Aimee walks onto the Senate floor.
Gwen: Ah, Aimee! Little late, no?
Aimee: Did I miss my name?
Gwen: You did.
Aimee: So, awkward question here… what is it we’re voting on right now?
Gwen: Just vote yes.
Aimee: Oh, I am not doing that again! I got ridiculed the last time you tricked me into voting one way before I had to change my vote.
Gwen: It was pretty fun for me, though.
Aimee: You test me.
Gwen: I try.
Aimee: What are you doing sitting with the Republicans, anyway?
Gwen: Trying to get votes! I’m very bipartisan like that! Sharon’s just about to vote with us.
Senator Sharon Campbell (R-ME): Don’t listen to her. I’m voting nay, I have concerns about this bill.
Gwen: That means Olivia will be voting with us! Great news!
Aimee: Are you including me in “us?”
Gwen: I mean, you’re practically a Democrat, so yeah.
Aimee: I am not!
Gwen: Your loss.
Sharon: There’s no cooler club than the moderate Republicans club in the Senate!
Gwen: That made me cringe so hard, I had a minor brain bleed.
Sharon: You are so crass.
Gwen: What was crass about that? I’m from New York, trust me, I know crass. I almost got thrown out of the Liberty’s victory parade for cussing too much when I saw the governor.
Sharon: As I said, so crass.
Gwen: Lynette, wanna vote with us?
Lynette: I’m from Wyoming. I have to choose my treason carefully or they could shoot me.
Gwen: Got it! Was worth a try!
Aimee: Again, it’d be nice to know what we’re voting on.
Lynette: It’s the bill to expand regulations on the fossil fuel industry.
Aimee: Oh, I can’t vote for that. They’d have my head.
Gwen: What happened to the impeachment Aimee?
Aimee: That was a little different.
Gwen: Was it?
Aimee: This is going to get vetoed, the House doesn’t have a veto-proof majority for something like this even if you do get all of us on your side.
Gwen: It was worth a try!
Two hours later, in Aimee’s office…
Carolyn: Oh, man! About time!
Aimee: Have you been waiting here?
Carolyn: Sure have been!
Aimee: Does nothing happen in the House anymore?
Alec: Nothing happened in the House when you were there either!
Aimee: That’s true. Surely you can find something to do, though, no?
Alec: I’m on the ethics committee. Do you know how little the ethics committee does?
Aimee: You keep things ethical.
Alec: That’s a freakin’ joke. It’s DC!
Aimee: I’m ethical.
Alec: Yeah, well… you’re a rare breed.
Aimee: Thank you! So, what brings you here?
Carolyn: We’re here to check out the ghosts.
Aimee: Huh?
Carolyn: The ghosts!
Aimee: Are you both high?
Denise: I said the same thing!
Carolyn: Lynette told us about them.
Aimee: Well, there ya go. Since when do we believe Lynette?
Alec: I said the same thing!
Carolyn: She seemed absolutely certain they’re real.
Lynette: They are real!
Aimee: Ahh! How’d you sneak in here so quietly?
Lynette: Maybe I’m a ghost!
Aimee: Halloween has broken your brains. Too many horror movies!
Alec: My life’s a horror movie.
Lynette: Yeah, yeah, we get it, you lost renomination. Boo friggin’ hoo!
Alec: Wait until it happens to you!
Lynette: That’s not going to happen to me, my father is Rick Chaffee.
Alec: You see how that doesn’t help you, right?
Lynette: You’re free to believe that, but I know you’re wrong.
Aimee: So anyway, ghosts! Since when is this place haunted?
Lynette: Since forever!
Aimee: Great answer.
Lynette: I try my best to help!
Carolyn: I never heard that the Senate is haunted before Lynette told me. Granted, most people I talk to are sane enough to know that ghosts aren’t real, but that sort of thing usually gets around regardless.
Lynette: Ghosts are real!
Alec: Senator for Wyoming, she thinks ghosts are real. My god.
Lynette: Forty percent of Americans believe in Ghosts! You know what percent of Americans are registered Republicans? Ten!
Alec: There are lots of dumb people in this country, your point?
Lynette: You think forty percent of Americans are dumb?
Alec: Of course not. A far larger percent is dumb. Most people in general are dumb.
