Bake Your Heart Out Season 2, Episode 5
Melanie
Frances: Leslie, are we ever going to be done here?
Leslie: I know it’s been a long day.
Garry: Long? I think there’s a chance I’m a grandfather already, that’s how long today has been.
Sam: At least you look the part.
Garry: Haha, I’m old. You never told me that one before!
Leslie: Guys, get a hold of yourselves. We just have to repair one camera and it’s almost fixed. Then we can finish production.
Diane: We were already here an extra two hours because the bake times were so long this week, so we’re approaching an extra four hours on the set now and we’re starving and tired. And smelly. These stage lights are making us melt and I smell something ghastly.
Leslie: Well would you look at that. They’re ready for us.
Frances: I can’t believe we had to wait all this time just for Sam and Diane to crush someone’s dreams. It’s three minutes of footage.
Diane: Actually, you three are the ones crushing dreams. We’re just the messengers.
Frances: No way. We don’t want to crush any dreams, we just have to.
Diane: So do we!
Frances: I just want to get home before the hurricane hits.
Sam: What? What hurricane? It’s Rhode Island, not Florida.
Frances: The Weather Channel said there’s a hurricane headed up north tonight.
Leslie: Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!
Sam: I think the stage lights are getting to Leslie now. It’s always the weakest-minded.
Leslie: What in the heck is the matter with you guys? Can you not follow directions or are you just stupid?
Sam: What’s that supposed to mean?
Leslie: Just get to the stage and do your job. It’s been a stressful day for all of us. Be respectful for the sake of our lord.
Sam: What does Jesus have to do with this?
Leslie: I don’t want him to see me murder all of you.
Diane: Let’s go, she’s angry if she’s threatening homicide.
Frances: That usually is what that means, Diane.
On the stage…
Diane: This week was all about cake because 2020 has been a wild ride and the internet decided that everything is better as cake. We challenged you to all make cakes that look like everyday objects, both with and without using fondant. And of course, as part of this twist on cake week, there was the technical challenge. One of you rose to the top in all three. Despite Holly and Adam both having strong weeks, this win had to be Alec’s. Congrats Alec, you’re the top baker!
Alec: This is a wonderful honor, thank you.
Diane: You made all the challenges seem like a cakewalk, this was your week! Now, I think Sam has some other, less happy news to share.
Sam: Why me?
Diane: I did it last week.
Sam: Okay fine. Julianna, your banana-shaped fondant cake was flavorful and beautifully crafted. However, your tiramisu-snapped fondant-less cake was messy and didn’t taste quite right. You are safe.
Julianna: Thank you.
Sam: Rita! How are you, Ms. Moreno?
Rita: I really was named after her!
Sam: Well, Rita, this wasn’t your week once again, but the judges thought that the flavors were strong enough to keep you here despite messy executions. You’re safe.
Rita: Thank you so much.
Sam: Here’s the kicker. Paul and Edgar, you have both found yourself in the bottom two. You both messed up badly in two-thirds of this week’s challenges and didn’t have any standout moment this week. We have to say goodbye to one of you, and that, sadly, is… Edgar. Thank you for coming out here and baking with us.
Edgar: I’m a humble bus driver from Philly, I appreciate the opportunity. Thank you all.
Sam: That does it for Bake Your Heart Out! From the bottom of our sugar-coated hearts, thanks for tuning in.
Diane: We’ll see you next week! Bye-bye!
Leslie: Cut! That was great, now let’s all go home!
Frances: Thank the lord!
Thirty minutes later, at the hotel…
Diane: It’s almost eight. I was just forced to eat a Big Mac in our rented car listening to the greatest hits of Hall & Oates because that’s the only CD we have in this car and because we got recognized in the McDonald’s and couldn’t eat in peace. I think it’s fair to say that it has been a day.
Sam: I think that’s fair, yes.
Diane: What are we going to spend the rest of our night doing? Not that there’s much left.
Sam: Well, we have a few days off so we can stay up late. Let’s get showered and then we can watch a movie or something.
Diane: I brought plenty of DVDs!
Sam: Oh, I know.
Frances: We’ll have to pass.
Charlotte: I’m reading a book tonight and meditating. I need it after, you know, that.
Diane: I get it, sister!
Sam: Cringe.
