Bake Your Heart Out Season 2, Episode 7
Loved Ones
Diane: All throughout this week, we’ve been celebrating those closest to us. From your first bake centering on a loved one from their past, to the technical bake centering on the favorite dish of Frances’s brother, Jimmy.
Sam: However, it’s time to take this Loved Ones Week to another level. Come on in, guys.
A relative of every Bake Your Heart Out contestant files into the baking cabin.
Diane: Everyone has one relative visiting them here today, and every relative has selected a dessert that they’ve deemed their favorite. You will be baking that for your relative and presenting it to our judges for your final bake of the week.
Sam: But, because we’re not monsters, you can have a half-hour to converse with your loved one. Have fun!
Sam and Diane exit the stage and head to Frances’s dressing room, where Frances, Garry and Charlotte are awaiting their arrival.
Charlotte: What’s wrong, Diane?
Diane: What? Nothing’s wrong.
Charlotte: You look sad.
Frances: Yeah, like Droopy Dog.
Diane: I do not look like Droopy Dog!
Sam: You know what, Frances? You’re exactly right. I was trying to figure out what she reminded me of and it is Droopy Dog!
Garry: His name is just Droopy, just so you know.
Sam: Cool.
Charlotte: I’m not trying to make a joke out of it like the rest of them. Diane, is something the matter? You can tell me.
Diane: I appreciate that you are not an idiot. Unlike the others.
Garry: What did I do?
Sam: You existed.
Diane: You didn’t do anything, Garry. I’m really just referring to Frances and particularly Sam.
Garry: Finally a mild amount of respect. I’ll take it.
Frances: I just made a joke, Sam is the mean one.
Sam: True that.
Diane: Since Charlotte asked, though, there is something on my mind.
Sam: My goodness, just spit it out.
Diane: Seeing all the contestants with their parents and siblings and spouses and children, it’s just got me feeling very emotional and lonely. I haven’t seen my kids in so long because they’re so busy. And now I’m not even home so I can’t even go see Diana and fight with her about nonsense like I could before.
Frances: How did w not know about her before?
Sam: That’s how close they are.
Diane: I mean, I love you guys, I do. And I already see Melanie as a daughter, she’s just so sweet and lovely.
Sam: A half-Latina half-black daughter you’ve known for three weeks.
Diane: Yes, exactly. But, as much as I love you six -
Garry: Even me?
Diane: Of course. You’re like a brother to me. An often annoying brother that I still love with my whole heart.
Garry: That’s so sweet.
Charlotte: I love you, too, Garry.
Sam (laughing): I don’t.
Garry: I know.
Diane: Anyway, as much as I love you six, I still can’t help but think about how much I miss my kids. It’s been too long without seeing them and seeing those reunions today just reminded me of how long it’s been.
Frances: I get what you’re saying. I used to see my brother and sister-in-law and niece every day and now, I haven’t seen them since Christmas. I miss them terribly, and I didn’t even give birth to them.
Sam: You know you can always talk to me about something like this. I’ve seen my wife about five times in the past year.
Charlotte: Most of my family’s back in England, you can talk to me about it as well. I haven’t been home to London in years and no one’s visited me, either.
Diane: We really are a sad bunch, aren’t we?
Frances: How does Garry have the most functional and healthy family life of all of us?
Garry: Because unlike you guys, Diane and Charlotte excluded, I’m actually nice.
Frances: I’m very nice.
Garry: Good one.
Leslie: What are you guys up to?
Charlotte: Leslie! What are you doing here?
Leslie: Just checking in on you guys. Sam and Diane flew off the set real quick so I had to make sure everything’s alright.
Frances: We’re all very busy being very sad and lonely.
Leslie: Guess I should pull up a chair and join in, then!
Garry: I’m not lonely or sad, you can have mine.
Sam: Really respect how Garry was able to mask the gloating by doing a nice deed.
Frances: It’s his specialty, really.
Leslie: Well, I just got the worst call from home ever.
Diane: Is something wrong with your parents?
Leslie: No, not that home. LA.
Frances: Louisiana?
Leslie: You smartass. Los Angeles, of course.
Charlotte: Who called?
Leslie: Paul.
Sam: Oh, god!
Diane: My day was going badly enough without remembering him.
Garry: At least he was willing to give you guys money to come back, he hates me so much that he didn’t even want me to return. I hate that guy!
Charlotte: What did Paul want?
Leslie: Brace yourselves.
Frances: Does he want us to go back to California? I’m not going. At least Rhode Island might be giving us a new Vice President, California is contributing nothing.
Sam: Well, that’s a take I’ve never heard before. Good job, crazy lady.
Leslie: No one’s going home to California.
Frances: Thank god.
Charlotte: Gotta be honest, I’m quite happy about that myself. I’ve already joined Melanie’s book club.
