Gretchen, Carol and Susana are in Gretchen’s basement preparing for the debate with Gretchen’s friend, New Orleans Mayor Marietta Landfield.
Gretchen: Do we really need to do this? Does anyone even watch Vice Presidential debates?
Carol: Yes! We can’t mess this up.
Marietta: I flew here from Louisiana for this, you better do it!
Gretchen: Yeah, yeah. I’m doing it.
Marietta: Who is our moderator for this debate?
Lucinda: That would be me.
Gretchen: I don’t know why I was pushed into agreeing to that.
Carol: Lucinda is the only potential moderator we have available that would be totally impartial and really hold your feet to the fire.
Gretchen: The fact that my mother is considered “impartial” says a lot.
Lucinda: Will you shut up, Gretchen? We need to get to this, I have soaps to watch.
Gretchen: I have a photographer from Vogue coming, I want this to be over with as much as you do.
Marietta: Then let’s get to it!
Susana: Lucinda, I wrote down some potential debate topics for you to ask about if you want.
Lucinda: I will make up my own questions, thank you very much.
Marietta: Just to clarify, I’m standing in for Dede Ducovney, right?
Gretchen: You certainly aren’t standing in for me.
Marietta: All right, all right. Just checking.
Lucinda: Let’s begin! Governor Raymond - actually, do I have to call you that, Gretchen?
Gretchen: Call me whatever.
Lucinda: Okay. Gretchen, you had the worst approval ratings of any governor in the country. Why was that and do you think that’s a worrying sign for you as vice president?
Gretchen: Wow, you really dug in deep.
Lucinda: Of course I did. I’ve been waiting for this.
Marietta: She hates you, Gretchen! Wow!
Gretchen: That’s an interesting question, Alisa.
Lucinda: Who is Alisa? I’m your mom.
Gretchen: Alisa is the moderator.
Carol: When is that Vogue photographer coming, Gretchen?
Gretchen: Three PM.
Carol: We better get moving, then. That’s only two-and-a-half hours.
Lucinda: Maybe if she would answer the question…
Carol: You interrupted her.
Lucinda: My apologies.
Gretchen: So, uh, what was the question again?
Marietta: Your mom called you a loser.
Gretchen: Oh, that’s right!
At 3 PM, Vogue photographer Alan Park arrives at Gretchen’s house.
Gretchen: Hello! Welcome to my humble abode.
Alan: Wow, it’s beautiful. I didn’t think they could fit a house this big in Rhode Island.
Gretchen: Large mansions are essentially the only thing we have here. They drive our economy.
Alan: Where’s your family? I’d like to take a picture with all of you together for the magazine.
Gretchen: Oh, they’re right in the living room.
Anthony: Nice to meet you, I’m Anthony, her First Gentleman.
Alan: Hi, I’m Alan Park.
Christina: I’m a big fan of yours! My name is Christina. I’ve read Vogue every month for as long as I can remember.
Alan: Thank you, those are very kind words.
Lucinda: I’m Lucinda, her mother. Not Christina’s mother, Gretchen’s. You don’t look like an Alan to me.
Alan: What do I look like?
Lucinda: More like a Tim. Maybe a Chuck.
Alan: Never heard that one before.
Lucinda: You must be surrounded by yes-men.
Christina: Grandma! Be nice!
Gretchen: Christina, where is your brother?
Christina: I don’t know. Why would I know?
Gretchen: You were supposed to pick him up at school.
Christina: I was?
Carol: Don’t worry, I figured you’d forget, so I told Susana to go get him. They should be here any moment.
Gretchen: Say “thank you,” Christina.
Christina: Thank you, Carol.
Alan: I want to get a picture with the whole family, but until your son is here, we can get some of you alone, Governor.
Gretchen: Okay, sounds good. How do you want me to pose? I’ve been practicing my model looks.
Alan: Anna says she’d like a picture of you outside. Maybe with a view of the ocean, you have a beautiful view
Christina: Mom, he’s talking about Anna Wintour!
Gretchen: I know who he means, I’m a Vogue model!
One week later, on a plane to South Carolina…
Carol: Gretchen, I grabbed something for you.
Gretchen: What is it?
Carol: Open your bag.
Gretchen: My bag?
Carol: Just open it.
Gretchen: There’s nothing in here!
Carol: Look more.
Susana: Mom, it’s in my bag.
Carol: Damn, I fumbled that one.
Gretchen: Not as much as I fumble everything, at least if you ask my mother.
Susana: Here, Governor. Reach in here and grab it.
Gretchen: Is this some kind of prank?
Susana: No, just mom losing her mind a bit.
Gretchen reaches into Susana’s purse.
