Aimee walks into Greg’s office.
Greg: Good to see you, Aimee.
Aimee: Always good to see you, Greg.
Greg: Senator, I just wanted to thank you for the work you’ve done as conference chair.
Aimee: Am I being ousted? I know I’m out of touch with the base, but I’m a workhorse.
Geraldine: No, I’d never let him do that.
Greg: Yes, Geraldine is quite fond of you, and as the second-in-command, she’s got enough power to make sure you never get ousted.
Aimee: That’s not really the resounding show of confidence one hopes to get rom their boss, Greg.
Greg: I like you quite a bit! I just know that the president… does not.
Aimee: He’ll be gone in a few years. Will I also be gone? Almost certainly. But he’s already a lame duck. You can feel free to ignore him!
Greg: He was just re-elected less than a week ago. He has a mandate from the people.
Aimee: I don’t look at it quite the same way. He did lose the popular vote by three points… again.
Geraldine: This meeting is not about President Delphy, let’s just move on from discussing him.
Aimee: Sounds good to me, I think I was beginning to bury myself into a hole.
Greg: Beginning?
Aimee: so why was I called here, if not to relieve me of my duties as Republican conference chair?
Greg: We want you to be a mentor for one of our least-senior senators.
Aimee: I’m not exactly a senior member, even if I am in leadership. You sure you want me in charge of that? I guess if it’s Alec, that does make sense. We are great friends.
Greg: No, it’s not Alec. He’s fit in swimmingly, no doubt due to his friendship with you and Lynette.
Aimee: I don’t know if he’d say he’s “friends” with Lynette.
Greg: Well, regardless, you’ve both helped him fit in swimmingly. And now he’s been re-elected, and we’re just thrilled.
Geraldine: Yes, we truly can not afford to lose a single Republican seat in this chamber. It is so bleak. We’re going to get completely dog-walked next year.
Greg: The people could still be supportive of the president next year!
Geraldine: Come on, Greg. We all know damn well that the President was only re-elected because the Democrats nominated a notorious Hollywood liberal. She wasn’t relatable and voters didn’t feel she was qualified.
Greg: Aimee felt she was!
Aimee: I would like to be left out of this conversation if at all possible.
Greg: No, we’re done. Enough worry about elections. We have the senators we have now, and we need you to advise one of the more junior members. That’s why you’re here, I apologize for straying from that. I know you’re very busy.
Aimee: Eh…
Greg: Anyhow, Senator Chronopoulos from Mississippi is just not fitting in. She said she still doesn’t feel like she belongs in the clique that is the Republican conference. We want to change that.
Aimee: How can I help with that?
Greg: Jus take her feel welcome. You know, she’s still new to DC.
Aimee: Can I be honest?
Geraldine: Oh boy, I don’t like when you say it like that.
Aimee: She’s an odd lady.
Greg: We know.
Aimee: How did she wind up here? She has practically no charisma, she’s nearly a mute. I’ve worked with her for almost a year and know nothing about her!
Greg: Her husband’s a fantastic fundraiser for the Mississippi Republican Party, and that secured a quick endorsement from the governor.
Aimee: Ah, to have a state party strong enough to single-handedly install you as senator. My state Republican Party has no power, but that’s fine, because they censure me every other week anyway.
Geraldine: Well, she almost lost. It was a bad year.
Greg: And in fairness to her, she’s not just some rich guy’s wife. She was the state treasurer and a state supreme court justice. Now, those are jobs she got from just being a rich guy’s wife.
Geraldine: I didn’t even know there were any billionaires in Mississippi.
Greg: He’s just a millionaire.
Aimee: Just?
Greg: Aimee, you’ve surely made a million dollars. Do you not have a book deal?
Aimee: You guys have been in office too long.
Greg: And Persephone hasn’t been in office long enough and feels like an outsider! Please help her!
Geraldine: Just try and connect with her, befriend her. Mentor her!
Aimee: How do I mentor a fifty year old woman? She’s older than me, would that not feel awkward for her? It would feel awkward for me.
Geraldine: You befriended Gwen Gardenia and allowed her to mentor you! You’re good at making connections with odd people.
Aimee: Okay. That felt mean-spirited.
Geraldine: In fairness, so does Gwen Gardenia.
Aimee: I just don’t know how I even begin to go about befriending her. I don’t know the woman at all!
Geraldine: Just get her some tzatziki and some gyros and you’ll become fast friends!
Aimee: That’s a bit stereotypical, no?
Geraldine: I’m sorry, we don’t really have Greeks in Oklahoma.
Greg: Aimee, we called you in here because you have a stellar ability to connect with people.
Aimee: Now you’re buttering me up!
Greg: It’s the truth.
Aimee: Unfortunately for you, I don’t have an ego large enough for that to work on me!
Greg: Every senator does. If you don’t have a big ego, you’d never run in the first place.
Aimee: Okay, maybe he’s not buttering me up.
Greg: I’m a teller of many truths.
