NUMB HUMOR STUDIOS PRESENTS:
COLLEGE
Season 2 Episode 2
"New Roomie"
Written by
William Fry & Michael Ledesma
INT. ANDREW & EDISON'S APARTMENT - DAY
Andrew is going through the mail. He opens the envelope and reads it. He goes to the living room where Edison is watching TV.
ANDREW
Dude, the rent’s getting expensive. I think we need a third roommate.
EDISON
No.
ANDREW
What do you mean no?
EDISON
Getting another roommate will ruin the balance we've achieved.
ANDREW
Look Thanos, either we get a third roommate, win the lottery, or get a smaller, less fancy apartment. What’s it going to be?
EDISON
Fine.
ANDREW
Great. I have to go. I have a date with Gabby. Are you ok on your own?
EDISON
Why wouldn’t I be?
ANDREW
Well, a few days ago you said that you weren’t over Brittaney.
EDISON
Oh yeah.
ANDREW
I can cancel the date if you want to… talk?
EDISON
No, no I’ll be fine. I’ll just go to the movies and see “Hobbs and Shaw”,I heard it was good.
Andrew leaves.
INT. DINER - NIGHT
Andrew and Gabby sit at a table in a diner. They are eating and talking.
GABBY
So what else is new?
ANDREW
Well besides me having to keep watch over Edison almost 24/7, not much. Oh, we’re going to get a third roommate.
GABBY
Really?
ANDREW
Yeah. Rent’s getting expensive.
GABBY
Any idea who it’ll be?
ANDREW
I posted an ad online. Edison and I will interview people sometime this week.
GABBY
What if I moved in? Became your third roommate?
ANDREW
Huh?
GABBY
I mean you and I have been dating for quite a while. I’m pretty sure that Edison likes me. I’ll pay the rent.
ANDREW
So we would be living together?
GABBY
Yeah. What do say?
ANDREW
Ummmmmm.
GABBY
What?
ANDREW
I don’t know. You don’t think it’d be weird?
GABBY
Well, like I said, you and I have been dating for a while. If we feel ready for that next step, what would be weird about it?
ANDREW
It’s just…
GABBY
Just what?
ANDREW
I don’t know.
GABBY
Well, let me know when you know.
Gabby leaves.
INT. ANDREW & EDISON'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Andrew enters the apartment. Edison is sitting on the couch staring at the TV with a blank stare. The TV is static.
ANDREW
Hey buddy. You ok?
EDISON
They ruined it.
ANDREW
What?
EDISON
I’ve been watching this franchise since the beginning, and this movie ruined it.
ANDREW
I’m guessing the movie wasn’t good?
EDISON
First Brittaney leaves and now this. What’s next? Is an asteroid going to hit the planet? Hell, I bet it’ll hit me.
ANDREW
You’re really starting to worry me man.
EDISON
Sorry. How was your date?
ANDREW
Fine. Hey how would you feel about Gabby being our third roommate?
EDISON
Absolutely not.
ANDREW
Why?
EDISON
It’s bad enough that you two make out on this couch. I don’t want more of that.
ANDREW
Fine. I don’t think it’ll happen anyway.
EDISON
Huh?
ANDREW
I think she’s mad at me.
EDISON
If you think she’s mad at you, then she is definitely mad at you. What did you do?
ANDREW
I kind of told her I didn’t want her to move in.
EDISON
And yet I’m the one who’s single.
ANDREW
What?
EDISON
Nothing.
ANDREW
I’ll figure out something to say to her. Anyway, we have some interviews this Friday.
EDISON
Uh huh.
LATER, ON FRIDAY
Andrew and Edison both sit on their couch. In front of them is a chair. Sitting in it is a man who is clearly a stoner.
ANDREW
So, what makes you think you’d be a good fit as our roommate.
STONER
I’m really chill bro. Also, I might have guests over to do some business transactions, I run a small business on the side. That cool dudes?