Gretchen: Oh, wow! My Vogue magazine is out! How’d you keep this from me at the airport?
Carol: I hid copies of it at every newsstand I saw.
Gretchen: Now no one’s gonna buy it!
Carol: I don’t think a decline in purchases at the Providence airport will hurt them too badly.
Gretchen: You better be right!
Susana: Are you gonna look through the magazine?
Gretchen: Oh, yeah. I almost forgot.
Five minutes later…
Gretchen: Why are there no pictures of Toby in here?
Susana: Don’t you remember? I got stuck in traffic on the way home from picking him up and you said the photographer had to leave so he couldn’t take one of you with Toby?
Gretchen: You know, I’ve been so preoccupied with debate prep that I completely forgot any of that happened.
Carol: That’s not encouraging, Gretchen. Are you good for the debate tonight?
Gretchen: Of course!
Eight hours later…
Alisa Montierez: Welcome, America, to the first and only Vice Presidential debate in the 2020 election. I’m Alisa Montierez and I will be your moderator for the night. Please help me welcome our candidates: Republican Governor of Arizona, Dede Ducovney; and, Democratic Governor of Rhode Island, Gretchen Raymond.
Gretchen and Dede walk out to their podiums, but do not shake hands, even after Gretchen extends her hand to Dede.
Gretchen: Gonna be that kind of debate, I see.
Alisa: Candidates, thank you for traveling to South Carolina for the debate tonight, I know you’ve both been very busy on the campaign trail. Our first question regards jobs. Governor Raymond, you’ve been attacked by Governor Ducovney for the low approval ratings you once had, which were attributed to a poor economy and high unemployment in Rhode Island. She says you made an already-dire situation in your state “ten times worse.” How do you respond to that?
Gretchen: I appreciate that question. Governor Ducovney’s attacks on my record are unfounded by unsurprising as well. I expected her to begin making things up and she did just that. When I succeeded Governor Chapin in Rhode Island, I was left with our state’s worst-ever economy and unemployment levels that were frankly unbelievable. My predecessors, not just Governor Chapin but others as well, allowed the state to fall into disrepair. It was only once I took over as governor that we began to rebound. Of course, the state economy wasn’t magically fixed overnight and people were anxious for change, and they got upset with me for not making it happen with the snap of my fingers. I didn’t exactly have help, because the state government was always right there, ready to block me from making any meaningful changes, leading to an even slower repair of the mess. I’ve also been falsely accused of being some sort of anti-union politician by my rivals back home in Rhode Island. We’re a state with strong unions and unfortunately many believed those attacks. If you look at the facts, though, I’m a supporter of unions. I just don’t bend over at the will of the AFL-CIO or the UAW. Unlike Governor Ducovney, I work with them, but I do what I think is right for all of Rhode Island. It’s why I’m the first governor in Rhode Island in decades to actually focus on tackling the state debt and boosting the economy which I did by bringing Bake Your Heart Out to Rhode Island to film, which brought millions in tourism and further television production. I stand with average American workers because it’s important to. Governor Ducovney stands with Park Avenue.
Alisa: Governor Ducovney, your response?
Dede: Those are some nice words. Sadly, it’s all nonsensical. Her record on the economy sucks. She failed to bring back the economy in Rhode Island, even though that was the focal point of her 2018 campaign. She only helped out a few innkeepers in Newport. That’s it. She doesn’t care about average American workers. Look at her, gracing the cover of Vogue just today. How out-of-touch can you be? She was privileged from the start, is seen now by New York and Hollywood elites as one of them. I stand with Park Avenue? At least I don’t have Anna Winter on speed dial. That’s who will help her run the country. The Devil Wears Prada lady. She’s an elitist. I had a single mother because my father died fighting for our country. It was just me and her. I had to bust my rear end off just to make anything of myself. I did. I lived the American dream. Gretchen Raymond was handed her dream.
Alisa: Anything to add, Governor Raymond?
Gretchen: Is this a joke? I grew up modestly in Rhode Island with two working-class parents -
Dede: They had a vacation home when she was growing up!
Gretchen: It was a shack by the ocean that was owned by my grandparents before they died.
Dede: Strike a pose, Gretchen! You will say anything and hold any position that you think makes you look good.
Gretchen: You say that like you aren’t a flip-flopper.
Dede: At least you’re admitting you are.
Gretchen: I said nothing of the sort!
Dede: I’m pretty sure you did!
Gretchen: Nuh-uh!
Alisa: Candidates, please! You’re breaking the rules your own campaigns agreed to.
Gretchen: Sorry.
Dede: Not sorry.
Gretchen: You started it.
