The gang is having breakfast the Oceanside Diner.
Frances: I can’t believe this season is almost over. It feels like we just got back to Rhode Island.
Garry: We still have a week left!
Sam: We know, Garry. We said almost over, not completely over. Get hearing aids.
Charlotte: Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
Frances: She always does.
Leslie: She’s sad Nicolle went back to New York. It’s understandable
Charlotte: At least you have a spouse. Look at the rest of us.
Sam: You’re a young, beautiful movie star. I’m sure you could find a husband quite easily if you wanted to.
Charlotte: Well, I’m not that young.
Frances: This conversation has taken a turn.
Garry: When does it not?
Frances: What do we have planned to do during our last week here?
Leslie: Well, Diane? What’s on the docket?
Frances: Diane, are you feeling all right? You’ve been so quiet.
Sam: And she is never quiet!
Frances: You’re worrying me.
Diane: I’m fine. Just a bit tired, I think. I need to get to bed a bit earlier.
Sam: You went to bed at nine o’clock last night and got up at seven. If you slept any longer, you’d be dead.
Diane: Maybe I just have a cold or something.
Garry: Does your throat hurt?
Diane: No.
Charlotte: Stuffy nose?
Diane: No.
Leslie It could be the flu. I think you should go to the doctor.
Diane: The doctor? Leslie, we’re own Rhode Island.
Sam: They have doctors in Rhode Island, dear.
Diane: We’re going home in a week, why would I not just wait to go to my doctor in LA?
Leslie: Because you’re not going to be sick in a week, you’re sick right now.
Diane: I’m just tired, it’s no big deal.
Charlotte: Your skin doesn’t look right, either.
Diane: What is that supposed to mean?
Charlotte: You look a bit… yellow.
Diane: The lighting in here is terrible, that’s all.
Charlotte: Okay, I won’t pressure you into anything.
Leslie: I will. Diane, go to a doctor.
Diane: Maybe tomorrow. I have a lot planned for today!
Leslie: What exactly do you have planned for today?
Diane: We’re going to Block Island!
Frances: We’re going where?
Charlotte: Come on, Frances! Diane’s been talking about it all week!
Frances: You expect me to listen closely to what Diane says? Half the words out of her mouth are just Olivia Rodrigo lyrics!
Diane: God, it’s brutal out here.
Frances: See, like that.
The next day, at the Oceanside Diner…
Frances: Where are Sam and Diane?
Leslie: You really don’t know?
Garry: She doesn’t know much.
Frances: Don’t get bold just because Sam isn’t here to put you in your place.
Garry: Where is Sam, exactly?
Leslie: I was about to answer, just give me a second.
Garry: Okay, take your time. I’ll just peruse the menu.
Leslie: Sam took Diane to the doctor. She still wasn’t feeling right and Sam was able to convince her that she should go.
Charlotte: I’m glad she’s going, I was worried all night about her.
Leslie: I’m sure it’ll all be fine, but it’s nice to know she’s taking whatever this is seriously.
Garry: I’ve been pretty tired lately myself. Maybe I should get checked out.
Frances: No, you’re fine. Don't worry about it.
Garry: How would you know that?
Frances: You’re fine!
Leslie: Garry, if you’re worried about it, get checked out.
Garry: On second thought, I’ve only been sleeping like five hours a nice because of June. Maybe it’s that.
Charlotte: You know, I try, but you sure make it hard to defend you sometimes.
Garry: I know.
Two hours later, at the hotel…
Melanie: What are you guys doing here now? You’re always out and about at this time.
Sam: Diane’s not feeling too hot so I took her to the doctor. I told the others to go do whatever they wanted so we didn't hold them back. We’re gonna meet them in Providence for some shopping.
Melanie: I hope you feel better, Diane!
Diane: I don’t really feel that bad, it’s just being done out of an abundance of caution. Everyone around me basically forced me to do it, I know I’m fine. The doctor made me get blood tests and all that just to make sure I’m fine. It’s ridiculous, but, whatever.
Melanie: Even still, better to be safe than sorry. Hope you’re okay.
Diane: That is one of my favorite songs by O-
Sam: Okay, Diane. Let’s get you changed into something nice so we can hit up the streets of Providence.
Diane: That was rude. I was talking to Melanie.
Melanie: I’m used to her rudeness by now, don’t worry about it.
Sam: We’ll see you around, Mel.
Melanie: Have fun in Providence!
Sam: Does anyone really have fun in Providence?
Diane: Don’t be such a negative Nancy. It’s gonna be a great day because we’re with people we love.
Sam: Garry? Who loves Garry?
Melanie: It’s good to see that Diane’s doctor appointment hasn’t impacted your mood, Sam.
Diane: She’s still the same old pain in the ass. Just how I like her.