Transition to a guy holding a mannequin.
MANNEQUIN GUY
Is it alright if Katrina moves in also?
Transition to a guy who’s shirt has traces of blood.
BLOOD SHIRT GUY
Honestly, I just need a place to lay low for a while. Just until the police stop looking for someone who looks like me but is not me.
Transition to Paul.
ANDREW
Are you sure you want to live with us?
PAUL
We’re all familiar, plus the rent is fair. Why wouldn’t I?
ANDREW
You and Edison aren’t exactly friends.
EDISON
Wrong. We’re mortal enemies.
PAUL
Let bygones be bygones.
EDISON
Get out.
Paul leaves.
ANDREW
Not a single one of those applicants were good.
EDISON
I don’t know, I thought stoner guy was cool.
ANDREW
Our house is not becoming a drug lab.
EDISON
That guy who needed to lay low seemed-
ANDREW
No.
There is a knock at the door. Andrew answers it. Standing in the doorway is a beautiful white woman with blonde hair. She is the same age as Andrew and Edison. Her name is MEGAN. She is wearing a large baggy t-shirt and sweatpants.
MEGAN
Are you the guys still looking for a third roommate?
Edison looks at the doorway intrigued.
EDISON
(Excited)
Yes.
MEGAN
I’d like to apply.
ANDREW
Uhhhhh.
EDISON
Please, come in.
Megan enters the apartment and sits in the chair. Andrew and Edison sit on the couch. Edison is excited.
ANDREW
So, why do you think you’d be a good roommate?
MEGAN
I don’t know. I go to the same school as you. I have money. What else?
ANDREW
I’m just curious, why do want to live with us?
MEGAN
You two seem ok. My last roommate did nothing but have sex. You two seem like you don’t have sex.
ANDREW
Uhhhhh.
EDISON
You know what, I think you’re going to be a great fit. What do you think Andrew?
ANDREW
Uhhhh yeah. Yes. You’re literally the best applicant we’ve had. Of course that’s not saying a lot.
EDISON
Fantastic. Welcome to the apartment.
MEGAN
Cool. Well, I’ll move in tomorrow. Bye.
Megan leaves.
ANDREW
What are you up to?
EDISON
What are you talking about?
ANDREW
You have the same look on your face when you had that idea to invent and sell machine washable condoms.
EDISON
It’s a condom you can use over and over again! And are you blind? That girl was hot.
ANDREW
You just want her as a roommate so you can get with her.
EDISON
Andrew, I barely survived freshman year, my car was covered in duct taped, and my girlfriend moved to Italy. This Megan is my chance to move on.
ANDREW
You’re unbelievable.
EDISON
Believe it.
Andrew’s phone goes off. He looks at it.
EDISON
What?
ANDREW
Gabby responded to my text. She wants to talk.
EDISON
That doesn’t sound good.
ANDREW
Just send Megan the paperwork. I have to go save my relationship.
Andrew leaves.
INT. THE COLLEGE CLUB - NIGHT
Andrew enters The College Club. It is sparsely crowded. Gabby sits at a table. Andrew joins her.
ANDREW
Hey.
GABBY
Hey.
ANDREW
Edison and I found a roommate.
GABBY
Good for you.
ANDREW
Look I’m sorry about what I said. About how you moving in with me would be weird. It just caught me off guard.
GABBY
Thank you.
ANDREW
But I meant what I said.
GABBY
Really?
ANDREW
You wouldn’t just be moving in with me. You’d also be moving in with Edison. I’m not saying that I’ll never want to live with you but now just doesn’t feel right.
GABBY
I understand.
ANDREW
You do?
GABBY
Yeah, I shouldn’t have said it.
ANDREW
And I shouldn’t have been an idiot.
GABBY
Something we can both agree on.
Andrew and Gabby laugh.
ANDREW
You know, I think you’ll like our new roomie. She seems kind of cool.
GABBY
She?!
END.