Marietta is eating breakfast with the TV on.
Announcer: And when we return, an update on the quickly-approaching Hurricane Nadine, which meteorologists say is now expected to make landfall in New Orleans early next week.
Marietta: Excuse me?
Five minutes later…
Roger Cartwright (meteorologist): So, you can see here, Hurricane Nadine was originally predicted to move out east towards Florida. It is now expected to travel north, hitting large swaths of Louisiana. New Orleans is currently expected to be the major city most impacted, and it’s believed that it could be as strong as a category four hurricane when it reaches the city, the most dangerous storm to hit the region in twenty years.
Marietta: That is not good.
Roger: We’re currently expecting landfall on Monday in Terrebonne Parish. Then, it’ll travel east through New Orleans towards Mississippi and continuing weakening until it dissipates. It's unlikely to cause any trouble to Alabama, Florida or Georgia, aside from rainy conditions. The main concern really is southeastern Louisiana and southern Mississippi. This is a dangerous hurricane, it is to be taken incredibly seriously. All residents should be prepared to evacuate or take higher ground.
A bit later, at the mayor’s office…
Marietta: Everyone, we have work to do.
Tammy: Wow, haven’t heard that in a while.
Marietta: This hurricane is coming towards us, we have to prepare the city.
Amy: Hurricane?
Tammy: Do you not pay attention to the world around you? Are you not our press secretary?
Amy: Look, I can’t keep track of every hurricane.
Tammy: You act like one hits every day.
Amy: They’re frequent enough.
Marietta: We haven’t had one in years! That’s why we have to start preparing now - we’re rusty!
Tammy: I’m not built for hurricanes. I’m a northeastern gal.
Henrietta: Hurricanes don’t discriminate. They come for all.
Tammy: Yeah, but you’re more likely to die when you’re not used to living through them. So I think I ought to go.
Marietta: No! No one is going anywhere. Think of the horrible PR if a member of the mayor’s team fled the city days before a hurricane, when we haven’t even begun preparing for this thing.
Tammy: Fine, I’ll stay and risk my life if it means that much to you.
Marietta: It does, thank you.
Tammy: You’re a real ass. There’s no need to rub it in.
Marietta: But I enjoy it!
Amy: So how are we going to plan for this hurricane?
Marietta: Obviously, we have the emergency plans in place. We’ll have to tweak them to the current situation, but we’re pretty set there.
Tammy: I have another solution: have we considered asking it nicely not to come?
Marietta: Be serious! People are going to die.
Tammy: I think that’s a bit overdramatic, don’t you?
Henrietta: Not really. You just mentioned the risk of death yourself.
Tammy: Yes, but now I know I have to stay, so I’m trying to gaslight myself into believing it’s safe to do so.
Marietta: If we take the right safety measures, it will be perfectly safe. We have a few days to prepare.
Amy: Are we going to get in contact with the federal government?
Marietta: I really… you know… I’d rather not.
Tammy: We can’t be petty. This is about protecting the city.
Marietta: But I hate the president.
Amy: We all do.
Henrietta: You know, there is a certain someone that’s highly-ranked in this government and they’ve got very close ties to the city.
Marietta: Not her. I hate her even more than I hate the president!
Henrietta: Come on, Vice President Ducovney is far more likely to advocate for federal funding for hurricane preparation than anyone else in that administration. Just remind her that her vacation home is in the path, and it’s in her best interest to help us prepare and limit damage.
Marietta: But I hate her!
Tammy: Give me the phone. I’ll call her.
Marietta: No, that would just set her off. It has to be me. Pray for me.
Amy: You’re calling a nasty lady, not going of to war. You’ll be fine.
Marietta: Do I have to do it now?
Amy: We have three days to prepare. Probably best to get it done now.
Marietta: Tammy, are you still up for making the call?
Amy: Oh my god, just call her!
Marietta: She might not take my call.
Amy: As if she’d ever refuse an opportunity to harass you.
Marietta: Wish me luck.
Amy: Just bite the damn bullet already!
Marietta: I am! Stop rushing me!
Marietta walks into her office, closes the door, and calls Dede.
Dede: Mayor Landfield, to what do I owe the displeasure of speaking with you? Please do remember we are very busy planning an inauguration.
Marietta: Yeah, I know, you do so much. So much, in fact, that you’ve been relegated to party planner.
Dede: Don’t taunt me. I’m your vice president.
Marietta: Oh, I’m so scared.
Dede: So what are you calling for?
Marietta: I apologize for all the taunting.
Dede: Oh, you want something!
Marietta: Dede, our city is in the path of a hurricane. I need the federal government to free up funding to help us prepare or it. I know how much the city means to you.
Dede: Are you trying to emotionally manipulate me?
Marietta: I’m trying to get assistance from my federal government to help keep my city safe. I’m just appealing to your better angels to get what I need for my constituents.
Dede: Not every mayor can just call up the vice president, you know?
Marietta: We’re a major city. This could be a humanitarian crisis. I’m preparing to declare a state of emergency. I need the president to make a similar declaration so we can access funding.
Dede: New Orleans is a city that owns my heart. It’s my second home. That being said, I can’t be accused of giving it preferential treatment because I happen to have a house there.
Marietta: What are you saying?
Dede: I’m not going to ask the president to give your city special treatment. You can wait until after the hurricane like everyone else.
Marietta: You are a spiteful, sad woman.
Dede: You’re the one lashing out.
Marietta: People will die!
Dede: We need to be fiscally responsible.