Melanie: Well, you guys have fun in Providence. I probably won’t be here when you get back so see ya tomorrow.
Diane: When are we having dinner again? We only have another week here.
Sam: Nine days.
Melanie: We’re having dinner on Friday night. That’s what Leslie told me, anyway. I just follow along with whatever y’all say.
Diane: Sounds good to me. Wanna make sure we have time for a few more of our fun dinners together before it’s time to go.
Sam: Okay, now let Melanie get back to work and let’s go meet up with our fri- the people we’re here with.
The next day, at the Oceanside Diner…
Leslie: Yesterday was so much fun, y’all. We never get a chance to just spend the day relaxing and buying cute stuff.
Sam: We work two days a week.
Leslie: I work three days!
Sam: How do you do it?
Leslie: I’m just a fighter, I guess.
Garry: My omelette tastes weird.
Charlotte: That’s because you took mine.
Garry: I did not!
Charlotte: You got a side of bacon and hash browns, I got a side of sausage and home fries. You have sausage on that plate and I got bacon.
Garry: Okay, so maybe I did take your eggs. Sorry.
Sam: Surely Charlotte is used to you being an idiot by now, Garry. No need to apologize.
Frances: Diane, you look terrible.
Diane: Gee, thanks.
Frances: I don’t mean it in a bad way.
Diane: What other way is there, Frances?
Frances: I’m just concerned. You never told us about your doctor visit yesterday.
Diane: I don’t know anything yet.
Charlotte: Can I just say, it’s so strange to see Diane not being concerned about something while Frances is worried. It’s nearly always the other way around.
Frances: I worry about things!
Charlotte: Things that matter, I mean.
Frances: Yeah, you have a point there.
Sam: When’s the doctor’s office going to call for your results?
Diane: They’re supposed to call sometime today. Don’t worry, it won’t interrupt… whatever it is we have planned to do today.
Frances: Aren’t you the one who planned what it is that we’re doing today?
Diane: It’s written down somewhere, I’ll find it.
Diane receives a phone call.
Sam: Is that the doctor?
Diane: I don’t know, Sam. I have to find my phone first.
Sam: Testy today, aren’t you?
Diane sticks her tongue out at Sam.
Sam: Are we in kindergarten now?
Garry: I know I did not just hear that from you.
Diane: It’s the doctor’s office, I’ll be right back.
Sam: Don’t you trust us to be quiet?
Diane: Obviously not.
Sam: Good choice.
Diane walks away.
Leslie: So guys, what do you think’s up with Diane?
Sam: I think it’s nothing big. She seems fine.
Frances: She’s moody, she’s exhausted, and her skin looks… not happy and healthy. Something is going on.
Sam: Well, what do you suppose it is, doctor Frances?
Frances: I didn’t say I know what it is, just that it’s something.
Sam: I know, I lash out when I’m scared.
Charlotte: Aww, she does have a heart.
Diane (yelling): What?
Leslie: Was that… Diane?
Frances: She’s outside so for us to hear her, she has to really be yelling.
Sam: When is she not?
Diane: You’re kidding, right?
Leslie: Okay, something is clearly not right.
Garry: She’ll surely be in at any moment to explain it all. There’s no use trying to figure out what’s going on. We could be worrying ourselves very what could be nothing.
Leslie: Garry is right.
Sam: Never say that again.
Leslie: It really could be nothing.
Charlotte: Look, she’s coming in now.
Leslie: Act normal, guys. We’re all old, she probably assumes we didn’t hear anything at all.
Charlotte: I might be old, but I’m not “hard-of-hearing” old!
Diane: Hello everyone.
Sam: So…
Diane: Not good.
Sam: Honey, what’s wrong?
Diane: The blood tests detected an abnormality with my liver. I need to go in immediately for a biopsy. They think it might be cancer but they aren’t sure.
Sam: Oh, my god.
Leslie: Diane, I’m so sorry.
Diane: It’s only a precaution for now, they aren’t certain of it at all.
Sam: Diane, this is serious. I’m saying that, so you know it really is.
Diane (crying): I know. I know it is. I’ve been putting on a brave face, but I’m scared. I know something’s really wrong and I just didn’t want to face it. I don’t want to die. I need to live a lot longer just to spite my dead son of a bitch husband.
Frances: Well that’s one way to look at it!
Charlotte: It’s good to find humor in this.
Diane: I’m not joking. I know every day that I live while he’s dead, it causes him pain. Somehow, some way.
Frances: So, when are you going in for your biopsy.
Diane: I’m not supposed to eat or drink for six hours before the procedure, so I’m going in at five.
Leslie: They’ll do it that late?
Diane: Yeah, it is an emergency after all.
Leslie: So what do you want to do until then?
Diane: Cry?