Alisa: Shut up! We’re moving on to national security. In particular, immigration. Governor Ducovney, you govern a border state and have been an immigration hardliner. Governor Raymond has said that your “lack of compassion” on this matter should disqualify you from being Vice President. What do you have to say about that?
Dede: Just because I don’t want open borders like Gretchen doesn’t mean that I don’t have compassion for immigrants. They just need to do it legally. Rhode Island has the largest per capita amount of illegal immigrants living in it in any non-border state. Under my leadership, Arizona has become the state with the least per capita illegal immigration on either border. It’s clear who is better to help out the commander-in-chief with illegal immigration.
Alisa: Governor Raymond?
Gretchen: This is a joke, right? Rhode Island does not have an illegal immigration problem. I do not support open borders.
Dede: Go to the Delphy/Ducovney 2020 website right now to read up on her record! She lies!
Gretchen: Will you shut up and let me talk?
Dede: She doesn’t have the temperament to serve. Can’t even take mild criticism.
Gretchen: It’s my time to talk!
Alisa: You know what? We’re moving on again. Let’s move on to climate. Governor Ducovney, you’ve been silent on the issue of climate change and you’ve dodged questions about it? What is your position on it?
Dede: Governor Raymond used this issue against me before I even got a chance to clarify my stance. I believe in climate change. It is caused by mankind. I don’t believe in her radical solutions, but on my website, you can see my full plans for it, which includes banning offshore drilling and moving towards solar energy. She can claim I’m some anti-science zealot, but that simply untrue. I talk with the people of my state and actually change my mind on issues from those conversations. I didn’t care as much about climate change until I first ran for office and so many Arizonans told me how concerned they were about it. Meanwhile, Governor Raymond talks to Vogue to get the opinions of the elites. That’s the difference between us.
Gretchen: Lies, lies, more lies. Governor Ducovney supports measures that are blatantly anti-climate. Pipelines through our national parks? She supports that.
Dede: No, I don’t. That’s a lie.
Gretchen: Rolling back carbon emissions? She’s against that. Don’t tell me you aren’t because you said it in your debate fro governor.
Dede: Six years ago. Unlike you, I’m capable of evolving. You have to call Anna Wintour first before you can decide where you stand on things.
Gretchen: Can we stop bringing up the fact that I was in Vogue? Everyone does campaign press. I was given the chance to appear in a well-known, nationally-distributed magazine. Why would I turn that down?
Dede: They would never give that chance to a Republican and you know it.
Gretchen: Life isn’t always fair. You’re just jealous that I got an opportunity you didn’t.
Dede: Now you’re acting like a child. I can criticize you for whatever I want to. Calm down.
Gretchen: I’m no child. You’re the child.
One hour later, after the debate…
Carol: How do you feel about how that went?
Gretchen: I’ve felt better.
Susana: Twitter didn’t love that. They said you blew it.
Gretchen: That makes me feel so much better, thank you!
Susana: They said Dede got under your skin way too easily.
Gretchen: Again, I feel so much more confident about this now!
Carol: Susana, did they release them yet?
Susana: Yes, checking now!
Gretchen: Release what? The hounds? Don’t kill me, please.
Susana: The post-debate polling.
Gretchen: That’s out already?
Susana: Oh boy.
Gretchen: What?
Carol: Just tell us.
Susana: The first poll has 71% saying Dede won and 16% saying you won.
Carol: What about the other 13%?
Susana: No opinion.
Carol: So they just thought America as a whole lost. That’s about right.
Gretchen: Be honest, you two. Was I really that bad?
Carol: I don’t know.
Gretchen: How don’t you know?
Susana: She felt ill midway through it and went to the bathroom.
Gretchen: You’re sick? Oh my god, just what we need. You should be resting.
Carol: Oh, I’m feeling better now.
Gretchen: That was a quick recovery.
Carol: Gretchen, I’m trying to nicely tell you that you were screwing up so badly that it made me physically ill from the anxiety.
Susana: I was able to watch the whole thing, at least.
Gretchen: Comforting. Can we go home now?
Carol: We have a flight to catch, we need to get moving now.
Gretchen: You know, I still can't believe the Vogue appearance was so controversial. It's a magazine spread!
Susana: I can believe it. Mainly because I saw it all unfolding on Twitter.
Gretchen: Why didn't you tell me?
Susana: I was afraid it would make you worried. I never thought Dede would bring it up.
Carol: Dede's a monster. You should've.
Susana: I don't think this will even be remembered in a week. It's a little snafu, nothing more.
The next day, at the office…
Toby: Mommy!!!
Gretchen: Toby, what are you doing here?
Christina: Dad brought us here.