Sam: What, don’t you think anyone else here knows how to read? You’re probably right.
Leslie: This is almost as bad as going back to that smog-filled hellscape.
Garry: I never realized how much we all hate California.
Diane: I don’t hate it.
Sam: That’s because you live on the beach there. Just like here. Except here it’s actually nice and inhabitable.
Leslie: Can I please share my news?
Charlotte: Yes, please do.
Leslie: Paul is coming to visit us in a month. He said he’ll be staying for “an undetermined length of time.”
Diane: Well, we’re screwed.
Sam: This was fun, time to pack it in. We’re staying in Cape Cod when we take that vacation. He can’t find us there. We’re taking Melanie with, too. She is far too helpful to leave here in Paul’s wrath.
Leslie: It’s not going to be that bad. Hopefully. It’ll most likely be a few weeks that he’s here and that’s it. He’s just gonna do a bit of supervision to make sure his top show is coming along nicely. That’s what I told myself, anyway.
Garry: I think it’s a good opportunity. Show him how valuable we really are. How efficient. How necessary.
Frances: Garry clearly still has a chip on his shoulder.
Garry: Yes, a little bit. I have something to prove to him.
Leslie: Anyway, we need to get back to filming. Judges, as always, you just have to stand and look pretty behind Sam and Diane.
Frances: Ah, my specialty.
Six hours later..
Melanie: Diane! I got a text from Garry, I heard you were having a rough day. Bring it in.
Diane hugs Melanie.
Diane: Kid, you are just an angel. You know that?
Sam: Oh no, she’s getting all sentimental.
Melanie: I sure try to be one. Don’t know if I really succeed, though.
Diane: You do!
Melanie: So what’s up?
Diane: Oh, I forgot to say. Garry, stop being such a snitch!
Garry: I’m sorry! I had to tell someone.
Sam: Did you?
Frances: He didn’t. He’s just an idiot.
Charlotte: Come on everyone, let’s be nice to Garry. He’s clearly not got any manners.
Garry: I’m gonna go to my room in a minute. You’re all being nasty.
Leslie: Your room? With your wife and child? How awful. That’s basically Guantanamo.
Melanie: You’re feisty today, Leslie! Keep it up!
Diane: It was just a rough day today, Melanie. It was Loved Ones Week on Bake Your Heart Out, and it reminded me of my kids who I haven’t seen in so long. I miss them so much and that just brought up so many emotions.
Melanie: I’m so sorry to hear that, Diane.
Sam: This is on you, Leslie.
Leslie: I didn’t do it
Sam: By the way, Melanie, Diane said you were like a daughter to her.
Melanie: That’s very sweet. I feel the same way. You’re very supportive and lovely and kind.
Sam: Are you saying I’m not those things?
Melanie: Oh, no! Diane is just so much more open and motherly.
Sam: I know. I can’t even mother a houseplant.
Diane: On top of those emotions, we had to eliminate Rita today. She was the sweetest little thing.
Leslie: Diane, no spoilers!
Diane: Oh my god, sorry!
Melanie: Don’t worry, I won’t tell.
Diane: I almost forgot, our horrible boss is coming to town in a few weeks.
Melanie: Paul? Ugh, gross!
Diane: I appreciate how you play along with us. It’s sweet.
Melanie: You are so much nicer to me than the average guest. Most are grumpy, usually sunburned, and yelling at me to fix their goddamn air conditioner before they melt away.
Sam: We’re all just very nice people.
Frances: Especially me.
Garry: Especially not you.
Sam: Ah, old love. so gross.
Frances: We’re not in love!
Diane: Oh, I almost forgot! We had to eat dinner at Dairy Queen today. I didn’t even know they had dinner before today but now I sadly do. I got ambushed in the middle of the dining room by a bunch of fans, I dropped my Orange Julius and my order of fries. Which, yes, I consider a meal. A fruit, a vegetable, it’s healthy.
Melanie: Well, I don’t have anything to solve your last three issues, but I can solve your first one. About four years before my dad died, we hadn’t spoken in a few years. He was a violent drunk and that ultimately killed him. However, he called me up after those years and said that he’d quit drinking and that he really wanted to see me. I agreed and we reconciled and spent the last four years of his life happy as a family again before cirrhosis ultimately took him from us.
Diane: Oh Melanie, I’m so sorry. You never told us this.
Melanie: I don’t make a habit of telling people this but you’re all so sweet and so trustworthy. Hell, I have all of your numbers in my phone, that means something!
Garry: You could probably delete Frances’s number, she never answers for me.
Frances: I’ll pick up for Melanie.
Melanie: Anyway Diane, you should call up your kids and ask them to come to see you. Or you can go see them yourself if you can get the time off.
Charlotte: She can! Right, Leslie?