Aimee: Wow, Alec. You’ve become quite the nihilist since you lost renomination!
Alec: I’m not a nihilist, I just generally think people are dumb. A nihilist would think existence is dumb. There’s a difference.
Lynette: You guys really don’t believe in the ghosts?
Carolyn: Why would we? We’re normal!
Denise: Well…
Gwen: Oh, the ghosts are real.
Aimee: How do you people keep appearing?
Gwen: The door was open.
Aimee: Oh god, did the entire Senate hear our argument about the existence of ghosts?
Gwen: No, just me. The rest of them are out to lunch. That raises the question, why are none of you?
Aimee: Why aren’t you?
Gwen: I asked first, also I forgot my wallet in my office.
Aimee: I came here to quietly eat in my office. The rest of them ambushed me.
Lynette: I’m on Ozempic, I’m not hungry.
Carolyn: You’re… what?
Lynette: It is such a shock?
Carolyn: You are… how do I put this delicately? You do not need to lose weight.
Lynette: I could stand to get in better shape.
Carolyn: That’s supposed to be for people who need the help, not just rich idiots who want to get to size zero.
Lynette: You think I could get that low?
Carolyn: You shouldn’t want to.
Alec: Gwen, the ghosts. How could you possibly say they’re real? Also, where are they?
Gwen: There have been some sightings in the halls of the office buildings or in committee hearing rooms, but I’ve personally only seen them in the Senate chambers.
Alec: You’ve personally seen ghosts?
Gwen: Several times!
Alec: Wow, Democrats are different.
Lynette: I’m not a Democrat, but I believe in ghosts!
Alec: You’re just a crazy person.
Gwen: I’ll prove ghosts are real. We’ll go ghost hunting tonight in the Senate chambers. I have plenty of sway, they’ll have no problem letting a few House members on the Senate floor if I’m with them.
Carolyn: That’s very generous of you.
Aimee: You want us to go ghost hunting? On Halloween?
Alec: We should dress as the Ghostbusters.
Aimee: “We” aren’t doing anything! I have to take my kids trick-or-treating! Also, ghosts are not real and you can’t “hunt” them!
Gwen: Come on, Aimee!
Aimee: No!
Gwen: I won’t pester you into voting with the Democrats for a month!
Aimee: Okay, I’ll talk to Dave about taking them trick-or-treating.
Carolyn: Have I been roped into this?
Alec: Come on, it’ll be fun for them to realize they’re completely delusional.
Gwen: That’s what Lynette and I will be saying about the three of you!
Denise: Am I invited or did you all forget I’m here?
Alec: Oh, you’re coming too! We’re all coming!
Denise: I should’ve kept my mouth shut. But, hey, better than spending my Halloween watching SVU with a big bowl of candy.
Aimee: I wish I could spend my Halloween watching SVU with a big bowl of candy.
Four hours later…
Victoria: How was work? You look stressed!
Aimee: Were you waiting at the door for me?
Victoria: I have a boring life.
Aimee: You’re a millionaire. You could be doing anything!
Victoria: But I just love my family so much!
Aimee: Your sister’s across the county, you could go visit her.
Victoria: Two days a week is enough of her, honestly. We’d kill each other if we had to see one another any more than that.
Aimee: Yeah, I get what you mean. You two do clash a lot.
Victoria: Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister. We just have different world views, and that causes some arguments. It’s all right, I’ve made peace with it.
Aimee: Do you know where my husband is?
Victoria: I think he’s outside raking leaves.
Aimee: Now? It’s Halloween.
Victoria: He’s an adult. Do adults care about Halloween?
Aimee: Well, I’ve been roped into some Halloween plans.
Victoria: What about the children?
Aimee: That’s what I need to talk to Dave about.
Victoria: I’ll go get him, you just take a load off. You had a long day.
Aimee: Not really. Sitting in hearings and voting are the easiest parts of the job.
Victoria: DAVE! YOUR WIFE WANTS YOU!
Dave: Coming!
Aimee: Wow, you are loud.
Victoria: I briefly worked as an auctioneer!
Aimee: Every day I learn more about your life that I somehow didn’t previously know.
Victoria: What can I say, I’ve had a colorful life.
