Marietta is on the phone with Tammy.
Marietta: I’ve decided to run for President.
Tammy: Ha! Good one! What did you want to tell me?
Marietta: Tammy, I’m serious.
Tammy: Are you sure?
Marietta: Am I sure I’m running for President? Yes, I’m sure!
Tammy: That’s a bit of a shock, Marietta.
Marietta: Yeah, uh, I can tell.
Tammy: Where did this come from? You’ve never expressed any desire to run before. In fact, you’ve always laughed at the mere idea of it!
Marietta: The last few days have been crazy, and it’s made me reconsider a lot.
Tammy: So you’ve only started considering it in the last few days?
Marietta: Yeah, why?
Tammy: Just think about it, okay? Don’t rush into a presidential campaign, give it some real, constructive thought.
Marietta: Well, when I say I’m “running,” I mean I’m opening up an exploratory committee. I want to see if I have any sort of viable path to the nomination and give myself a fee more months to really think it through first.
Tammy: Ah, good. Just about the last thing we need is for you to run for president, get all the negative attention that goes with it, and then drop out once you realize you don’t want to win.
Marietta: If I go through with it, it’s only because I’m sure it’s what I really want. I’m not going to fool around.
Tammy: Good. Also, I can’t manage this campaign, you’re going to have to find someone else. I’m perfectly content being a mayoral chief of staff, that’s the stress level I can handle at this point.
Marietta: Oh, don’t worry, I wasn’t gonna make you do that.
Tammy: What do you mean?
Marietta: Tammy, I know you. I know damn well that being a presidential campaign manager is not a thing you’d like.
Tammy: Well, you could have at least asked me first!
Marietta: You just said you didn’t want to do it!
Tammy: Yeah, but only after you’d already made up your mind about not hiring me!
Marietta: Because of my correct assumption!
Tammy: You know waist they say about assuming…
Marietta: This is the dumbest thing to fight over.
Tammy: I agree, let’s drop it. So, who else knows?
Marietta: Just you and maybe Sarah if her earbuds aren’t on loud enough.
Tammy: When are you gonna tell… you know who?
Marietta: That’s gonna take time. For now, I want a meeting of the core four, we’re gonna do some much-needed strategizing.
Tammy: I don’t think Kate and Ellie can fl-
Marietta: I meant Amy and Henrietta.
Tammy: Oh! I’ll call them.
Marietta: You wanna do it now?
Tammy: I’m excited, I want to hear everyone’s thoughts on this. Let’s get the ball rolling.
Marietta: You were just asking if I was really sure about doing this and basically warned me not to and now you’re excited about it?
Tammy: I’m mostly just excited to hear everyone’s opinions on it. I’m also excited for you, though! It was a shock at first, and I had doubts since you never mentioned it before, but as we talked, it’s clear this is something you’ve put thought into and want to do.
Marietta: I’m glad you’re excited. Even though neither of us want you to manage the campaign, I need you to have a role in it. These past six years… I couldn’t have done it without you.
Tammy: I’ll be right by your side every step of the way. As long as it’s not too physically demanding, I’m very old.
Marietta: That’s the spirit!
Later that day…
Amy: You want to do WHAT?
Marietta: Is it that insane?
Amy: Marietta, you only won re-election against some unqualified rich guy because said rich guy had an addiction to hookers. I don’t know if this is the best idea.
Henrietta: Oh, come on, let her have fun!
Marietta: Fun? I’m not running for fun.
Henrietta: You’re not?
Marietta: No! I want to be President of the United States!
Henrietta: It seems significantly less fun when you actually have a desire to win.
Marietta: It’s not about fun. I want to be a part of change in this country.
Amy: Do you really think you can win?
Marietta: I think I’ve been getting a lot of good press, and I have almost thirty years of experience in Congress. I’m not just some mayor who gets national press and thinks she can be a big shot, I’m the real deal. I’ve won in a red state, I’ve won in a blue city, I can appeal to a winning coalition.
Amy: Not in Louisiana, but…
Marietta: I don’t need Louisiana to take the White House.
Amy: Good, because you didn’t take it the last time.
Tammy: I don’t think the negativity is needed.
Marietta: You know, there were rumors of me running in 2008. They said I had the “It Factor.”
Amy: I just worry about the negative attention. Do we not remember the scandal from the last run?