Leslie: Yes. She just has to be back at work on-time next week. Diana isn’t here to save us this time.
Diane: I’ll think about that, Melanie. I have thought about calling them but I’m so scared because I think they still resent me for their father’s death.
Sam: Diane, don’t be silly. They don’t. You just shut down completely after that happened and they didn't know what to do. They were here for you but you blamed yourself and you didn’t let them into your heart. By the time you were ready to talk to them about it, they were already back at home because they’re so busy and you never wanted to talk about it over the phone. They love you. You love them. Call them.
Frances: Oh my god. Did I just witness Sam being… nice?
Sam: Hey, you jagoff. I’m not completely emotionless and cruel!
The next morning…
Diane: I did it, Sammy. I did it!
Sam: First, don’t call me Sammy. Second, what did you do? Enter the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes? You’re a millionaire, don’t take that money away from the poors.
Diane: I called Ashley and Ben.
Sam: Who?
Diane: My kids!
Sam: I’m sorry, it’s very early in the morning.
Diane: First of all, it’s eight o’clock. Not that early. Secondly, you can remember Publisher’s Clearing House but not my kids’ names?
Sam: You don’t mention them by name that much. If I saw nightly commercials for them, I’d remember their names, too.
Diane: Anyway, Ashley’s very busy working on a news show in New York, but I was able to convince her to drive up for a few days this weekend. Ben is gonna fly out from Denver on Saturday morning. I’m gonna see my kids for the first time in two years!
Sam: I should text Melanie and let her know!
Diane: What are you, Garry?
Sam: That was the joke, yes.
Diane: Oh, sorry. Flew right over my head.
Sam: Well, congratulations on getting to see your kids. I know how much you’ve wanted that and I’m very happy for you. But, uh, where are they going to sleep?
Diane: Have no worries! I’m going to get a room for the both of them. I’ll ask Melanie about it tonight.
Sam: Sounds like you've got everything planned out! Now, ready for breakfast? I don’t know if I have the energy for Frances and Garry so early, but I’ll try for you.
Diane: Alright, let’s go.
That weekend…
Diane: Melanie! These are my kids. This is Ben, and this is Ashley.
Melanie: Hello. Your mom’s been really excited about this.
Sam: She really wouldn’t shut up about it, Melanie’s just putting it nicely.
Ashley: Mom, who is this again?
Diane: Oh! This is Melanie.
Ashley: That part I got. Who is she?
Melanie; I’m a friend of your mother’s.
Sam: You know how your mom loves to talk to random strangers because she’s overly friendly?
Ashley: Yeah.
Sam: Well, this time it got her a friend.
Ashley: Oh, that’s nice.
Diane: Yeah, we’ve been talking to Melanie just about every night for the past three weeks. We’ve really gotten to know her well, she’s made Rhode Island feel like home.
Melanie: You guys got so lucky getting her as a mom. I love my mom, of course, but she certainly isn’t this outgoing and friendly.
Ben: We know, one hundred percent, we know. I’d never fly out here for a weekend to this little state if I didn’t know how good I have it and if I didn’t miss here.
Ashley: And same here. Mom, I love ya.
Diane: Oh, this is so sweet.
Frances and Leslie appear from the stairwell.
Frances: Diane! Why didn’t you tell us your kids were here? I didn’t think they were coming in until later!
Leslie: Yeah, I would’ve dressed up if I knew!
Melanie: You look beautiful!
Leslie: I’m in a beach coverup and I don’t have any makeup on, you don’t have to convince me I look good.
Diane: You guys know Frances and Leslie.
Ashley: It’s nice to see you guys again! It’s been too long.
Frances: Kids, your mom has been so excited to see you again.
Leslie: Yeah, she’s been a blubbering mess on the set while we’re filming Loved Ones Week.
Ben: We’ve heard.
Ashley: I think it’s really sweet, mom.
Diane: Thank you.
Charlotte enters the lobby, soaking wet and with legs full off sand.
Melanie: Charlotte! Clean off outside first! I gotta clean that up!
Charlotte: Sorry Melanie!
Melanie: It’s no big deal, don’t worry. I know you must be excited, too.
Charlotte: About what? I’m just wondering where the heck Frances and Leslie are.
Frances: Diane’s kids are here!
Charlotte: Oh! Hello. Ashley and Ben, right? I’m Charlotte Keen, lovely to meet you!
Ashley: We know who you are!
Ben: I used to have the biggest crush on you as a kid.
Charlotte: Aww, you’re too sweet. Now, Frances, Leslie, are you ready to go to the beach?
Frances: No, let’s just stay here and catch up for a few minutes. It’s not like the beach closes.
Charlotte: Actually it does, but that’s not until sundown so let’s stay!
Leslie: Where is Garry? I almost miss him. He’s always here for every event.