Aimee: I don’t think anyone could possibly argue against that.
Dave: Aimee! How was your day?
Aimee: It was a day that I had.
Dave: You ready for trick-or-treat? The kids are so excited! We stopped to get new trick-or-treat bags after school and everything!
Aimee: So… there’s been a change of plans.
Dave: Did they cancel trick-or-treat? Is nothing sacred?
Aimee: No, trick-or-treat’s fine.
Victoria: Thank god, where was I going to get rid of a bag of a thousand Bit-O-Honeys?
Aimee: You bought a bag of Bit-O-Honey to hand out for trick-or-treat? Are you expecting trick-or-treaters from the retirement home?
Dave: I think they prefer Werther’s, no?
Victoria: I think the kids will be grateful for whatever they get.
Aimee: You don’t know kids.
Dave: So what’s the change of plans?
Aimee: Oh, right! I’m not going trick-or-treating.
Dave: What?
Aimee: Yeah, I’ve been roped into Capitol ghost hunting.
Dave: Again, I say, what?
Aimee: It’s a Lynette thing. Apparently the Senate is haunted.
Dave: Ghosts aren’t real.
Aimee: That’s what I said, but they’re trying to convince me. Gwen’s promised not to harass me about voting with the Democrats for a whole month if I agree to go.
Dave: You have to go. The kids will get over it.
Later that night, at the Senate…
Carolyn: Aimee, what the heck are wearing?
Aimee: You guys said to wear costumes! I’m a senator, I’m a mother, I don’t have a costume!
Carolyn: So you wore… whatever you found on the floor?
Aimee: I’m Caitlin Clark! Jersey, shorts, sneakers, I’ve got my hair in a ponytail. Perfect costume.
Gwen: You’re a US Senator, I should never have to see your full arms and your knees. Have a bit of self-respect.
Carolyn: It’s October! Aren’t you freezing?
Aimee: What are any of you wearing? I don’t see any genius costumes from any of you!
Gwen: I’m Mrs. Lovett! I played her on Broadway in a Tony-nominated performance!
Alec: That’s odd, you don’t look anything like Jon Lovitz.
Gwen: Is that supposed to be a joke?
Alec: I thought it was funny.
Gwen: It wasn’t, Mr. Ghostbuster.
Carolyn: I’m a burglar, because we sorta broke in here.
Aimee: How is that any worse than my costume? You just have a hat and some black clothing on!
Carolyn: But I’m not going to get hypothermia from my costume.
Aimee: I have a jacket!
Carolyn: Really? Where?
Aimee: I might have dropped it, I don’t know where.
Lynette: Well I am dressed as everyone’s favorite lovable alien, ET.
Carolyn: Wow, I didn’t even notice you were in a costume!
Lynette: Sticks and stones, sticks and stones!
Aimee: How does one put an ET costume together on such short notice?
Lynette: I don’t play about Halloween.
Gwen: And what are you supposed to be, Denise?
Denise: Serena Williams. Couldn’t you tell?
Gwen: I find’t know if you just brought the tennis racket with as a weapon to fight off the ghosts or what.
Denise: Ghosts aren’t real.
Gwen: They are!
Denise: Even if they were, I don’t think a tennis racket’s going to be of much use against a ghost.
Aimee: We’ve been here five minutes, does the haunting start?
Gwen: We just have to wait for the ghosts to come to us. It’ll happen naturally. Just walk around the room, keep chatting, go about your business. They’ll come. I brought an EVP recorder and an EMF detector just like they use on all the ghost shows, too!
Aimee: That is fantastic, Gwen. Glad we’re running a professional operation here!
Gwen: I detect sarcasm, and I don’t appreciate it.
Denise: You guys don’t actually believe in this, right? This is just a fun thing to do for Halloween?
Gwen: I believe it wholeheartedly, because I saw the ghost with my very eyes.
Denise: Oh no, you’re serious.
Gwen: Of course I’m serious!
Meanwhile, back in Washington…
Kimmy: No one is coming for candy.
Cherie: Give them time, it just started.
Kimmy: We bought way too much candy for no one to come!
Ernesto: I think I can finish it if no one comes. I believe I’m up to the task.
Cherie: Oh no you are not!