Leslie: That’s a normal way to feel.
Sam: We know you, Leslie. We know you think it’s normal to cry.
Leslie: To quote that song Diane loves, maybe I’m too emotional. To me, though, that just means I have a heart. What’s wrong with that?
Garry: It’s better than being like Sam.
Sam: What is that supposed to mean?
Diane: I think you know, Sam.
The next day…
Melanie: Diane, how are you feeling? You going to be feeling up to dinner tonight?
Diane: I have to eat no matter what. Why not do it with friends?
Melanie: I must say, you are being so brave.
Diane: Oh, that word. I’m not being that at all. I’m just living, nothing unique about it.
Melanie: When will you know the results of the biopsy?
Diane: The doctor said it could be any time from today to a week from now. I’m going back to California in a week. I really need to know by then.
Sam: You will know by then, trust me.
Diane: I can’t trust you to know when my biopsy results will be in. You have nothing to do with that.
Sam: I stopped listening after “I can’t trust you.” What a dagger to the heart.
Diane: Oh, you are too sensitive.
Sam: Sensitive? Me? Is it opposite day? Just yesterday you were saying I don’t have feelings!
Diane: We have places to be today, we just came back for sunscreen. They’re all waiting outside, let’s go.
Melanie: Are you guys going to the beach?
Diane: God, no. It’s far too cold. Were going to visit some lighthouses. I burn easily and I have skin like Casper, I need sunscreen whenever I go anywhere.
Melanie: Well, you guys have fun at your lighthouses. I’ll be here, waiting for five o’clock to come as soon as possible.
Three hours later…
Diane: Guys, I have some news. It’s unexpectedly early.
Leslie: Is it about… you know?
Diane: Yeah.
Charlotte: You can tell us anything you want, Diane.
Diane: I have liver cancer.
Garry: You know, my mother had cancer. It was a horrifying time but we got through it. You’ll get through it, too.
Diane: Your mother is dead, Garry.
Garry: Yes, but not from cancer! From a heart attack!
Diane: So if I get through this, I still have a heart attack to look forward to. Cool.
Garry: She was in her eighties, you’re nowhere near that!
Diane: I will be in ten years!
Charlotte: Diane, you’re going to get through this. We will make sure of it.
Diane: Chemo and radiation last months, will I even be able to come back here in January to film the next season?
Leslie: You do not need to worry about any of that! My goodness, work is the last thing you need to be thinking about! Let's focus on getting you healthy first.
Diane: The doctor wants to see me on Monday. We’re supposed to film the finale on Tuesday and Wednesday so we can fly out on Friday.
Leslie: Once again, you don’t need to worry about work. Your priority needs to be getting better.
Diane: I just had a granddaughter who I’ve barely even gotten to see. I can’t die.
Sam: Look at me, Diane.
Diane: I’m looking.
Sam: You are not going to die.
Diane: You better be right, or else!
Sam: You’ll haunt me?
Diane: Exactly!
Garry: So are we going to this lighthouse or not?
Diane: Might as well.
Frances: Fun fact: “might as well” is the most excited that anyone has ever sounded when asked “are we going to this lighthouse?”
Garry: People love lighthouses!
Carly: Sure they do, honey. Sure they do.
Three days later, when the group meets for dinner…
Leslie: Here they come, you guys. Remember, don’t bring Diane’s doctor’s appointment up unless she brings it up herself.
Frances: We’re not idiots, Leslie. Most of us, anyway.
Garry: Why did you look at me?
Frances: You know why.
Melanie: Hey guys!
Diane: Hi, Melanie. Hi, everyone.
Sam: It’s been a day.
Diane: Leslie, I need to ask you something.
Leslie: Whatever you want, go ahead and ask.
Diane: Do you think it would be possible to film the finale all in one day? I need to get out of here early so I can be in Los Angeles to start treatment on Thursday.
Leslie: It’s going to be hard, but as long as you’re up to it, we can try to do it. It’s gonna be like a twelve-hour day. I want you to know, though. You can skip it if you want. Like I said, work should not be your priority right now.
Diane: I think you for your understanding, but we are ten episodes into this. I fully intend to see it out until the end.
Leslie: Okay, then tomorrow’s gonna be an early one and a late one!
Charlotte: I think that means this is our last dinner together during this round of filming.
Diane: Everyone splurge. It’s on me. I might be dying, I won’t really need the money then, will I?
Sam: She says that now, but wait until she sees the hospital bills.
The next night, on the set of Bake Your Heart Out…
Diane: It’s been a long day, and I know you’re all quite excited to see who is going to win this season of Bake Your Heart Out. Francine and Tianna, you’ve both been such incredible contestants and it’s been a true delight to see you blossom. Our journey together is over, and that makes me a bit emotional, but we’re all so excited to see what you’ll be baking next.
