Betty: Is everyone in their cars and ready to go?
Karl: I don’t think Jeanette and Rick are out here. Oh well!
Betty: We’re gonna be late for the concert.
Steven: It’s not much of a concert. It’s more performance art.
Teri: Oh god, is he dragging us to Stomp? I hate Stomp.
Danielle: I like Stomp.
Teri: Why? I can listen to people bang on garbage can lids at home for free every time mom thinks she accidentally threw out her wedding ring.
Betty: I don’t do it that often.
Karl: Just three or four times a year.
Steven: It’s not Stomp.
Teri: Hallelujah!
Danielle: Aww. I find it fun.
Steven: This is going to be fun!
Teri: What is it, exactly?
Steven: I don’t know how to describe it. Alysa wanted to go see it.
Teri: At least I know who to yell at if I hate it.
Betty: Whatever it is, I have to go get my sister so we’re not late for it. The tickets are bought, I’m going to make sure we use them.
Alysa: It’s a musical magic show.
Teri: Oh no.
Danielle: I was hoping it would at least be puppets if it’s not Stomp.
Ralph: Tell Jeanette to take all the time she wants.
Betty walks to the guest house and knocks on the door.
Betty: Jeanette! It’s time to go!
Jeanette: I’m coming! Don’t worry about me, I just have to grab my -
Jeanette trips and falls.
Betty: Jeanette? You there?
Rick: Oh my god, what happened?
Betty: Is something wrong?
Rick: Betty, call for an ambulance!
Betty: I don’t have my phone, I’ll run to the car and get it. What happened?
Jeanette: I fell!
Betty: It’s bad enough to need an ambulance?
Rick: Yes!
Jeanette: No!
Rick: Don’t listen to her, she can’t even move!
Jeanette: Just give me time. Ouch! Why’d you do that?
Rick: I didn’t even tough you.
Jeanette: Okay, call 9-1-1.
Betty runs back to the car.
Karl: Well? Where are they?
Ralph: We anxiously await their arrival so we can enjoy this fantastic show.
Alysa: You’re gonna like it!
Ralph: I have doubts.
Betty: Karl, hand me my phone.
Karl: You don’t have it?
Betty: No, I left it in my purse. Give me yours.
Karl: What’s wrong? You miss the phone that much?
Betty: Jeanette fell, I have to call for an ambulance.
Karl: How bad did she fall?
Teri: Bad enough that we all have to go to the hospital and can miss out on this show?
Betty: I don’t know, I didn’t see her. She’s talking fine, so she’s conscious. I think she might’ve just broken a bone.
Cindy: I can just hear in my ear now, saying we should just drive her ourselves to save us the fee.
Karl: I mean, we could. If it’s not a major trauma, we don’t really need an ambulance.
Betty: Oh, you just want an excuse to not go to the show!
Karl: No one has ever wanted to go to a show more than I want to go to this musical magic thing. I’m just saying, they don’t really have the money…
Betty: It’s what he wants, now stop distracting me.
Ralph: I’m willing to accompany them to the hospital so that everyone else can go to the show. I’ll take that hit for the team.
Teri: Oh, you’re not getting out of it that easily!
Later that day…
Ralph: That was…
Alysa: The greatest thing I’ve ever seen in my life!
Teri: Such a shame mom missed it.
Karl: Oh, she’ll be getting a full rundown tonight.
Jerry: Steven, as far as I’m concerned, forcing us to go see that is grounds for a divorce.
Steven: I liked it!
Teri: Aww, it’s cute how quick he learned “happy wife, happy life.”
Ralph: How would you know? You’ve never been married!
Teri: Pot, meet kettle.
Cindy: It’s kinda funny, mom always wanted all three of her kids to get married and settle down at nice, respectable ages. She’s 0-for-3.
Jerry: She was so upset when we got had kids and got married so young. Joke’s on her!
Karl: I think I need to call her and see how Jeanette’s doing.
Teri: I can’t believe it’s taking this long. Mom’s never been able to resist calling home before. It must be really bad.
Karl: Our phones have been off due to that lovely show, so she might’ve reached out.
Ralph: I still think you should’ve let me go with her. You know, as emotional support.
Teri: I think true emotional support would be to cook dinner for her to eat when she gets home.
Karl turns his phone on and it immediately starts ringing.
Karl: It’s your mother.
Teri: It’s like she has a sixth sense.
Karl answers the phone.
Karl: What’s going on, dear? How’s your sister?
Betty: She’s in terrible pain! Why didn’t you answer me?
Karl: We were at a show, dear. I turned my phone off.
Betty: You knew I was at the hospital! Why’d you do that?
Karl: I, uh… I don’t know. I should’ve went with you. It was terrible.
Alysa: It was not!
Karl: No, it was. Just terrible.
Steven: It’s okay, the next one will be better.
Teri: There will not be a next time. No. No.
Karl: So what’s wrong with Jeanette?
Betty: I said, she’s in pain.
Karl: That’s not really a diagnosis, is it?
Betty: She broke her hip.
Karl: Oh my.
Betty: She’s getting a hip replacement tomorrow morning. It’s late, they don’t want to operate tonight since the surgeon who specializes in hip surgery is out for the night. Could you come pick Rick and I up? I was finally able to convince him to come home and get a good night’s sleep. He definitely needs it. He’s so stressed.
