Marietta is at Martin and Patty Lynn’s.
Patty Lynn: It’s so nice to have you home. I feel like we never get to see you anymore.
Marietta: You’re welcome to fly out and campaign with me, you know that.
Patty Lynn: You don’t seem like you welcome it.
Marietta: I love when you campaign with me, I just need you to understand that you can’t get my undivided attention when I’m campaigning.
Patty Lynn: Well, regardless, it’s always nice for us to all be together, at home, relaxing. This is the stuff that dreams are made of.
Kathleen: Is it? To me, it just says we don’t get out enough. We should be doing something!
Patty Lynn: I’m old, I’m tired. I do enough.
Kathleen: Well, I’d like to do more.
Patty Lynn: Be my guest!
Martin: I’m surprised you’re back for a whole week this time. You usually only stay here with us a few days.
Marietta: Well, I haven’t been home at all in over a month, in the last three months I’ve been in New Orleans eight days. Three of them were spent getting Sarah situated at college, the others I spent catching up on my work as mayor. I haven’t had any time to rest, so here I am. Also, it’s Halloween, and I’m not missing a New Orleans Halloween! In fact, if all goes as planned, this would be my last time as grand marshal of the New Orleans Halloween parade. I have to savor it!
Martin: I forgot about the parade. October’s gone by too quickly.
Kathleen: The entire last five months have gone by so quickly, it feels like it’s been just a couple of weeks!
Marietta: Not to me, it hasn’t. They say time flies when you’re having fun. Well, it creeps by when you’re working yourself to the bone. I’m exhausted.
Kathleen: You sure you want to be president? I don’t think it gets easier once you’re in.
Patty Lynn: Stop trying to mess with her!
Kathleen: I’m not! I’m just saying, it’s a tough job.
Patty Lynn: She’s aware. She’s prepared.
Marietta: Well… as prepared as one can be for that job. I don’t think you can ever really prepare for that. Someone can tell you what it’s like, Mitch sure has given me lots of advice on that, but it never really hits you until you’re in there. It’s all a hypothetical now. And, I have wondered about going ahead with the campaign from time to time, but I have too much in this to just drop it now. People believe in me, people have donated to me, people have put time into volunteering for me. I can’t just give up because I’m tired. People can’t just quit their job because they’re tired.
Kathleen: Fair enough! People can’t take a week of for Halloween either, though.
Patty Lynn: Will you stop?
Kathleen: Yeah, I did get a little negative there.
The next day, in the mayor’s office…
Henrietta: I have to say, it’s nice to be home. Campaigning is not easy. I haven't seen my daughter in forever, or my husband, or my mother.
Amy: How is Eliza, by the way?
Henrietta: Pretty busy in the state senate.
Amy: What does a member of the super minority actually do?
Henrietta: Hey, they’re just a regular minor, they’re up to fifteen seats now.
Amy: Out of thirty-nine.
Henrietta: That’s the highest the number of seats the Democrats have held since 2013!
Amy: We need to move.
Tammy: DC sounds nice… it can only happen if we campaign!
Henrietta: I’m good with living in a Republican hellhole.
Marietta: Good morning! What’s going on here?
Tammy: A lot of complaining.
Marietta: So nothing new?
Amy: When do I ever complain?
Tammy: I’m going to choose to be kind and not answer.
Marietta: So what have the complaints been about?
Tammy: We’ve all realized how easy our jobs are in comparison to actual campaigning.
Marietta: Come on, we work hard here! Now, we have to talk about our Halloween plans.
Amy: See, that… that goes against the whole “we work hard” thing.
Marietta: This is hard work! It’s official city business!
Amy: Are Halloween costumes really official business? Does it improve anyone’s life if their mayor wears a Beetlejuice costume to a parade?
Marietta: It brings joy to people! And I’m not going as Beetlejuice, he’s too evil.
Tammy: So what’s your costume going to be, then?
Marietta: The Devil.
Tammy: So the fictional movie character is too evil but The Devil himself is not?
Henrietta: Yeah, that feels like a bad PR move for a presidential candidate. They can easily get a picture of that and run it in ads.
Marietta: Clearly you guys don’t love fun nearly as much as I do.
Tammy: We just know how vicious politics can be.
Marietta: Trust me, so do I. I’m not worried. What’s everyone else dressing as for Halloween?
Amy: Well, the campaign has caused me to cancel my annual Halloween bash, which is usually one of the most anticipated events of the social calendar here in New Orleans -
Marietta: Stop tooting your own horn.
Amy: Anyway, I’m deeply in mourning over this cancellation, so I’m dressing as a widow.
Marietta: How does one do that?
Amy: Well, I’m more of a ghostly widow. Black veil and Victorian dress, funeral flowers, uh, white face paint.
