The gang is on the set of the local news in San Diego to promote the new season.
Charlotte: Can you guys believe we’re almost through with filming this season?
Sam: And we’re still not renewed for next season! That coming soon, or do you have bad news for us, Leslie?
Leslie: I’ve heard nothing.
Frances: Is that not suspicious? You’re always talking to Paul.
Leslie: I’m not “always” talking to him. You’re making it sound like we’re best friends and we stay on the phone every night until our moms make us hang up for bed!
Diane: You certainly talk to him more than you talk to Jacqueline. And we see her in person daily!
Leslie: Can you blame me? Jacqueline is…
Sam: A raging bitch from hell? Yeah, I agree! But Paul’s no treat, either. If he doesn’t see the value in our show and hasn’t renewed it yet maybe he deserves for us to all walk away again. Give us the respect we deserve, for f**k’s sake!
Pauline Andress (interviewer): And we are back with the cast and producer of Bake Your Heart Out, TV’s #1 show. They’re here in San Diego to film the new season, which is returning in just two weeks!
Sam: Oh my god, how long have we been on the air?
Pauline: Long enough that we’ll have to pay a fine! No worries! It’s just an honor to have you.
Frances: Oh, it’s an honor, all right.
Diane: Especially for all the kids on the TikTok. This is going to blow up on there!
Sam: Well, what can I say… I’m just so passionate about my job.
Frances: It sure is apparent. You radiate joy when you discuss it.
Garry: It makes me say the f-bomb, too.
Sam: Garry, you’re not in on this.
Leslie: Maybe we can get back to discussing the show?
Pauline: That would be great! We are so happy to have you here in our lovely city. What drew you here, besides our lovely weather and pleasant residents?
Sam: Well, filming in LA wouldn’t be anything special, would it?
Diane: Ah, lord. How can someone in the industry so long completely lack media training?
Sam: It’s my gift!
Later that day, at dinner…
Leslie: Sam, are we gonna talk about it?
Sam: Talk about what?
Leslie: It.
Sam: The creepy clown movie?
Diane: Ah, I loved Tim Curry.
Charlotte: I was supposed to star in a remake of Clue. It never materialized, I’ve no idea why.
Frances: Who were you going to play, the cook?
Charlotte: Miss Scarlett!
Frances: A bit old for that, no?
Charlotte: I resent the implication.
Frances: Don’t we all resent aging? We’re celebrities!
Garry: I don’t. I’ve aged gracefully.
Sam: Garry, you look and dress like a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills.
Frances: Nah, he looks more like a Real Housewife of Northern Vermont. Those sweaters, man…
Garry: I do like Stowe. It’s a neat town.
Carly: Garry, quiet. They’re making fun of you.
Garry: They’re still my friends.
Carly: Are they?
Leslie: Guys, talking with you can be so exhausting. Can you just let me talk without going off on tangents?
Frances: Going on tangents is simply what we do!
Leslie: Anyway, Sam… that hot mic incident -
Diane: Was it a hot mic? It was more of a hot camera, no?
Leslie: Whatever! It was embarrassing!
Sam: I’m fine. So, people know I say the f-word. I’m a comedian! No shock!
Leslie: You were bashing the network, bashing our boss. It’s a bad look.
Sam: A bad look is a network leaving their #1 show in limbo as they’re about to wrap filming. They don’t respect us, I’m fine with the world knowing.
Leslie: I’ve already gotten a call from Paul. I haven’t returned the call yet. I have no idea what to tell him.
Sam: He’s a big boy, I think he can handle me dragging him a little on TV.
Diane: It is a bad look for us. And the show is apparently on thin ice already, since it hasn’t been renewed yet.
Leslie: We have another full season to film in January, I don’t think we’re on “thin ice” just because we haven’t gotten an early pickup. You’re all freaking out over nothing.
Diane: The last renewal came in August 2025!
Leslie: Renewals don’t always come at the same time. Patience, guys!
Diane: I’m a naturally anxious person.
Leslie: Have you considered therapy?
Sam: As if therapy could cure her.
Frances: I agree with Leslie. Everyone is overreacting about the renewal. I don’t think anything Sam said is so bad -
Melanie: She did call Jacqueline a raging bitch from hell.
Frances: A simple fact!
Leslie: It’s just a bad look!
Sam: It’s going viral online, correct?
Leslie: Yeah, that’s the problem.
Sam: All publicity is good publicity!
Frances: I don’t know if Kevin Spacey agrees.
Sam: Oh, he plays into being a horrific creep, I think he also enjoys any publicity he gets.
Frances: Okay, maybe a bad example.
Sam: Also, don’t compare me saying something dumb on the air to Kevin Spacey… being Kevin Spacey.
Frances: I do apologize for that, too.
Leslie: So your plan is to play into it? Or just to ignore it?
Sam: I think this can only benefit the show. Controversy will drive up interest! Guess what an increase in interest causes? Higher ratings!
Leslie: We’re not exactly struggling with ratings.
Sam: They can always be higher!
Charlotte: It feels a bit self-centered to think you being bitchy on a local daytime news program will cause a sizable ratings boost. Me winning an Oscar didn’t even do that! This just makes you look unprofessional. It’ll hurt your career in the end. I learned the hard way with my sassy interviews as a young actress, it took time to repair my reputation in the industry.
Frances: I love that she worked her Oscar win in there, as if people are going to start watching a baking show because one of the judges won an award for allegedly being good at acting.
