Kathleen: Is it just me, or does it feel like someone in this damn family is always running for some position? Every other Tuesday feels like election day.
Patty Lynn: It’s not quit that often, but yeah. It’s a frequent occurrence.
Kathleen: I can’t say I like it. Hard to keep up.
Marietta: I’m sure everyone will be sure to fit their political careers around your schedule in the future, aunt Kathleen.
Milton: I don’t think you have to be quite so involved if you don’t want to be.
Kathleen: I’m not gonna get left out. No siree.
Milton: We’d never leave you out! But it’s fine for you to not campaign as vigorously as we do.
Marietta: Especially since, if I’m being honest here, Maria has this race on lock. She got my endorsement, she got Milton’s -
Milton: You really think highly of us, don’t you?
Marietta: I think very little of Kelly Campbell. Who even is that?
Milton: A respected state legislator, for one.
Marietta: Yes, from Baton Rouge! New Orleans is the heart of this district. We’re not electing someone who doesn’t even live in the district!
Milton: She represents part of the district, even though she doesn’t live in it. She has local ties.
Amy: Plus, it’s not like Maria has any deep political ties outside of her surname. We can’t take it for granted.
Kathleen: Regardless of whether or now it’s a slam dunk for Maria, I’m campaigning with all of you. No need for a break — when you slow down at my age, it’s all downhill from there.
Patty Lynn: I agree! No chance I’m missing a second of the excitement.
Kathleen: I didn’t say it was exciting. I said I want to keep myself busy in my old age. There’s a vast difference.
Patty Lynn: I find it exciting.
Kathleen: I might, too, if we find’t do this six times a year.
Amy: All right, Tammy’s waiting for us, so -
Marietta: Amy, are you bossing us around?
Amy: I’m warning everyone to be mindful of the time. Polls close in ten hours.
Milton: My god, only ten hours? Here I was hoping we’d get to spent twelve, maybe fourteen hours out there knocking doors and turning out voters.
Moira: Don’t mind him, he didn’t get much sleep last night.
Milton: Ten hours is plenty of time to turn out voters. Besides, how many of these people do we REALLY think are being swayed to go out and vote by people begging them to do so on election day itself?
Marietta: Ten out of every hundred? I don’t know, it’s nice to feel like we’re of some help to her, though. She’s always worked her butt off campaigning for us.
Moira: Not me. I’ve always run uncontested.
Kathleen: And she wasn’t born when I had a political career.
Sarah: You could always jump back in. You’re no older than the Speaker of the House!
Marietta: Nanette Peretti is an American hero. She may be old, but she is fierce and mighty, and I am scared of her.
Sarah: Oh, I forgot she endorsed you!
Marietta: Only after having dinner here at my residence, which she may or may not have bugged to spy on me. Let’s not bash our dear Speaker.
Patty Lynn: So, Amy, where all are we campaigning today? What’s the agenda?
Amy: This is going to sound terrible to say, but upscale neighborhoods are our target. They’re more likely to vote, and they’re the households most likely to approve of the Landfield family political dynasty, hence, being more likely to support electing yet another member to Congress.
Moira: You know, I do worry that we are perhaps forgetting about the area outside of New Orleans. Less than half of the population is in Orleans Parish. Nearly 300,000 constituents reside in Jefferson Parish.
Marietta: Those people are animals. You think the people of Kenner and whatever other podunk towns are in that parish are going to sway this race?
Moira: It feels like you’re tempting fate now. You’re begging for Maria to get blown out in Plaquemines and Jefferson and St. Charles.
Marietta: I don’t believe in fate. If fate were real, I’d be on my way to the presidency right now. Instead, my dad’s dead and I’m stuck here!
Milton: Way to bring up the mood, sis.
Marietta: Always happy to help!
Patty Lynn: I think Eleanor Baum’s doing an excellent job!
Milton: Eh…
Patty Lynn: What? Is she losing?
Milton: It’s close. Closer than it should be.
Henrietta: That means we’re screwed.
Milton: No, it’s early.
Marietta: It’s almost October.
Milton: And there could be an October Surprise!
Kathleen: There’s nothing that man can do to surprise this country at this stage. The October Surprise will be at our expense.