Marietta: That’s nice. Meaning behind it’s overdramatic, but nice costume nonetheless.
Amy: Thank you!
Henrietta: I’m dressing as Selena Gomez’s character from Only Murders in the Building.
Marietta: I’ve never seen it.
Henrietta: We gotta get you Hulu, it’s good.
Marietta: What the hell is Hulu?
Amy: The guy on Star Trek, no?
Marietta: That’s Sulu.
Amy: Then what’s Hulu?
Marietta: That’s what I’m wondering!
Henrietta: Sometimes I forget I work with boomers.
Tammy: None of you beat my costume.
Henrietta: It’s not a competitor.
Tammy: It is to me!
Henrietta: What’s your costume, then?
Tammy: You’ll find out on Friday!
Amy: You’re dragging out your costume reveal like Ryan Seacrest used to drag out results on American Idol.
Marietta: Maybe it’s a hint! You going as Ryan Seacrest, Tam?
Tammy: No!
Marietta: Then spill!
Tammy: All will be revealed!
Three days later…
Marietta: I love a parade! Don’t you love a parade?
Kathleen: I mean this in the most respectful way. Why are you wearing a devil costume?
Marietta: I’m not just a devil, I’m The Devil, supreme ruler of Hell, the dark overlord.
Kathleen: Okay. Why are you dressed as The Devil?
Marietta: It’s a fun costume.
Kathleen: You’re running for president.
Marietta: People keep saying this, but I don’t know why. It’s a classic, easily-understood character.
Martin: You look like Hot Stuff, the little cartoon devil. It’s cute.
Marietta: I don’t know if that’s meant to be a compliment or not, but I’ll take it as one because you’ve earned the benefit of the doubt. What are you guys supposed to be?
Kathleen: Well, I’m very clearly Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors.
Patty Lynn: And your father and I are Jack Skellington and Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas!
Martin: I don’t know the character that well, but your mother’s a big fan of the movie.
Patty Lynn: That, and they were the first costumes I found on Amazon.
Marietta: Mom! We need to put some more effort into this!
Patty Lynn: As if a devil costume takes any more effort!
Marietta: Do you know how much paint is on my face? A concerning amount!
Sarah: Are we late?
Marietta: No, but where’s your dad?
Moira: He’s campaigning in Baton Rouge, I think.
Marietta: He knows how big today is for me!
Patty Lynn: Well, he is up for re-election in about five days, so I think we can excuse it.
Moira: That’s how he put it to me.
Marietta: He’s not excused, but I do love your Statue of Liberty costume.
Moira: I thought it was thematically appropriate, you know, with the election and all.
Kathleen: Sarah, you look like a dead Cyndi Lauper! Why is your face so pale?
Sarah: I’m Chappell Roan!
Kathleen: Bless you.
Sarah: Did she think I just sneezed?
Kathleen: Did you not?
Marietta: Sarah, they’re not as versed in pop culture as I am. Aunt Kathleen, Chappell Roan is a very famous actress.
Sarah: She’s a singer.
Marietta: Close enough.
Martin: They come up with too many new celebrities these days. Back in my day, it was just Linda Ronstadt, Fleetwood Mac, and whichever Beatles were in the news at that time.
Marietta: Dad, you were like forty when they released Rumours.
Martin: But the seventies are the decade I best remember.
Kathleen: That’s not something you hear too often, if you get my drift.
Marietta: Oh my god. Tammy!
Tammy: Yes?
Marietta: You’re me!
Mitch: I’m here, too!
Marietta: Oh my god, you’re Milton.
Tammy: I told you I had you all beat!
Marietta: That you did.
Sarah: I don’t know, I think my Chappell Roan costume was more involved.
Marietta: Tammy, are those my actual clothes?
Tammy: I may have taken them from your suitcase at the hotel.
Marietta: Wow, she’s a braggart and a klepto! Spooky!
Tammy: I’m only borrowing it, I’ll give it back to you as soon as I’m done with it. Although, In did have to have it tailored to fit me, so I’m not sure how well it’ll fit you.
Marietta: You did what?
Tammy: Oh, like you would spare any expense to make sure your costume was perfect?
Marietta: It’s not the expense that I’m concerned about!
Sarah: Look at her, she’s turned red with rage.
Marietta: Not funny!
Sarah: I think it was pretty funny, She-Devil.
Amy: Hey, Marietta, where’s your cost- oh my GOD!
Tammy: Pretty good, huh?
Amy: You look just like her!
Marietta: She doesn’t.
Tammy: Having the CIA on your side certainly helps with the prosthetics!
Marietta: They make prosthetics on order?
Tammy: Only if you have connections!
Marietta: We’re all here then, right?