Frances: And Leslie and I are going to the beach to feel the ocean breeze before the hurricane hits.
Sam: Aww, I love it when couples stay romantic in their old age.
Frances: You are just a mean person, do you know that?
Sam: Yes. That’s my whole thing.
Garry: You should be more like the you that you pretend to be on TV.
Sam: That’s exhausting, no thanks. What are you doing tonight gramps?
Garry: I have a wife and child to get home to. Carly’s probably filed a missing person’s report by now.
Sam: Come on, she’s not a stalker like Frances. I’m sure she hasn’t.
Diane (singing): All I wanna do is file a police report on you!
Frances: Will we ever live that down? We were drunk.
Sam: Drunk in love!
Garry: Bye guys. See you tomorrow.
Sam: Yeah, we should get going, too. I am riper than a brown banana.
One hour later, in Sam and Diane’s room…
Sam: Diane, I thought you got lost in there!
Diane: The hot water felt… wow.
Sam: Usually this is where I’d make a Shape of Water joke but I’m too exhausted to. Pick out a movie and let’s get watching!
Ten minutes later…
Sam: What the hell?
Diane: What’s wrong now? Is Frances at the door?
Sam: I’d be turning off the lights and hiding if that was the case. The DVD player isn’t working!
Diane: What’s wrong?
Sam: I don’t know, I can’t get the remote to work. There are no instructions in the welcome book, either.
Diane: Do you want me to go down to the reception desk and ask for help?
Sam: You’re in your pajamas!
Diane: Unlike you, I don’t wear pajamas with SpongeBob on them or whatever that is. You can barely tell I’m in pajamas. I’ll be fine.
Sam: Don’t knock SpongeBob, he brings me joy.
Diane: Anyway… I’ll be back.
Diane heads downstairs to the lobby, where she is greeted by desk clerk Melanie.
Melanie: Well howdy there! What brings you down here at nine o’clock at night? I don’t usually get company down here after sunset.
Diane: My friend and I were trying to watch a movie in our room and we can’t get the DVD player to work.
Melanie: Believe it or not, that’s one of our most common complaints. That and not being able to figure out the A/C.
Diane: There are people that can’t figure that out?
Melanie: Yeah, unfortunately.
Diane: This is completely unrelated to the DVD remote that I came down here about, but I love that ring you have on. It’s so pretty.
Melanie: Oh, this little thing? Thanks, my daughter got it for me. Well, really my nana got it for me and she gave it to my little Joanna to give to me.
Diane: That’s sweet. Are you close with your grandparents?
Melanie: Yeah, I live with them.
Diane: That’s nice. I wish I was that close with my grandkids. I haven’t seen them in forever.
Melanie: That’s a shame. I don’t know how I could go on without my grandparents. They’ve been my rocks since my dad died almost… ten years ago. And my fiancé died not long after that so they were there for me then as well. I probably wouldn’t have gotten through it without them. My goodness, I just told you my entire life story. I’m sorry, I never do that. You just seem so nice.
Diane: Well I do have that reputation. Don’t worry, I enjoyed hearing what you had to say. You seem nice, too
Melanie: I guess I should go fix your remote for you, though. It’s very needlessly complicated so even I am not entirely sure how to work it even after all the times I’ve fixed it. But we’ll see how it goes!
Diane: Alright, let’s go!
Diane and Melanie walk up to Sam and Diane’s room and knock on the door.
Sam: My god, you’ve been gone for an hour, Diane.
Diane: It has not been an hour.
Sam: Fine, ten minutes. I just wasn’t expecting you to be gone for so long.
Diane: Well, we got to talking.
Sam: What about?
Melanie: Hi, my name is Melanie. Nice to meet ya!
Diane: So that’s your name!
Melanie: Oh, yeah! I must’ve taken my name badge off.
Sam: You probably know our names from our hit TV show, but I’m Sam and that’s Diane.
Melanie: What show are you on?
Sam: You don’t know?
Diane: Not everyone watches our show, Sam. She’s very busy.
Sam: So am I but I still found time to watch Game of Thrones.
Diane: No you didn’t.
Sam: I didn’t…
Diane: We’re on Bake Your Heart Out, Melanie.
Melanie: Oh, my grandparents watch that show! Nice to meet you.
Sam: See, her grandparents watch us. Who are what, 90?