Amy: There’s nothing we can do about it. There is something we can do about Maria’s race. Let’s get to it!
Marietta: Are we just following your lead?
Amy: I guess so, I’m the one Maria’s campaign manager texted with all the campaigning details. I suppose she trusts me most.
Marietta: I just didn’t want her to have my number. I don’t trust politicians.
Milton: You’re in the wrong family, then.
Later that day…
Maria: Kyle, I’m scared.
Kyle: I-
Tammy: No need to be scared, dear. This is a congressional race! Save the fear for when you’re running for president. Now that’ll strike fear in the hearts of even the strongest of men.
Kyle: What I was trying to say is that I’m here for you, and regardless of the result tonight, I’m proud of you, and I’m always going to be by your side.
Maria: I just don’t want to fail the family.
Patty Lynn: You could never fail us!
Kathleen: Besides, you’re not blood related, so I don’t think anyone reasonable would count this as a mark against us.
Maria: Good to know!
Marietta: You’re going to win, though. We’re very popular in this city.
Tammy: Is that why you were losing to a random rich bigwig until we found out the only thing he craved more than power was hookers?
Marietta: Tammy, we’re supposed to be easing her nerves.
Tammy: But I was given the opportunity to make a funny remark! It’s my job to run with it!
Marietta: Anyway, Maria, you’re going to win convincingly.
Maria: Am I?
Marietta: You’re going to win, that’s the important thing. Kelly Campbell is nothing. Nothing! You’re a Landfield!
Maria: I want to be more than a Landfield. I don’t want to win off my name alone.
Kathleen: Especially given it is stolen, in a way. We don’t like stolen valor in Louisiana.
Henrietta: It’s almost like you’re all trying to make her even more nervous.
Tammy: We’re just terrible at pep talks.
Amy: Not me. Maria, everyone we talked to today was voting for YOU. If they weren’t planning to when we got there, they settled on doing so by the time we left. You got this.
Maria: Really?
Amy: No, I can’t lie. But the overwhelming majority of those that did say they were voting were voting for you. Like, a 2-1 margin.
Maria: That has to be somewhat of a good sign.
Amy: It’s a great one! We didn’t see those margins for Marietta!
Marietta: I don’t think you needed to throw me under the bus to pump her up.
Amy: I did, though. Nothing else was working.
Henrietta: She still looks very nervous.
Maria: I will be until the polls are closed and the results are in. Then I’ll look either very happy or very sad.
Kathleen: If it’s close enough, you get to stay nervous! It could be a long night!
Moira: You people are the worst motivational speakers I’ve ever heard.
Marietta: I mean, you heard my mother’s toast at your wedding, did you not?
Moira: It was… nice.
Patty Lynn: It was more than nice!
Marietta: It was awful.
Milton: Don’t be mean to mom now. The only thing worse than one Landfield melting down is two Landfields melting down.
Tammy: You’re a very neurotic bunch.
Marietta: You’re one to talk.
Amy: We’re all weird, okay? Everyone in this room is weird, and anxious, and too concerned with politics, and yet, we’re all very successful. That’s what unites us.
Kyle: Speaking of uniting, can you all unite in being quiet and letting my wife relax?
Maria: I’m fine, really. Breathing in, breathing out, just waiting to find out if I’m good enough.
Kyle: You’re always good enough. Whether your message resonated with enough people to win or not, this is your first campaign. To make it this far is incredible. I couldn’t be more proud.
Kathleen: So you wouldn’t be any prouder of her if she won than if she lost?
Kyle: Nope, not at all!
Kathleen: Okay, the internal polling is bad. And they haven’t told us. I’ve run several campaigns. I know all the signs of disaster.
Patty Lynn: I don’t think you need to be so negative, Kathleen. He’s just expressing his love for his wife.
Kathleen: Using language that suggests trouble.
Kyle: Okay, everyone out. No need to stress her out even more.
Marietta: see what you’ve all done? My daughter-in-law’s about to get elected to Congress and I’m not even allowed in the room with her.
Kyle: Okay, you can all stay. Just, stay quiet.
Milton: I think we all know that that’s not something anyone here is capable of.
One hour later…
Kyle: It’s time…
Maria: I’m not ready!