Ernesto: You never let me have fun!
Manuela: Why do you let her push you around?
Cherie: Because he knows no one else would put up with him.
Kimmy: This is the love I one day aspire to find.
Cherie: Ah, look, there’s a kid coming.
Ernesto: He’s walking the other way.
Kimmy: Hey, kid, free candy! Come get it!
The child runs off crying.
Kimmy: No, don’t run! I didn’t mean to scare you!
Cherie: Oh, Kimmy, you can’t say that. They’re going to think you’re a kidnapper.
One hour later…
Aimee: Did you guys just see that?
Carolyn: See what?
Aimee: There was a shadow across the room.
Carolyn: Then I’d guess it was a shadow.
Aimee: Of what? No one’s over there.
Carolyn: This is the power of suggesting.
Mysterious voice: Get out!
Aimee: What the hell is that?
Carolyn: Okay, I don’t love that.
Alec: You’re buying this?
Lynette: Oh look at Dr. Scully over there, still not believing what’s right in front of your eyes!
Mysterious voice: You’re all going to hell!
Gwen: It’s never talked before.
Aimee: The shadowy figure is back!
The lights flicker off.
Alec: Okay, I’m scared.
Gwen: The EMF detector is going wild, too!
Carolyn: I am willing to admit that my prior beliefs are wrong and that ghosts are real if you just let us leave.
Gwen: Let you? I wanna get the hell out of here, too!
Aimee: Hey, I’m wearing shorts and no sleeves!
Carolyn: That’s a you problem, Caitlin Clark!
Denise: I didn’t sign up for this. This is not how I’m going out.
Aimee: To be fair, you didn’t sign up for any of this, you were dragged into it.
Carolyn: We don’t need to get into semantics right now, the clearly-real ghost is trying to kill us.
Gwen: I never realized it was violent before!
Mysterious voice: Die, mortals!
Aimee: Hail, Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee -
Alec: No praying, Aimee! Time for running!
Aimee: I can’t go outside, I’ll freeze!
Alec: The ghost is going to kill us!
Carolyn: We’re so sorry for ever doubting you exist! We’ll leave you be!
Alec: And I’m sorry for the costume, I know it’s an insult to your culture.
Mysterious voice: Aww, dang it!
Aimee: Dang it?
Mysterious voice: Get out!
Aimee walks over to the shadowy figure.
Aimee: This is not a ghost, this is a person. Perhaps an Oklahoman senator?
Mysterious voice: Leave or die!
Aimee: Geraldine…
Mysterious voice: I’m not her!
Gwen: Gerry, give it up. You’re exposed.
Geraldine: I tried!
Aimee: I should’ve known! This place was never haunted, was it?
Gwen: I did see a spirit once, all of the reports are based in reality. It’s just not something you always see, and I wanted you to feel the ghostly energy on Halloween,.
Aimee: Were you all in on it?
Carolyn: I damn near peed my pants!
Lynette: I’m still coming to terms with it being fake. I’m very upset.
Alec: I never bought it.
Lynette: Oh, like hell. You didn’t!
Alec: Hell, that’s where these two are going.
Geraldine: It was her idea!
Gwen: You were quick to go along with it!
Geraldine: How else was I going to celebrate Halloween? A woman can only eat so much candy.
Gwen: I always told you I was more bipartisan than I seemed! Look how I reached across the aisle to put this together!
Aimee: Altering your voice was a nice touch, I’ll give you that. The costume could use some work.
Geraldine: This was on short notice, I can do better.
Aimee: I’m not giving you that chance.
Later that night…
Cherie: so, honey, how was your Halloween?
Aimee: Spooky, scary, a bit fun.
Cherie: Trick-or-treat was spooky?
Aimee: Oh, I didn’t go trick-or-treating. I went ghost hunting, and I got pranked.
Cherie: Oh!
Aimee: You wanna know what happened, or nah?
Cherie: I’m good, it’s been a long day.
Aimee: That happened over there? You run out of candy and get egged?
Cherie: Kimmy almost got arrested because some kids thought she was attempting to kidnap them.
Aimee: Happy Halloween, mom.
Cherie: Happy Halloween, Aimee.
What did you think of the season premiere of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