Tammy: Wait a minute, is THAT why you don’t want me to be your campaign manager?
Marietta: No! I just think a presidential campaign requires a campaign manager who’ll give it their undivided attention, and you have a lot of other things to worry about.
Henrietta: So, who’s gonna be your campaign manager?
Marietta: I’m meeting with a woman who has managed a few Democratic campaigns in the past, she’s the real deal.
Amy: I’m flattered, but -
Marietta: Karen Callahan is her name.
Amy: Never heard of her.
Tammy: Ooh, she’s good!
Amy: Well, I still worry about past scandals being dragged up. What if they go after your divorce?
Marietta: It was amicable!
Amy: It doesn’t matter! There’s a significant portion of the population uncomfortable with divorce, especially when it wasn’t because you were cheated on. Not to mention, you haven’t had any romantic partners since then.
Marietta: I don’t need to be a victim to end my marriage, and anyone upset with that fact is someone I don’t need backing me. Nor do I need to go into the dating pool again. I’m very busy with my career, it’s hard to have it all.
Amy: If you don’t mind the controversies that might arise, then I’m all for it. You are qualified, you care about the country, and you’d get us all great jobs.
Henrietta: Could I be, like, Ambassador to Belize?
Marietta: I’m not sure I could justify that?
Henrietta: Oh, come on, it’s Belize! I’m not aiming high!
Marietta: You can be a presidential adviser.
Henrietta: All right, that works.
Amy: I think maybe we shouldn’t put the cart before the horse here. It’s a steep hill to climb yet.
Tammy: We’re aware. Right, Marietta?
Marietta: Yes, I’m not delusional. I know that I don’t have the highest name ID out of the rumored field, but I think this is doable. I can connect with people, just look at how the country’s responded to Delphy and his outburst towards me.
Amy: How are you telling your family about this?
Marietta: Ah, god!
Henrietta: Wait, you didn’t tell the family?
Amy: Not according to Tammy.
Marietta: I’m still dragging my feet on that one. I don’t know how they’re going to take it.
Amy: Don’t you think that’s something worth finding out before you jump in?
Henrietta: You’re being a real Negative Nellie. You could be robbing us of cushy White House jobs by talking her out of this!
Amy: I want her to rub if she wants to run! I just think she should consider Hurricane Patty Lynn before she actually jumps in.
Marietta: I will tell her when she needs to be informed. Until then, that’s some stress I don’t feel like adding to my life.
Amy: All right. Well, if you guys don’t mind, it’s Sunday, and I want to get home and spend some time with husband. It’s been a stressful few days.
Marietta: You guys have all earned the time off. In fact, take tomorrow off. I can handle things on my own.
Amy: Are you sure?
Marietta: Yes, I’m sure.
Henrietta: That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.
Marietta: Consider it the calm before the storm.
Amy: That’s less beautiful.
Tammy: Do I gave tomorrow off, too?
Marietta: No, you have to come in.
Tammy: Really?
Marietta: No! All three of you haver worked overtime this weekend, you’ve earned a good day off. I will see you all on Tuesday and probably talk to you before then. Now, go enjoy your lives.
Sarah: Wait, you’re running for President?
Marietta: Say absolutely nothing to anyone!
Sarah: Wasn’t planning on it, didn’t find it interesting enough to repeat.
Tammy: Ah, teenagers.
The next day, in Marietta’s office…
Moira: Hey, where is everybody?
Marietta: After all the crap that’s been going on, I gave them the day off.
Moira: It’s so quiet here. It’s almost apocalyptic.
Marietta: Yeah, we’ve got plenty of interns around, as you see, but none of them yap like those three.
Moira: Well, there’s a woman who showed up in my office asking for you. In hindsight, putting “M. Landfield” on the directory in the lobby was a bit misleading.
Marietta: Karen Callahan?
Moira: Yeah, that’s her.
Marietta: Thanks for bringing her.
Moira: She’s a little eccentric, don’t you think?
Marietta: I… haven’t met her yet. That’s an interesting descriptor, though.
Moira: Trust me, it’s accurate.
Marietta hears a knocking sound.
Marietta: Is that… on the window?
Moira: That would be about in line with what I know of her so far.
Karen: Mayor Landfield! It’s Karen Callahan! Can I come in?
Marietta: Are you gonna break the glass to get in?
Karen: No, silly! Wood just hurts my hands!
