Milton is at the airport and calls Moira.
Moira: Are you finally home? I’ve missed you so much, it felt like you were never coming back!
Milton: I am leaving the terminal as we speak, heading home to you.
Moira: Oh, thank god! I was scared Kate was going to make you stay in DC again. Your work’s been crazy busy lately!
Milton: Such is the life of a US Senator, darling.
Moira: It’s not really that time-consuming of a job, is it?
Milton: I’m not doing this again.
Moira: I’m not trying to get you down!
Milton: Good, because after this flight, I just need a good pick-me-up. I’m just exhausted, probably because some snot-nosed brat spent the entire flight kicking my seat while I was trying to relax.
Moira: Yeah, I’ve had that before. You are a senator, though, you can afford first-class.
Milton: I want to set a good example for Louisiana.
Moira: Is all of Louisiana on the plane with you?
Milton: I want to live modestly, be a working-class hero.
Moira: Honey, you’re improving zero lives by sitting in the worst seats on an airplane when you could have plentiful leg space. Trust me.
Milton: Okay, fine, on the flight back, I’ll splurge a bit.
Moira: Good, you deserve it!
Milton: I’ll be home in about twenty minutes. Well, thirty minutes, I forgot I have to go get my luggage yet. We know what a process that can be.
Moira: So an hour. I’ll see you then, it’s not like I have anything important going on at work.
Milton: Oh, your work is very important!
Moira: We’ve spent the last week debating one of your sister’s appointments to the Municipal Yacht Harbor Management Corporation.
Milton: Some aspects are less important than others, admittedly.
Moira: I can’t think of anything that matters less, and yet, Bethany spent all day just whining about all five picks and due to the rules of the committee, we had to actually listen to her.
Milton: What rules mandate that?
Moira: The ones giving each member an hour to discuss each order of business. None of us ever take all that time, because we’re reasonable and want to eventually leave, but she has all the incentive in the world to stall us and delay progress. I just tune her. One day, I put in earbuds and watched The White Lotus!
Milton: Piper, no!
Moira: I accidentally forgot to put the earbuds in one day. That was embarrassing. I had to explain the White Lotus incest scene to Florence. She was horrified.
Milton: What scene?
Moira: Have you not been watching this season?
Milton: I’m behind, I’ve been busy. I’ll get to it when I get to it.
Moira: Well, I’m going to let you go so you can find your luggage. I’ll see you soon.
Milton: I’ll see you, love you.
Meanwhile, in Marietta’s office…
Tammy: Marietta, have you heard the news?
Marietta: News? Did the city council finally approve my nominations for the all-important board that I can’t remember the name of at this juncture?
Tammy: Oh, no, Bethany’s still stalling.
Marietta: The only person she’s hurting is herself, wasting all that breath. I couldn’t care less, no owning of this lib is occurring!
Amy: I think the six other councilors who have to listen to her babble incoherently like a middle schooler giving a report on a book they haven’t read would disagree.
Marietta: While I feel for my sister-in-law, and I guess the others too, that is not my problem.
Tammy: You’re right, we have a bigger problem! Milton’s seniors vaccine clinic tomorrow, the White House caught word of it.
Marietta: Oh, did they ban vaccines? Ah well, they had a good run, that’s something new for Eleanor to run on.
Henrietta: You never know, the nominee could still be Jenny!
Marietta: It will be Eleanor, or I will write in Eleanor.
Henrietta: You really don’t like Jenny!
Marietta: She pushed my buttons!
Henrietta: Didn’t they all?
Marietta: Not like her. She had it out for me.
Amy: You were the frontrunner, to be fair.
Tammy: Oh, are we ever going to get over this primary?
Marietta: I could’ve won if I were in the proper headspace!
Tammy: I agree, but alas…
Marietta: So what’s he White House doing about this vaccine clinic? And how does it involve us?
Tammy: They’re sending your nemesis in for photo ops in her “second hometown.”
Marietta: No! Not Dede! I can’t stand that women, every time she’s in this city, I can sense it. My skin crawls, I’m kept asleep at night, I feel my chest tighten.
Tammy: Every time? Even when you don’t know she’s here?