Amy: To my eyes, Henrietta is not here, but all these costumes are throwing me off so maybe she’s out there somewhere.
Patty Lynn: No, she’s not here.
Marietta: Then we’ll wait to kick off the parade.
Tammy: We can’t wait that much longer, it’s getting late.
Marietta: Tammy, I’m practically a parade expert at this point. It’s going to be okay.
Tammy: I’ve been a part of many a parade in my day, I’m no rookie! We can’t keep making the people wait!
Amy: My god, they’re arguing about parades.
Sarah: Was there any other way you saw this going?
Amy: Not really, no.
Two hours later…
Tammy: Well, I gotta hand it to you, Marietta, that ended up going pretty well.
Kathleen: Turns out she is, in fact, a parade expert.
Amy: Marietta, you don’t look well. Overwhelmed by the excitement?
Marietta: My face is burning, so are my arms.
Amy: Burning like on fire, or burning like you have a skin condition?
Marietta: Do I look like I’m on fire?
Amy: Well, it would fit with the costume.
Marietta: I’m itchy, my skin feels weird.
Patty Lynn: Maybe you’ve had your costume makeup on too long.
Marietta: But we still have to do the trick-or-treat.
Amy: I can fill in!
Marietta: Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?
Amy: Yes, that’s why I offered. I wasn’t hiding anything.
Mitch: We can all fill in. The children might be the only people that the Secret Service ever actually allow to interact with me without being screened first.
Tammy: Maybe not even then!
Mitch: No, they’ll understand.
Marietta: I can do it, I promise!
Patty Lynn: You need to get that off! You’re probably having some sort of allergic reaction to that paint.
Marietta: That never happens to me, I’m fine!
Patty Lynn: Are you sure?
Marietta: Yes, I can’t miss any Halloween festivities!
Patty Lynn: Very well then.
One hour later…
Marietta: Mom…
Patty Lynn: Yes?
Marietta: I don’t feel well.
Martin: Oh my god, Marietta! You’re full of welts!
Marietta: Where?
Martin: Um… (motions to face) there.
Marietta: All over there?
Martin: Yeah.
Patty Lynn: All right, we’re going to get you to the hospital. Amy, Tammy, you guys stay here.
Tammy: Will do! We have this covered!
Sarah: Do I have to go?
Patty Lynn: Anyone who wants to stay can stay. We just need to get her checked out.
Amy: Happy Halloween!
Two days later…
Marietta: Thank you, Tammy.
Tammy: For what? Did I do something?
Marietta: You’ve been very understanding.
Tammy: You’ve had a health setback, how could I not be understanding about that?
Marietta: It’s self-inflicted.
Amy: Look, this is an October surprise we were not hoping for, but it’ll be okay.
Marietta: The doctors say it could take a few weeks for all of this to heal. That’s going to be detrimental to the campaign!
Tammy: The campaign is not my campaign right now. You’re healing from a severe allergic reaction, and we all just want you to get better. Don’t worry about politics.
Marietta: I just need to be on the trail, people need to see me.
Amy: Trust me, Marietta… no one needs to see you like that. People don’t vote for uggos.
Marietta: Uggos? You think I’m ugly?
Amy: The face hives don’t exactly make you look like Miss America.
Henrietta: All right, we’re gonna go. Kate and Ellie are going to campaign with us on your behalf, so the campaign will still be represented.
Amy: You guys don’t have to do that.
Tammy: We’re campaign operatives, it’s literally our job.
Marietta: Thank you, girls.
Tammy: No problem! Now, rest up, apply your ointment, and get better!
Two hours later, Marietta calls Milton.
Milton: What’s going on? Something wrong?
Marietta: I’ve been better.
Milton: I heard about your mishap.
Marietta: Milton, I bought face paint I’m allergic to and now I’m so filled with hives, I can’t even campaign. The debates is in like two weeks, what if I’m not better by then? It’ll ruin my campaign!
Milton: You will be.
Marietta: How can you say that?
Milton: Look, I’m running against a literal moron for Senate, she barely knows how to add two plus two, and she said on the debate state that she doesn’t know how the Senate works. She’s down three points. I think you can recover from having the face hives.
Marietta: But she has the benefit of running in a red state, she can afford to make some of those mistakes.
Milton: Just relax, and get better. Watch some horror movies, Halloween's a few days away. Enjoy the rest, you sure need it.
Marietta: I do.
Milton: This campaign’s a marathon, not a sprint. A few days off will only do you well. Besides, the whole team is stepping in on your behalf, from what I’ve heard.
Marietta: You always know what to say.
Milton: It’s weird, too, because you’re the older one, so you should know what to say.
Marietta: Hey, don’t push it.
Milton: Sorry.
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