Melanie: 75 and 76.
Sam: Oh, so we are young-skewing. I told you, Diane.
Diane: I’m sorry Melanie, she’s in a bad mood today. It’s been a rough day of filming.
Melanie: That’s fine, don’t worry. She’s still far more pleasant than most people who I talk to. She talks to me like a human, at least.
Sam: See, I’m nice.
Diane: She didn’t say that.
Melanie: Okay, your remote’s batteries are dead. Let me go run and grab some for you.
Diane: Okay, see you in a few minutes!
Melanie leaves.
Diane: Sam, you have to be nicer to people you just met. They don’t know your warm demeanor like I do.
Sam: I’m just joking. She seems lovely, actually.
Diane: She is. We had a conversation about life and she told me about her family situation. She’s so young and she’s suffered such loss already but I can tell she’s a very strong person. I wouldn’t be able to go through what she went through at that age. She lost her fiancé almost a decade ago. I barely got through losing my cheating bastard of a husband when I was in my sixties and had a large support system.
Sam: Well, how could you not get through such a loss when you have Frances and Garry to help you?
Diane: I don’t know.
Sam: Also, I don’t appreciate you bringing us company when I’m dressed like this.
Diane: Like what? So professionally?
Sam: I have yellow SpongeBob pajamas on.
Diane: You look great! Very comfy!
Melanie knocks on the door.
Diane: Come in!
Melanie: Thanks. There is quite a hurricane brewing out there, I don’t know what I’d do without you guys letting me in to protect me from it! The wind has to be at least one, maybe one and a half miles an hour.
Diane: Our friend Frances was so panicked about that.
Sam: You use “friend” too loosely.
Melanie: So was my grandmother. She heard about it on Anderson Cooper last night and freaked out. She didn’t want me to come to work.
Diane: Thankfully you did! We never would’ve met you if you did!
Melanie: That’s very sweet. It’s a good thing her crush on Anderson Cooper isn’t nearly as strong as my desire for money. Ooh, I almost forgot why I was up here! I got the batteries for you. Your DVD player should be working any second now! Hopefully.
Diane: Take your time, no need to rush!
Ten minutes later…
Melanie: Okay, at long last, here it is. Finally working.
Diane: Thank you so much. Sorry, we took up so much of your time tonight.
Melanie: No problem, I love having some company. It gets a little creepy down there when it’s dark and no one’s around. You guys gave me some company for a half-hour.
Sam: A little more than that.
Melanie: Yeah, a little more. That’s fine. You were lovely to talk to.
Diane: You were as well.
Melanie: I’m gonna get going, I will be at the desk until eleven. If you need anything else the rest of the week, I’m here every other day or so. Enjoy your stay!
Diane: We will certainly see you in the future. We’re here for months yet.
Melanie: Oh, that’s lovely. I look forward to more conversations with you then!
Diane: We’ll see you around.
Melanie leaves.
Sam: Okay, movie time!
Diane: What do you want to watch?
Sam: How about that movie with Cate Blanchett?
Diane: Yes, she’s only been in the one.
Sam: Do you have any movies with Cate Blanchett with you?
Diane: Yes.
Sam: Which one? God, it’s like pulling teeth with you sometimes.
Diane: Where’d You Go, Bernadette? How’s that sound?
Sam: Didn’t we see that?
Diane: We didn’t. Maybe you did.
Sam: I don’t see any movies without you, you know that.
Diane: Well then we didn’t see it.
Sam: Okay, put it on.
Diane: You know what I just thought of?
Sam: This should be good.
Diane: Frances wants to go to dinner tomorrow.
Sam: Horrifying that we have to see her on our day off but not worth thinking about when it should be movie time.
Diane: No, she wanted to find a nice seafood restaurant for lobster roll.
Sam: Yes, indeed. What are you thinking about that now for?
Diane: We should go ask Melanie for some good seafood places. I trust her more than anyone else.
Sam: Okay, go ask her.
Diane: You come with, I don’t want to seem like a stalker.
Sam: And bringing a second person with you is less creepy?
Diane: Just come with!
Sam: Fine, let’s go.
Sam and Diane walk down to the lobby.
Melanie: You’re back!
Diane: We sure are!
Melanie: What’s going on now?
Diane: We need some advice.