Moira: Milton hates when I tell him that.
Marietta: Don’t!
Moira: Oh, everyone’s too stuck-up these days!
Karen: Are you gonna let me in?
Marietta: Oh, right! Yeah, come on in.
Karen: Allow me to properly introduce myself. I’m Karen Callahan, Democratic operative.
Marietta: Marietta Landfield, New Orleans Mayor.
Moira: Moira Landfield, her sister-in-law.
Karen: I don’t know why we’re all introducing ourselves like we’re James Bond.
Marietta: You started it.
Karen: Oh, right!
Moira: What are you doing here, exactly? Are you trying to sell us something?
Marietta: Moira, would you mind stepping out for a few minutes?
Moira: All right, this is fishy.
Marietta: We’re meeting about something I’m not supposed to tell anyone. It’s a secret.
Moira: No one in this family keeps secrets! It’s one of the most infuriating things about you people!
Marietta: Well, I’m working on myself. Toodle-oo!
Moira: Wow, this is a strange day.
Marietta closes the door behind Moira.
Karen: So, are you serious about this? I’m not here just for fun! Do you know how much a last-minute ticket to Louisiana costs?
Marietta: Yes, because I paid for it.
Karen: Oh, right!
Marietta: Are you really serious about managing my campaign?
Karen: Serious as a heart attack.
Marietta: Okay. I’m not really sure how to go about this meeting, honestly. I haven’t hired a campaign manager in the better part of two decades.
Karen: That’s fine, I accept the job.
Marietta: That’s it?
Karen: Look… I want you, you want me, it’s a perfect match. My phone’s not exactly ringing these days after you-know-who fired me.
Marietta: Who fired you?
Karen: Tammy Koobach.
Marietta: Oh, that’s right, I forgot you were running her campaign! Why, exactly, did you get fired?
Karen: We had disagreements on the tone of the campaign. I wanted to be a bit more aggressive, she wanted uplifting, she hired Ron Harlen, she lost. I consider myself vindicated, the Democratic Party considers me a “rabble-rouser.”
Marietta: You have managed winning campaigns, right?
Karen: Many! You’ve seen my resume, no?
Marietta: I have, I just couldn’t remember if they won.
Karen: Look, I’m a little different. Did I tell someone to dye their hair once to make them win an election? Yes. Did I make Representative Leslie Carmichael change her name to win? Also yes.
Marietta: What was her name before?
Karen: Gerttrude Carbunkel. Gerttrude was spelled with two Ts, for some reason.
Marietta: Well, I can see how that would be considered salient advice.
Karen: My approach is strange, but I will make you win. I’m gonna be honest with you, you’re a has-been.
Marietta: Oh!
Karen: Mayor… you’re a mayor.
Marietta: I’m aware.
Karen: You used to be a United States Senator. There’s been a decline in your importance and prominence in the political sphere. You’re “past your prime” in the media’s eyes. It’s gonna take work to make you look like a strong, viable frontrunner. I’ve watched you debate, you’re hit-and-miss. I saw your polls in the last race, you’re lucky that guy got hooked on a feeling and his wife dumped him. You are rough around the edges, but you’re got guts.
Marietta: Like Olivia Rodrigo?
Karen: Honestly, I could make her President a lot easier than I can make you President. People like her.
Marietta: Do people not like me?
Karen: People pity you right now, because our president is an asshat. Pity does not equal like. I need to make people like you.
Marietta: Can you do that?
Karen: You hire me, I will make you the next President of the United States. I promise you that. Winning is what I do. I make champions.
Marietta: That sounds a little like what a sketchy Russian figure skating coach says about a promising young talent. I’m a bit worried.
Karen: What, do you think I’m going to give you performance-enhancing drugs to help you win an election? No, everything I do is above board. So, are we doing this?
Marietta: You’ve convinced me. Let’s do this together.
Karen: Clear your plans for January 20, 2026. You’re getting sworn in as President.
Later that night, Marietta’s phone rings.
Marietta: Yeah?
Milton: Karen Callahan?
Marietta: How’d you find out?
Milton: My wife!
Marietta: Oh, right, forgot about her.
Milton: Why are you meeting with Karen? She’s a mad woman, the whole party has basically shunned her for how aggressive she is.
Marietta: She’s looking for a job.
Milton: In the New Orleans mayor’s office?