Aimee: I’ll do it, okay? This meeting clearly won’t end until I agree, so might as well give in now. I do have to get home eventually, it’s getting late.
Geraldine: That’s usually how we get concessions from the Democrats! Just lock them in a room for a while, they’ll cave so they can go home and see their kids.
Aimee: Well, you know, today is a travel day. I’ve got plane tickets, can’t be late!
Greg: So when we get back in session on Monday -
Aimee: Yes, I’ll try and cozy up with Persephone Chronopoulos, noted Senate weirdo.
Geraldine: In don’t think you need to call her that.
Aimee: What’s the nice way of saying the same thing?
Geraldine: She’s our most peculiar colleague.
Greg: Are we forgetting that the senior senator from Vermont is a witch?
Aimee: This is DC. I’ve seen stranger.
The next day…
Cherie: So, Aimee, anything interesting happening at work?
Aimee: The Democrats have a sort of supermajority, so… not really.
Ernesto: We all know a Democrat supermajority only happens in theory. They still need your support. They need to woo you.
Aimee: There hasn’t been much wooing to do. They’re sort of demoralized after blowing the presidential race.
Cherie: After what that man said about you, I voted for a Democrat for the first time ever. Imagine my horror when said Democrat turned out to be a loser!
Ernesto: There were signs.
Kimmy: I don’t want to talk about it yet!
Victoria: It was stolen. We all know it.
Aimee: It was not stolen.
Victoria: It was stolen.
Aimee: Dave, would you mind expl -
Dave: I actually have to run to the… gas station.
Aimee: Excuse me?
Dave: Yeah, the car needs gas.
Cherie: You’ve just noticed now?
Dave: I just remembered now.
Aimee: Come on, she’s not that scary.
Dave: She is when she’s defending her beloved Democratic Party!
Victoria: Russia stole it!
Cherie: My god, get a grip.
Kimmy: If it makes you guys feel any better, she did at least win Washington. We voted for the person who won our state.
Victoria: And the whole election!
Ernesto: Moving away from election denialism… Aimee, anything else going on? Because there’s nothing happening here.
Cherie: That’s not true! I took a lovely trip to the farmer’s market today.
Kimmy: And I took grandma to the doctor yesterday!
Manuela: Just in case you were concerned: no, nothing I wrong with em. I’m getting breast implants.
Aimee: The concerning thing is I don’t know if that’s true or not.
Ernesto: She fainted three few days ago and we just wanted to make sure everything was all right.
Dave: You waited days for that?
Ernesto: It took that long to convince her to go.
Manuela: I’m a stubborn woman who knows best.
Aimee: Well, Greg and Gerry are forcing me to make a new friend.
Cherie: Excuse me?
Aimee: There’s a freshman senator that’s not fitting in. They want me to help her get more comfortable in the senate, and I apparently have the perfect personality to do it.
Kimmy: So you’re Galinda and Elphaba?
Aimee: In a way, I guess.
Manuela: Was that in English?
Cherie: You say that as if you don’t talk in Spanish sometimes just to “discretely” insult me.
Manuela: Perra!
Cherie: I know what that means!
Manuela: Stop being one and I won’t call you one!
Dave: What does it mean?
Aimee: You don’t need to know.
Ernesto: So who’s this new friend?
Aimee: Persephone Chronopoulos.
Ernesto: Bless you.
Aimee: No, that’s her name.
Dave: That sounds like a spell in Harry Potter.
Kimmy: It sounds like what that bigot JK Rowling would name a Greek student at Hogwarts.
Aimee: She is Greek. That’s the only thing I really know about her. She’s very shy, reserved… unlike any other senator I’ve ever met.
Kimmy: Sounds nice.
Aimee: She’s just hard to connect with. She doesn’t give you anything to really connect with her on. I don’t know her interests, her family… I didn’t even know her previous job before yesterday! She’s just a blank slate. Pleasant enough, but we don’t really connect on anything. We’re cordial, but there’s never been nothing deeper there. I know more about every other colleague in the Senate, including every Democrat.
Cherie: Sounds to me like you’ve got a good challenge ahead of you.
Aimee: I was hoping I’d get challenges relating to working on bills or getting committee assignments, not relating to befriending other colleagues. Those are the challenges befitting of a senator.
Victoria: Aimee, don’t be a snob.
Kimmy: Remember, Senator Chronopoulos is a Republican.
Victoria: Ah, then screw her.
Ernesto: She’s feeling quite emboldened by the Democratic victory in the Virginia governor race.
Victoria: We won many other races, the media just won’t admit it!
Monday, in Aimee’s office…
Denise: Aimee, you’re in a hurry.
Aimee: I’m off to make a friend.
Denise: Excuse me? Are we in kindergarten?
Aimee: No, kindergarteners are more mature than senators.
Denise: That is true.
Aimee: It’s my assignment from Greg and Gerry. I’m going to be a mentor to Persephone Chronopoulos.
Denise: Do you even know her?
Aimee: Not in the slightest. But I didn’t know Gwen when she offered to mentor me, and that’s turned into a great friendship. So I’ll just replicate that!