Marietta: I have an intuition. Her energy’s just so negative, it can be felt whenever you’re in the vicinity of it.
Henrietta: Am I the only one a little confused why this is such a big deal? The VP is just coming here for a photo op because the White House needs positive PR, this is normal stuff we should be expecting.
Marietta: Nothing these freaks do is ever “normal.” Thankfully, though, this is Milton’s event, and not mine. I can just go and quietly support him from afar and help administer some shots to some olds, without having to interact with that demon woman.
Amy: Dede’s pretty old, what if she’s flying in just to get vaccinated and you have to give her a shot.
Marietta: Oh, I’d like to give her a shot all right. Straight to the moon!
Henrietta: Did she just threaten to punch the vice president?
Tammy: If you worked in DC as long as I did, you wouldn’t even bat an eye at someone saying that.
Marietta: Yeah, we did not like a lot of our colleagues.
Tammy: Mostly the Republicans, and always whoever was VP at any given time.
Marietta: It’s a nothing job, and they still come in acting like they own the damn place!
Tammy: I don’t care that you were governor of Maine. This isn’t Maine, this is my house, and I run it. Deflate that ego a bit. It’s actually exactly how I felt about Amy on her first day of work here!
Amy: But now it’s my house!
Tammy: Who’s chief of staff again?
Marietta: Who’s mayor?
Later, at Milton’s…
Moira: You are late! I could’ve stuck around to suffer through another fifteen minutes of Bethany’s rantings if I knew you’d be this late!
Milton: Sorry, I had a problem at the luggage claim.
Moira: Oh, what happened?
Milton: Someone thought I was taking their luggage because we had the same suitcase, right down to the color. Thankfully, I had a sticker on mine with the Rolling Stones logo on it, and I was able to prove it was mine. Not before they called security, though!
Moira: That had to be embarrassing. You’re a senator!
Milton: I’ve been in worse fights on the Senate floor, believe it or not.
Moira: They are a rowdy bunch of seniors.
Milton: Speaking of seniors, I’m very excited for tomorrow.
Moira: No one should be this excited to jab a needle into a bunch of geezers.
Milton: Moira, don’t talk like that!
Moira: Sorry, I don’t mean to sound ageist. Bethany’s just got me in a terrible, I really hate that woman.
Milton: I can’t complain about her, she single-handedly gave me a second term with her lack of intelligence. I still don’t know how she even got on the ballot, but I’m so glad she did.
Moira: Pretty privilege.
Milton: Well anyway, I am excited for this vaccine clinic tomorrow. It’s a good way to connect with the community, and help out an at-risk population. Shingles is no joke!
Moira: Speaking of which, we need new shingles on the roof. It’s looking a little rough.
Milton: Does it? I never look up there.
Moira: Hence the state of disrepair.
Milton: Will you be going to the clinic tomorrow?
Moira: Again with the vaccine clinic! You haven’t been home in two weeks and you’re talking about shingles vaccines!
Milton: It’s important to me.
Moira: And I appreciate that it’s important to you. But I need some time with my husband, if you catch my drift.
Milton: I do, and, uh… yeah we can do that.
Moira: Thank god. And no shingles talk in there!
Milton: None?
Moira: Milton…
Milton: Kidding!
The next day…
Milton: Moira, I don’t feel well.
Moira: How so? Headache? Nauseous? Just want to avoid having to think about shingles all day?
Milton: Stomach. I fell… not good. I haven’t felt right since I got home.
Moira: I couldn’t tell last night. All night long.
Milton: Moira, we’re in public.
Moira: I said nothing wrong.
Marietta: Milton! I can’t believe I beat you here! The Today show people are already here, awaiting the arrival of Her Highness.
Milton: The who’s here for what?
Moira: Tammy called in the media to cover her giving shingles shots? I hardly find that morning news-worthy, not to be a hater or anything.
Marietta: The vice president. My nemesis.
Milton: What?
Marietta: I thought you knew! It is your event, after all!
Milton: I put out an open invitation for vetted volunteers. I suppose the hospital just didn’t tell me we had such a big name volunteering.
Marietta: Don’t hype her up, she’s an evil woman.