Marietta: Not exactly.
Milton: She’s a campaign manager and strategist. What reason would you have to meet with her?
Marietta: I have my reasons!
Milton: Are you running for President or something?
Marietta: What? No!
Milton: Okay, that was suspicious. Something is UP.
Marietta: Nothing is “up.”
Milton: Then why do you sound like you’re hiding something? I know you too well for you to hide something from me.
Marietta: I’m running for President.
Milton: What?
Marietta: You heard correctly.
Milton: I was joking! Why are you running for President?
Marietta: I’m tired of Brian Delphy, and I’m tired of crappy leadership in our country. I want to be the change!
Milton: Oh my god.
Marietta: Is it so shocking and far-fetched?
Milton: How has mom not told me about this already?
Marietta: She doesn’t know.
Milton: Good lord.
Marietta: Don’t tell her!
Milton: You think you’re gonna keep this from mom? One of her kids is running for president, that’s a little different from hiding a crack in one of her vases like we used to do as kids.
Marietta: I’m not hiding it from her forever!
Milton: Good, that’s impossible! Say what you will about her mental state, but she doesn’t have dementia.
Marietta: I’m just trying to figure out how to tell her.
Milton: I think the right way to tell he is probably “before MSNBC does.”
Marietta: I would never announce it before I tell her!
Milton: You’ve apparently hired Karen Callahan for some role on the campaign, that’s gonna leak sooner or later. Dad still has heavy ties to the DNC.
Marietta: I’m going to tell them tomorrow when I pick Sarah up from their place.
Milton: You still have to pick her up? Does she ever drive herself?
Marietta: Mom prefers it this way, she enjoys harassing me. I kinda like it this way too, I get a free dinner out of it. Haven’t cooked for just myself in years!f
Milton: I don’t know whether to be happy or sad for you.
Marietta: A mixture of both is the proper reaction, I’d say.
Milton: You have to promise to tell them within the next dew days, or I’ll have to tell them.
Marietta: Again with the telling!
Milton: I’m not sure how long I can keep this secret, especially once I talk to mom.
Marietta: I promise you, you’re capable of doing it until I tell them. It’ll be really soon.
Milton: All right.
Marietta: By the way, will I have your endorsement when I do run?
Milton: You know, some of my friends are running…
Marietta: I can’t stand you!
Milton: I’ll get back to you about an endorsement in three to six business days.
Two days later…
Martin: How are you? You look tired!
Marietta: All right, another busy day, but that’s what makes it worth it, isn’t it?
Kathleen: I hated busy days. I didn’t get into politics to work, I got into it to sleep in meetings.
Martin: Were you not a committee chair?
Kathleen: Oh come on, you think anyone on the agriculture committee went without dozing off for a few minutes while we grill people about corn and wheat?
Patty Lynn: It’s probably for the best that you’re not in office anymore.
Kathleen: What a sick thing to say.
Sarah: I have big news for you guys!
Marietta: Don’t even.
Patty Lynn: What was that about?
Marietta: Oh, nothing. Ignore me.
Kathleen: Fishy.
Patty Lynn: Are you smelling the seafood casserole I have in the oven? Is it burning?
Kathleen: No, your daughter’s acting weird.
Martin: No weirder than normal, I’d say.
Marietta: Thank you, dad!
Sarah: Stop worrying about aunt Marietta! I just got accepted to Tulane!
Martin: Oh my god, she is going to college! It’s a miracle!
Kathleen: I honestly really doubted it was ever happening.
Patty Lynn: We’re very proud of you!
Sarah: This wasn’t quite the reaction I was hoping for, I wasn’t expecting to hear about the doubts you had, but I’m glad you’re all excited.
Patty Lynn: What am I gonna do without my grandbaby always around? This house will feel so empty!
Kathleen: You’re here. This house is never empty.
Patty Lynn: And never forget that it’s my house, and I can kick you out for giving me lip.
Marietta: Sarah, I’m really sorry to be encroaching on your celebration, but I had something to share, too.
Sarah: You’re sure you want to do that right now? You’re not gonna be able to measure up to that huge news.
Marietta: It is huge news, that’s for sure.
Martin: And we’re so proud of you for pursuing an education!
Patty Lynn: You know Tulane is your aunt’s alma mater, don’t you?
Sarah: That’s why I applied there.