Melanie: Oh boy, I don’t know if I have any advice for you that you’d find helpful.
Diane: We’d like to know where to go for a good lobster roll.
Melanie: Okay, let me grab my pamphlets. And let me grab my jacket, too. It’s freezing in here. Those cool flannel SpongeBob pajamas must feel so good.
Sam: Oh my god, I completely forgot I was wearing these. Thank god we’re not in LA, this would be in US Weekly.
Diane: Still might be!
Sam: No jokes about that. I have to keep up appearances.
Two hours later…
Melanie: Oh my, it’s time for me to get going.
Diane: It is?
Melanie: It’s ten of eleven. I have to get this place locked up.
Sam: Well, thank you for talking to us about everything under the sun. We appreciate any and all company.
Diane: We never did figure out where Bernadette went, but that can be found out another night.
Melanie: I guess I’ll see ya tomorrow. Let me know how you like your lobster roll!
Diane: We will do that!
The next night, at dinner…
Leslie: I just wanted to apologize again for how I acted yesterday. I’ll pay for dinner to repay you.
Garry: No way! I want to pay my way.
Frances: You can pay for mine, we’re basically life partners at this point.
Leslie: I was already planning on it well before right now, don't worry.
Charlotte: Diane, where’d you get the name of this place? It was delicious.
Garry: Yeah, that was the best lobster roll I ever had.
Frances: I’ve had better. Not much better, but you know, I am friends with Wolfgang Puck.
Diane: We got the name of the place from Melanie!
Garry: Diane, I’m going to say this in the nicest way possible.
Frances: Who the hell is Melanie?
Diane: I didn’t tell you guys about Melanie yet?
Garry: No. Clearly not.
Diane: Oh, she’s the girl who works at the desk at our hotel.
Charlotte: You mean Karen?
Sam: No, Charlotte. There is more than one person that works at this place.
Garry: You’re on a first name basis with the hotel desk clerk?
Diane: It would be weird if we weren’t, Garry.
Sam: Who knows the last name of the hotel desk clerk?
Frances: Most people would just say “the hotel desk clerk.”
Diane: Well, we talked to her for like three hours last night so we’re pretty close already.
Leslie: I think it’s great you’re making new friends here. I already became acquainted with the woman that works at the grocery store.
Frances: She goes for a tub of Ben & Jerry’s every night.
Leslie: You had no business sharing that.
Sam: See, we’re all making friends. Well, most of us. Garry, how’s the wife?
Carly: Right here!
Sam: Oh, sorry!
At the hotel, 30 minutes later…
Melanie: Sam! Diane! How was it?
Diane: Melanie! I didn’t think you’d be here so early!
Melanie: I got on the earlier shift today. Who are your friends? And how was the meal?
Diane: Okay, this is Frances.
Melanie: Oh, I heard so much about you.
Frances: That worries me but hello.
Diane: That’s Garry and his wife Carly.
Melanie: I didn’t hear much of anything about you.
Garry: That… is not surprising.
Carly: What he meant was “hello.”
Diane: This is Charlotte.
Charlotte: Hello, Melanie.
Melanie: You didn’t tell me she was British!
Charlotte: Really? That’s my defining feature!
Diane: And finally, this is our dear friend Leslie.
Melanie: The one that acted like… you know?
Diane: Uh-huh.
Leslie: Acted like what?
Diane: An angel.
Leslie: A bitch. I acted like a bitch and you complained about it. That’s fine.
Sam: You are so unlike me.
Leslie: Yeah. I credit myself on that.
Melanie: Diane, Sam, you’re worrying me. Did you not like the dinner?
Diane: Oh, no. We loved it!
Frances: It really was great!
Garry: Unlike Frances, I thought it was the best lobster roll I’ve ever had.
Melanie: Thank god, you scared me.
Sam: No need to be scared. We just have short attention spans and cant handle two whole questions at once.
Leslie: Speak for yourselves.
Diane: Leslie, you’re being that again.
Leslie: Oh, sorry.
Frances: We will leave you two to talk to your friend. Lovely meeting you, Melanie.
Melanie: You as well!
Diane: Okay, so where’d we leave off?
Sam: We can't get our A/C working!Diane: Oh, yeah.
Melanie: Well, I guess we should head on up and check it out!
What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to return next week for another all-new episode!