Marietta: Screw you.
Marietta hangs up and walks out of her office.
Amy: So…
Marietta: I was kind, I was respectful, I was still rebuffed.
Tammy: I knew I should’ve done it!
Marietta: This was about the heartless person on the other end of the phone, not about me. We will prepare for this hurricane without the help of the federal government, apparently. And that’s fine. We’re strong here.
Tammy: We’re all gonna die.
Later that day…
Amy: You ready to go?
Marietta: Yeah, now’s as good a time as any.
Tammy: Is this the right thing to do?
Amy: We’re trying to save lives. The hurricane is coming, it’s going to be bad.
Tammy: Ordering an evacuation is so extreme.
Amy: It’s the least we can do to protect everyone.
Marietta: Well, I’m off.
Marietta steps up to the podium.
Marietta: My fellow New Orleanians. This is a troubling time for our beloved city. As you are likely aware, Hurricane Nadine is on a direct path with our city. This is not our first time facing a hurricane, but it’s been many years since a storm this strong has come our way. As such, I am immediately declaring a state of emergency in Orleans Parish, and I am ordering the evacuation of all residents by Sunday evening. This is a dangerous category four hurricane that poses significant risk to life and to our levee system, and it will arrive by Monday morning. The city government has consulted with the National Weather Service to craft our response to this impending threat, and we all came to the agreement that this is a necessary step in order to reduce civilian deaths and bodily harm. As the departure of nearly hundreds of thousands of city residents will certainly cause traffic delays, we have posted multiple alternative escape routes to the city website. Please take the threat posed by Hurricane Nadine and this order seriously. First respondents will not come to help you once this hurricane begins I you ignore the evacuation order. You will be on your own in the face of a category four hurricane. Don’t gamble with your own lives.
At Patty Lynn’s…
Kathleen: Pat, you can’t take all of your old junk with you. There’s a hurricane coming!
Patty Lynn: I can’t leave my memories behind!
Kathleen: Pack a suitcase with stuff. Whatever fits in it can come, whatever doesn’t has to stay behind.
Patty Lynn: This is all I have left of Martin.
Kathleen: Would he want you to risk getting let behind in a hurricane because you were more concerned with hoarding old junk?
Patty Lynn: Oh my god, I just remembered Sarah!
Kathleen: Just now?
Patty Lynn: How are we going to get her at Tulane?
Kathleen: She has her own car.
Patty Lynn: And Moira!
Kathleen: Everyone is going to be fine. We have two days. It’s not coming right now.
Patty Lynn: And yet, you’re ordering me to rush and leave my things behind so we can leave immediately.
Kathleen: I’m saying we have time to call them and make sure they’re safe. You don’t have to panic yet. But do pack, we have to go.
Marietta: Anyone here?
Patty Lynn: Of course, dear!
Marietta: I didn’t know if you left already. You are very… paranoid? Is that the right way to say it?
Patty Lynn: If being concerned about safety is paranoid, then paranoid I am.
Kathleen: Marietta, are you evacuating?
Marietta: We’re staying behind until the very last minute. We have to try and make sure everyone has headed my message before we leave.
Patty Lynn: You need to just leave with us. You can lead from the safety of… wherever it is that we’re going.
Marietta: I have to stay. I just wanted to wish you both luck on the way out, and if anything happens, tell you I love you. This is a scary situation.
Patty Lynn: So leave with us!
Marietta: I owe it to the city to stay for a few more days and lead on the ground. I’ll evacuate as soon as I can.
Patty Lynn: What if it’s too late? I can’t lose my baby girl!
Marietta: I’ll be just fine. Now, get on the road. The traffic’s already awful.
Kathleen: I wonder whose fault that is… couldn’t have given us an advance warning?
Marietta: I’d be impacted for that.
Kathleen: By the city council of the city that’s about to be wiped off the map?
Marietta: You guys are acting like it’s your first hurricane! It’ll be fine!
Kathleen: Then why are you making us leave?
Marietta: Why did I come here?
Patty Lynn: Because you know you could die!
Marietta: But I probably won’t.
Patty Lynn: Not reassuring!
Three days later…
Milton: Are you still in the city?
Marietta: I sort off got stuck here, yes. It’s quite rainy.
Milton: You did hear that the hurricane’s gone off the path, right? It’s not hitting New Orlenas anymore.
Marietta: Excuse me?
Milton: Yeah, they updated it in the middle of the night. Apparently it’s incredibly rare for it to just violently switch course like that.
Marietta: I made everyone leave the city for a hurricane that didn’t even hit the city?
Milton: Better safe than sorry, no?
Marietta: I am so embarrassed.
Milton: You listened to all the experts! We were all convinced it was coming for New Orleans.
Marietta: I took extreme measures and now look like the Girl Who Cried Wolf.
Milton: you tried to keep your city safe. No one can hold that against you.
Marietta: How about all those people that left their homes because I told them to? I completely disturbed their lives. And right before Thanksgiving!
Milton: You tried. It’s all you can do.
Marietta: That does not comfort me.
Milton: I don’t know what else to say?
Marietta: Some say us Democrats can control the weather. Maybe ask Kate to send it back our way just a little bit so I don’t look so foolish?
Milton: So you want it to hit?
Marietta: I want to not look like a complete fool.
Milton: It rained a bit at least. Maybe everyone will come home and see the ground is wet and figure that something had to have happened.
Marietta: I’ll begin drafting my apology.
Milton: Probably a good move.
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