Karl: I’ll be there. I need to stop for gas, though, so it’ll be like fifteen minutes.
Betty: That’s fine! Take your time, it’ll take at least that long to peel him away from Jeanette.
Six days later…
Betty: I have something to ask the table.
Frank: Yes, I did get a haircut.
Teri: He is so annoying. Is it just me?
Tammi: You know it isn’t just you. You don’t need to rub it in.
Terri: Yeah, I do.
Betty: Jeanette isn’t going to be able to walk up the steps of the guest house for a week or so. They want her to take it very slow with walking and especially with steps, and those steps are just too steep for her. We have a ramp, thanks to Cindy, so I was wondering if anyone was willing to let Jeanette and Rick stay in their room for the time being.
Ralph: It’s Cindy’s fault we have the ramp, I think she should have to give up her room.
Jerry: Hey, that drags me into it, and I don’t like that.
Teri: Steven has two rooms, why not just move the baby into their room?
Steven: Well, there’s no mattress in the baby’s room. Just a crib. So that might be difficult for aunt Jeanette to sleep in.
Teri: How about all three of you go -
Tammi: We’re not moving the crib into the guest house.
Teri: Are we going to have to draw straws? Nobody’s volunteering to help our physically disabled aunt. I think that’s sick!
Danielle: You could give up your room.
Teri: Like hell I could! You do it!
Danielle: She’s not my aunt!
Karl: Okay, I’m gonna cut up some paper and put it in a cup, whoever gets the paper with an X on it will have to give up their room for just a week.
Teri: The way you say “just a week” implies that it’s not a big commitment.
Karl: It really isn’y. You’re helping your physically disabled aunt.
Teri: Don’t use my own words on me!
Karl: But it’s very fun.
Betty: Here’s the paper.
Karl: Okay, we’re all gonna pick a piece from the cup. Whoever picks it - and their respective partner - will move into the guest house for just a week.
Steven: I think we should be exempt due to the baby.
Ralph: I only have a full-size bed, they won’t both fit in it.
Karl: No exemptions. Now, pick!
Teri: Whew, I’m safe!
Frank: My piece just has a ketchup stain on it.
Karl: Sorry, no one wiped the table up yet.
Betty: I find it quite funny.
Cindy: Oh no!
Jerry: Don’t. Just lie.
Cindy: I got it.
Karl: We have a winner! Would you like us to help you pack?
Cindy: This is unfair. I’m the only one here who has also had a hip replacement, I don’t think it’s fair that a hip should cause me inconvenience again.
Karl: It’s gonna be okay. It’s a week.
Betty: It’s the least we can do.
Teri: Cindy… what would Jesus do?
Betty: Don’t use Jesus against me!
Ralph: Why not? You always use him against the gays.
Cindy: I have nothing against the gays. Our uncle is gay!
Jerry: I find them very entertaining, actually. They’re neat people.
Teri: I’ll see you at Pride.
Betty: Honey, did you just come out?
Cindy: That would explain SO much!
Teri: No, I just have a deep appreciate for… RuPaul.
Ralph: Well, don’t we all?
The next night…
Cindy: Honey, is this bed -
Jerry: Cheap? Uncomfortable? Not ours? Yes, yes, and yes.
Cindy: I feel like I’m on vacation at an Airbnb the owners forgot to clean out.
Jerry: At least the sheets are clean. And we’re helping your aunt.
Cindy: I know. But I miss my bed.
Jerry: One week.
Cindy: One week.
Jerry: Goodnight, dear.
The next morning…
Cindy: My neck hurts.
Jerry: I know. You woke me up to tell me the same thing at about five AM.
Cindy: I did?
Jerry: Yes, you did.
Cindy: The pillow is just -
Jerry: I think they’ll let you swap out pillows if you ask nicely.
Cindy: I don’t want to inconvenience them. They’re already going through so much.
Jerry: Almost as much as I am. Now, let’s get up and get some breakfast.
Cindy: Does that mean we have to change?
Jerry: Unless you want the world to see your Winnie the Pooh pajamas, yeah.
Cindy: They’re stylish, no?
Jerry: I don’t know if Anita would agree.
Cindy and Jerry get dressed and walk to the house for breakfast.
Teri: Morning!
Cindy: Don’t even.
Danielle: Wow, it’s so strange to see you two dressed.
Tammi: Seeing dad not in his boxers is a nice change of pace. Let’s keep this up.
Alysa: I’m gonna kill this baby!
Steven: Now she’s crying even more. Awesome.
Tammi: Hand her here.
Alysa: Gladly!
Tammi: Oh, honey, mommy didn’t mean that. She’s just a little stressed.
Cindy: You know who else is a little stressed?
Jeanette: Good morning!
Betty: How are you feeling, Jeanette?
Jeanette: Pretty good, considering. I hate this stupid walker thing, and I can’t wait to be through with it, but I’m so. Glad to have the support of my family. You’ve all been so kind. Especially you, Cindy! Giving up your room to us so I didn’t have to deal with those stairs was incredibly thoughtful. Thank you so much!
Cindy: Ah, it’s nothing! Keep it as long as you need it!
Jerry: Really?
What did you think of this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