Frances: Thankfully, he took his family to the beach earlier in the morning and he’s been there all day.
Sam: Hey kids, what have you been up to?
Ben: Well, I’m out in Denver working at a law firm, it’s very rewarding work. My wife Veronica and I have been trying to get pregnant. That’s about it.
Diane: You are? Well, good luck. I wanna be a grandma, you know that!
Ben: I know, I’m trying to make it happen.
Diane: We all know Ashley’s never going to make it happen.
Ashley: Mom! I can still get pregnant, I froze my eggs. I just have to find the right guy and it’s a little hard when you produce the top local news show in all of New York City.
Diane: I’m just pulling your leg. Don’t get pregnant with the wrong guy. I did.
Ashley: Oh my god, mom! Was I an accident?
Diane: No, not you. I don’t mean your father, either. When I was younger, I mean very, very young, fresh out of school, I got pregnant by my high school boyfriend,.
Ben: Are you telling us you had an abortion, mom?
Sam: Ooh, this just got interesting!
Diane: No, god no! Sadly I lost the baby. I would’ve given them up for adoption but I didn’t get the chance. I mean, I’m all for the right to choose but that wasn’t an option for me. I could never.
Ashley: So Ben, you think she’s telling the truth? Or did she let it slip that I was an accident?
Ben: It’s too close to call!
Diane: I can’t believe I never told you.
Frances: I can’t believe you never told us!
Sam: I need to hear more about this fun, promiscuous Diane that I never got a chance to meet.
Diane: Later. Melanie, are the rooms ready?
Melanie: The rooms? What rooms?
Diane: For the kids. You know. I told you about it on Wednesday.
Melanie: Diane, you didn’t.
Diane: Damn, I knew I was forgetting something. Do you have any rooms left?
Melanie: Only the one. And it only has one bed in it.
Diane: Well, we’ll take that one. Which one of you guys wants to sleep in my bed? I can stay on the couch.
Sam: Don’t be silly. It’s a big weekend for you. Garry can sleep on the couch.
Leslie: Oh, come on. I don’t think we should do Garry jokes when he’s not here.
Sam: We should. Seriously, though. I’ll sleep on the couch.
Ben: I guess I’ll take Sam’s room, then. Ashley should get her own room. She is used to it, after all.
Ashley: Yes, I’m sure used to loneliness.
Diane: Now that that’s straightened out and you’ve met everyone, I think we should get your stuff to your rooms.
Melanie: Here’s the key to your room, Ashley.
Ashley: Thank you. You’re very helpful.
Melanie: It’s all in the job!
One hour later, in Sam and Diane’s room, after Ben and Ashley’s luggage is in their rooms…
Diane: Kids, can we talk?
Ben: Of course we can.
Ashley: I don’t know, it’s a lot to ask. I have a busy schedule while I’m in this state that no one lives in. Kidding, of course.
Diane: Okay. You probably realized I’ve been acting strange the past few years.
Ashley: Strange? Not you, mom.
Diane: I deserved that. I just want you both to know how much I love you, and even though I wasn’t reaching out much, I still love you and I still care.
Ben: We never thought and differently. It’s been a tough time for us all.
Ashley: I do wish you would’ve let me know about you quitting your job before you announced it on TV, though. That would’ve been a great scoop.
Diane: You and your scoops!
Ashley: What can I say? I love ‘em!
Diane: I want you to know that it’s not your fault that I haven’t reached out, it’s all on me. I was afraid you kids resented me and thought I caused your father’s death.
Ben: Mom!
Ashley: Never think that. We know you had nothing to do with it. You loved dad.
Diane: I know, but my text to him is what made him swerve off the bridge. He’d be alive if I wasn’t texting him to tell him how much I would miss him on his trip. The one he was taking with his mistress.
Ben: Yeah, we know.
Ashley: It’s not your fault that dad was irresponsible while driving with his mistress to San Francisco or wherever. You didn’t make any of those decisions for him. He’s a grown man. I wish you wouldn’t put this extra stress on yourself. I didn’t even think you felt this way. I assumed you were just depressed and didn't feel like talking.
Diane: I feel so much better already, you two. I can’t believe I missed two years of time with you because I was so afraid to talk with you about this.
Ben: Let’s make a promise. If any of us have anything on our minds ever again, we’ll tell each other about it. And also, we have to meet up at least every few months.
Diane: Come home for the holidays this year! Sam and I usually spend it together, she’d also love to have you.
Ben: That sounds good to me.
Ashley: Me too.
Diane: Okay, now that that’s cleared up. What do you want for dinner?
Ashley: How about some clams? We’re in New England, after all.
Diane: Sounds like a plan. Sam’s paying!
Sam: I’m what?
What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to return next week for another all-new episode and read spinoff show Frances In the Kitchen on Monday at 8!
