
Frances: We’re different people, DeAnna. Thank god for that.
DeAnna: Still, and I’m not saying this to sabotage you or anything, that’s a big promotion. You have to at least give it some thought.
Frances: I don’t see why you’d help me.
DeAnna: If you left, we’d both be helped by it Just food for thought. Really, though, I’m wondering what he saw in YOU that made him want to hire you over me!
Frances: Humanity? A conscience? Talent?
DeAnna: I should hit you.
Frances: As I said… a conscience.
Later that night…
Frances: I have had a day.
Louise: Please, do come in.
Frances: Don’t mind if I do!
Louise: I was being sarcastic!
Frances: Oh, I’m aware.
Jimmy: Frances, frazzled as ever. Care for quiche?
Frances: Quiche? For dinner?
Lauren: It’s my favorite! It is my birthday tomorrow, you know!
Frances: Oh my god, Lauren, I forgot!
Lauren: It’s fine, you’ve been going through a lot.
Frances: No, it’s not an excuse. I’m taking you out for dinner, my treat. All of us.
Lauren: I actually have plans for tomorrow.
Frances: Doesn’t have to be tomorrow! Just some day soon, the four of us.
Louise: A free dinner’s a free dinner.
Frances: Exactly!
Jimmy: So what brings you here?
Frances: I need advice.
Lauren: And I can’t think of two worse people to come to for it.
Louise: I’m something of a self-help guru, so I resent that statement.
Lauren: Resent it all you want, doesn’t make you any less nuts.
Louise: Jim, put her in her place.
Jimmy: We are both pretty nuts.
Louise: Come on, man!
Frances: I trust you all for advice, and boy, do I need it. I’ve never felt more conflicted.
Louise: Hit me with it! Let’s hear what ails your soul.
Frances: I’ve been given an offer for a job on another network, and I think it pays very well. Dana’s offering me a two million dollar bonus to stay at TBC, so I think she knows this other network is making a very attractive offer. But I feel guilty about wanting to take a job away from Bev and Marcia and Jane. I can’t cost them a job.
Jimmy: What’s this other network?
Frances: UTN.
Louise: That’s major. That’s one of the big four.
Frances: I’m aware. I think that’s why I’m second-guessing my initial belief that I should decline it. That, and, a new start sounds really attractive right about now.
Louise: Your life is a mess.
Jimmy: That’s not ri-
Frances: No, it’s right.
Jimmy: So you might really be leaving Frances in the Kitchen? My god, you’ve been doing that show as long as I can remember.
Frances: Fourteen years.
Jimmy: I’m happy for you.
Frances: Don’t be! I’m not sure what to do.
Jimmy: You seem to know.
Frances: No, I really don’t.
Louise: Only you can make this choice.
Frances: No advice at all then from the guru?
Louise: You seem stuck between wanting to be loyal and wanting to start anew. I get it. It’s hard to pick which is the better option. I just think, though, your heart will tell you the answer here. Not us. When did you first get this job offer?
Frances: Today, but it’s not even official yet. The network hasn’t reached out yet.
Louise: So it’s very recent. Give yourself time, this is life-changing decision.
Frances: You’re right. I just need time.
Lauren: Can I add something?
Frances: Of course!
Lauren: The grass is not always greener. Sometimes a fresh start isn’t that refreshing.
Frances: That is a good point. I worry about stepping away for an unproven show that might get canceled. Then I lose everything. There’s such a risk.
Jimmy: You’ve always been a risk-taker.
Louise: You seem to want her to take it.
Jimmy: It’s an excellent opportunity, but more than anything, I want her to do what she wants, whichever she choses.
Louise: In time, she’ll figure out what she wants.
Frances: I just want to know, if I do leave, how I can break it to the others.
Jimmy: They’ll support you, too. They know this is a big opportunity for you.
Frances: Bev said as much. Marcia, though… tougher sell.
Lauren: In time, I think Marcia would accept it, too. You two are family.
Frances: We’ll see about that…
The next week…
Paul: Frances, I’m so happy you’re here! I don’t know what Dana told you, but I do know she’s very upset with me about this, so she probably tried to get her revenge on me.
Frances: Not Dana! She’s so sweet!
Paul: Sure. Anyhow, as you may recall, we’re developing a new baking competition show at UTN, and my producer, Leslie, she’s really a fan, and so am I. We are offering you a role as head judge on the series, you and Garry Mollen.
Frances: The Ballroom Celebrities guy? I can’t stand that show. And what does he know about baking?
Paul: He’s an expert amateur baker, he’s won several celebrity baking competitions here in LA.
Frances: In that event, he should probably be the head judge.
Paul: Nope, it’s gonna be you, if you accept.
Frances: What’s the show called?
Paul: Working title is Bake Your Heart Out.
Frances: Doesn’t sound like a hit.
Paul: We’re hoping it can make for a nice filler series in the early winter, we really think it’ll do well enough to last for several years in that capacity. That’s why we’re offering you an exclusive contract for six seasons, at $5 million per season.
Frances: That’s a lot, wow. More than I was anticipating.
Paul: We are doing everything in our power to show you how serious we are about getting you on board. In fact, we’re also offering you an executive producer credit that would give you 5% off the backend revenue.
Frances: I don’t really know what that means. I’ll have to talk with my business manager.
Paul: That’s fine. And you don’t need to answer now, just decide in the near future and let us know. We hope it’s a yes!
Frances: Yeah, well, I’ll get back to you then!
What did you think of the midseason finale of Frances in the kitchen? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the season premiere of Bake Your Heart Out next week! Frances in the Kitchen will return for the rest of season 6 next spring!