Patty Lynn: Thank you for not applying to LSU, the drive would kill me!
Sarah: I never thought of it. That’s where dad went, and I think it’ll be funny to see him realize I chose aunt Marietta’s school over his!
Marietta: Speaking of aunt Marietta, can she share her news?
Martin: yes, go ahead, you’ve been waiting!
Marietta: All right, I hope you all are excited for this, because I am. I’ve made the decision to run for President of the United States in the 2025 Democratic primary.
Patty Lynn: Oh my god!
Sarah: Dammit, I forgot she was doing this.
Martin: You knew?
Sarah: I thought she was just messing around!
Patty Lynn: You told her first?
Marietta: I was trying to figure out if I really wanted to do it before I told you guys. I didn’t want to hear your indignation for no reason.
Patty Lynn: Why would there be indignation? This is thrilling! You’re gonna be president!
Kathleen: Eh…
Patty Lynn: You wanna move out?
Kathleen: No.
Patty Lynn: She’s gonna be president.
Kathleen: She’s gonna be president.
Martin: I’m really excited for you. You are so uniquely qualified. You’ve served on every level of government, you know the people and what they want in a leader. I always knew you had something special. It’s why I never let you give up when things got tough.
Kathleen: Just think, a year ago, we thought you were losing re-election to some bum because Tammy messed up the finances, now you’re running for president because a different bum dragged you in public.
Marietta: Life takes us in many unexpected directions.
Sarah: So are we done celebrating my college admittance?
Patty Lynn: No! There’s just so much going on right now, and this is… I mean, it’s huge!
Sarah: I should’ve gone second. I could’ve overshadowed this.
Martin: It’s not really about overshadowing, is it?
Sarah: To me it is.
Martin: You’re both doing great things, we’re excited for both of you.
Kathleen: Just a little more for the potential next president.
Patty Lynn: Definite next president.
Kathleen: Uh-huh.
One month later…
Kate: My god, this is crazy.
Marietta: I know.
Kate: I’m here to introduce you while you kick off your campaign for president! President!
Marietta: I know.
Ellie: Hey, I’m here too!
Marietta: And I’m so glad about it!
Kate: I’m so excited for you! Think of where we started, and now you’re polling at 10% in the primary before you even launched your campaign, you have a real shot at winning this election. My friend, who was the first to welcome me into the Senate twenty-five years ago, could be our next president!
Ellie: And I’m your friend, too, Marietta. Don’t forget that when you’re picking your Secretary of State!
Tammy: That would require you to detach yourself from Kate’s hip, not sure you’d want to do that.
Ellie: Very funny!
Tammy: I thought so.
Karen: Hey, I don’t mean to interrupt this girlfriend chat, but the people are waiting for you two.
Kate: All right, we’re gonna go do our little spiel. Be ready!
Marietta: I’m not sure how I even begin to get ready for this.
Kate: Meditate a little. Breathe in, breathe out. You don’t want to look like a bucket of nerves when you’re trying to confidently assert the launch of your presidential campaign.
Ellie: Imagine everyone in the crowd is naked.
Marietta: That doesn’t help.
Kate: All right, we’re going.
Milton: I’m just thinking… this could be the start of a whole new life for all of us. Today, right now. We’re living through it.
Marietta: Thank you for reducing the stress level.
Milton: Happy to help.
Karen: Landfield, look at me!
Marietta: I’m looking.
Karen: Do I have permission to strike you?
Patty Lynn: No, you do not!
Marietta: Um… go ahead.
Patty Lynn?
Marietta: I’ve learned not to say no to her!
Tammy: She’s never learned that with me.
Karen: You feel looser now?
Marietta: Absolutely not, I just have a red mark on my face.
Karen: It’ll fade by the time they shut up. They’re long-winded.
Kathleen: I know you’re pals, but how did you manage to land immediate endorsements from them? That’s a big deal!
Marietta: Blackmail!
Kathleen: I approve.
Milton: I wish I’d been able to do the introduction, but maybe that can be for the next run.
Marietta: Don’t get your hopes up.
Twenty minutes later…
Kate: Ladies and gentlemen, we are so excited to introduce our friend, the next President of the United States…
Ellie: Marietta Landfield!
What did you think of the season finale of Marietta? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the midseason premiere of Raymond Island next week! Marietta will return for season seven this fall!