Sam: When you think about it, it really is a damning indictment for your career that the biggest project you’ve done post-Oscar is still this show.
Charlotte: That’s really mean, guys!
Sam: But is it wrong?
Meanwhile, Paul is on the phone with Jacqueline.
Paul: You’re supposed to be watching them and keeping them from doing stupid things like this!
Jacqueline: They’re grown adults, I can’t keep them from saying dumb things. In fact, that’s practically the only thing they ever say! I’d have to tape their mouths shut if we didn’t want them to ever say anything dumb!
Paul: This was bad, though. Sam was on camera criticizing me! By name!
Jacqueline: And me! Shen called me a bitch, does that not matter?
Paul: Not to me!
Jacqueline: Just what I’d expect to hear from you. You’ve never liked me.
Paul: You got me fired! And now, it seems Sam’s got the same plan. Middle-aged women on Facebook see Sam and Diane as gods. They’ve already flooded my DMs with death threats. They’ve filed official reports to the network about Bake Your Heart Out not being renewed yet. I didn’t even realize it wasn’t! It’s just a formality at this point, it’s gonna go on as long as they want.
Jacqueline: Just renew it and shut everyone up, then. Don’t make it my problem!
Paul: You’re failing at the one job you have. It’s actually astounding.
Jacqueline: I have multiple jobs at this network besides babysitting celebrities!
Paul: But this is priority.
Jacqueline: This is going to blow over soon. The internet forgets so quickly. And really, it just makes Sam look unprofessional, it doesn’t reflect poorly on you or I to anyone sane.
Paul: That’s the problem. I don’t want the star of my #1 show to look unprofessional and crude. It’s a bad look for the show.
Jacqueline: Are you asking me to invent a time machine? I’m still not sure how this is my issue!
Paul: I’m venting to someone who has to listen to me!
Jacqueline: That is an abuse of power!
Paul: Leslie is avoiding my call. I just want to talk with them and smooth this all out.
Jacqueline: Has having a talk with Sam ever smoothed anything out? She’s quite abrasive.
Paul: Maybe with you.
Jacqueline: With everyone!
Paul: Perhaps, but we’ve developed a friendship, so I was upset to see her speaking this way about me. I don’t want her to think I don’t value the show. It’s almost single-handedly keeping this network alive.
Jacqueline: You could use your words to tell her that. Though, I’m not sure she necessarily would call it “friendship.” Much like how we are not necessarily friends.
Paul: Jacqueline, trust me… I would never, ever imply that we are.
The next day…
Leslie: Sam, Paul wants to talk to you.
Sam: He can call back later. We’re on set, we have work to do! Our bakers are dying to bake… whatever they bake here in San Diego.
Leslie: It’s more just Southern California desserts, but that’s not the point. Paul is here.
Sam: Wow, he drove a whole two hours to see me? He must be furious!
Leslie: He took a helicopter, but he is very serious about this. He wants to speak with you and discuss yesterday’s incident.
Frances: She’s getting sent to the principal’s office.
Leslie: Shh!
Frances: Am I wrong?
Garry: I still think this is all overblown. She says far meaner things to me all the time!
Diane: And on camera! Heck, in that same interview!
Garry: Everyone needs to stop coddling Paul.
Sam: Yeah, Garry! You’re right!
Charlotte: You feel that? Hell just froze over, I already feel a chill in the air.
Paul: Sam!
Sam: I’m in trouble, I know.
Paul: No, you’re not in trouble. What’s done is done, Jacqueline helped me realize that.
Sam: Jacqueline? Being helpful? I simply refuse to believe that.
Jacqueline: Believe it!
Paul: Look, I understand we’ve had a complex relationship.
Sam: We don’t have a “relationship,” Paul. You’re my boss, that’s fine.
Paul: I consider you all to be friends.
Sam: When have I ever consented to that?
Jacqueline: Did I tell you, or did I tell you?
Paul: All I’m saying is that I’m not mad about your comments on the news yesterday. You were frustrated because you felt the show wasn’t being respected, and I get it. Bake Your Heart Out is so important to us, and you all deserve to feel valued. So if I do something that doesn’t make you feel valued, feel free to tell me. Or Jacqueline.
Jacqueline: Not Jacqueline, please.
Sam: That’s swell, Paul, but I’m not sure why you had to come see me in person to tell me that. I feel like I’m being put on the spot.
Paul: I wanted to tell you all in person that we have renewed Bake Your Heart Out for another season, where we expect it to remain the #1 show on television! We’re so proud to bring this show to audiences across America, and we’re so proud to have all of you working on it.
Leslie: Paul, I think this is amazing personal growth. You’ve gone out of your way to come here and make us all feel valued and not like any old show, even after Sam bashed you. The Paul of seven years ago never would’ve done this!
Sam: I do remember him crawling to me and Diane and begging on his knees for us to come back to the show after Charlotte almost killed it.
Charlotte: I did not almost kill it! That was everyone else’s fault.
Frances: I know you’re not blaming the failure of the reboot on me!
Sam: No, you being on it is the only reason they even aired all of the episodes.
Paul: And you know, Sam, I do think this can work out well for us. The clip of you on the hot mic already has millions of social media views, we can play into it! Maybe you can bash me on every interview appearance you do for this season!
Sam: Paul, that would be the great honor of my life.
What did you think of this week's episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!