Milton: She’s the vice president, Marietta, that’s a big deal, whether I like her or not.
Marietta: Not for long!
Dede: Oh, hello, all! It’s so lovely to be here!
Milton: Oh my god, I gotta go.
Marietta: Go? Go where?
Milton: Bathroom! Oh my god, just, someone get this clinic started! I don’t want to delay it.
Marietta: Have no fear, I’m here to upstage the bitch!
Tammy: Marietta, it’s a vaccine clinic, not the Met Gala.
Marietta: You’re right. I have been invited to the Met Gala. Not her!
Dede: Where’d Milton go? I was excited to catch up with him?
Moira: He’s a bit under the weather.
Dede: Oh, I see how it is.
Moira: Do you?
Marietta: Dede, stop stirring the pot.
Dede: I’m not stirring the pot. Clearly, he doesn’t want me to be here, so he’s trying to ruin the clinic. Quite classless if you ask me, this is a big deal for the old folks of this city.
Moira: He is really sick!
Dede: Ah, so you brought someone sick to interact with vulnerable seniors? I don’t buy it. This is conflict avoidance and an ego trip on full display.
Marietta: The only ego trip I see is you. Hijacking a vaccine clinic for the sake of PR? You are a vulture!
Dede: It’s my home city. I want to help!
Marietta: It is not!
Dede: My chosen home away from home.
Marietta: Go to your real home. There are plenty of old people in Arizona that don’t want the shingles, I’m sure.
Dede: Anyway, I have to go get interviewed for the show. It’s what happens when you’re a VIP/
Marietta: VIP - Very Ignorant Person?
Dede: Wow, that was so funny I forgot to laugh!
Ten minutes later…
Milton: Sorry ladies, I gotta go!
Sarah: Where is dad going?
Moira: I think he’s taking the car, so I’m gonna need a ride home.
Marietta: Amy, drive her home.
Amy: Why not?
Dede: Oh, Milton, where are you off to? The Today show would love to hear from you! They’re very impressed with what you’ve set up!
Moira: He’s dealing with an illness.
Dede: If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he’s avoiding me!
Marietta: Who would ever want to avoid you?
Two days later…
Patty Lynn: Milton, it’s not that bad.
Milton: That footage makes me look like a fool!
Patty Lynn: You look fine! You did a good thing!
Kathleen: He did bail on his own event, and it was framed like he wanted to avoid the VP.
Patty Lynn: Completely because of her own words! Not because of his actions!
Moira: I should’ve explained what was wrong a little better.
Milton: It’s fine. So I look like I ran away to avoid sharing the spotlight with Dede. It’ll blow over. No one will really care.
Sarah: I don’t know, they did make a funny gif of you running away.
Milton: People should be talking about how thousands of New Orleanians are not immunized against the shingles because of my efforts.
Marietta: And mine, Sarah’s, Moira’s, Tammys, and Amy’s, because we actually stepped up to put the shots in arms when someone disappeared.
Milton: Instead, they’re talking about how I ran away because I was so scared of confronting the Vice President that I’d rather leave me own event than work alongside her.
Patty Lynn: Only idiots think that.
Milton: Most of the internet are idiots!
Marietta: The right-wing media is also running a story. I believe Fox News went with “Running Up that Capitol Hill” as their chyron to help distract from the president destroying America.
Kathleen: The local news went with “See How He Runs,” simple, but a classic.
Milton: It’s really not that big of a story.
Patty Lynn: That’s the spirit!
Kathleen: Some people are saying you were so scared of her, it made you feel ill.
Moira: The next day of vomiting would disprove that. And trust me, there was so much vomit. All over. Everywhere.
Kathleen: That’s the joy of marriage, isn’t it?
Marietta: Besides, even if the sight of her did make you ill, that’s perfectly acceptable. She’s like Medusa! The mere sight of her churns the stomach!
Patty Lynn: So are you feeling better now?
Milton: No, not really, but at least we can laugh about it a little.
Kathleen: That’s the spirit!
Milton: You know, I was so sick, I didn’t even get my own shingles vaccine that day. Maybe they should consider that!
Moira: If I hear that word ONE more time…