Milton: Kiddo, I had to twice wait to see if Louisiana would elect a Democrat to the US Senate, and somehow, they did so twice. You’re gonna be okay.
Marietta: Turn up the volume on the TV!
Maria: Oh god…
Announcer: This is The Spin Zone, with Dan Freberg and Maggie Ember.
Dan: Hello and welcome to The Spin Zone. We come to you live awaiting special election results in the second congressional district of Louisiana, where polls have just closed.
Maggie: The position opened four months ago, when Congresswoman Ginnie Pappadone resigned to take a job in the private sector. Governor Candy Bordelon quickly scheduled a special election, and last month’s runoff saw two Democrats - state representative Kelly Campbell and teacher and political advisor Maria Landfield.
Dan: Landfield is, of course, the daughter-in-law of New Orleans mayor Marietta Landfield, and was seen on the campaign trail stumping for her mother-in-law during her ill-fated presidential campaign. She’s received the endorsement of most of the Democratic establishment, including the Landfield family, Senate Majority Leader Kate Hagelin, and city council president Marissa Breyer.
Maggie: Campbell, meanwhile, has been endorsed by colleagues in the legislature, though Landfield has highlighted that, like Campbell herself, many of those endorsements come from outside the second district. It’s a race that’s been as much about territory as it is about ideology. Maria Landfield is seen as a likely progressive firebrand, a left-wing populist in the style of her mother-in-law Marietta and her brother, Milton. Campbell is viewed as the more moderate choice, often crossing party lines in the legislature.
Dan: The runoff suggested a close race, and results are due to report at any moment.
Maria: They’re making me sound like I only got here from my connections.
Marietta: Well…
Maria: I know I did! But I don’t want other people to know that!
Kyle: It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Amy: Well…
Dan: We actually, quite surprisingly, have just received nearly a quarter of the expected vote, thanks to a large update from Orleans Parish.
Maggie: It’s worth being curious at this stage, as Orleans Parish is where the Landfield name is strongest, but Maria Landfield is off to a comfortable lead, with 61% of the vote so far. Again, it’s very early, but it really is difficult to see how Campbell comes back and wins this. The Landfield dynasty is likely about to expand.
Kyle: It’s done! You’ve won!
Maria: My god. How did I get here?
Amy: You’re welcome!
Marietta: I should slap you.
Tammy: Correct. You should.
Henrietta: Maria, your phone’s ringing.
Maria: It’s Kelly Campbell. Do you think -
Marietta: She’s conceding. Congratulations, congresswoman-elect. I could not be more proud if you were my own daughter.
One week later…
Marietta: Milton, are you not busy?
Milton: You think I’m going to miss my niece-in-law’s swearing-in?
Maria: It’s really not that big of a deal.
Patty Lynn: It’s a major deal!
Maria: You’ve all accomplished far more than I have. This is just any day at the office for you.
Ellie: No, Marietta hasn’t been elected to Congress in over a decade.
Marietta: Was that necessary?
Ellie: Yes.
Patty Lynn: Oh my god, that’s right! Marietta, this used to be your seat! And before that, it was your dad’s and your uncle’s!
Marietta: And it was quite the career downgrade for dear old dad. A major promotion for me.
Patty Lynn: This is like our family congressional seat!
Milton: Definitely say that in public. People love it when you point out that one family’s been holding political power continuously for over sixty years.
Maria: I’m just honored to stand on your shoulders. Honored and grateful.
Marietta: You’re going to do amazing. Now, go get sworn in.
Maria: I think they’re busy.
Nanette: Will the representative-elect from Louisiana please make her way to the floor and present her certificate of election?
Marietta: I think it’s time, dear.
Maria: Yeah, I think so.
Kyle: Good luck, honey.
Maria: It’s not a terribly difficult process, I don’t think I need luck.
Kyle: I mean with the new job.
Maria: I have the best team in the world, the best family I could ask for to guid me through it. I’m not concerned in the slightest.
Milton: Plus, if she ever needs advice, I’m just across the hall.
Marietta: Stop rubbing that in.
Patty Lynn: Off you go, dear. Time to cement your place in the history books.
Nanette: All members will rise and the representative-elect will raise her right hand and repeat after me.
What did you think of the season premiere of Marietta? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