Sam: The winner of Bake Your Heart Out is…
Diane: Francine! Congratulations!
Sam: For all of us here on Bake Your Heart Out, we thank you for spending this season with us. See you next year.
Leslie: Cut!
Paul: Diane, can I see you over here?
Frances: Oh no, Diane’s in trouble!
Diane: I feel like I’m being sent to the principal’s office!
Paul: Not quite. I just want to tell you that I’m thinking of you and I am on your side. You need anything, give me a ring.
Diane: Oh, that’s very kind.
Paul: You are so br-
Diane: You can stop right there. I am not brave.
Paul: Just take care of yourself, okay?
Diane: I will, Paul. Thanks for not be an ass this season.
Paul: You’re welcome. I’m gonna see you again in a few months, okay?
Diane: I sure hope so, Paul.
Paul: I’m going to, and you’re going to be healthy.
Diane: Give me a hug.
Paul: Me?
Diane: Yeah, you.
Paul: I didn’t think you of all people would ever want to hug me.
Diane: People change.
Paul: You got that right.
Diane: You’ve changed, my liver’s changed. I don’t want any bitterness between us. You are a good guy.
Paul: You’re gonna make me cry.
Diane: Join the club, bud.
The next morning…
Leslie: Well, we’ve reached the end of this road, haven’t we?
Frances: Oh, don’t say it like that. We’ll be back in a couple months. And most of us aren’t even leaving until Friday.
Leslie: I know, but we’ve finished filming, and Diane’s leaving. End of an era.
Frances: Is it?
Sam: We’re all going to be back in a few months, Leslie. You’re acting like we’re never going to see each other again!
Diane: You never know!
Leslie: I didn’t mean it that way and don’t you dare take it that way, Diane! I’m just sad we’re not going to get to hang out in Rhode Island every day.
Frances: To be fair, this state’s so small, we were going to run out of things to do her pretty soon anyway.
Melanie: She’s right.
Diane: Melanie, you’re here!
Melanie: I wouldn’t miss it for the world!
Garry: We all love you, Diane.
Charlotte: Garry got out of bed before seven for you!
Diane: It’s eight o’clock!
Garry: It takes a lot of time to put this together.
Sam: How bad do you look when you get up?
Garry: Almost as bad as you do when you wake up.
Sam: Garry! You finally gave it back to me!
Garry: I’m learning!
Melanie: Can I say something, since we’re not going to be together again for lord knows how long?
Diane: You never have to ask! None of these other idiots do!
Melanie: We were close the last two times you guys came out here, but I really feel like this is a family now. You guys did so much to help me that no one else has ever done for me. You stuck your necks out for me, I am so thankful to have found you all.
Diane: We are so thankful for you, as well.
Melanie: We need a group hug.
Diane: Bring it it!
Sam: And then we need to go! Your flight leaves in a few hours and it’s a forty minute drive!
Leslie: Can I go with?
Sam: Uh, sure.
Frances: I wanna go, too!
Charlotte: Don’t leave me out!
Sam: I don’t have room in the car for five of us.
Melanie: Well, then we’ll just have to take my minivan.
Garry: Then I’m coming, too.
Diane: Wow, I’m really getting the VIP treatment.
Leslie: You’re our VIP!
Diane: You’re too kind, really.
Sam: I don’t mean to mess up the mood, but if we all want to go, we really have to go now.
Melanie: Where’s Diane’s luggage?
Sam: Well, she bought so much crap while she’s here that we have to ship a lot of it it back to LA.
Diane: Guilty as charged.
Sam: Her suitcases are in my trunk. I’ll get them.
Melanie: I’ll pull the van around.
Diane: Oh, I can’t believe it’s time to go. This is almost like home. Do I need to check out?
Melanie: Sam’s still using the room, Diane. Just leave your key up in the room and you’re good.
Diane: Okay, that’s already done.
Melanie: Then it’s time to go!
Diane: Let’s get me home!
One hour later…
Leslie: Well that was a long ride. We made it, though!
Melanie: I’m not used to traffic like this. Rhode Island doesn’t want you to leave, Diane.
Diane: I don’t want to leave either, but hopefully I’ll be back. I gotta go guts,
Sam: Diane, wait. I have to be honest with you.
Diane: Oh no, what did you do now?
Sam: I’ve actually quite enjoyed listening to that Olivia Rodrigo album the whole time we’ve been filming.
Diane: Well, good for you. You look happy and healthy, not me.
Sam: We will be soon!
Diane: Bye, guys!
Leslie: Good luck, Diane! Call us when you land!
Diane: Will do! You guys all have a drink on me tonight, okay?
What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to read the season premiere of Our House next Thursday and the Bake Your Heart Out holiday special this December!