Denise: We’ll see how that goes.
Aimee: We will indeed!
In Persephone’s office…
Persephone: Senator Donahue!
Aimee: Ferrera Donahue, but you don’t need to call me that. It’s just Aimee.
Persephone: It’s very surprising to see you here, I didn’t know you had a bill you were trying to get cosponsors for.
Aimee: I don’t, actually. We have a lot of downtime right now, since we’re in a sort of post-election lull. I wanted to use this time to get to know you. You’ve been here a year and I feel I haven’t reached out near enough. I actually wanted to offer to sort of mentor you. Be your guide around DC. I know you’re not a DC insider, let alone a senate insider. I wasn’t either when I got here a decade ago. My friend Carolyn helped show me the ropes. I don’t; know if you have a Carolyn.
Persephone: I don’t. I’ve been sort of, you know, trying to find my own way. I admire you a lot, I’d appreciate you showing me the ropes.
Aimee: Let’s just get to know each other! Tell me about yourself!
Persephone: No one in the Senate has ever asked me that before.
Aimee: It’s a very self-centered group of individuals.
Persephone: I’ve come to realize that.
Three days later…
Lynette: So who’s this new senator you’ve been hanging out with? You dumping us?
Carolyn: She would never dump us. She knows where home is.
Aimee: It’s Persephone Chronopoulos. She’s the senator from Mississippi.
Carolyn: Not familiar with her.
Alec: No one is. She’s a loner.
Aimee: She’s a nice person. Not the most interesting, but that’s not unusual for a senator. We all think we’re more interesting than we actually are.
Lynette: I reject that premise.
Denise: Aimee, y-
Aimee: One minute, Denise.
Denise: Okay…
Aimee: Really, though, this friendship was started by Greg and Gerry. They asked me to do this to help her fit in a bit better. She’s sort of my latest project. Makes sense, not like I have any other responsibilities in a Senate this lopsided.
Gwen: To be clear, our friendship was not something Kate asked me to do. But it would’ve been genius if she did.
Carolyn: This feels a bit mean.
Lynette: How so?
Carolyn: It’s like a kid whose parents paid another kid to befriend them. It’s not natural, it’s not real. I feel bad for the Greek lady whose name I can’t pronounce.
Persephone: You don’t need to pity me. I’m a grown woman.
Alec: This is why we should lock doors.
Gwen: Thank god I’m already drinking wine. It helps really complete the Real Housewives fantasy here.
Aimee: Persephone, I -
Persephone: No. You’re not my friend, you’re not my mentor. I’m just a project.
Aimee: I didn’t mean it like that.
Persephone: You don’t like me. I’m not interesting, I’m just sad. I should’ve known something was up when someone else in this god-forsaken chamber actually showed some interest in befriending me.
Aimee: You’re a very nice person. Worthy of friendship. I hope to regain your trust -
Persephone: I know I keep to myself, I’m a loner, I’m a solitary creature. I’m a Republican who won in Mississippi by one point. I already felt like a loser. No one from leadership bothered to even call to congratulate me when I won, because it was expected of me. Before I was elected, I heard rumblings that leaders in the party were unimpressed with me. The election result confirmed why. That’s why I keep to myself.
Carolyn: Bit moody for a senator, no?
Lynette: Shut the hell up, Carolyn!
Alec: At least she made it to the senate. Your political career will die in the House.
Carolyn: As if you’d have gotten to the Senate naturally. You got lucky.
Alec: I won a special election as a Republican in Illinois!
Carolyn: And we’ll never hear the end of it!
Aimee: I never gave you a chance. I’m sorry for that. I don’t really feel like I fit in either.
Persephone: You’re a unicorn.You won in a blue state and manage to be incredibly popular regardless. You became a party leader two years into your first term!
Aimee: It’s been a bumpy road to get here. The President hates me, my state party censures me, even my friends question my political loyalty. I am a unicorn, and that makes me stand out. That can be a lonely feeling. I’m sorry no one made you feel welcome, I know the feeling. Will you allow me to rectify my mistakes by really mentoring you? I didn’t know why you kept to yourself so much. It’s something I can relate to. And in time, I hope that I can help you open up more. This really is a great place to work.
Alec: Eh…
Aimee: I want you to enjoy the time you’ve got here. It could all end in an instant for any of us. We’re at the mercy of thousands or millions of voters back home. We leave when they say we leave.
Persephone: I appreciate the honesty. It’s the most honest anyone’s been with me since I was elected. If you really want to help mentor me, and this isn’t all just some sort of scheme from Greg Sherwood, I’d be happy to take advice from you. You seem so popular here, it’s hard to believe you ever felt like me.
Aimee: Try voting to impeach your own party’s president. That alienates people quickly.
Lynette: I can attest to that.
Persephone: Why did you do that?
Aimee: I think if you were here then, you’d understand.
Persephone: I don’t know…
Aimee: Let’s just let that be water under the bridge and let this be the start of a beautiful friendship.
What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!