Anthony: Hi, Gretchen. I brought flowers.
Toby: And a cake!
Anthony: You got home so late and left so early. I wanted to make sure you were okay.
Gretchen: Was it really that bad?
Anthony: Was what that bad?
Christina: The debate. Right, mom?
Gretchen: Yeah, the debate.
Christina: You did your best. She tried to get on your nerves.
Samantha: Clearly she succeeded.
Christina: Mind if I say something?
Gretchen: Go ahead.
Christina: What in the hell are you doing here, Pratt?
Hank: We’re here to check on the Vogue cover girl. See if she looks like Eeyore after she blew it big time last night.
Gretchen: Do my nightmares travel in a pack now?
Samantha: No, not at all!
Hank: Yeah. Jeanne didn’t want to do it. Said she was afraid you’d throw a stapler at us.
Gretchen: You should’ve listened to her.
Samantha: I’ll call the cops and tell them you assaulted me and then I’ll get to be governor!
Hank: Plus, you don’t want to freak out in front of your son.
Toby: She’s done worse in front of me.
Gretchen: Do you two have to be so firmly committed to being the worst people alive at all times? I had a bad night and my family was trying to do something nice for me. Most of them, at least. Where’s mom?
Anthony: She didn’t want to come. She was too busy knitting.
Gretchen: That checks out.
Samantha: She was probably too embarrassed to show up here.
Gretchen: Joke’s on you! I already know that that’s definitely why she didn’t come!
Carol: Do you have any real reason to be here? Any official business to take up with the Governor?
Hank: Nah.
Anthony: Then go.
Samantha: Fine, we’ll go.
Gretchen: Actually, I want to talk to Samantha.
Anthony: Her?
Hank: Her?
Gretchen: Yes, her.
Hank: F' Hank, I guess.
Gretchen: Pretty much. Buh-bye.
Hank: Sam and I were in the middle of playing Hearts when we came down. Don’t forget it, Pratt.
Samantha: I won’t.
Hank: Then bye, I guess. It was horrible seeing you.
Gretchen: Again, bye.
Hank: I just want to kno-
Gretchen: Goodbye, Hank.
Hank: Fine, see you.
Gretchen: Finally, he’s gone. Guys, I’m just gonna talk with LG Pratt really quickly, and then we can get back to whatever this is.
Anthony: Sounds good. We’ll be waiting.
In Gretchen’s private office…
Samantha: Did I get sent to the principal’s office? I’m sorry for mocking you.
Gretchen: That’s actually not while you’re here, but the memory of you apologizing to me will remain with me forever.
Samantha: What is it?
Gretchen: As you know, I’m a little busy with running for Vice President. I’ve been out of the state a lot lately.
Samantha: So much. You’re barely even the governor anymore.
Gretchen: This last month is the most critical. I’m going to be gone for days at a time, sometimes for a full week. It won’t be day-long trips, I’ll be staying overnight.
Samantha: As much as I love hearing about your travels, what does this have to do with me?
Gretchen: We’ve had our disagreements. So many disagreements. However, we both want what’s best for Rhode Island. I need you to step in as acting governor when I’m out of the state. We need someone in charge when I’m out of the state for days. Just don’t go signing anything into law without asking me. Do the ceremonial stuff and handle any emergencies that come up. Can you do that for me?
Samantha: I can, Gretchen. We want the same thing in this very rare scenario. I know you won’t believe me, but I really do want you and Koobach to win this election. The other two are completely insane.
Gretchen: My god, they are complete fruit loops. We need to win.
Samantha: I think I might move if they win.
Gretchen: You know I’ll use that against you the next time you publicly speak out against me, right?
Samantha: Of course.
Gretchen and Samantha exit the office. Gretchen joins the others while Samantha returns to Hank.
Gretchen: So, I believe there was a mention of cake? Where’s that?
Anthony: Here, let me grab it.
Gretchen: Wait a second. Isn’t Toby supposed to be at school?
Anthony: I can’t believe you just noticed that now.
Toby: Dad said he’d take me here so I could see you before I went because I was worried about not seeing you. I always see you before school unless you tell me you’re busy.
Gretchen: Oh, honey. I’m sorry I worried you. I just wanted to get here early so I could work while I’m actually in Rhode Island. I didn’t think you’d even notice.
Toby: I did! I’ve missed you lately.
Gretchen: Kid, you’re breaking my heart.
Christina: Would cake fix it?
Gretchen: You know, it might.
What did you think of the season two premiere of Raymond Island? Let me know in the comments and vote in the poll below! Make sure to return for a new episode next week and read the season three premiere of Marietta, Monday at 8 PM Eastern on TVRG.
